My daughter is almost four years old and since she was born I have purchased her very high end designer name brand clothing. She has the cutest outfits and a few outfits she could not even wear becuase she had exzema really bad and as a result could not wear the cute skirts and dresses I bought for her. I am embarrased to even admit how much money I have spent on her clothing. With that said I have saved all of my daughters cute outfits in hopes to having another little girl one day to wear them. Do not get me wrong, I have given away ALOT of my daughter's clothes, toys, shoes, etc but I have 2 big bins of designer outfits left that I rather keep for myself.
My sister in law is now pregnant with her second and is hoping I can give her these clothes. She is struggly somewhat financially and I offered to buy her whatever outfits she may desire but kindly and indirectly told her I was not interested in giving her my entire high end infant attire. I feel bad becuase I know she is having a baby but at the same time I feel I did not get much use of the clothes and not to mention want to get my moneys worth by getting to use the clothing a second time sometime in the near future.
Please do not be too hard on me but am I being selfish?? Should I give her these clothes?
no you are not.
there is no reason you should give her your stuff just because she is struggling. they are your clothes.
just buy her some other stuff and avoid the subject with her.
N.,
First of all you should never be embarrassed about what you spend. If you have the money I believe you are keeping someone in business when you buy that stuff. You are keeping the employees employed. They make those clothes for someone to buy. If you can afford it, why not you? Right now I can't afford high end clothes for my girls and that is okay. I have many friends that can and they are far from selfish. Sounds like you are too. You sound like the most caring person. When you are thinking of others and not just thinking about yourself then you are not selfish. You are offering to buy her clothes for second child that is so sweet. She is lucky to have a sister like you. Keep the clothes!!
Beth
N.,
I do not think that you are being selfish about wanting to keep those things for your future baby, especially after you offered to buy your sister-in-law whatever she desired. I can see if you knew she was struggling financially and you refused to help her at all, that would be selfish. I think she should thank God that she has someone like you who is even willing to help her at all. So, N., don't beat yourself up about this situation. God knows your heart and it is better to give from the heart than to give with an unsincere heart.
N.,
There is a big difference between "hand me downs" and "heirloom" clothes and it really sounds like you've packed and saved heirlooms whether you have another child or not. I have done the same thing with my son. I gave away A LOT, but saved the things I wanted to keep and have no intention of giving them to somebody else--unless of course, I have another child/boy.
SO no, you are not being selfish. And please don't feel bad, they are YOUR child's baby clothes after all.
Explaining this to your sister-in-law may be hard though. I think your idea of getting her new items is VERY generous and thoughtful and seriously, she should be happy and thankful for any gifts!
I am soooooooooooo NOT a designer brand person AT ALL and it blows my mind how much people will spend on a label, so I am surprised at what I am about to say, but I do NOT think you are being selfish. Regardless of the reasons for saving them, you did save them for your own future children. Designer label or not, I think mostly every parent saved a few outfits that were special for one reason or another. If you were just going to let her struggle that would be different, but you said you are offering to help her out by buying new clothes, so you are under no obligation to give her your daughter's special clothes and should absolve yourself of any guilt. I think you'll maybe feel better as soon as you actually go ahead and buy her some new clothes or give her a gift certificate to a children's clothing store so she can go on a spree
you are not required to give anything to any one. You dont even have to buy her clothes now... and you offered to. You are allowed to keep the stuff even if you wanted to keep it all inthe attic for memories! buy her some nice stuff or a toys rus gc and do what you want with your babies clothes!
NO!!!!! You bought that stuff, and it's yours! You don't have to give it to someone. In fact, if you're going to feel resentful about giving it to her, you shouldn't anyway. I haven't bought really expensive clothes, but I don't want to give them to my sisters regardless in case I have more children (even though my husband says we're done). I'm really not ready to part with them even if we are done.
I think it was a fine idea to buy her some other clothes if she's really in need. If she is truly struggling, she should feel blessed to receive whatever you give her. If she expects for you to give her designer clothes, isn't she the one being selfish???? Just a thought....
I do understand where you are coming from. I, too, spent an arm and a leg on clothes for my dughter when she was small. In fact, when she was 6 months old & unable to swim, she had 6 swim suits. She never wore them long enough to get the 6 pictures of her in them. We are very silly & we do get attached to our children's stuff. I did end up passing all my stuff down to my sister. My thought was that the little ones don't wear the stuff long enough to ruin it unless there is baby spit up stains, but it is often that after you wash them, they are still in great shape. Maybe think about telling her that she may borrow them but as her daughter grows out of them, then you want them back. Nothing wrong with that. But think about the fact that you don't know when/if/or what you will have the next time. lets say you have a boy...you will wonder why you didn't allow someone who NEEDS these clothes didn't get to use them when she really needed them. I don't think you are being selfish, b/c it is hard with our little ones things. I kept the outfits that I brought my kids home in & my daughters "1st" swimsuit & at age 9, we still bring it out & look at how cute they are!! My sister still has her 1st bakini from when she was a baby. It is okay to hang onto those you love the most. Good luck!
No. I don't think you're being selfish at all! I think that is in a way selfish of her to expect that you give her these baby clothes that you have saved for a special reason. She should accept your answer that these are special clothes that are keepsakes in a way and you are saving them and move on. That is my opinion.
No, I don't think you should. You bought the clothes so that you can use them for your child. There are a few things that I have kept from Serena (my daughter) in hopes that I'll be able to use it again. I know I won't be giving them away. I don't think you are being selfish because you offered to buy her what ever outfits she may desire. If you feel bad, you could give her one or two away in addition to new ones from the store, but I wouldn't give away your whole selection. You could offer to buy her some designer clothes if people are so hung up on you holding on to your outfits. I don't think there is anything wrong with holding on to things for your "second" child. People do it all the time. Why buy something twice if you already have it?
