Am I over Protective

You guys are totally in the right here. I would never feel comfortable that somebody would watch my child in the manner that he really needed to be watched. Especially an older woman. I saw an 8 yo child who was a great swimmer almost die at a pool party. If there was nobody paying attention she would have. Accidents can and do happen.

I think you have a very valid point. Who knows how watchful grandma will be. No offense. Anyone that thinks differently is just nuts I think...but that's just me.

Yes you are overprotective but who of us isn't. On one hand you are speaking of her grandchild, what grandma wants any harm to fall on a grand kid no matter how awful she is to her in-laws.

Since you give us no reason not to trust her I think you are being a bit too overprotective siting my grandparents love their grandkids as much as parents love their kids.

I work in a pediatric icu. Every summer, we have at least three drownings of kids between 18 months & 4 years old. 2 of those 3 are ALWAYS from a pool party. Someone always assumes that everyone else is watching the kids. These kids either die, which is probably the kinder option, or they end up neurologically devastated.

Over this past weekend, we had a little boy who was submerged for an estimated 6 minutes. Got CPR at the scence. Rushed to the hospital. Air lifted to us. Coded in the helicopter. Coded all the way to my unit. We called it ten minutes after his arrival. TWO years old ... and only six minutes.

Hurt whomever you have to. Offend anyone. But DON'T trust anyone else to watch an unwater safe child. It's just not worth it.

If you don't believe that your MIL could carefully watch your son, then no you are not being overprotective. On the other hand, if you don't think Anyone can watch your son and him be safe then, yes you need to let go a little bit. He will be growing up and out from your watchful eyes before you know it and you are going to have to trust someone with him.

You know your son better than anyone. If you don't feel comfortable, then you are right to not let him go. The MIL will just have to get over it.

Both...you are being rightfully overprotective AND you have a valid point...

Could there be a compromise? Maybe - could you put a life jacket on him or buy one of those suits that has the life jacket built in?

Can you talk with your MIL to ensure that she understands that although he has HAD swimming lessons - he is NOT a competent swimmer?

Is it possible to take the day off work and go?

You are not being over protective. There is no way on this blue planet I'd let my MIL watch my kids in a pool (besides not liking her, though I wish I did, I really don't trust her judgment).

It can be hard for parents to watch their own kids close enough. Take away the parental instinct and I just don't trust the same. I won't let anyone watch my kids in a pool. If my kids were older and could swim, sure. But not my little ones. It's too dangerous.

A while back I shared my experience where my little boy almost drowned. It happened in a split second and there was no noise. It shocked me how quiet drowning can be. I just happened to look at the right second as I was walking away (I had asked my sister to watch him while I went to talk to my hubby). He fell face first into 18 inches of water. His life vest held his face down. He couldn't get his feet under him. He was about 17 months old. I am convinced he would have drowned had I not looked back at him right then. My sister was about 10 feet away sitting next to her little boy, and she didn't seem to see anything that was going on with my little guy. I was maybe 15-20 feet away when I looked back at him. I was also 34 weeks prego. I ran as fast as I could to grab him. You really do get super human strength when your baby is in danger! I picked him up with one arm like he was a feather (when normally it was a challenge with my huge belly and his chubby little self). He had breathed in quite a bit of water and he had wet lungs and got really sick for a few days after. I almost took him to the ER because he sounded so awful that night. My hubby is a respiratory therapist, though, so he was able to monitor his lungs and breathing...but we almost took him in.

Anyway, that scared me REALLY good. I will not ever let anyone else watch my little children. Knowing how fast it can happen, how quiet it is...that's a huge trust to put on someone else. So, no. Definitely do not go against your gut when it comes to stuff like that!

Well it depends on how you trust your parents. I wouldn't mind if my mother or mother in law took her and I am VERY overprotective but the are with her every minute so I wouldn't worry.

you have a very valid point!!! i have dealt with a somewhat similar situation with my in-laws. they want to put my son in a used car seat they bought at a thrift store. they just dont get it that I dont know if that carseat was in an accident or how old, or if it was recalled. they think i am "moody". I think you have a good reason to not send your son, and I would do the exact same thing. I know that if something happened to one of my boys while they were with someone else I would never forgive them, even if it was not their fault. I hope your M-I-L understands.

