Almost 3Yr Old Will Only Wear Pullups

How about only offering diapers? When my daughter decided she was only going to use the pull-ups, I offered underwear or diapers as we were out of pull-ups. It was a pride thing for her. The underwear was an incentive. The diapers were demeaning in her mind because she was not a baby anymore. This was about 6 weeks before her 3rd birthday, which friends had said was the key time. She has had very few accidents and never wet the bed, so I know she was more than ready.

Hi,

I just finished potty trainig my 3 yr old and I tried one pkg of pull ups when I realize that it was not going to work. I opted to to go undies only day and night. We had tonz of accidents the first two weeks but every day got better. Four weeks later he stays dry durning the day and we have made it three nights in a row dry! To make the nights easier for us we have him sleep in a sleeping bag on top of a waterproof pad on top of his bed. That way if he does have an accident in the middle of the night we just take off the sleeping bag and pad (have him change himself into clean pj's) and we are back to sleep. Carry your patience with you this one is not easy...just remember the outcome...no more changing diapers (for now)!

This worked for us- Hope it helps!
Good Luck. Dani

I remember the first time I had to potty train. My cousin and my son's dr told me the same thing. Go cold turkey. Go straight to underwear it helps them feel wet and uncomfortable. After each time he went to the potty I made a big deal, I danced around the house, we made phone calls to dad or grandma and I let him tell them about going to the potty. It worked like a charm. My second son, was a little more difficult, I had to bribe him with rewards such as an extra book or fruit snacks or stickers. My 20 month old was the easiest. I did the whole elimination communication with him. I wrote down his bathroom pattern and took him when I thought he had to go. Oh yeah, are you using a potty or the seat that goes in to the toilet. My boys only liked the seat that goes into the toilet. Have her pick out her underwear too. That way she will be excited to wear it. Here is what to expect when you put her in underwear. She will have some accidents, but she will feel icky. I think it took both my boys 2 weeks to be accident free. Most of all be consistent or else it wont work. I took them every hour, even if they were busy playing. I would explain to them that it is bathroom time and they can go back to playing right after. Good luck, I hope this helps out.

Two things:

1. DItch the Pull-ups. Use plain ol' training pants. Make it just as unpleasant as you can for the 3-year-old to wet herself. This idea of kids "not being ready to train" till they're 3 or near it didn't exist till Pull-ups hit the market. I'm 37. When I was babysitting & helping my mom with her in-home daycare as a teenager, kids trained at 2-2 1/2. Also, cloth-diapered kids usually train earlier.

2. Bribery is not always a bad thing--but there is an art to it. In this case, you can even call it a "reward". Get some kind of small candy--skittle, m&m's, Mom used to use the little Smarties sweet tarts that come in a roll. Give ONE candy for each time the potty is used (for either kid). Your 3-year-old will see the younger kid getting candy, which can be a powerful motivator. I am training my almost 2-year-old right now, because she learned how to undress & wants to run around the house naked, anyway. Her grandma sent her an Easter basket with enough candy to choke an elephant, so I let her find a few pieces in the basket, & put the rest away. Since we have it anyhow, it's been the potty reward candy.

I don't think it's unusual for a going on two year old to seem more interested in potty training than a three yo. I've seen many kids be almost completely trained, and for some reason start to balk at the training at around three years of age. I don't know what causes that, but it's just been my observation. One suggestion I'd make is to get a second potty seat. Put them together in the bathroom, and take both children potty at the same time. I'm doing that with the two boys I take care of, ages 19 months and 28 months. We are just giving them the opportunity with no pressure, and they seem to be trying to encourage each other to go. Definitely do NOT verbally compare the younger one to your older one if you do this, but just make it a relaxed time to give her the opportunity to go on the potty.

Dear D.,

I've seen your posts before and my heart goes out to you, but I have some advice I hope you take in the spirit in shich it is given. You have suffered a terrible tragedy and you are overwhelmed with back to back (to back) children. Your response to something a lot of us have gone through (difficult potty training) is magnified by the constant pain in your heart and the stress of managing time with so many commitments.

I think, if at all possible, you should seek professional help. Looking back over my life, I see how I put a lot of pain and guilt on my kids for things they were not responsible. I didn't do it consciously, but I did it.

