Will Cosleeping Get Better?

Updated on December 07, 2010
H.L. asks from Fort Worth, TX
16 answers

I wrote previously about trying to stretch out the time between nighttime feeds for my then 4.5 month old. I need some more support and feedback. Note - I have not tried to stretch out the feeds - have just gone with it. However, things have gotten worse and thus my question. A quick overview of my situation:

I am cosleeping with 6 month old baby 2. We have since Day 1. The baby and I sleep in the baby's room in a double bed. His crib is attached to the bed but he only sleeps in the crib for naps and when he first goes to bed at night. He can "self-settle" in the sense that I do not nurse him to sleep - I nurse before naps and bed and put him down awake and pat/shh until he goes to sleep. From time to time he is probably asleep when I put him down but I do try to put him down drowsy but awake.

My issue- ever since the 4 month growth spurt, he has been nursing more and more frequently at night. He used to go about 3 hours between feeds, and even 6 hours one night. Now he wakes every hour or less (normally less) and pretty much wants to stay attached all night. We nurse laying down and I do try to sleep through it, but I am sleeping less and less - as is he.

My question - will cosleeping get any better? And by better, I mean - will he increase the time between feeds himself and just sleep better/longer?? Or will I eventually have to do something to get him to nurse less often? I would LOVE to keep cosleeping but the all night nursing is really starting to get to me. And of course I worry that he is not getting quality sleep.

I guess I need to know that better sleep is ahead as I am really doubting my decision to cosleep. Or just support. I need to know how it "all happens" with cosleeping, breastfeeding babies. (can you predict the future? : )) I never slept with boy 1 until he was 18 months old and he was nightweaned by then so this is all new for me.

What can I do next?

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A.H.

answers from San Francisco on

For us it only got better after I closed Mom's all night buffet. Shortly after that he started wanting to sleep in his own room.

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K.C.

answers from Barnstable on

Though you may think it is often, at 6 months he is very little and he is probably getting active during the day - the world is amazing, so he is burning more calories! He is also starting to understand that the safest spot in the world is curled up next to mommy lion and her warm milk. It WILL get better. He may even be teething and the sucking helps with the discomfort.

I will say that a double bed is very small for a co-sleeping mom and baby. Bigger is absolutely better because you can slide away from baby without moving the little guy (we boobie moms know to let sleeping babies lie, even if you have to slither out of the bed like a slinky). In your double bed, he is automatically close to you, sniffing mommy and that sweet milk. If at all possible, invest in a queen or king sized bed so once he is drunk and asleep, you can roll away from him without moving him. A big, comfortable bed is the greatest investment ever for a co-sleeping family.

Also, any chance you are taking supplements? I found that my son was more wired at night when I took green tea supplements. I stopped taking them and he slept better.

Best of luck! I sleep with my kids till they wean (3.5 years for DD and still going with still nursing 2.5 year old DS).

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S.H.

answers from Honolulu on

Are you still producing enough milk?

He is either cluster feeding... having a growth-spurt (which 6 months is a growth-spurt, as well as 3 months old, and 9 months old etc.), or he is teething... in which "sucking" can help some babies feel better per teething....

So MANY things may be going on.

6 months old is also a major developmental leap/change for a baby... and this happens.

Or, co-sleep with him on a mattress on the floor. Then once he falls asleep, YOU can move to the bed. I have done that too.

My kids, had GINORMOUS appetites... and would often "cluster feed" (which is feeding every single hour), AND I had plenty of milk though because they grew like weeds, were in the 97th percentiles, and was always satisfied after feedings and had plenty wet diapers.

BUT.. sometimes, if your milk production diminishes at this juncture... he may just very well be hungry... all the time. That happened to several friends of mine. For example. But they did not know... their milk supply dropped.

He is so young, a baby, and this is normal though.

But you decide, what to do. Even if you were not co-sleeping... a baby does wake...
I breastfed both my kids, exclusively. Breastfeeding IS arduous work... it is never a cake walk. It is very time consuming, very busy and constant.

I nursed my kids, on-demand, until they self-weaned.

At least for the 1st year of life... per our Pediatrician... feeding on-demand is important and it is a baby's PRIMARY source of nutrition... NOT solids and not other liquids.

Or, give hm something else.. to suck on. Pacifier.

