(first, sorry so long..) My 7 yr old daughter and I get invited every year to a Christmas party by friends of ours that are more like acquaintances. They are good friends of a group of friends that I have known for 15 years or so, but we aren't close at all, actually we only see each other during a holiday event (ALL holidays like even Memorial day parties ect..) This is true with most of the group and also the invitees of this party. A little background: 5 years ago I went through a difficult time and have no family, so they graciously invited us which was great for both my daughter and I, and since then they continue to invite us every year, this is the 5th year. The thing is we've never built a friendship, we are still like acquaintances, even after attempts to try and do things during the year (it's been 2 years though since an attempt because it wasn't reciprocated previously). We live in the same neighborhood and run into each other a couple of times a year, so we say hi and make small talk.
Sounds confusing sorry, but I guess what I'm getting at is that every year we get the invite and as more years go by, I can't help but feel like we are still getting invited only because it's something they started, but now can't find a way to not invite us and still be "gracious". As I type this I see how this isn't making much sense so I hope someone gets what I'm trying to say. We know most of everyone that goes to this Xmas party, but they are all very good friends, and I, after all of these years barely know them (I feel like this about the group in general). I do want to say though, that I am thankful for these people, all of them in the group really. Without them I have no friends at all. So, I know it's probably me and they way I feel about still being an outsider all of these years. It's still only me and my daughter with no family, and I am starting to wish I had my own (more complete) family with traditions instead of feeling like a tag along at someone else's family event.
I haven't RSVP'd yet, I'm not sure how. I really don't want to go, but I know my daughter enjoys it even though she is not close to any of the kids either. Anyone experience a similar situation?
We're going :) I talked to my daughter and she does consider it a tradition, she's been going since she was 3 and looks forward to it. Thank you all.
Some people like having an 'open house' party over the holidays - anybody and everybody that shows up is welcome.
So I wouldn't read too much into it.
If you'd rather not go, then decline the invite.
"Thanks for the invite - we're sorry but we can not attend".
Make other plans if you feel like it - or have a classic Christmas movie night at home.
This isn't something to stress over.
Go please! Your daughter enjoys it. I think it's great that you are never forgotten. Some years I do an open house and invite everyone in the neighborhood. Everyone has a great time even though we do not see each other often.
I would go. It sounds like people have a sense of tradition and like including you in this light, fun gathering. Think about your daughter, too. Does she look forward to it? She's probably young enough to consider this as part of the holiday season. What a lovely thing that they have continued to invite you.
Our neighbors do things like this from time to time. It's just a chance for nice people who don't have a lot in common to get together, check in on each other, and catch up. It's a nice way to feel connected without having to make a lot of effort.
i'm sorry you still feel on the outside after all this time, hon. and that you don't have other friends. that's what i'm taking away more than anything from this post. that's got to be hard, and i'm glad both for you that this group has included you, and proud of you for opening up your tight-knit little survival group of two and accepting it. i understand how tough that can be, when it's just you against the world.
i'm glad to read from your SWH that you're going. a holiday tradition, and small talk thoughout the year, may not be all that much but it's something, and worth keeping. maybe it can still be built on.
if not, i hope for you that in the coming year you're able to branch out and find some new friendships. and that you keep this nice one too.
khairete
S.
You say without them you have no friends at all. I always tell my kids in order to have friends you have to be a friend. Meaning you have to reach and put in time and effort to connect. When my kids were little it felt like I was always calling to organize play dates and everyone else was often busy with extended family near by. However, over time, through school events and library story times I have gotten to know quite a few moms who are now friends. Some closer than others. So perhaps it is time to reciprocate and invite some folks over for a pot luck party. Maybe add a few work aquaintances. You can start your own tradition this way. Happy holidays!
Not really with a group of friends (or acquaintances) but definitely with an extended family thing we do bi-yearly. We hardly know them at all - even though we are technically related. I have got to know them on my own just because I make the effort so it's pretty comfortable when we go. I can chat easily and even though our kids see these (3rd?) cousins only 2 times a year, they can chat too. So I wouldn't say we fit in nearly as well as the other people, but it's light and easy. So sure - we go.
