Am I Crazy for Still Sleeping in My Babys Room?

Like some others said (sorry, didn't read all the responses), my son started in a bed side co-sleeper, then crib in my room - right next to the bed, to sleeping with me. Now, at age 4, his single bed is still pushed right next to my bed, between my bed and the wall. It has always felt right to have him close to me. Do what feels right for you, so long as you do it safely.

No I don't think you are crazy. Children go through phases and if you feel better being there to comfort him, go for it. You are not spoiling him. You are doing a gret job!

I have 3 kids and they all slept in my room (in their cribs) until they were 6 months old , then we moved them to their own room. If he has a good sleep pattern now (doesn't need you to hold/rock to sleep) then when you do move out of his room he shouldn't cry/fuss (I take it you put him to bed before you go to bed for the night?). Anyway you may want to make the move out of his room soon , before he is old enough to notice anything and avoid sleep issues.

First off I want to say that you sound like such a wonderful Mommy! Keep doing what you’re doing!!! I co-slept with both my children and neither really ever slept in a crib, but with me in bed (I won’t get into all the stories about how wonderful that was or how old they were when they moved to their own bed!). Your baby will grow up so fast and the next thing you know you will be sharing a bed with your husband all the time and saying “I miss when I would sleep right next to him, could hear his breathing and was right there when he would cry for me to cuddle him close”! Cherish this time as you are doing right now. Your baby will truly benefit! My kids are sleeping in their own rooms now but we are so close as a family and I credit it to how close I was to them when they were babies. Anyway just my humble opinion.

Would moving him & his crib into your room be an option? I'm a co-sleeping parent, so I think it's perfectly fine that you sleep in your son's room for all the reasons you gave. But if you miss being near your husband, perhaps moving him into your room would work better?
I really don't buy into the whole "spoiling" of a baby by meeting their needs school of thought. Spoiling (imo) is giving into unreasonable demands. At four months old an infant needs to eat frequently, they need to know they're not in danger & not all alone- needing their parent is not an unreasonable demand.

I think 4 mos is still very young. Many will disagree but I don't think being attentive to your child is spoiling them. If you are crazy, I must be too...so you at least are not alone. My son slept in our room until he was 6 months..then he moved to his room and I ended up sleeping in there on the floor for a while..probably until 8 months. I would not go to bed in there - but ended up there each night after I nursed him in the middle of night etc. He seemed to stay asleep better if he could sense me close by. Eventually I was able to stay in my own bed longer and longer..I did not do CIO either and I think he was around 19 months before he consistenly slept all night every night. He is 25 mos now and this am he had a bad dream and woke at 5 am..I went to him and we fell back to sleep together in a chair in his room until almost 8 am.

A 4 month old baby is too young to let them cry it out - I'm not a big fan anyhow. We've never let our kids cry it out - more because I just couldn't bring myself to let them do it. 1 is a great sleeper, the other is a terrible sleeper.

With our son, we had him in our room until 9 months in his pack-n-play. I was nursing, and also driving 150-200 miles/day for work. It was the only way I could get a good night's sleep and feel safe on the road.

Our daughter co-slept with us for a year. I was diagnosed with cancer when she was 10 wks old, and for both physical/emotional reasons, it was the best situation (she's our great sleeper).

Your husband may begin to resent that you're not in bed with him, so you may want to bring your child into your room in a crib/pack-n-play. But, do what you think is right. We all have different opinions, and no one can tell you that you're wrong for loving your child.

Hi R., Independant sleep is one of the most important gifts you give your child that will last a lifetime. Move back into your own room. It's okay if he wakes and sooths himself back to sleep. And no, I'm not talking about crying it out, or letting him scream for hours! But if he wakes and coos and jabbers then cries for a second or two...let him go and see if he will sooth himself back to sleep. One of the most important and biggest challenges of being a mom is letting go....and it starts at birth. All those firsts...rolling over, crawling, walking, school, learning how to drive, first heartbreaks...they are all so important for us to handle well! We have to hide our fears, swallow tons of "good advice" and learn to let our kids become independant, strong, healthy and well-adjusted adults. It is the hardest job in the world...and a lot of times it isn't about about how comfortable Mom is...it's about what they need and what is best for them. Maybe you should get a moniter that is simpler that fits your needs better. You should be sleeping in your own room...I'm sure your hubby misses you! Best wishes.