Well my mom takes the kids in the pool where she lives and I never thought twice about it even when they couldn't swim. She's more paranoid than I am. If you have reason to believe that your MIL won't provide adequate supervision, then go with your gut. But if experience has proven that she is an attentive caregiver who understands pool safety, I would let him go. Whether or not he can swim isn't the point - he would have to be watched just as carefully (if not more so) if he could swim and weren't wearing a proper flotation device. Put him in a lifejacket or floaties or whatever you normally use so that he is comfortable as well as safer.

Is there some reason that you don't trust your mother in law? Has she displayed poor judgement or disregard for your son's safety in the past? If not, I think you are being overprotective. I wouldn't hesitate to let my son, age 3 1/2 go with a grandparent to a pool party.

Most kids that don't know "how" to swim don't try to jump in the deep end or really get close to the pool anyways. And if he has those floatie arm things on and your MIL is in the pool with him I don't see what the problem is. Its sad for him to miss his family party just because you and your husband can't go and are afraid because he can't swim. They also have those one piece swim suits that are even more added protection. So I think you should let him go. Good luck.

Make the decision that you are most comfortable with....(who cares what label someone puts on you) - this is for your child's safety. If MIL doesnt agree with it then she can go pound sand. :-)

You are right on target!
I would make the exact same choice.
You are a wise wise mama!

Sadly, I know many families who have lost children to swimming pool (or other bodies of water) tragedies.

I am so sorry that your MIL is upset with you for taking such good precautions.

Consider yourself validated!

That's a tough one. While I completely understand what you're saying, if your mother-in-law is generally capable of watching him well, I would purchase a life jacket for him, and have your mother-in-law swear he won't get anywhere near the water without the jacket on. If he has a proper life jacket on, he won't go under the water. Honestly I think he'll have a blast at the party. If you can't be sure she'll have the jacket on him and watch him closely, then stick with your instincts...mom knows best. :)

If it is a typical backyard pool party, I would say "no" also.

Drowning is the second leading killer of children, after car crashes.

It's just one party, I'm sure there will be more.

My daughter was invited to a birthday party once at a swimming school where there were two swimming instructors in the water with the kids who were leading games. That type of pool party I would say "yes" to.

Grandma's are generally pretty protective of their grandbabies.... unless you think his wouldnt be for some reason.

I have SEEN pool parties of that age group and all of the parents were standing around talking, laughing, etc...except O. dad and me who were like hawk-eyes on the pool and kids. It was funny because I said to him "you're ready to dive at any second, right?" He was just like me. Four is an age where some kids can swim really well and some cannot at all. To me...kids of mixed swimming abilities in a pool together=disaster for the weak or non swimmers.
I think that YOU know what's best for YOUR child.

He's your son and you need to do what you feel is in his best interests, even if your MIL gets miffed. I personally don't feel you are being overprotective, just protective.

Valid point! No way I would let my daughter go - not a chance! I'm so with you. Odds are he'd be fine, but "what if?" Hurt feelings are better than a day of anxiety and dread and a possible accident. That's the way I see it. Blame it on yourself... I am known to say, "Yep, I'm THAT crazy mom who won't let her child out of her sight. I can't help it!"

I definitely feel you have a valid point. I will also say, I've allowed my parents to take my daughter 'swimming' with them at their home pool without my supervision, even when she was unable to swim. This was one on one type of swimming tho - not with lots of peole jumping in the pool, screaming, running around, etc.

Only you know what is right for your family, but I can understand why yoru mil is hurt that you do not trust her to watch him. Can he wear one of those suits with the built in flotation?

If you don't feel comfortable then that is it.

It depends on your MIL. I would let my MIL and my mother both take him to the party only because I know that they would both be in the water with him, holding him up, and if they had to get out they would make sure they would take him out as well.

