Another Question About Potty Training

I agree with most moms on here... your little guy just isn't ready. With my oldest (turning 6 in April) she wasn't fully potty trained until she was 4 1/2. She fought using the toilet. We had all kinds of rewards... stickers on a poster to earn a toy... a new toy sitting on the top of the toilet if she used the potty X amount of times, candy each time she used it... she just wasn't interested. Many times when I had her sit on the toilet, she would hold it until I put a diaper on her. (Thus the term "anal retentive") Her little potty sat in the bathroom, untouched, for over a year. FINALLY when she was getting close to her 4th birthday there was something she wanted bad enough... she wanted to go to pre-school. It was a long summer, full of commando time in the back yard and lots of accidents. I had a ton of books to reference but she was tough to train. Literally 2 weeks before pre-school started was when she went a few days without an accident. I was sweating it out when I sent her to pre-school... with a change of clothes in her school bag!

Now, DD#2 is almost 3- and again, very little interest. So again, I am backing off until she is.

Ohhh, T. T., let it go, girlie.

The more I pushed my sons, the worse it was for all of us. My first child wasn't potty trained until well past age 4. My ambition built up again, I stubbornly went through the same motions with my next boy and met only resistance again. I got tired and finally took a girlfriend's advice, determining never to mention the potty to him again. And what was he interested in the next week? Uh huh.

My daughter started showing interest pretty early, so I thought I'd run with it, forsaking no momentum, you know? Yup, I burned her out. *sigh* So I took the potty chair right out of the bathroom, and the next time we were in public and her big brother told me he had to use the bathroom, she echoed him. So I took both of them. She used the public potty. Long story short, we discovered she wanted to use the potties everyone else was using, and I was trying to get her to use the cute little froggie one I shelled out thirty dollars for. She was (reasonably) trained in less than a week.

Honey, just let him be. He won't be asking you to change his diaper on the eve of his kindergarten graduation. Promise. ;)

It does sound like he is not ready. My son who just turned 3 is officially potty trained during the day.WHOOHOOLOL He knew what the potty was, he knew when he had to go and he KNEW he wanted to be changed after every dribble in the diaper. I was going through tons of diapers in a day because he just hated the slightest bit of dampness. I rented the Once Upon A Potty for him at the library and just let him watch it with out forcing the subject. Figured, it cant hurt. Right on his 3rd b-day he started telling me he wanted to sit on the potty but would throw a total fit once we would get in there and would demand a new diaper. This happened daily 10-15 times a day!! Driving me crazy. So I put him in the bathroom naked and told him he could come out when he was done...2 minutes flat, he went number 1 and number 2 in the potty and he hasnt looked back since . Now I know this is not a popular choice LOL but I had to get firm with the little guy or lose my mind.
I do think a lot of it had to do with the video, its kinda funny and he liked watching it :)Good Luck

Most children need more time than that, though I had one that was only 1 1/2 when he potty trained in the day time. Most of them were between 2 and 3. My youngest, though, was over three years old. She just wasn't ready. Although I did the same things with her as with the others, she did not go on the potty - ever - until she decided she was ready. And then she did't ever have an accident. If he doesn't want to, try again later. Good luck!

Hi T.,

I have to agree w/ everyone else. Don't push. When he's ready he's ready!

Both my boys were on the back side of 4 when they potty trained, pretty much, themselves!

My oldest, we pushed and threatened and punished! Finally, our doctor told us to just back off and tell him that potty training was over for awhile. That day he took it upon himself to go potty. He never looked back.

My youngest, same thing. He just decided one day that he was going on the big boy potty!

Why force him? I promise, he won't be pooing in his pants @ age 21!!!!

Good luck and just relax.

