Am I Losing My Tweens to Sociaty?

I feel the same way! My girls are 11 and they are talking about boys and "Boyfriends" I have such a hard time reeling them back in the the world of what I think is an 11 yr. old!

Personally I do not think things all can be blamed on those infamous "hormones"...

Kids are mimics. They copy what they see.

Do your kids watch shows like Hannah Montanna, I carly, zack and cody?

Even cartoons are filled with "adult themes" and then packaged for kids. And most parents are perfectly fine with having kids sit in the room and watch adult shows with them. What message is "The Bachelor" sending to your kids? Oh, but its just a show right? Its still glamourized. A modern day fairy tale for the girls to watch and think wow... that looks cool...

Plus there is this whole Issue I have with the clothing industry. They make kids sized copys of adult clothes and everyone goes AWWW! How cute! Lets put a tube top on a toddler, dress them in bikinis, short shorts, skirts, and belly shirts but then expect them to dress "decently" as they do mature. Where is their examples? I have a 9 yr old girl and shudder when I see these teeny boppers strutting around with skirts that are about 1 inch below their underwear, tank tops, bling, and make up on... wearing shoes that are WAY too mature for them... Why make high heels in kids sizes? Throw into the mix a cell phone and there are kids that expect to be treated like they are in their 20's... But then again... If the adults were dressing modestly (modest, not frumpy) then the kids and teens would have examples all around them...

Plus the younger kids in a family tend to be exposed to the older kids conversations and want to copy them. Is it that the kids actually LIKE someone or that people think its sooo cute to hear a 5 yr old say "thats my girlfriend i'm gonna give them a kiss..."

Add to all that the prevelance of moms that are single and still on the market for a good guy. (not knocking single moms! My sister is one) So the mom flirts and the kids see it and pick it up.. The mom dresses to flaunt her assets... And the kids think that is NORMAL... So they do.

There is no end all and fix all.

Yes, watch what your kids eat and use, but also sit with them and thru opened eyes WATCH what they are seeing... LISTEN to their music (I mean really "Love in the club?" WHY even write that song?) TALK to your kids... About life.

Some may think that I am some old lady who grew up in a by gone era... lol I am 30 and am due with my 4th child any day. But I also grew up on a farm without a lot of the influence of society. My kids are 9,6,3,inutero...

My husband and I try to protect our kids from that influence for their sakes. We do not own a television. We watch shows on the computer and the kids have movies, cartoons, games, etc. But that is really limited. If it is not rated g the kids are not in the room when we watch it. We watch what they watch with them. And then are able to put what they are watching into perspective... Our kids spend a lot of time outside, playing, being active... We do not have any gaming systems, or DS's ... But we do have board games and kids that devour books. We have train sets and doll houses.

Our kids are not lacking... But they also do not have the commercialism and society shoved down their throats daily. Oh yeah... Our kids go to a small christian school so they are not exposed to a lot of the influences that public schools can not guard against because of size...

Please do not think you are being over protective... That is part of the problem... A lot of parents ARE NOT OVER PROTECTIVE... and look where its going. Keep your guard up and keep fighting...

I have 11 year old twin girls, and a 10 year old girl and 4 year old twin girls. We have limited their exposure to alot of things. They don't watch TV, especially the Disney Channel. If they do watch something we DVR and fast forward the commericals. They aren't allowed to watch commercials. They do not use the internet unless we are standing there. They can not have cell phones. We are strict with music. They can listen to spiritual, classical and a small amout of country. Books have to be previewed by my husband and me first before they read them.

We started early on teaching them how sacred and wonderful their bodies and marriage are, and that dating is only to find a husband. If they are not ready to be married they aren't ready for dating. Innocent dating can lead to bad things. It stirrs up feelings in both boys and girls and will lead to kissing and touching. Yes, it will. Stirring up desires that can't be satisfied is just a stupid thing to do. I don't understand why people think it's so cute to have their children dating. My parents allowed me to date because they thought it was cute. I had sex for the first time at 13.

I am very overprotective. I refuse to let their innocence and spirits be shattered by other kids. The tweens and teens today are walking nightmares. (not all of them, but a lot)

I just recenlty took them out of middle school and we are now homeschooling. The middle school seemed like a warzone for doing the wrong thing. The kids there were horrible.

I used to pick my girls up at the park next to their school. My younger girls were playing and an 8th grade age girl walked over to the park and started making out with a young man there. After a little while she walked back to the school and he got in a car and drove away. I couldn't believe it.

Most of our daugthers friends have very similar rules to ours. We prefer if they have friends over, that it be here. They have 2 friends who are in the safe zone. They can sleep at our house and our girls can sleep at their house. Otherwise we don't allow sleepovers. Too much can happen.

So far our efforts have been a success. Our 11 year old girls play with dolls, in fact they are both saving their money to buy a 2nd American Girl doll.

This may seem over the top, but our daugthers are bright, respectful and very well behaved. They do not talk back and rarely get into trouble. They are very sweet and very happy. They love their parents and sisters.