If your MIL is not reliable like that, or just plans on 'watching' from the sidelines, then it would be a no go for us also.

Oh my goodness, do NOT worry about upsetting your MIL. You know your own child best. Trust your instincts. It is just ONE party, not worth the risk. I would plan another fun day to get together and go swimming with the cousins when you and DH do not have to work.

Follow your gut feeling. no-one knows and loves him like you do.

You are not overprotective, trust your feelings!

You are completely right to protect your son and not let your mil take him to the party. I completely agree with you and wouldn't want my kid to be anywhere near a pool without me! It doesn't really matter if its overprotective or not-.....its your job as a mama to do that for your child and being overprotective is a good thing! :)

M

Always listen to your little voice.

no you are not over protective, I am the same way with my 3 year old, he is very clumsy.I don't care what others say about it. because if something happens to him or her the only thing they can say is " sorry".

Our neighbors had a pool party once when we werer away and with 10 adults standing around, a six-yr-old boy drowned.
If you don't feel comfortable, don't do it I wouldn't.

When my kids were little, I never trusted anyone to watch them around water. Never. I made sure they learned to swim as soon as possible. People assume everyone else is watching the kids, and no one's really watching. Drowning happens silently. You are absolutely right.
You're not overprotective. It's the parents' job to protect. I read news stories about accidents/tragedies, etc., and think how much better things would have been had the children been with their parents. Even when water isn't involved, I feel that young kids should be with their parents almost always.

Depends on your MIL..id go with your gut and if you are not comfortable then no, you are the parent and it is YOUR call.

I guess it depends on how much your MIL has been with you son and knows what he's capable of. But at the end of the day it doesn't matter why you aren't comfortable with this, just that you aren't. Better safe than sorry because you err on the side of caution instead of hurting someone's feelings.

I'd never in a jillion years let my Mom or my MIl take my kids swimming if I wasn't comfortable with them in the water. My Mom can't swim, and my MIL has never been with my kids enough to know the signs that they need help. It takes no time at all for a kid to go under and drown, especially at a busy swim party with lots of little kids about the same age in a pool.

Follow your instincts Mama~

if this were a pool with lifeguards what i would suggest is going together with MIL and sort of scoping out how good of attention she pays ( actually is that realistic since at that point you would have to get ugly and tell her you ddin't trust her)

hmm, ok well, if lifeguards are there and it is a small party with other guest close in age, possibly yes, if there are lots of older kids, lots of kids period, or if this is someone's back yard NO. parties are hard and the hosts have a lot to deal with so i wouldn't trust them to watch closely and if there is any thought that grandma's attention might be split with other cousins then it just doesn't sound safe.
This will probably cause a lot of waves in the family, it really might be easier to take off work.

I haven't read the other posts, but I agree with Annette D. ( last post) on this one. It takes a second for a child to get out of sight especially at a swimming party. There is so much going on and the water is very inviting to any 4 yr old. I am sure your mother-in -law loves your little man with all her heart, but you are his parents and you have a very valid point. She will eventually get over her hurt feelings and if not - too bad. You are not being over protective - you are a good parent!

seems to me like this is more about trusting other family members with your child rather than how well the child swims or doesn't swim. with all the floatation devices, rings, swim vests, and like someone else said, those body suits with the floatation things in them...this sounds to me more like A. not trusting others to watch the child, and B. a general issue with pool parties, regardless of whether the child can swim or not. i've never been to one of these pool parties but it just sounds to me like mass chaos, with fifty kids going crazy in a pool and no one able to keep track of them all, and kids drowning right and left...yes, much better not to allow it at all. why would anyone throw a party like that?

