And the Worst Mother Award Goes to......Me

ooh dear!! everyone makes mistakes...

Nope, you don't get the bad mom award...that goes to mother's who don't care, who forget their kids at day care because a nail appointment was more important after work than picking up their kid....THAT's who gets the bad mom award!!!

Well - maybe dad and son can enjoy some time in Ohio - maybe go to a game or something?!!?!?! So it's not a wasted trip!!

I am always doing stuff like that it seems... Once I held my son home for a week thinking they were still on spring break-they weren't!
And a couple times I have taken them to a birthday party only to find out they either missed it or it was a week away!

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These things happen to everyone.
It's what gives us interesting stories to tell when we get to our old age.
It's just a matter of finding what organization method works best for you and then stick to it.
My friend use to put a load of laundry in the washer every morning so she just had to put it in the dryer when she got home.
We used the notes/calendar on the fridge for years.
Better a week early than a week late!
When you are feeling overwhelmed - assign more chores to kids/husband to spread the load out.
You'll adjust - just give it some time.

Honey, if you're going to screw up, you did GOOD. Just imagine if it had been off a week in the OTHER direction. Missing the camp entirely!!! You son is getting TWO weeks, now instead of ONE??? What a lucky kid.

I'm so sorry your husband blew his lid / got pissed off.

It takes a team... to do all this.
Your Husband, what does he do?
Does he HELP?
It is his job too.... minding the house, the child, you, the everyday commitments etc.
He has to be a part of it.
You both, have to have a shared CALENDAR... like via g-mail... which has a 'calendar' which you can share.
Anyone can sign up for g-mail.
Just go to: www.gmail.com
It is free.
And it is also for e-mail.

You AND Husband, have to, daily, keep the calendar updated. And you share it. And check it.
Log in anything that comes up... per your lives/the child/scheduling and commitments and what has to be done.

Make a "Daddy To-Do-List" too.
And on it, write down EVERYTHING your HUSBAND has to do, TOO.
Make a list for yourself too.
Make a list for your Son too... and his activities/required things going on.
Organize... yourselves.
Daily.

Your Husband, can do chores too. I mean he's a part of the family too.

*HUGS* That's really all. Stress sucks. so just *HUGS*

umm at 16 shouldn't your SON know when HE'S going to camp (I'm assuming it was for the 16 year old since the other kids I'm guessing are pretty much out of the house)? SERIOUSLY? Why can't the kid and hubby make dinner once in a while? or do a load of laundry? Washers aren't THAT complicated for crying out loud.

It wasn't JUST your responsibility to know when your son was to go to camp. It was HIS and HIS FATHERS ... since dad is the one who was driving him.

You are NOT a terrible mother. On this one THEY are terrible kids and fathers.

Why is it your responsibility to arrange all that? Why could hubbie not call the day before to make sure all was OK at the camp for son to arrive? What if they had a power out or storm damage or illness, would that also have been your fault? What I found with going back to work is that everyone had to do more of their own stuff. Kids can write things on the calender, so can hubbie. Kids can text or call to confirm things or check online to find info. My 11 & 14 year old now do laundry, change sheets on their beds, fill and empty the dish washer, cook their own eggs for breakfast, microwave left overs for lunch, separate the recycling into bins, clean the litter box, write things on the shopping list we are out of, etc.etc. You are not a bad mom but you are also not superwoman. It is time to push back and say "no" to some demands on you, and I would use this example not as a shameful lack of motherhood, but as a shining example that the others need to start pulling their own weight. I had to learn the same lesson, and it was not easy for a control freak like me. So take a deep breath, take a nice long tub or have a relaxing drink, and when the pissed husband and stressed son come back tell them that you can only do the best you can and obviously your load it too heavy. Hang in there momma, this will be great family story in about 10 years!

Bad Mom? WHAT! I disagree hun! Your working, and doing house work! Your working 50+ hour's so how does that make you a bad mother? YOUR NOT! So what if you made an innocent mistake, it happens! And it's O-K!!!! Don't be so hard on yourself, mistake's happen and it's normal. And i'm sure your son understands and see's how much you do. As for the husband, ya he'll be mad and throw a fit but give him a slice of cake and a smile and a wink and he'll forget! Work's for me all the time! Also, Congrat's on the new house..BUT so what if it take's you along time to un-pack, take your time it'll all be there the following day...I rember when we purchased our first home it took me a year to un-pack everything! Just do alittle at a time and you'll get it done....Don't sweat the small stuff, lifes too short!

Don't be so hard on yourself! I'm sure you're stressed right now about this but it all worked out in the end. Chalk it up to one of those things that will someday make a great story to tell at a party!

