Almost 5-Year-Old Girl Is a Pack Rat

My kids are both like that and they get emotionally attached to every little thing. I gave up on persuading them and just cleaned/discarded things gradually when they weren't around.

But then, just a few weeks ago, they willingly participated in giving a bunch of old Thomas toys to a young neighbor of ours. I think it helped that they could see the toddler who is getting the toys, and we also told them they could go play with the toys at her house whenever they want!

So I guess the moral of the story is that eventually they may get it, but it's a long process (they are now 5 and 8.) Meanwhile, keep your sanity by culling the stuff they don't play with little by little without mentioning it. One thing I've done is to put things in big bins in the garage and then I wait a few weeks to see if they are noticed. If not, they go to donation. If one of the kids turns out to be attached, I "find" the toy.

I tell my kids they can keep some things, but not all things. Artwork gets displayed, but when new things come home, somethings have to go in the recycle bin. I emphasize with them that we can keep some things, but not everything.

My 11 yr old is the same way. Her room was so bad, I went in there with a garbage bag. I started going through her stuff, with her help, and sorted keep, give away and garbage. I found a beautiful drawing that she had done that was buried in the bottom of her closet. I went to throw it in the garbage bag because it had been all crumpled up and ripped. She protested/cried. I said this, "You obviously don't care about this picture you drew. It was crumbled up on the bottom of a pile of things in your closet. We could have hung it up on your wall, but you chose to treat this picture as garbage. So, that's what it is."

My kids have some bins where they are allowed to keep art projects and papers. Once they are full, they go through them and decide what can stay or go. Somethings I save in a separate bin (I have one for each kid). I figure they might like to go through their bin when they are older. I know I appreciated that my mom saved some of my school projects and art work.

It's so funny about the rocks. I know you don't think it's funny, but each of my kids had a box of rocks in their room! I had them dump them in the garden because rocks like the fresh air and sunshine. They could "visit" their rocks outside whenever they wanted. What you could do is make a stepping stone (they have kits in arts & craft stores). Have her put some of her rocks in the stepping stone and you could place it in a special place in the yard or garden.

I try to keep the kids involved in the culling of stuff. Recently, they gave all of their pre-school books and toys to a younger cousin. The joy on the cousin's face meant a lot to the girls.

Good Luck!

S.,

I think two things that have worked for us may help you out. First, I recommend "modelling" good cleaning habits. Usually about once a month we go though our whole house and pick out items to donate. We explain WHY other people need our clothes/things we're done with, we have everyone put things they don't want in the hallway (out of their rooms)and put them on the living room couch (from the playroom). Then together (mom and both kids) we go through the items to put them in big garbage bags. They see me cleaning out things and want to "help". Sometimes I veto getting rid of a dress, sometimes one kid wants to keep a toy another doesn't want anymore, so it stays. For a 'treat', the girls and I go to a Good Will/resale shop and I explain what "this place is". As in, see all the stuff here, it's all stuff people got rid of, just like we did. Do you see all the people shopping? Well, they need this stuff - it's not broken or dirty so someone else may be able to use it. I have used this whole process as an educational process for my children - REDUCE, REUSE, RECYCLE. (They are only 5 and 4, but they get it. ) Especially when we have a great FIND at these stores, I explain there was some "big girl" who didn't need it anymore, but because they gave away something and cleaned up, we can buy it and bring it home. I also explain that the money we are giving to buy the item goes to help people who don't have dinner, a bed, etc. I think it REALLY helps my kids to understand that there is a little girl in our area that DOESN'T have ______ (pajamas, a puzzle, a stuffed animal, etc.).

Secondly, we view their rooms as their private space. What you put in your room is yours - you don't have to share those clothes or toys with your sister or with friends who come over to play. Now, with that said, they also are expected to keep their rooms reasonably clean. (Yes, a 5 and 4 yr old have to keep their OWN ROOMS CLEAN.) I explain it as, Mom has the rest of the house you only have two rooms - your bedroom and the playroom. Now, we do have "tricks" to help them. Timeouts become room cleaning time...when your room is picked up, you can come out. Laundry is brought to their rooms, they are expected to TRY to put it away...lower level drawers for the little one. But all toys and papers MUST be cleaned up by them. If they whine that "it's too much", "I can't do it", etc. Then Mom's answer is, "OK, then I WILL." I bring in a laundry basket and a garbage bag. If I get involved it's MY RULES for clean up. I am not mean, but I explain that they have accumulated too much clutter in such a small room and that's really the problem.

As for all of the papers and art work they want to keep, we have created binders that go in their room. They love to use the three hole punch to put things in their binders...I help when the "pile" gets a bit large. I help say, "This one's ripped or crumpled, I think we can throw this one out." But quickly follow up with, "This one is beautiful, Grandma will love it." We also use some of this art work for "thank you notes" in birthday thank yous, birthday and holiday cards or when we send out new portrait pictures out to family. We've had some thoughtful friends remember the girls at Valentine's Day and Easter, so we write a thank you, include a recent portrait and art work from the kids. Everyone thinks the pictures were made JUST FOR THEM and love the thoughtful gesture.

I hope this helps you. Again, I think if you model "cleaning time" with your child, she'll be more willing to help/participate if she doesn't see it as a "chore" or "punishment" or attack on her personal items.

If this proves to be too difficult for your little pack rat, what about encouraging her to get rid of stuff and then taking her for a "shopping trip" at Goodwill or a resale shop. Like a "trade" - you help me get together a bag of toys and we'll trade them for a new toy or two.

My kids have really latched onto the idea of giving away our "baby toys". They love to think that there's a baby out there who needs a new dolly, shape sorter, etc. They really see how someone else would really like "this toy" that we're done with.

Let me know how it works out.

Sara

I've had good luck with a combination of the House Fairy and just going in and getting rid of stuff.

The House Fairy (www.housefairy.org) comes once a week for a surprise visit. She leaves a surprise if the room is clean, and fairy dust if it's not. My stepdaughter keeps her room VERY clean just in case! I was surprised myself how great it works. So we incorporate throwing things away as part of keeping her room clean. She also loves to keep one piece of paper with a scribble on it. I usually tell her she can keep ONE BOX full of stuff. Anything that won't fit gets tossed. Together we make 3 piles, a Throw-away, a Keep and a Maybe pile. I do take the time to sit with her and help her decide, usually on her own she'll decide to throw things away.

When it comes to rocks at the park, I make her keep things from outside in the garage because they are dirty. Usually she forgets about them.

If her room gets too bad I'll go through myself and put stuff I know she doesn't play with or things that I think are garbage in a box in the garage (like the other poster) If a few weeks go by and she hasn't asked for it then I throw it out or give it away. She's never asked for any of it back!

She's also old enough to know you can get money for toys, so I allow her to sell her good toys. She sold her Butterscotch riding pony and bought a guitar! Your daughter is a bit younger, but having a garage sale and letting her sell her toys might help too.

Good luck!