There is nothing wrong with being overprotective. It would be nice if more parents were. We have to protect our children from being exposed to too much too soon. They have their entire lives to be adults, we should keep children the entire time they are children.

I hear you!!
I was just watching one of the news channels last night and they had a special on all the hormones in everything we eat and how now because of al this the young girls are developing so much earlier and have a larger breast size than 15 years ago.
Some girls get their periods in 3rd grade, that is 8 years old. Some have a C cup before they reach 8th grade, that's my own daughter. In fact because of the hormoes in our foods the average bra size has increased by a full cup size.
I have my 12 year old at home, we homeschool her. My 14 year old is in the public high school. I have seen more and more of the loss of innocence with her. We go to church, we say grace adn prayers, we talk about how to save our bodies for the man you marry. Her best friend at school comes from a line of hookers and drug addicts. It's hard.
What do you do??
I know my 21 year old is OK and has noticed the younger set and how they are behaving. I hope our efforts pay off with my others. .

I read your message and then went on to read the other messages in my newsletter and was rather shocked by a mom that was asking advice on whether or not to let her 2 y/o daughter shave her arms or should she just bleach them. Not her underarms/pits, but her entire arm. What is happening today? At 12 I was a bit of a tomboy and was playing baseball, riding bikes, swimming and had no interest in boys except if they were good at sports. I sure sympathize with you.

R. - I feel that you are not being over protective. When I was pregnant with my daughter, I said that I am terrified when she turns 13 - just for the reasons that you stated. And she is only 2 1/2 now!!! Society is turning our "babies" into adults before they are ready/before we as parents are ready. Unfortunately, 2010 is not the 1980's when I was walking barefoot in the brook behind my house when I was their age. I guess as parents, we have to find a balance and set very tight boundaries with our kids. Good luck and God Bless. --MM

I just wanted to say that there are still kids out there that are being raised with the same parental involvement as you have with your kids. It makes me hopeful for my kids to stay innocent a little longer.... I do know 12 yr olds in my neighborhood that still play with dolls. I vote for distracting them as much as possible from dating. Points to you for caring about it. GOOD LUCK!

I definitely don't think you're being over protective. I have noticed that kids these days are getting into "older" activities and behavior than when I was a kid. My neighbor's 12 yr old freaks me out because she has little boyfriends, looks like she's 16, dresses like she's 20, and acts older in some aspects but still immature like a 12 yr old in other aspects. I've read a lot of articles about hormones in food and how it relates to kids developing faster. I think there may actually be some truth to that.

But like the previous poster stated...YOU are the parent. If you don't want them having bf/gf then make that a rule. I mean- I had little bf at 12...but it was like we went to the movies with 20 other kids and talked on the phone. It's not like a bf at 16. So I guess really it just depends on how strongly their interests are.

When I was younger, I didn't have 24 hr kid/teens shows and my parents didn't let me watch MTV lol! No facebook, ipods, texting, etc. So yes, it is society. It's bizarre because one day my 12 yr old is asking to shave, and the next she is playing with bratz dolls with her younger sister. One day watching Hannah, the next Twilight at her friend's house. There's a struggle to still enjoy being a kid and to keep pace with peers. As long as they stay good kids...it'll all work out.

Today's tweens are like that. I'm going through that stage for the 2nd time, I have a daughter turning 15 and a son turning 11. When I was in 5th grade like my son is, boys had cooties! Now some of the kids have boyfriends and girlfriends, and talk about kissing and making out. WHAT!?!?!?!?!?!?
I think the kids get a lot of this from the shows that they watch. The shows that have been popular with tweens such as iCarly and Hannah Montana have characters dating, having boyfriends, etc - but these characters are not tweens, they are high schoolers. Kids in 4th and 5th grade are reading Twilight, with sexual undertones among high schoolers. The tweens look up to these characters and associate themselves with them, want to copy their revealing dress style, and often parents don't think to talk to them about the differences between what is and isn't appropriate for a 5/6th grader versus a junior in highschool.

There's a book called Hold Onto Your Kids - Why Parents Need to Matter More than Peers by Neufeld and Mate that might be helpful to you. Basically, keep working at keeping that connection with your kids because the benefits last a lifetime.

I do think society plays a role and you can only do so much! T.V. continually has gotten more provocative, etc... But do what you can within reason. My 24 year old son was noticing the difference between himself and his 18 year old brother this week. He says because the youngest had more access to computers he is "different" about many things.

You have 7 kids and so I would trust your instincts. 11 and 12 are still young. Some kids have "smarter" judgements than other kids. You know where your kids fall in the that regard.

I don't think that you are being over protective, I think that you are right.
I also think that children these days are also getting their hormones earlier.

Remember, you and your husband are the parents and the two of you make the rules ~ not the children. So if you two do not want them to have boyfriends and girlfriends at this time then they will need to wait.

I wish you the best.
God bless.