Your 3 year old knows there is a child missing even if she doesn't remember him (and depending on the overlap, she might). She feels it every day through you. Will your new baby, born so close to the anniversary of Nathan's death be a psychlogical "replacement" child? Exactly what do you mean when you say you "shouldn't have to " clean up after your not yet potty trained 3 year old and why should a 3 year old "want to grow up"?

Much as you are in real pain, deserving of comfort and having endured a tragedy that will never entirely heal, you are still the parent, the grown up and the kids need to be shielded from your pain. Is your husband supportive or are you basically trying to put up a happy face in front of him? You need someone to lean on and it may have to be in the form of a therapist or grief counselor.

Try to take a little time for yourself every day - even 15 minutes to breathe and gaze at a beautiful flower! Try to share with your husband and find a way to accept Nathan's passing and try not to push these developing years too hard.

There may be a lot of reasons why your daughter wants to pee in her pull ups, but she WILL grow up and the days when you can pick her up and cradle her will be long gone. As a grandmother with 3 grown children, I know how quickly these days will pass.

I really think that if you take a time out for yourself (JUST DO IT - 15 minutes!!) and try to work through losing Nathan you can put some pee on the floor in a perspective that is not as difficult to handle as it is for you now. You are in my prayers.

G.

D.,
I totally feel for you! I am dealing with a very similar situation. My 19 month old is more interested in the potty than her 2 year 8 month old sister. I cannot imagine dealing with all of this with being prego again also or greiving for another child.
I do not have much advice except maybe take her out of the pull ups and give her the choice of diapers or underwear only. We have not even gone on to the pull ups yet because she doesn't want to get out of diapers.
I have a feeling your girl is feeling the pressures of another baby on the way and just not wanted to "grow up" yet. Also, try getting her around kids her age own age that are using the potty. It might help a little.
Just know you have people thinking of you in your situation. I wish you a heathly pregnancy and luck in your potty training endeavor!
Hugs!!
J.

I say get rid of the pullups and just put her in panties. If you have to clean up the mess anyway might as well just clean up the panties. We only let my daughter wear "night time panties" (Pull up) to bed. The rest of the time panties. I just bought a punch of cheap sweats and panties at Walmart. They are easy for her to pull up/down and if she messed them up I wasn't upset. It took about 3 days, and voila, no more accidents. Maybe once every couple of days after that, but she got it. Anyway, good luck!

Hang in there - my son - being a BOY was very reluctant to use the bathroom but wanted Pull-Ups like his buddies. I never had a problem with them leaking except at night. We used Pampers Pull-Ups and they seemed to hold as much as a diaper.

Maybe you need a smaller size? If your daughter has slim legs you may need the next size down to prevent leaks.
She may be acting stubborn because her annoying little sister is copying her and trying to wear Big Girl Pull-Ups too. ;0)

maybe you can get the old fashion traing pants that have liners. do not buy any more pull ups for her. try to make her feel growen up . she is tryng to have control over something . you are in charge . take her to the bathroom every 30 min if you have to . remember if you don't have pull ups for her she can"t wear them. it sounds to me she is a lille jelious of the 17 month old. Do you have two potty chairs. so she has here own ? she may not want to share .well good luck.or the another way to look at it just train the 17 month old ans statr later with the 3 year old. some times peior pressure works. my grandaughter is 3 is uses the potty at my houe and church just fine but at home she does not want to. may a peri school class oonce a week anmd she will see the other childeren and want to todo it too. good luck do"t stress over this it makes it worse this to shell pass S..

D. -

Hang in there! She will get potty trained, and 3 is the magic number. I personally wouldn't give her the option of pullups, I would just keep her in the diaper until she is ready to go on her own. Also, I wouldn't tell her I am getting ready to change her as it seems this is a trigger for her to pee and get you stressed out. Start looking at her with 3rd party eyes; clearly your loss has been huge, and being the kid right after the one who is gone is a tough road to hoe. I get the frustration and feelings of overwhelm, just try to remember that you have everything you need to be the parent they need, and also, no child goes to kindergarten still in diapers. In fact, if you can get her into preschool a couple of half-days a week, she will get the peer pressure from the other kids and you'll get some relief.
Good luck and stay up!
M. S

You really sound overwhelmed and isolated. I would guess that you're trying to do too much, and you still have not finished actively grieving for your little boy. Try to relax and let some things go. Let the house be messy, let yourself take the time you need to get things done. Talk to your husband about your feelings, or, if you think this would burden him, talk to friends. You don't need to get "answers," as long as you can let your feelings out.