no. You are not over protective at all. I had to have a direct strong discussion about water safety with my mother in law when my first born was just 2 years old.She taught it was ok for my 2 years old to be supervised by a 9 year old that could swim really well and could probably save my child if she was to fall in for just a few minutes.Most drowning accident do happen because the child was totally unsupervised for just those few minutes.Parents running to go pee for example or pick up the phone and come straight back outside to find the toddler floating..I told my mom in law straight up that sorry but i do not put my child life on a possibility that somebody might save her.To me it has to be a certainty around water .He is four years old ,he is not swimming yet, you feel uncomfortable about it ,trust you got and say no nicely.And this is it.Now for the nice part you could say something along the line off...ohhh that sound so fun thank you for inviting us thinking of us, whatever.....but i am sorry i am not quiet comfortable just yet with him going to a pool without any parent as we haven't started that yet. We let you know when we are more ready with this next step in his life ....This is my standard excuse for sleepovers.My daughter is 8 and i am still not quiet comfortable with sleepovers at other people houses.She can have all the sleepover she wants at my house when i can supervise better.
hope this help.
N.

I think you are overprotective if there is NO ONE else on the planet you would trust to watch your son around a pool. There are plenty of adults who could be trusted to watch him and not let him drown.

However, only you know if your MIL is trustworthy or not. When I have grandkids, I will think it is pretty ridiculous if my children don't trust me to watch their kids. However, I will watch my grandchildren like a hawk, just like I did my own children when they were that age.

Don't know about your MIL.

If you don't feel comfortable with sending your little one without you or your husband, do not send him.

You have done all you can to explain, now just leave it alone she will just have to live with your decision, after all YOU are the parents.

As to his being 'clumsy' both myself & my brother were 'clumsy' my brother was 'blind' according to the charts which we did not know until he went to school. I have one leg shorter than the other & participated in every sport imaginable and did well, I was a tearoom model as a teen and won a few pageants as well ( I just have a VERY good swing in my backyard :) ) My mother & my husband are afraid of the water although they can swim when necessary they prefer to be in the shallow end and just laying around on floats as the rest of us rough-house around. My point is that maybe IF he seems to be running into things or just lunging around there may be a simple answer, same as to his swimming problems, just a thought, not to freak you out, I am fine physically so was my brother (now deceased) his IQ was insanely high, he belonged to that group of people with the really high ones ( I am brain dead just now so can't remember the name).

I think you are erring on the right side of parenting on this party thing!

You're not over protective you just have commen sense. Something our society is lacking. Forget the BS

I am the same way. Kids sneak away so easily or others think they can do things that they really can't. Tell her your a worry wart and would constantly be worrying about him.

Anyone who doesn't understand your point of view isn't qualified to watch your child around a pool. And you know she won't really pay attention.

I say do what makes you feel right. Otherwise your going to be worrying yourself silly while he's there and that's just not worth it! I go through this same feeling every single day with my peanut allergic daughter. I'm terrified to leave her anywhere without me. Some say I'm being over protective, but excuse me, this is my childs LIFE! And I hear stories often of children dying of peanut exposure, just as I also hear stories of kids drowning in a pool. Go with your gut, M., who cares what anyone else tries to say.

I know someone whose son fell into the pool at a party--while there was a pool full of guests--and no one noticed. He was under for several minutes before anyone realized what had happened. Thankfully, he recovered quickly, but it was "iffy" for a little bit. Go with your gut.

Nope. Always do what you feel most comfortable with in regards to your child's safety! Kudos to you and your husband...

Does your MIL know how to swim? I guess that would make a big difference to me. If she is planning on getting in the pool with him and being with him the entire time, I would think it would be ok to have him go with her. If, on the other hand, she was just planning on letting him go in while she watched from the side, I'd have a bigger problem with that.

I don't think I'd let any of my children's grandparents be their primary supervisors at a pool, because none of them are comfortable in the water. However, I have let my friend watch my son, because she is right there in the pool with him.

I think you should go with your instinct. In your situation, I'd only send my child if 1) she wore a life preserver, AND 2) my mother went with her. She's the only person I really trust to watch her in that sort of situation outside of my husband and me.

It won't hurt anyone is your son misses one pool party.

What about putting a life vest on him ? We used that up until last summer for our son - until he could swim. It might give a little bit of piece of mind. Not sure whether you should let him go or not but if you do I would put the life vest on him.