I don't find it that awkward because I know a lot of people who see people twice a year at parties. My good friend has a yearly party and I catch up with those acquaintances then. They are not my friends but we can certainly chat.
I suppose if everyone else was tight and we weren't it might be a bit different. Like if everyone chatted easily and I felt awkward, maybe not. I don't tend to do things that make me feel uncomfortable - so long as I try, and if I still feel like I'm not having a good time, then no - I would probably decline.
By the way - the reciprocated deal isn't always a good measure of friendships - I have friends who do all the asking, and I have friends where I do more of the asking. It's just our relationships.
I would go - but that's me. I wouldn't assume they just pitied me or were being kind to invite you or felt they had to. Most people drop that if they honestly don't want you there. They probably just like you and your daughter :)
Many of us have gone through periods were we feel like an outsider, I bet if you talk with some of them you will find your fears are unfounded and they love having you come, and that is why you keep getting invited.
Please go. You have no friends, and that is sad. At one point, perhaps you'll meet someone at their gatherings that you COULD make a friendship with.
There are plenty of people who do what these people do. I'm one of them. And it's a kind and generous thing to do. The right thing for YOU to do is accept the invitations and appreciate them for it.
I've lived in our town for 10 years and was the total outsider, new babies, no friends, no family, when we came. My husband traveled all the time. I made the conscious effort to get out and make friends so that my kids would not see me as an isolated person. My parents rarely socialized, we only visited relatives, and it was very boring to me as a child not to have more friends.
Thank God I did that networking, because now I'm a divorced single mom and I could feel REALLY alone, but I have lots of friends because I made that happen. I also had lots of support through a painful time from those people when my marriage fell apart.
I have to make way more effort than everyone (it seems, maybe not) to show up at stuff, host stuff, initiate stuff, etc, because couples are busy little units of their own and it's hard to break into that world. It's hard to show up to something where I don't know anyone, with three kids, and start initiating conversations and all that. But rewarding!
Last night I was at Christmas party with some people in the town who had never met some other people I know, and I invited the others, and they all met...it's a nice community growing. And from nice communities come nice ideas and good experiences.
Not only should you go to the party, you should try much harder to be engage and be interested in the people attending. It's very kind of them to keep inviting someone who might seem to have little interest in them. Go, have fun, make real friendships with these available people.
I don't see it as something to get stressed about. If you want to go, go if not, don't.
One thing I would do would be to put my daughter first. If it is something special to her, then I would re-think about it.
We get party invitations a lot for the holiday season and I don't stress at all, I check the calendar for availability then decide, do I want to go or not and then RSVP accordingly and move on to the next task on my list.
We have a tradition of having a big party every Cinco de Mayo and we invite good friends, co-workers, and acquaintance-friends. It's the only big party we have each year. We want to see people and hang out with them because we just don't have enough time on a day to day basis and it's so fun to actually get time to talk and hang out. So I am really happy when a friend comes who I never see much in life and I enjoy having them. When I get invited to such an event I go with the goals of enjoying myself, seeing friends and catching up, meeting new people, and re-acquainting with the people I only know from going to that party each year. I'm glad you are going...it's good to just be positive about things like this and it's great for your daughter and her social life too.
My first inclination was to say it sounds like you don't want to go-so don't go.But if you are concerned about an activity for your daughter, then if it isn't too difficult to go to, go to that and then perhaps attach it to other activities in the day. Perhaps breakfast out? a little shopping trip? I was also going to urge you to find a church of some sort near your home, that can become 'family'. Little churches seem to offer so much in the way of friendships and activities for the adults and children and you can enjoy both doing separate things under the same environment. I totally understand what you mean. Sometimes we feel more comfortable sitting in our homes than in a place where we have to make small talk and feel like we are being stared at for a couple of hours. And seven is a good age to start talking with your daughter about what fun things you would do to make some memories.
If your daughter enjoys it, I'd go for a while...however, with that said ,should neither of you really not want to go, you could "have a prior commitment"
happy holidays
Yay. Glad you're going. I was just about to post that your daughter needs it and it is her tradition. Just let yourself enjoy it and who knows maybe you'll end up with a friend. In time you'll know when it's time to stop. Have Fun!
I think Suz's response is brilliant. I couldn't have said it better myself.
And I'm glad you are going!