I sometimes sleep in my daughter's room and she's 3y. It goes in stretches. Some days she's fine and she'll sleep through, then I get to sleep in my bed. Other times, as soon as I leave the room she wakes up and wants to know where I went.

I would try to sleep in your own room as much as possible. I understand the hubby thing. Mine is that way too. Still, if you can sleep in your bed, try to.

I don't like the CIO method either, but you do have to let them cry a bit. They need to learn how to self-soothe, and as time goes, you'll learn your babies cries. Each cry is different, and each one should trigger a different response from you and hubby.

M.

you're not crazy at all. I started co-sleeping with my daughter at 4 months, and continued doing so until she was about 10 months old. I was suffering major sleep deprivation from getting up every X hours to nurse her, and by co-sleeping with her, I was able to sleep much more soundly -- I just had to roll over and lift my shirt to nurse her. It was exactly what I needed.

At around 10 - 10 1/2 months old I began transitioning her to sleep on her own, using the "Sleep Lady"'s version of cry-it out. I definitely didn't think my daughter was ready to sleep on her own before that. Each child is different, so just do what feels right for your daughter.

You're not crazy. It sounds like you're doing a great job.

You are not crazy, but you should think about where you want to go from here. My husband was on night work until we moved when my daughter was 5 months old, then we spent a month living with my parents, and I was breastfeeding, so my daughter and I shared a room on and off until 6 months.

An elderly nurse told a good friend of mine that moms make themselves crazy trying to get babies into a routine before 6 months, so we figured 6 months was a good time to stop the nighttime breastfeeding, move me out of her room, and get her to sleep through the night. We introduced a few toys by then, a pacifier, and kept the white noise/blackout curtains. It worked, and we've only slept in her room on nights of bad coughs/vomiting, and my friends are jealous of her good sleeping habits.

Every child is different - our 2nd is due in April, so who knows what will work with him/her. But if you miss your husband by your side, and you want your son to learn to self-soothe, you might want to start by introducing a few things to help him, like a pacifier or one toy that won't suffocate him. In the long run, it will help all of you:)

In most cultures around the world and throughout history, babies and children sleep near their parents. Our babies have all slept with us and gradually, when they were ready, moved to their own rooms in a natural progression. It increased closeness among us all, reduced anxiety levels, and never caused us any difficulty. We all slept more restfully as a result, too! We raised several children in this manner, and they are all happy, confident, and well-adjusted children and young adults.

Do what you know in your gut is the best for you and YOUR family. It differs from family to family. Best wishes!

I breastfed all 3 of my kids - and I never let them "cry it out" - but I did/do believe in putting them in their own rooms - eventually. For the first 3 or so months they slept in a bassinet right next to my bed - (with me sleeping with my husband... this also allowed my husband to help out - he would change the baby and hand the baby to me to feed or put the baby back to bed etc.) - once they were too big for the bassinet and/or sleeping longer stretches - I moved them to their own cribs in their own rooms with the baby monitor. I kept the portable crib in my room for times when they were sick, up a lot etc. just needed to be closer - or occassionally I would sleep in my daughter's room if she was up a lot at night - our house at that time had master down and kids up and it was too far to go back and forth. My kids are 7,11 and 13 now and have always been great sleepers.

I don't think there is a right/wrong here - it is a matter of what works for you. Some people prefer the co-sleeping, some don't, some believe in letting a baby cry it out, some don't - responding to your child's needs is what matters - all methods can result in happy, healthy children. I would only say that the fact you miss your husband is VERY important - you need to still keep your marriage a priority.

Congrats on your new baby and being a great mom!!!