If your 17 month old is ready, then focus on potty training her, and let the three year old wait a little longer. Every kid is different, and your three year old may just not be ready. You don't want to take your frustrations out on her.

If your three year old came along at about the same time you lost your boy, she may have missed out on a lot of the joy that you would otherwise have had when she was born. Her experience of her first three years may have been shaped in a lot of ways by your grief. You may need to give her more time and patience than she would otherwise need at this age.

You can get through it, all of it. Just take things slowly, a little at a time. I feel for you; all of us do, I'm sure.

Is the scenario you mentioned (peeing in the pull-ups when you say you're gonna change her) common? If so, she may just not be ready to potty train......new baby on the way, younger sib who's doing well w/potty training may all be putting extra pressure on her. If the above scenario is not common & she makes it to the potty successfully, then I say ditch the pull ups all together. She's using them as a crutch. You could also try reverse pyschology: tell her you think she's not 100% ready, take away all pull-ups/undies & go back to diapers & she may change her tune. But, you still have have about 4 months to go so you still have time to potty train. With our second son, I used this book called Three Day Potty Training, you can googgle it under the same name to find it. I didn't follow it to the T but the part that I did follow consistently was putting my son in control & having him tell me when he had to go instead of having him sit on the potty every 1/2 hour which I did w/our older son who was then trained to go very 1/2 hour. There's no 'sitting on the potty & trying til they pee' which is unnatural. The only time I made him try was before we left the house or someplace that had a restroom. Every few minutes I told him 'tell Mama when you have to pee.' It took a bit longer than w/my older son but I feel it was more successful. Since the mess is making you sick, you could do it on a weekend when hubby will be home to deal w/the clean-up. Btu again, my 1st sugggestion: ditch the pull-ups & go straigt to pretty undies that she takes part in picking out. Best of luck!

hey D. -
to be blunt, the only reason she is wearing pullups is because you HAVE them and are LETTING her wear them! YOU are the parent and you can take them away! make an imaginary game of it: like "the binky fairy" have a "pullup fairy" who "comes in the night and takes all the pullups away because she is such a big girl now! such an exciting and happy event! and the pullup fairy will leave her a BIG girl surprize! (i'm thinking a beading box (w/large beads and strings to put them on) or a bracelet or a fancy note with a "fairy-coupon" that says that mama will take her out for a treat :)
one other tip: require that she be a part of the cleaning up process: take her by the hand to put her dirty clothes in the laundry hamper, have her help wipe down the floor, her legs, etc. - requiring some responsibility of her in regards to cleaning up her own messes is a big deal and a big motivator -
good luck and many blessings to you :) you sound like a wonderful mother and my heart aches for your loss of a child: though they cannot take his place (they have their own place, after all!) i'm very glad for you that you have other children to nurture and love :)
smiles and warm cyber-hugs,
S.

I'd suggest switching to cloth diapers right away. The children feel the wet and potty train much quicker/younger. My daughter and every other toddler I know who was in cloth diapers trained around their second birthday. If the choice is to sit around in sopping clothes or use the potty, your three year old just might make the more comfortable choice.

I happen to sew cloth diapers and if you would like I'll make you some in sizes for your 2 and send them along. The kind I sew are "all in ones" so they are as easy as a commercial diaper to use. An outer layer of polar fleece keeps clothes dry and the inner, flannel layer is comfortable against the skin. They wash in the regular laundry.

Good luck, I feel for you, potty training is no picnic and pregnant besides! Do let me know if I can send you some diapers no charge or anything, I would just like to help.

Cheers,
J.