Your baby... is ONLY 6 months old. And to me... he is very normal.
Babies, do this.
It just is.

all the best,
Susan

3 moms found this helpful

P.M.

answers from Tampa on

You need to know that is normal. Growth spurts happen quite often the first year, please remember this is an INFANT, not an adult manipulating you to make you loose sleep. If he wakes and is hungry, an infant has no way to lie about that.

If you bed shared, so he could nurse whenever he felt like it, whether you are awake or not, you'd probably get a lot more sleep. I know I never felt sleep deprived, and I was a single Mom!

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D.W.

answers from Gainesville on

Check out the book The No-Cry Sleep Solution. I remember her discussing co-sleeping with her infant who wanted to nurse all night as well and how she was able to balance co-sleeping and getting a breastfed baby to sleep well so mommy could get some sleep too.

There came a point with my first that we had to stop co-sleeping because my hubby and I were waking him up with little noises or the movement of us just being in bed. And like you were saying-not getting quality sleep for any of us. He ended up doing really well in his crib close by. I taught him how to sleep using the No-cry book, Dr. Sears Baby Sleep Book and The baby whisperer. Great tips, info and tricks in all 3!

I'm very pro attachment parenting but there is no shame in letting baby sleep on their own turf if it ends up working better for everyone. Everyone needs good rest to recharge and most importantly for baby, growth and development. Not all babies want or like to co-sleep. My 2nd just wasn't very good at it and wasn't comfortable co-sleeping. She slept in her crib in our room for quite a while though so she was still close but she slept much better in her crib.

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B.B.

answers from Dallas on

You don't have to co-sleep. I understand your wanting to, but it doesn't sound like a positive situation, for both of you. If not co-sleeping would be better, then don't co-sleep! We ended up not co-sleeping with my son, because he slept very well on his own. He didn't sleep well with us, which caused us not to sleep well. He has always been an independent sleeper. As soon as we put him in his own crib, he was sleeping through the night. One method won't work for every baby. Co-sleeping might simply not work, for him.

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A.D.

answers from Norfolk on

My first baby woke every hour or less up until we put him in his own crib in his own room at 9 months--the first night he slept solo he surprised us and did a long 7 hour stretch for the first time in his life! You may have decided to co-sleep but he may not be able to sleep well with his favorite snack bar right in his face keeping him up all night. He is turning 2 on Friday and still cannot sleep if there is anybody else in the room with him or any other kinds of distractions, and ends up getting frustrated and irritable. Now my second baby is 12 weeks old and just loves to snuggle, and doesn't use me as a pacifier so she will hopefully sleep with us a little longer than my first. H. this helps and good luck!

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E.A.

answers from Erie on

Yes, it gets better. You will have times when they nurse a lot and other times when they sleep for long periods of time. We loved co-sleeping, and if you are missing the intimacy with your husband, try the kitchen/dining room/living room/garage ;)
As he gets older, he will be easier to soothe back to sleep more often without nursing. After 6mos, you can feed him table food later in the evening, and he will sleep longer. The first year is a long period of differing sleep patterns, and you learn to go with the flow if you plan on continuing to co-sleep.

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R.J.

answers from Seattle on

I had intended on cosleeping with my son... but it just didn't work. One of us was always waking the other...leading to the ususal suspects. (Nursing, super awake baby -aka overtired-, etc., so forth, and so on).

The MOMENT I put him in his crib and moved to my own room next door... it was like magic. Kiddo just *needed* his own space... even though *I* wanted to do cosleeping it just made him very unhappy. As soon as I put him in his crib at 7pm he'd wake at 10, 1, and sometimes 5ish, and get up around 8am. Since I went to bed at 1am (after his 3rd feeding) or 10pm (after the 2nd if I was wiped)... I only had to get up once the vast majority of the time. We were both SO much happier

Fast forward 3 years. He started climbing in bed with me as a toddler. And you know what? We both got soooooooo much more out of those snuggles that either of us ever could have when he was an infant. He'll still pile in with me about half the time (at age 8). Doen't need to, will go months without. But he'll ask 3 or 4 nights a week. And that's just fine with me.

As always... not saying what you should do... just what we did.

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S.S.

answers from San Antonio on

Yes, it will get better. My son will be 2 in a month. He has co-slept from day one and it was really rough off and on for the first year and has had some rough points with sickness, teething...we just got through a bout with molars, which is UGLY!

He sleeps in our bed with us and I would say probably around the 15-18 month mark, the night became fairly connected. He has a definite bed time, he WANTS to go so bed and sleep by about 8:30pm and as long as he does and isn't going through some teething nightmare or such, he will sleep pretty much all night now until around 6am. He does fuss periodically and is a tosser/turner kind of sleeper and does still kind of nurse in his sleep. He nurses to fall asleep for naps too.

