Problem with Son Not Using the Bathroom.

I have 4 yr old triplets, 2 boys and a girl. I am also having this issue with one of the boys, Logan (my smartest of the 3). He is not going in his bedroom as we live in a mobile home and the bathroom is just as close, but he just goes in his pants, pee and poop and leaves it and thinks it is funny. I dont know what to do either. I take away what he is playing when it happens, but it is difficult to keep him off of it. I hate to make all 3 lose the playstation or whatever just because one cannot stop long enough to go to the potty.

M.
mom to Christina 15
Isabella, Logan and Brody 4

I just wanted to say I KNOW how you feel. I descovered the same thing with my daughter at about the same age. We just recently have gotten her corrected. Not sure how we did it but it's done. She did not want to stop what she was doing long enough to go potty so she would just go wherever she was. I was at my wits end!!! I tried everything Possible! We removed her toys, tv, EVERYTHING and told her that if she did not stop that we would take the carpet out of her room and she would have to walk on the bare wood until she stopped doing such a thing. She even has a bathroom connected to her room and still would do it! I wish I could tell you more on what worked for us but not sure myself what it was. I just wanted you to know that your not alone.
T.

Hi A.,
I agree with some of the other moms. You know what he treasures most. I would start taking things away from him. I would make the punishments somewhat harsh and follow through with them. I usually give my son time outs for punishment but sometimes when he does something really wrong I take something away for the day. He really does not like that. I don't know what else to say. Good luck.
Chris

A.,
Hi I saw your post and that does sound discouraging actually I don't really have much advice but i was going to let you know that I live in Brooklyn Michigan and My family also lives about an hour away. My father in law lives down the street so that helps but sometimes things are tough and lonely if you are intrested you can email me back maybe at some point we could arrange time to get together but i do want to let you know that it probabley wouldn't be right away because i am gong through some health problems and will be having surgeury in december but maybe we could swap email address for now well good luck and hopefully I will hear from you soon.

This may be a possibility too

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SOILING PANTS (ENCOPRESIS)
Soiling pants, medically known as encopresis, is much more common in boys than in girls. It occurs more in children with a strong sense of privacy or a strong tendency to concentrate on an activity to the point that they are unwilling to stop long enough to use the toilet. By understanding why this unpleasant problem occurs, you can help your child master his bowel habits.

Why it happens?
This is how I explain pant soiling to a child. The bowel, like the bladder, sends a signal to the brain: "I need emptying." (Draw a picture of the bowel below and the brain above and connect the two by an arrow, and refer to this diagram as you explain to the child.) When your bowel is full, it tells the brain it needs emptying, and the brain says: "Go to the nearest toilet." (This defecation reflex, or urge to empty the bowel, automatically occurs in persons with healthy bowel habits.) If you listen to what your brain tells you, bowel and brain continue to talk to each other; you go to the toilet when necessary, and your pants stay clean.

But suppose you don't listen to your brain, either because you're too busy, too lazy, or you just plain can't hear what your bowel and brain say. In this case, they stop talking to each other. The bowel lets go whenever it wants to and there's poop in your pants. Usually a doughnut muscle at the opening of your bowel squeezes closed to help keep the poop inside until you can get to the toilet. Sometimes this muscle gets lazy and opens up. Sometimes you smell it before you feel it.

If you don't listen to your bowel signals the poop gets big and hard and won't come out. This weakens the doughnut muscle around the bowel. It doesn't "feel" when the bowel is full, and you get all plugged up. It's called constipation; it feels uncomfortable. That's when you have two types of bowel movements, "hard poop" and "soft poop." The hard poop stays in your bowel and the soft poop - sometimes it's even watery - leaks around the hard poop, and you don't even feel it until it's in your pants. The longer this goes on, the harder the poop gets, the weaker the doughnut muscle gets, and the less bowel and the brain talk to each other.