Oh, dear...you are not the worst mom ever...you are a very busy mom! When I read the title of your post I was expecting that you had forgotten your son/daughter's birthday!! I've shown up the wrong day or the wrong time for dr appointments by doing exactly what you did...written it down wrong on the calendar! Take a hot bubble bath, a long walk, or whatever else you normally do to relieve stress. Hopefully hubby is still on the road & after driving and thinking he realizes this could have happened to anyone!! Hugs to you :)

Better to show up a week early than a week late...he still gets to go. Relax, we can only do so much, really!!

Just read below...this is for a 16 year old??? He should have known when he was going to camp. My daughter was driving a car and she sure as heck knew her schedule for sports, school, holidays, vacations and camp.

You poor thing! Oh my gosh... Honestly, when I read the subject of your post I was expecting something SO much worse! This is nothing! I can just feel the stress, guilt and anxiety you have going on right now... I've done things like this during those particularly hectic times in my life. I got a phone call from my dentist's office while we were at the zoo asking where we were... Oops.

You put it into your calendar, you wrote it down and you DID have it all planned out. You were being responsible and organized. So you were a week off, could have been worse. I'm sure that mothers have forgotten about camp altogether. You have A LOT going on right now and this is a big change for you and your family. Don't stress about this... Well, try not to. I promise you, mothers have done worse! Your son won't be stressed for long - he gets two weeks at camp... Awesome!! Your husband was mad because he was thinking he'd have to haul your son back home, then do it all again next week, mad at the situation, not you. If he IS mad at you (from your post, I don't think you meant that he was - it was just another stressor for you that he was mad), tell him that you'd LOVE it if he'd organize the summer schedule until school starts back up. :)

Regarding the other parts of life, you should see my house during the first weeks back to school, report card time and conference weeks. Actually, you SHOULDN'T see my house during those times - ha! Just know that you will get the hang of this, but there is a learning curve. Hang in there.

Oh my goodness! I look forward to the responses on this one. ALL of us mamas are doing stupid stuff like this and it is not just because you are working out of the house!

I screw up ALL the time and I work at home, just in the last week, I stood up a friend visiting from Columbia, forgot to pay the electricity, missed signing my son up for track (he was seriously looking forward to it), found out I did some of my taxes wrong so I am amending them, forgot to send some art to the printer, didn't pay my friend for some product I purchased, told my husband the wrong time for my son's flag football game today - need I say more?

You just happened to do one mistake that encompasses the same amount of time all my mistakes took in one swoop! It is so hard to manage a family, SO HARD! So many people depend on you to be there, direct them, etc. Don't beat yourself up. You will find that once you get in the groove of your new job it will all fall into place over time.

Just focus on ENJOYING not stressing and you will do fine. So what if the laundry is not done, try just putting one load in each morning and putting away of Saturday morning. Hire a house cleaner. You don't need to try to figure that stuff out when you are responsible for so many other things now.

Enjoy! Enjoy! Enjoy!

If you can't find a happy place, maybe this job isn't the best choice for you.

I know this is really bothering you right now but this has NOTHING to do with u being a bad mom. People are just really busy these days and you probably expect to much out of yourself. I can almost promise that you WILL laugh about this one day. Hugs to you.

I just read your original post and your "so what happened" post and the fact that you felt you had to provide more information broke my heart. I can't read all of the responses you received but it sounds like some of them lead you to feel like you needed to defend yourself and your son.

YOU ARE NOT A BAD MOTHER. That's a lie and believing it will be a source of pain and torment. You made a mistake. If it was forgetting to return a library book you probably wouldn't be condemning yourself. It happened to involve your son, who you obviously love to pieces, and your husband. That's what made the simple mistake such a big deal. The mistake itself was just that. A mistake. We all make them, regardless of how well organized we are.

I could say a lot of other things such as, maybe it was important that your son NOT be where he would normally have been that week. Maybe he was protected from something. Maybe your son and your husband gained something from the experience that will reveal itself way down the road. I don't know. But I DO know this. That mistake can either haunt you for years to come or it can be a chance to experience the joy and freedom of forgiving yourself. I suggest forgiving yourself :)

I understand being stressed completely and I only work 32 hours a week! And I don't have time to do everything and get dates confused too. I cannot imagine working 50 hours a week; my head would be a dizzy mess. I would suggest hiring a cleaning lady for at least every other week. That way the cleaning could be handled by someone other than yourself. They could even do your laundry! You need help and it sounds like you don't even have time for yourself. Maybe your husband can help in other things or you could go back to part time work if being this stressed out continues. Good luck!

I know you've already resolved this question, but it is really clear to an outsider that you need to give yourself a break. You're overwhelmed and we're all human. I hope that this coming week gets much better for you and you can offer yourself some compassion. For some reason it is so much easier to offer to others than to ourselves. Take care, Lilia.

