Am I Wrong - Columbia,SC

If your husband had a child with another women before he married you it does not matter if they were married , not married, lived together, not lived together. If he has a child he has to pay child support to the mother for that child. What credit are you looking for. If you need proof your paying child support , pay with a check and that is your proof he pays. Paying for clothes could be part of the agreement, a separate agreement. Ask your husband. Also even thou he pays child support there is nothing wrong with buying clothes for his son. Sometime child support is not enough. What kind of assistance is she getting??

i dunno. probably not. but i can't understand what the issue is or what you're asking, so i'm not sure.
khairete
S.

Have you been to a lawyer? Doesn't your son get SSI? Can he hold down a job? If he can't, surely you are wrong about him being able to be on Medicaid. Stop trying to apply for it on his behalf. They always seem to turn everyone down the first time. Instead, find a Medicaid lawyer and he or she will get your son those benefits. I really mean this.

I know that this sounds terrible, but perhaps you and your husband should get a divorce so that you can get some help. You would need to weigh the consequences of possibly losing social security benefits (you need to be married for 40 quarters (10 years) in order to get his benefits if he dies, so check out those rules VERY carefully). And yes, it's terrible to have to contemplate flaunting the laws in the same way your husband's ex is doing.

What do you mean that you don't get credit for paying child support? Is it ordered through the courts? Are you paying cash? You really need to understand exactly what the rules are and go through the court if you haven't so far. Perhaps part of your case could be proof that she is living with the man, if indeed that makes a difference. If this man cannot show proof that he lives somewhere else, a rental agreement, proof of payment monthly to someone other than her house or apartment, utility bills, etc, then what she says should not matter.

Please get legal help with this and do things the right way. I know you are upset, but do remember that this is your husband's son, and regardless of how much money this woman has with her boyfriend, it is your husband's obligation to pay child support. The child doesn't live with you for half of the year - it is not joint custody and you can't take a tax deduction. However, getting credit for paying (if I am understanding you right - what you've written is pretty confusing) is important so that he doesn't have to pay more than the courts decree.

Good luck,
Dawn

If you want a change in the child support arrangements then go to court. I see your frustration - she has a two income house but since her man is not her husband it does not count and you have your own struggles ... but at the same time I can also say - you married into this, probably already knowing how she is. I think it sucks that you can not get the aide you need and honestly quite rediculous, but the court is not going to care. I am sorry if this seems harsh, but these are things I have learned along the way from friends and family in simmilar situations to yours. I really do hope that you can find a better solution.

Is it right in the moral sense no, is it perfectly legal, yes.

So far as the summers go, unless that was taken into account with the support payments you may want to go back to court to have it straightened out. What I mean is usually when they calculate child support the year is the big picture so if you have him during the summer she has them 3/4th of the time and they calculate support on that. So all year she really isn't getting full support but that partial support goes year round. It is kind of like the two different pay scales a teacher can choose. Some are not paid during the summer, some are, but their yearly income is the same.

So far as Medicaid goes, I couldn't get any support for my son either when I was married to my ex or remarried now. The system is for those that can't afford it, ya know? It sucks that you have to put out so much more money than those that have normal kids but they are our kids, we had them. While I was a single mom I got a lot of tax breaks I lost when I married Troy. Thing is I wasn't going to not marry a man for money that really isn't mine anyway. Your husband's ex seems to think that unearned money is more important than marrying a man she claims to love. She has to live with herself.

Victoria has a good catch, your son is 26 and I assume earns no income. He is qualified on his own since he can't be a child dependent anymore. Family dependents are viewed differently.

She should get assistance for her child as long as she is that child's legal custodial parent. Even when that child is not there she is providing him a home, utilities, other items like a phone for emergency needs, all the things that he needs to be able to live there. Even if she were remarried this child should pay his part of his living expenses and provide for his needs and some of his wants. If there are things not covered by his child support that she is trying to get him to pay then she needs to address these extra costs to a judge in a court hearing. Otherwise your hubby has to pay this bill until this child turns 18, or whatever the court has decided.

Just because he is not there does not mean that the bills that are part his do not come. It costs money for you to live in your home even when you are on vacation. It's the same concept. He's on vacation with you therefore the money he gets each month from his dad is for the purpose of his cost of living in his own home, not the one his vacationing in.