I am a SAHM of 7, 5 girls and 2 boys. Only one left in diapers! WOO HOO! My 3 year old girl has been one of my difficult ones. Much like yours. I found that letting her go sans panties worked best. IF she had panties on she would pee and didn't care, but when naked, she would go to the potty. She isn't trained at night yet, but we're working on it. It is difficult to tell if she isn't physically ready. My now 6 year old was lazy during the day for a long time. When busy, she would forget to go. She took longer, but she still struggles at night. She sleeps really hard, even through wetting herself. So we are patient. Best of luck. I've been there too. You'll make it.
Stac

D., your please for help caught my eye and touched me heart. To be pregnant with two very young children, grieving loss of your son...and to feel sick and dealing with diaper issues in this economy must be truly overwhelming.

I am sure someone will say this but they will get potty trained at some point...short of a physical problem. Your 3 year old is your second born and is a middle child in some ways and she has her own temperment..and is definately exhibiting an emotional need. Maybe she is feeling like she needs to regress, stave off big girl stuff, glean extra attention from you...compete with your pregnancy needs, sibling..

Possibly her body's neurological systerm is not developed enough. I support waiting until you feel a little more calm about it..and see if you can get some help with it and then no more pull ups during the day..You need sleep so you can
tackle night a bit later.
Have a bye bye diaper party..celebrate with some old leftover party hats...celebrate what is awesome about panties and keep her on a strong reminder schedule..If mnms or stickers work ,try that..do it with both..
Hopefully your 3 us potty trained before baby arrives but she may not, she may regress with baby..and she will have accidents..less and less.

Also..your calm (not going crazy) demeanor ( I know, sooo hard when pregant for some of us) will calm the children. I say this not from judgement, instead from encouragement..
Insteado of working really hard or into s state of tears..your calm modelling will help them in all of their milestones. Our kids feed off us. It sure does make this parenting stuff tricky and no one does with grace and clarity all the time but the potty traininig is one of many issues that will tilt us over the edge...I know times are tough but a young mother's helper in high school could you give a little break here and there..and with baby coming,,may be a great tonic in your life.
My heart goes out to you on your loss. I can only imagine the debts of your grief..I have several friends who have loss children and they do not let anyone minimize their grief..are open and share details about their children. Some people may not know how to support you because it terrifies them..leaving you alone with this but grief for anyone we love, let alone our child, is very real and penetrates our soul..Blessings and prayers for a healthy September baby..

Hello D.: You have braved some very hard and painful times. I know how it feels to loose someone that you love, and I have several family members that have had children die. I admire you greatly. You and your husband must be very special people. I know that the grief of the child gone will always be with you and little triggers will set things off always but in time and it hasn't been long enough yet you will find peace.
For the issue of a 3 year old and potty training-- I have 5 children and have raised several others. I found that I put the potty chair where ever they would use it ( Yes even in front of the TV) I also would have them sit in the chair and I would read to them. My 2 year old granddaughter, likes to have a story book to look at cuz that is how Daddy is. We highly believe in bribes like a reward what ever that means to you when the child stays dry or uses the potty seat. You might check withfriends and see if someone has another potty chair around and let both of your little ones do this together and you might get lucky and have them both trained before the birth of your latest edition. I wonder if you have any support system of teen girls, friends or family members that can help? Being pregnant is hard enough but to do it without help can be overwhelming.
I will give you something to laugh about because you sound like you need a giggle. When my older children were flat tired of diapers and I wasn't fast enough with the training pants for them-- 2 of my children took their brother into the bathroom stripped him down put him in the tub and locked the door for the ENTIRE DAY! they had it all planned out with peanutbutter and crackers to eat and by the time they let him out our Son was proudly going to the bathroom on the toilet.I did have a mess in the bathroom for the near and total misses. So you may get help in the future.
I will be thinking of you and praying for you. If you ever want to contact me please feel free to.
God Bless You, Nana G.

Dear D.,

This is probably not the answer you want to hear, but if you pressure your daughter more, she will likely take longer! You can try having a schedule of when to sit on the potty and try charts (draw smileys or something if you don't want to buy stickers), but until she decides it is good idea, you can't make her do it! If I were in your shoes, I would have her clean herself up and any accidents she has (then you can go mop the spot). Do your best to stay calm and collected. Maybe keep working on the 17 month old and don't say anything about the potty to your three year old.

Best wishes!