I always picked my first son up at the first cry during the night. I thought, like you, that it would be terrible to let him cry and think that I am not there for him. Well, he was a terrible sleeper as a baby and looking back I know that it was because of this. He never learned to self soothe or to get himself back to sleep. He is 8 years old and still not a good sleeper. Takes him forever to get to sleep and then when he wakes up during the night he seeks me out. So...as bad as it may feel at the time sometimes it is "tough love" that we parents need to give. Doing whats best for our kids won't always be the easiest thing for us OR them but will make them the best they can be in the long run. I am not saying go full force in CIO right now but when your child wakes up I would say don't go RIGHT away...maybe give it a couple of minutes before you pick up. I would also go back to your own room. When you hear every little movement wimper you are more lilkely to pick up.

I actually just kept my son in my room in a pack in play for awhile (8-9 Months) Its easier that way, if they wake up you're right there. And they are safely sleeping in their own bed, not yours! It had its little downfalls, but as a whole it worked for me and my baby and husband until we were ready to put him in his own room. I think its normal for moms to want to sleep in the same room as their babies. Its comforting for you, and probably him too. I think as long as you're not putting him in your bed, you're not going to spoil him!

Have you thought about moving the baby into your room? then you can respond to the baby right away and still sleep next to your husband. There are lots of advantages in co-sleeping (sleeping with the baby next to your bed in a crib counts) for the whole family. A 4 month old baby needs you and it won't do anyone any harm for a child to sleep near his parents for as long as it is happy for everyone.

You aren't crazy at all. I also didn't want to let my son cry it out, and he slept in the same room with us till almost 4 months. Around that time, I moved him to his own room because of a cold. (We couldn't put a pillow under the bassinet mattress in a way I thought would be safe.) I was super worried about it, and even posted on here asking for advice on how to transition him. Surprisingly, he slept much better in his own room without us. I still went in as soon as he cried, though I eventually realized that I could hear him cry without the monitor.
I realy believe that sleeping is developmental just like crawling. I saw my son go through phases with sleep, just like I have watched him go through phases learning to crawl. He started sleeping through the night at 6 months (totally unconnected to food that he started on when he was 4 months). The only thing I did to encourage through the night sleeping was when he would drop a night feeding for a few nights, I didn't reinstitute it if he woke around that time. I'd just comfort him back to sleep. And he started being able to put himself to sleep at 7 and a half months. I didn't let him cry it out when he was still in that phase, as it sounds your son is, where he would become hysterical very quickly. Once he began to be able to calm himself, then I let him fuss to sleep. I knew he could calm himself because instead of hysterical cries, he'd have a more slow, constant whaahhh. There would be lots of pauses in between. It was almost more like he was complaining to himself. When he started doing this I would put him down and let him fuss to sleep. At first, he could only do it at night and it took about 10 minutes. If at any time he bacame his crying started to get faster and hysterical, I went back in. After awhile, it took only 5 minutes of fussing. Then it became one loud shriek, a few little mutters, and asleep before I got to the kitchen. Gradually, he was able to do it for his afternoon nap and sometimes morning nap. At 8 and a half months, he puts himself to sleep on his own, often without any fussing. You can totally get him to learn to soothe himself without hours of hysterical crying. Friends who told me they were letting their babies cry it out, were actually just letting them do the slow fussing for longer amounts of time. Their babies were not hysterically crying, so don't feel like you have to tough it out if friends are pressuring you to cio. They may not be experiencing what you are.

I know you are a first time mom but your son is going to be ok by himself. Remember, husbands have an adjustment period after having children and you are going to make it worse. You must retain your relationship with your husband and sleeping in your son's room isn't helping it. Your son can cry a little and you can get up for him from your own room. Good luck but don't let your husband be alone or you might be eventually.

I think you are doing fine!
We kept our daughter in our bedroom for the first 5 months, then I slept in her room with her, after she woke up at night. I went back to work, so I needed to get sleep, no matter where that was.
You could start out in your own bed and after baby wakes for the first feeding stay in the room with him. That's what I did.