You should absolutely always use the child support agency for your child support payments. It is one of the only ways you get credit.

My daughter got money every week from my granddaughters father, from her birth on. He gave the cash to his mom and she gave my daughter a check. This way my daughter did not have any personal information about where the dad was living.

When they went to court to set up official child support the judge ordered this dad to pay back child support even though he had his mom with him with all the cancelled checks to my daughter. The judge said it was questionable since it was not through any agency. He is still paying every penny of his income tax refund to this child. We have legal guardianship of her and have told the child support agency that he has paid over the amount owed but they say it doesn't matter.

So I always tell people to make sure they are getting their official recognition for paying this bill.

As for your son, can't he get his own disability? He should qualify for some assistance because he is a disabled American citizen not anything to do with income.

Even if her live in boyfriend makes millions, your husband is still responsible to support his own child thru child support. What does your celebral palsy son have to do with this?

Is there a court order for child support? If not, why? I hope your husband was smart enough to keep records of all the child support he has sent.

I'm not entirely sure I follow all you said. But, if there is a court order, there is probably instruction about where/how to pay the child support. Most courts today require it to be paid through a court depository for exactly the reason you mentioned (to keep an accurate record of what was, in fact, paid, and what wasn't). If you have a location to pay the support to and you pay it somewhere else, then yep, you will not "get credit for it". The court MAY decide, if/when you petition for credit with documentation showing you gave her money, that you should receive credit. But, if it is ORDERED to be paid some other way then it is entirely up to the discretion of the court. WHY pay it elsewhere than where it is required to be paid? I don't get that.

ETA: YOU may not qualify for assistance (I'm assuming you mean for your son with CP), but your SON probably does. He needs to get it filed for him, if he isn't receiving any SSD benefits. When a disabled child is no longer a minor, I believe the system changes how they deal with benefits for them.

Your son with CP should qualify for something if he is too disabled to work, I'd research that.

It is fraudulent if there are other people living in the home with income, if it has not been reported to the agency in which is paying that income, ie: welfare or SSI.

I know it must be hard to send money when you guys can barely afford it. But it's CHILD support, not alimony, so it doesn't matter who she is living with.

Unless I didn't properly understand your question.

The child's father has a financial obligation to the care of his child, regardless of the child's mother's relationship with other men. Your ex should have had a financial responsibility to your child until he reached the age of majority. Your husband is under no obligation to provide additional clothing, etc. for the child. During the summer, child support continues, as the expenses of providing housing for the child, insurance for the child, etc. do continue during that time. If your husband is supposed to be paying child support through the court, then why is he sending it to the house? He won't get credit for it if the court can't prove it was paid. Finally, child support from a non-custodial parent is NOT "assistance" or "aid." It is the financial responsbility of the parent to the child's care and well-being. You chose to marry a man who had child support obligations. If that angers you, the person to be angry at is your husband, not the child's mother or the child.

Paying through the court saves the headaches.
Better for you (proof it's paid). Better for her (proof its paid).
What she's doing is u ethical.
Your choice to report it or not.
Actually, your husbands choice.
How refreshing he supports his child and doesnt let pettiness get in his way.

Child support is a responsibility of the parent, regardless of if the other parent remarries (or just lives with someone else). It is not typically "sent to the house" but rather directly to your local "child support" office...that is how you get credit. It is also usually based on what the custody/visitation agreements are so if the order doesn't show that you have him in the summer, your husband should petition to have the custody/visitation order modified and your support order adjusted accordingly.

I get that it is hard to swallow someone else abusing the system (such as not reporting significant other's contribution and income) while you work hard to take care of things, possibly fall short but definately feel stressed, and not qualify because you are being responsible. Problem is, you not qualifying has not bearing on her receiving benefits.

never pay the money directly to HER for the child, or you are correct... you will not get credit. It will be credited only as a GIFT, NOT as support. You have to pay through child support or the court, whoever your cs payments are supposed to go through, in order for those payments to count toward the child support and to count at all. It is very important. I am certain that she will never go in and report any money that you give her as recieved, so you must always make sure that all money paid is sent in through the proper channels. Good luck.

T.:

Welcome to mamapedia!

I'm trying to figure out what you want from us.

