My son, who will be 4 in August and has been potty-trained since last September has recently started to "poop" in his pants. We have been talking to him about how he has to listen to his body and when he feels like he has to go, he has to stop what he is doing and go to the bathroom. Also, that it is dirty to go in your pants and can give him a rash. Any thoughts as to why he is doing this and suggestions as to what we can do about it?
Thank you to everyone who took the time write such thoughtful responses to me. We have started to not scold him for doing it, to speak in gentle tones, and have been giving him time to sit on the potty with books he can look at. He has not had an accident since yesterday (at school). It may take awhile. I don't think, as one writer suggested, that it is encopresis, as he goes at least once a day. I will also try making him clean himself up when it happens. There have been no major changes in our lives recently. Thank you again.
L.,
usually this type of behavior is a sign of stress or anxiety. find out the cause and it should stop.
I think there might be something upsetting your son. Have you moved lately? Fighting with spouse? Recent death or divorce?
If any of these things or some other traumatic event has occurred I suggest you give this child some positive input and lots of hugs. I think he is worried. Also try to praise him when it is appropriate for the good things he does.
I Am: 60 years old, been married for 38 years and have two grown sons.
First, I would make sure nothing is going on that might be bothering him. He might be looking for some extra talk or snuggle itme with you and this is a way to get the 1-1 time. I went through this with my dtr and son. Once I knew there was nothing going on, I acted like it was no big deal...and then put them in the bathroom, handed them the wipes, clean underwear and let them know that they needed to clean up. I made sure never to scold or raise my voice, just let them know that they were too big for me to change, it was their job now. After doing this twice, it worked with each of them. Once they were out of the bathroom and clean I still acted like it was no big deal, so they did not feel shame or embarrasment. Then I made sure I spent some 1-1 time with them doing a card game, or some coloring or somthing for 5-10 minutes so they understood they were not in any trouble. The only other time we may have had an accident was when they were on antibiotics. Good Luck! (p.s. after these incidents I decided TV was evil since I discovered they were "waiting" for their show to be over...and pretty much banned TV after that, they watch very little of it now.)
Hello L. P,
Your little 4 year old son could be reverting because of many reasons. He may be trying to communicate other needs to you or not being comfortable at various times. Pay special attention to when he does not go to the bathroom as he is trained and talk very kind and gentle to him at all times. The way in which you talk and treat will be remarkable as children do seek attension in different ways.
A.
This happened to my son around the same age and it was the condition mentioned above, encopresis. What happens is, they start holding stool, and they hold it for so long that it begins to harden... then the new stool will "leak out" around the old, hardened stool. The anal muscles get weak from holding the stool for so long, and they end up having no control over what leaks out. This would happen to my son. He would sometimes go 7-8 days (yes, DAYS) without a real BM, then he would be in pain, irritable, etc. (you would be too!). He would try and nothing would happen. I swear I felt like a midwife telling him to "breathe" and "push easy." Finally he would make a poop you wouldn't believe - I swear it was bigger than his entire tush - along with accompanying pain and stress. Then the whole thing would start again. Anyway... if you suspect something like this is going on, talk to his pediatrician... sometimes they will tell you to do enemas, which I DON'T recommend (too much trauma to mom and child). A big help to us was Miralax, it's an odorless, tasteless powder you can put in food/drink... it keeps the stool soft so it doesn't hurt to push out. Even so, it can take a while to overcome this problem (ours went on, on and off, for over a year). Another important thing is having him sit on the toilet and "try" to go a few times a day, just for 5 minutes at a time after meals. This trains the body to go on the toilet. If he doesn't poop, it's ok, just the sitting practice will help train him. Remember, if this is what's going on, he's not soiling on purpose, so try not to blame him or punish him even when it is frustrating as hell. You can google Encopresis for more info but this is very common, especially in boys of this age. Good luck.
My 4 year old daughter started doing the same thing. Just got so busy that she wouldn't use the potty. I was tired of fighting with her just to get her to go. She is very stubborn and it has to be her idea. Then I started making her clean it up. She would have to either throw away her underwear or wash it out and then she would have to clean herself off. It stopped pretty quickly. She got tired of having to work so hard to correct the situation and she realized it could all be avoided if she would just go to the potty when she needed to.
totally normal. my son is just getting over that and he will be 5 in 2 months. just try not to make him feel bad about it. my son just wanted privacy to do his business :) if he is in preschool and the toilets are in an open area attached to the classroom, it may be the same privacy issue. if it's in school too, then talk to his teacher so that he has his own time in the restroom area. we did that and he opened up to her and now feels comfortable that he will get "his time". you know boys/men ... they need their bathroom time!!! :) try letting him sit there and wait for it when you know he's working on it... get him highlights magazine or something that is his own reading material--trust me that helps :) hee hee
just reassure him that everyone does have to go and it's ok. i give my son some private time in the bathroom even when i know he is thinking/feeling that he "might" have to go.
-L.
Look into the condition Encoperesis--it is common in boys that age. It may be a medical condition that he has no control of, that can be treated with medication...Good luck.
I remember when my son would regress for whatever reason, I also went on the internet looking for advise. I remember a mom that said she would stand her child in the tub and clean them up with cold water from the waist down, not freezing but uncomfortable enough for them to notice while explaining to them that because they went in their pants she had to clean them up. I tried it with my son a few times and I would say that it worked. I know some might consider it cruel but like I said it worked.