I'm so sorry you are feeling bad. You sound like a great mom. To be honest I don't think it's that big of a deal. No one got hurt. It was just inconvenient, that's all. It happens to everyone at one point or another. Forgive yourself, forget it and move on. :)

Went on vacation and told my husband we were leaving from JFK only to find out at check in that we were supposed to be in La Guardia. Ooops.

Happens to everyone. How much additional responsibility is your husband taking now that you are back to work? Meaning actual organizational responsibility - not just doing assigned chores.

It will make your life much easier if there are 'areas' he is responsible for doing - for example medical care - that would mean he remembers that DS needs check ups, calls and makes the appointment and follows up - he would likely then take DS to the appointment but if not, make sure you could and remind you. In general working moms seem good at delegating 'tasks' but not responsibility. If you are still 'responsible' for checking up and making sure something was done it is still on your plate.

Probably sit down and make a list of big topics and divy them up - could include
1. meal planning/shopping
2. Scheduling recreation time (camp, after school etc)
3. School functions (being aware of school holidays, after school awards, parent teacher conferences etc)

This doesn't mean that one of you DOES all the school functions - but that one of you is in charge of knowing about them and making sure that at least one of you is there.

Good luck and if the camp thing was the worst thing ever you are doing great.

I've been there! One time I drove my daughter to her friend's house on a Sunday for the friend's birthday party. No one was home and mom didn't answer her cell. So we stuffed the gift in the mailbox and went home. Come to find out the party had been on Saturday..... My daughter was so sad to have missed it. So, not quite as "big" as driving 6 hours but it was still a mess up (and I wasn't even stressed or working full time - just out of it, I guess) Don't beat yourself up!!!

Just think...in the future this will be your family's inside joke. When its time for your son to leave for college, I'm sure everyone will ask you if you've got the right week.

Smile, we're only human!!

S. - it's time for you to fly. Not the coup, but to www.flylady.net. I scanned the other responses (quickly) and didn't see anyone recommend her.

Her methodology is free.
Her methodology is babysteps for it all.
You are not behind, jump in where you are at.
It's 15 minutes a day, to an organized house.
Do one load of laundry a day. I put it in the morning before I leave, throw it in the dryer when I get home, fold it before I go to bed.
Create a weekly food menu, go shopping once, and be done. (That's breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks).
She has a daily email that tells you what your 15 minute assignment is.
(and for me right now, it's all about getting rid of the clutter).

Best wishes to you. You aren't a bad mother at all, just overworked and stressed. Flylady will help set you free.

That is definately a stressful situation but a totally unintentional mistake. With you working 50+ hours, you need help. Whether your hubby can help or maybe someone can come a couple times a week to clean, do laundry or cook for you and your family. That would take some of the stress off of you so you can think while you're entering stuff on the calendar. You have a lot on your mind so while you're figuring out the camp stuff, you're also thinking about a hundred other things while you're probably exhausted too!! I'm a stay at home mom and I work a few hours a week at home and I find myself doing that too. Don't beat yourself up! you're doing an amazing job. Good luck!!

Oh Yes! I have to tell you, even though I've entered events into my calendar I live in a constant state of "I've forgotten something" I've had some near misses, and arrived at a Baby shower 2 hours late and a few others that I care not to remember at the moment. So sorry that this happened to you on something that was so far away!

This kind of stuff happens all the time.
I'm a single mom so raising two kids and juggling, I was bound to get things mixed up on top of working and keeping everyone else's lives (bosses and clients) completely taken care of.
It does get draining. But, I needed the jobs to take care of my kids and I couldn't beat myself up over calendar boo-boos.
Luckily, I had kids that were understanding and even helped me remember things.
It takes a team effort, to be sure.
You are far from the worst mom in the world, trust me on this.
You are only one person. You can only do so much.
I have a metal front door. I got my kids in the habit of putting stuff with magnets on it. If there was something I needed to sign and not forget, I used magnets and put it on the door. It's not as messy as it sounds, but it worked. We all had to go out that door every morning and couldn't miss it coming down the stairs from the bedrooms to get to the kitchen. We kept a calendar on the refrigerator because let's face it....everyone got into the refrigerator at several points during the day.
Don't stress about the laundry and getting boxes unpacked. Take one thing at a time.
Just little things like that can save you from getting so overwhelmed that you rush to do too much.

Hang in there.
The world won't end.
Life is definitely an ongoing process.

Best wishes.

At least you weren't a week...LATE! THAT would have been bad!