My daughter is two now and I still lay down with her when she goes to bed. We read, and talk a little bit and I cuddle with her until she falls asleep (now about 15-30 minutes). I work all day, so I enjoy this short period of uninterrupted Mommy and me time as much as she does.

I have too often given in to several recommendations for "sleep training"... but in the end what worked best was listening to my heart and giving her what she needed. From the day that I decided I would no longer try any "sleep training methods" (and we only used non-CIO methods, never let her cry) I was much happier and less stressed and so was she!
I always responded to her crying and she sleeps through the night in her own room just fine now! They all will eventually when they are ready!

Good luck.

Hi R.,
I think it's mostly a matter of personal choice. That said, you won't be sleeping in his room when he gets home from the prom, so maybe start now, once in awhile going to your room? The video camera is a great thing. You can just roll over, take a glance & be reassures he is OK. You'll hear him cry if you need to. I wouldn't use the motion sensor--just leave it on. I don't think you are "spoiling" him, as he is still very very young. But you do want to lay the groundwork for healthy sleep later...so he can fall asleep on his own and sooth himself back to sleep.
Also, just wanted to reassure you that it's OK to have "R. time", after the baby is sleeping...you hubby probably misses you in your bed :-) Good luck to you!

I don't think you are spoiling him or are doing anything that many of us have not done. my daughter slept in our room until she was 5mos old. when she went into her own crib - i was there for her at her every call/cry. your son is still so young - and he needs you nearby at this age. in a month or 2 - you will feel more comfortable and will be able to rest in yor own room. as long as you have the monitor, he ...and you will be fine!
good luck and you are doing great!!!

He's still young enough to benefit from eating during the night. You have listed all the reasons this arrangement comforts YOU. I still have my daughter's crib by my bed because I can't hear her from her room if she's hungry, and my husband is traveling for work. We did CIO with all the kids as soon as they could make it through the night without eating-though I like to call it the "Enable Your Child to Sooth Themselves to Sleep and Not Become Dependent On Others to Help them Sleep Soundly" method. :) We always made sure they were fed, dry, had stories, etc, and at bedtime, walked away. They've all slept happily since day one, the crying was random and never much, and we felt it did not hurt them or stress them out to cry to sleep now and then. The key is over stuffing them during the day, so you're not letting a hungry child cry. By 5 months-ish they know it's time to sleep once they're put in bed. Dont' worry about spoiling him, but as he gets older, he will grow dependent on whatever routine you set, including having you in his room, so the sooner you start whatever you choose, the easier for him to adjust.

I think it is a matter of what works for you, but you also have to think about what you want things to be like long-term. I have a 29 month old, and let me tell you, the fear never goes away. At some point you just have to "cut the cord" and go back to your own bed. Is that at 4 months? 6 months? I don't know. But (and I hate to agree with Donna, but I'm going to) you have to figure out why you are really doing this. Is it to keep from disturbing your husband? To facilitate breastfeeding? Or because you are afraid? The first 2 are good reasons, the last one not so much.

I slept in the room with my son for 2 months and then moved back to our room because neither my son or I slept very well with me in his room. I am a big believer in the Ferber method (which is NOT cry it out) and 4 months is a good time to start it. You might want to check out his "Solving Your Child's Sleep Problems" book.

If what you are afraid of is SIDS (and who isn't?) make sure you are doing all the right things: no smoking around him, safe sleep environment (NO crib bumpers, blankets, stuffed animals, not too warm)put him down on his back, run a fan in the room, and give him a pacifier. And then know that the odds of SIDS happening are pretty much on the order of a jet loosing its engine and it crashing through the ceiling of his nursery. Sorry if I just gave you something else to worry about. :-)

Bottom line, if you want to sleep in his room for a couple of more months, you aren't going to scar him for life, but you have to start thinking of an exit strategy.