I didn't set out to breastfeed beyond two years or to co-sleep, but I never believed in CIO and I am so happy that it's happened this way. Granted, lost sleep and change of habits is an adjustment, but our child is healthy, smart, and so affectionate and loving and I can't help but think that's in part due to the nurturing and love he receives and the security that has come from co-sleeping.

Don't give up or get discouraged or let other people convince you that you need to abandon ship. It does improve! Just know that there will be bad days and good ones too.

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J.A.

answers from Spartanburg on

okay every baby is SO VERY DIFFERENT! My first was a beautiful cosleeper..textbook. My second, not so much..LOL! The philosophy of cosleeping and attachment parenting worked for me , in that it said: do what works best for you and your child, WHEN it works best for you and your child.

I coslept with #2 for 8 months and then did Cry it out for 1 week and he and I, all of a sudden, had an amazing relationship and still do...

My first did great with extending nursing (20ish months) and cosleeping, ,my second, not so much...go with your gut! you are mom and you know what your child (and you) needs! If you need to change the rules of cosleeping, then do it! If you need to not cosleep, then do it! If you need to have your husband cosleep, then do it!

Whatever works and keeps everyone happy! Good Luck..

I am going to make the point that with both of mine, I waited until the "acceptable" time of at least 6 months (where they weren't waking for hunger) to be avialable for night nursings...

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C.R.

answers from Dallas on

Can you try and do more feedings during the day and cut back at night? It might be that you are just making yourself too available to him for feedings that is the problem and it's becoming a vicious cycle.
I know that the thought of co-sleeping is great but it's not good for you or your baby to not get the sleep you both need to have. It would be different if you were just co-sleeping but your not. Sounds more like a night of co-feeding ")
Let me tell you, you can get away with not sleeping for a while but in time you are going to be unhealthy, unhappy and undesirable to be with.
H. you can get it worked out for both of you to get the rest you need.
Best Regards,
C.

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C.T.

answers from Dallas on

If he's waking every hour or less to nurse then its comfort, not calories that he is seeking. I had this problem with my child, and I stopped co-sleeping in order to get more sleep. My friend, who has cosleeps, is still a human pacifier for her 3.5 year old daughter. I think you can continue to cosleep,if you want, but if you want the frequent night nursings to stop you'll have to take action (i.e comfort without feeding). Good luck

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L.S.

answers from New London on

I slept with my son until he was 10 and half months... big mistake. I was waking every 2-3 hours until I finally put him in his own crib. I slept with my daughter until she was 4 months old. She slept so much better by herself. She was sleeping 5 hour stretches at 4 months and I fed her only once during the night because I didn't want her to wake up my son and husband. She is now one and sleeping through the night in her own crib. You need sleep. I would try swaddling her and putting her in her own crib. Also, she is probably teething at 6 months so they wake up constantly and if they know you are there they will want to use you as a pacifier even if they are not really hungry.

L.P.

answers from Pittsburgh on

I know this information will come as a mixed blessing. I co-slept and nursed my son. We only nursed to 8 months (he self-weaned), but he still woke up about every 2 hours until he was 18 months old. Yes, 18 months. sigh. I kept a gallon of water next to the bed with bottles of dry formula ready to be mixed. I know he didn't NEED these bottles at night, but I kept going with it because I didn't know what else to do, other than to just stop cold turkey and let him cry it out. But the upside to this story is that at 18 months, like a switch turning off, he just stopped. He started sleeping through the night, needing no night feedlings at all. I don't know what changed, but on his own, he just stopped.

I H. this encourages you in some way, to at least know that there is the possibility that with maturity, your baby will just need less and less, eventually getting to the point that you will both be getting adequate sleep.

It is exhausting - and that's an understatement, to say the least. And very isolating. So I totally feel for you there. But keep your chin up. It doesn't last forever. And now that I'm 3 years beyond that stage, and possibly done having kids, I kinda miss those days. Hard to imagine while you're going through it, but I really do...

Best wishes to you for some restful sleep for you and baby.

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E.S.

answers from Houston on

My daughter woke up every hour when I nursed her in the bed. At 16 months I stopped nursing and after an ajustment period I had the first full night of sleep in a long time. They just get used to you being there and them nursing on demand. I think I was a pacifier also. She just wanted something in her mouth to go back to sleep.

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