First day of my daughters day camp last week:
Preface with we had just driven 6hrs on Sunday after visiting friends, arriving home at 3am, I did almost all the driving.
I didn't have food for lunch while at camp, so I told my daughter, 'I'll run to the store now, and then bring your lunch!" Guess who went to the store, then went straight home in a zombie-like state...
Phone rings. "Yes, this is the camp counselor, do you have your daughters lunch? The others are already eating."
Ahhhhhhhh
And the award goes to...

I'm sad to hear you are so stressed. The other posts are pointing to your family to intervene. Indeed, take a long look at the balance of work load and honestly see if you can't sheer off some of the load. One trick might be to make a rule about you and what you do, so you're not telling anyone else what to do.
"I do laundry on T,F,Su"
"I am 'off duty' after 8pm"

It's hard not to be wonder woman, but your paradigm has changed (significantly), be fair to everyone and don't try to 'do it all' all by yourself!
And congratulations on finding full time work at this time in the economy! I hope you find balance and support from the family! xo You are a wonderful mom I am sure!

First of all, don't be so hard on yourself. Stuff like this happens. There is a lot going on right now for you and you shouldn't beat yourself up about it.

However, what I was thinking as I was reading your post, is that if your husband expects (or supports) your going to work, then he needs to be more helpful around the house. As does your son. This is a great opportunity to teach your son (and other kids too, if you have them) how to be more self sufficient. Your son can do his own laundry (I'm assuming he's at least 15 since that's how long you have been home). He can also prepare meals for himself if need be.

Your husband needs to be helpful around the house too. With the cleaning, laundry and meal preparation.

I'm sure after 15 years, both your husband and kid(s) are used to you doing most, if not all, the stuff around the house. So now you have a more than full-time job, plus, it seems, still the full-time job of managing everything in the house. Not acceptable. Your family has to pull together to support you. You should discuss what each member of the family is responsible for and agree to it, then enforce it.

Sending you all my best.

I know you feel badly, but we are human. Maybe your husband can pitch in a bit more.. or you can get a cleaning lady.. or a "mother's helper".

sending you hugs from Texas!

Anyone under stress at any time can do something like this. We are all human. I am sure I could come up with a list of infractions that add up here, but that doesn't make us terrible people it makes us normal. Try to figure out some ways to destress. You do not need meals that you spent sixteen hours on (although tell that to my husband, he might differ on it), we have all had calendar problems somewhere in there (anyone who wants to argue that point go right ahead, but I am sure even some fairly perfect people have gotten stuck in traffic or on a late train once in awhile). So forgive yourself, and move on. the worst out of this is that your husband drove too many hours and a cot might not be super comfortable. So sorry to hear about your father i law's girlfriend Take a bubble bath. It's a lot to go through at one time.Life is too short (I know...here it comes the proverbial life is too short line) to stress about something that cannot be changed.

Don't beat yourself up about this! Chicago is a stressfull city and we all have to work full time just to support our families.

On a different note, my daughter is going to Camp Christopher next week also. I went there as a kid and my daughter loves it just as much as I did. Maybe next year, we can carpool to Cleveland:)

Don't let it get to you - hopefully you are seeing no harm no foul and it will be family lore that you can all laugh about.

Have you considered getting yourself a little help? Hire another mom who could use a little cash to come in and help you unpack and get your house organized while your son is at camp. Have someone come in and do laundry once a week and organize your drawers. For a couple hundred bucks you could release an abundance of things that are causing you stress and help out another mom who isn't working. When those little things are done and not nagging you constantly, it's amazing how much more you can accomplish.

Why do you have to be the one worried about everything?
Laundry - if you can afford it - most cleaners have laundry service and it's not expensive - so worth it. Dinner - crock pot to the rescue or spend one Saturday or Sunday cooking and freezing meals.

As far as camp, stuff happens. And with everything that's going on, it's no surprise.

It's not like you forgot to pick him up or forgot his birthday or something. He'll be fine.

You know... I truly believe that everything happens for a reason. Maybe your son will have a better time this week or meet a new friend or something like that that he otherwise would not have 2 weeks later. Don't be so hard on yourself :). It sounds like you're going through a lot and forgetting a date doesn't make you a bad mom! If it does, then I think I'm in the running for the worst mom award too!!

I didn't get a chance to read everyone's response, but rest assured mama, you are NOT a bad mom! We all get overwhelmed w/ every day life and do the best we can w/ what we have! So, take a deep breath and I'm SURE you will check more carefully next time! I always write things down on my calender, but save the original piece of paper stating dates and activities, just in case! It's ok...as far as your son remembering...kids w/out special needs can't remember things! I have 2 kids of my own and run a daycare! LOL! Sometimes they do and sometimes they don't! Maybe w/ your son, can you make a special calender that he can have and write down his activities on it for him to track? Might help! Anyway...you are not a bad mom for making a mistake! We all do it! Hang in there.