I used an arms reach cosleeper next to my bed until my son outgrew it. Then I just put his crib in my room, and he's still there today! He'll be 3 in April. Don't let people tell you different if your instincts are telling you to sleep near him. Even the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends being in the same room I think (though look it up to be sure). There really isn't anything wrong with cosleeping if it fits your lifestyle. It doesn't for many people. But for my sister in law, and myself, we really liked the concept and found it worked really well for us. My siser in law coslept with all 4 or 5 of her kids I believe. It was a blessing for me as I nursed my son exclusively when he was an infant. He woke up almost every 2-3 hours to eat, so it was nice with the co sleeper because it butts right up against your bed so he still has his own sleepspace and you have yours, but you don't have to get up every time he wants to eat. So I do NOT think you're crazy for sleeping in your son's room. I actually believe it's the more natural thing to do. I always think to myself that before you know it, you'll be worrying about curfews, and my child will spend most of the time in his own room, so why not stay as close and cozy as long as you can while they're little? I still can't believe how quickly time has gone for my soon tobe 3yr. old! So no you're not crazy! There are alot of us out there whole believe in cosleeping!

I wouldnt sleep in his room. He will get used to that and not want to sleep on his own. I would stop before its too late. Fortunately i didnt have this problem but i know there are books about sleep training if needed. I wouldnt let him cry it out for more than a few minutes. There are other ways and thats where the books would help. But do yourself a favor and stop before you have to sleep in there for the next 10 years!

I don't have an answer for you, per se, because we shared a family bed. And we didn't believe in the cry-it-out method, either. But I just want to say that you cannot spoil a child at 4 months old. Impossible. So go with your gut instinct. I nursed, too, and my daughter was a night time power-nurser (one of the reasons for the family bed). 2-3 hours stretches of nighttime sleep for a breastfed baby is not uncommon.

Hi, Rachell:
It sounds like there is some fear in your narrative.
I was wondering how come you prefer to sleep with
your son and not your husband?

Are you saying you can't hear your son crying for your own
bedroom?

Just want to know. D.

I have to agree with Amber. You can still hear him in your bed and get up to take care of him. I say go sleep in your bed in your room.

Sorry this is getting to you so late, but I just caught it & had to add to it. I had my little one in my room until about 3 months & then hearing about the "cry-it-out" method, thought we should try it. It was absolute torture for a few nights. Ripped me to pieces, so I understand when mother's decide against it. But, I'll tell u, it seems to be the best thing we could've done for our child. She is now 7, and goes right to bed most nights. Now, with our 2nd child (now 4), I put it off, because I knew what was coming. We waited a few months later. Wow!! What a difference. It was horrible. But, now, we're way past it & my girls go right to sleep (most of the time). I think another thing that has helped a good deal, is our bedtime routine. We end everynight with a book (well, most nights for the book, anyway), a prayer, hugs & we play bedtime music for them when we leave. I can understand your dilemma. As mother's we are instinctively protective and comforting of our children. But, as they grow, we have to go through a series of "letting go" hurdles (trust me, there'll be lot's more). But, sometimes, as I've learned, it's just better to just do it. Your sweet baby boy will love you & trust you completely, regardless if your in the same room as him. One of the reason's he may not be sleeping is that he can smell you in the room. So, it may be better for him, and for u to be in another room. Although, it could just be that he's not ready to sleep for long periods of time. My 1st slept thru at about 3 weeks, my 2nd waited till about 7 months! Each child is different. But, you want to do what you can to let your child & you, especially get the sleep you need. Trust me I know what it is to be sleep deprived. Many families opt for the whole family sleeping together & it works for them. But, for us it was sooo worth it to let them cry for just a few nights (even if it did seem the longest night of my life).

Your way ahead of me since he sleeps in his own crib!!! I think you are FINE! He's in his crib and at 4 mo he doesn't know your in the room or not, if you sneak off he still sleeps right?

Unfortunately I disagree with the other post. In order for you and your child to get used to sleeping apart, it is best to let the baby sleep in his crib in his room by himself. Also it helps you get some much needed rest. By 4 months, both of my boys slept by themselves in their own room through the night. I think you are doing a disservice to yourself and your child by sleeping in the same room, not to mention, your husband and you not getting any alone time. Try to wean yourself out of the room and I think you will be happy that you did(your husband will too!)