Are you saying that your husband's ex-wife (or former lover whatever you call her) is stating that your husband never paid child support? If so, you need to get copies of the canceled checks as proof of payment.

If they were never married and had a child together - a court should have ascertained paternity as well as set child support. If that hasn't been done. Do it.

You need to go to court to get child custody and support set up THROUGH THE COURTS - not a "gentleman's handshake".

So what if she lives with a man and receives assistance? It's on HER conscience. not yours. If she is breaking the law - report her and give proof - other than that? There's not much you can do. If he is financially contributing to the household? you need to prove that if you think he makes too much money. There are MANY people that milk the system. Like I said - you can report her.

I am sorry you have a son with CP. It's not easy. I'm sorry you don't qualify for assistance. What is it you expect? If you need help with his medical bills - then apply again and ASK questions. If you don't understand the answer or like it - ask someone else. Your son is legally adult. He should be able to qualify for Medicaid on his own merits.

Other than that - what are you expecting to happen? If you needed to vent - I got that. But what exactly is your question?

As for your son... it shouldn't be you that gets assistance, but your son. If he has cerebral palsy & is classified as disabled, he should be getting medicaid or medicare if he qualifies as disabled. And if he is disabled he should be able to get Social Security... but you may need to help him apply. Sorry, but if he is not getting the benifits - that is kinda your fault for not applying and fighting for his rights.

As to the other woman... the ex - I personnaly don't agree with getting assistance when you are living with someone that makes more then the system guildlines. I will admit we do get help not as much as we qualify for, but we do get help. After my injury in Novemeber we really need the extra help & we are trying to figure everything out before I can apply for Social Security... but with my age you can't even apply till you have been classified as "disabled for atleast 6 months" or atleast that is what I am being told. Personnaly, I would like to support my own family, but that is not possible right now.

Anyways... but to your question "Am I Wrong?" I had a neighbor that was not married to her boyfriend - worked and made @ $2500 or more a month depending on overtime. She got child support from 2 different daddies for her 2 kids... and got foodstamps & medicaid because she was supporting her kids "on her own". She also knew when and where all the food giveaways were. Plus, she knew where to get free school uniforms, shoes, supplies, baby clothes, food, diapers, ect. Not to mention she knew how to and went to multiple banks at Christmas & Thanksgiving for that free stuff too. To top it off... she used her dad's Social Security to "pay the bills" plus he got benifits and her brother and his girlfriend who lived in the basement also got food stamps and medicaid not together but both as seperate cases - which I'm sure the state didn't know about 4 people getting benifits in the same house or the boyfriend and his job making more then I use to... Sorry but she is USING the system, not just getting help to get through rough times!!! Plus, to top it off when they moved out - they did thousands in damage. Personnaly, I wouldn't have let my dog (if I had one) live in anything that looked half as bad as that place did and she was expecting when they siffed the landlords and left the house that bad and 3 months behind on rent. I walked in because the landlords asked me to witness the house & take pictures for them (the landlords lived in the house for 20+ years and we have been here 9 years - so we have become friends). But as soon as I was done - I left... I didn't want my unborn child being effected by the condition of the house - I came home and jumped in the shower to get the nastiness off me... oh it was bad!

Sorry I am running away again... my mind has issues staying on track!

No, I don't feel you are wrong, but I do feel you can help your son by applying for benifits in his name not yours. Also, if you are sending money to the house STOP!!! Only pay money to the state child support enforcement agency, so that they keep track of what is going to her and if he is in the rears, it will come off what he is benind. As for the clothing and other stuff... as parents we have to do that. If you don't want to buy for them don't - if you do then do, but don't hold what you do get for them against her or the kids... what you choose to buy is your choice not anyone elses. So, live with your choices and move on.

Oh, BTW... it is illeagle to do what she is doing. If someone else is paying your bills or you have a room-mate, you are suppose to report those payments as income. Benifts are not just figured by income but also by what is being paid (utilites, house payment/rent, insurance and taxes on primary residence). So, if she is not reporting him and what he is paying for as to house bills... then she is commiting welfare fraud.

T.,

You should be able collect disability and medicare for your son now that he is over 18. Once he turns 18, your income is no longer an issue. Please reapply. My daughter is disabled and live with us. She gets it and we have a good incomes. Before she turned 18 she wasn't eligible for it.