So how can we keep this from happening? you ask. (Encourage the child to answer.) Always listen to what your bowel tells you. Instead of being busy and not paying attention to your body, go to the toilet as soon as your bowel says, "I'm full." Next, you can keep your poop from getting hard. See constipation.

Busy little bowels. Keep (with your child's help) a diary of when your child soils his pants. What triggers holding on to the bowel movements and what triggers letting go? Does he poop when he is stressed in group play? Is he so engrossed in play that he ignores his bowel signals? Little boys with little bowels are forgetful. If your diary detects a correlation between play and soiling, call this connection to your child's attention. "As soon as you feel bowel pressure, go sit on the toilet. Don't hold on to it."

Embarrassed little bowels. Some children are embarrassed about toileting. Rather than let their playmates know they have to go to the toilet or ask the teacher to go to the bathroom, they ignore bowel signals; consciously or subconsciously they convince themselves - and their full bowel - that they really don't have to go. Impress upon your child that toileting is as normal as eating. Everyone does it. Perhaps some children can't imagine their teacher ever having to go to the bathroom.

Lazy little bowels. Some children don't want to "waste time" going to the toilet. Rather than interrupt play, expending the effort to go all the way to the toilet, get undressed, redressed, and reenter play, the child ignores his body signals. To help your child do his own toileting quickly, have simple elastic bands on pants and shorts.

Blocked little bowels. Paradoxically, the most common medical cause of pant soiling that I see in my office is constipation. This diagnosis surprises parents ("But it runs out…") What soils the pants is the soft, watery stool that leaks past the hard feces.
Punishing a child dosen't cure this disorder it can make it worse.

I have not even starting potty training my son yet (too young), but I can see that you should let him use the potty training toilet until he gets the hang of it. The big toilet probably is too scary for him. And shame on your husband for blaming you for your son's behaviour on something that from what I have heard is ALWAYS challenging - potty training. I bet he isn't putting his energy into solving the problem is he??? Good Luck!

Most experts agree that punishment is counterproductive when it comes to potty training. However, in a situation like this, you should make him be the one to clean up after himself. Give him a scrubber and some soapy water, and tell him to get to it. Also, to remedy this, you should set an egg timer for every 15 minutes(we actually went with 30 minutes, because we knew our son could hold it). When the timer goes off, he MUST go to the bathroom and try to go. If he does go, reward and praise seems to work best. If not, it's back to the timer. Eventually, he'll get tired of the bathroom disrupting his play tie, and he'll make a real effort to get through this.

I believe your son is regressing to earlier behavior, probably due to stress or a life change......maybe fighting, moving, new family, death in family, any kind of transition, or anything like that. I would ask your son what is really bothering him, and talk it out, hopefully he will tell you what is really the matter. S.

Your son should be recieving consequences when he does this. Explain to him that this is very unappropriate behavior and it will not be tolerated. But you need to be firm with your voice and actions. Tell him he is no longer allowed in his room except to sleep till he can stop doing it. Everytime he does this take away something he enjoys. Do it only for a day though. Start fresh the next day.

I am a daycare provider and a 4 yr old boy should not be doing such a thing let alone thinking it is ok. The only way he is going to stop is if he believes you will follow through and stick to what you say. Throughout the day if he is doing well make sure to praise him. If he doesn't do it then give him a sticker or something he enjoys doing.

I agree with the post where you should make him clean up his mess.

But I don't feel spanking is the answers.

I wish you the best of luck and hope you can resolve this very soon.

L.

First- it is not your fault. I think Dad's need to be very involved with potty training boys, after all we Mom's don't know all the secrets to peeing like a guy. Second, my friend whose son is now 5-- had to punish him to get him potty trained. He knew better and would purposely go in his pants. She sent him to his room every day after daycare and gave him dinner there and to bed. He understood what he was doing and they would talk about it. After about a week he corrected his behavior. This might be kind of extreme-- but you get the idea.

I would try consequences with a reward. If you pee in your room you get X consequence every time-- if you pee in the toliet you get X reward (something small) every time.