Hi T.,
I have a son too. He's four and a half now. It is quite normal for boys to take longer than girls to potty train. At two years old, you will be lucky if you succeed. Some parents do succeed at age two with their boys, but most often boys are not potty trained until 4 years of age. This is what my doc told me.
It is best to follow 'his' lead when it comes to potty training, or your hard work, will have an adverse affect on him. The more you push, the more he will push away.
It's a good thing that your son wants changed right away when he goes poop. :-) Once you see your son interested in the potty (get him one his size), then little by little, encourage him. You can even have big sister help too. You can start practicing 'sitting' on the potty. This is when you first notice he's interested. Then gradually move on to peeing in the potty. My son went pee in the potty way before he would go poop. For some reason, the way bowels move, it scares toddlers because to them it's like, "what the heck is going on down there?" "What's coming out of me?" Type of thing.
So, please don't fear. He will eventually get interested. Right now, you can start using pull ups if you like during the day, and diapers at night time to prevent leaks. I started my son on pull ups when he was almost three years old. Once my son was ready to go pee in the potty, it was a breeze. I had to encourage him after that to go poo poo in the potty, but it did take a while. Right before he turned 4 years old, we had already had a "Responsibility Chart", that we got from Target. There were a few 'blank' magnets to use, so I wrote on one, "Pee Pee in Potty", and on another, "Poo Poo in Potty". I used this to encourage him to go, and if he went poo poo in potty, then he got TWO prizes at the end of the week. If not, then he only got one for accomplishing the other tasks. You could try this too when he reaches well into his 3's. This will help. My son's prizes consisted of, little small cheap toys, like throw rings, balloons, cars, play dough etc. Just to give you an idea of what you can get your son if you want to try this. I put all the prizes in a plastic grocery sack and kept them in the closet and he got to pick one at the end of the week provided that he reached all of his goals. If he went poo poo in the potty, he got to pick two.

Hope this helps you. If you have any other questions, please feel free to send me a personal message. Take care!

Hey T.,

I just wanted to write in support of the other people who responded to your question. He's just not ready. My son is almost 3 and he fights me at almost every diaper change, too, but he hardly ever wants to sit on the potty. He also goes to the same place at the same time to have privacy to poop. I'm letting it go-I think potty training is going to be a gradual thing for him and I'm content to let it happen as it happens. So, there's my two cents. I hope it helps you to know that you are experiencing what a lot of other mothers are experiencing, in all its glory! Now, if he starts taking the diaper off with any regularity, then you might have to think again:)

Take Care,

A.

Hi T.,
Looks like I'm going to have to disagree with the other Mamas so far on this one. It actually sounds like he is VERY ready for potty-training but, like my own lovely first son, who potty trained at two: if you let him, he'll be poopin' his pants at 21 - lol!

I have a few suggestions for you, they all involve you taking the control away from your little one, and you being the one directing the potty-training. (Including not *asking* if he has to go, or wants to sit on the potty; taking away all diapers - except at night; and maybe some serious "commando-time")

Good luck, he sounds like a very smart little guy :)
T

Sounds like he's just not ready. Don't push him or it will backfire later. Two is pretty young for a boy to learn. My son wasn't 100% trained till he was 3 1/2! He also was scared of the potty. You may want to try a little potty instead of the regular one.

I would suggest you just lay off for a month and then try again. Keep talking about it, but don't force him. Good luck.

My son was the same way. He freaked out everytime we brought the potty out. At first I tried to include it in our "routine" by having him sit on the potty before we give him a bath. But I was afraid that his freak outs would discourage him from actually wanting to go potty so I just stopped doing that. One day, a few months after he turned 2, I decided to just bring his potty out into the living room where he could see it at all times. All of sudden, I caught him butt naked sitting on his pot just talking to him self about going potting. Since then he's been 95% trained, we're now currently working on pooping.

he's just not ready. Do not push. I tried for several weeks to get my son to just go to the potty on the potty. He would hold it forever it seemed like then the second I turned my back he would go on the floor. Then once he started going he was very good for a month and then decided one day he didn't want to anymore. We tried to get him to go on and off for several months about 5mos. Then one day out of the blue he told me he had to pee and he peed in the toliet. That time it took him 2wks to be completely trained, including night time to the point where he was wearing underware to bed. Then we moved a few months later and he was good for a while, then he started peeing and pooping his pants again. So, we had to get pullups again for night time only and when we were out. Its over a year later and he still occasionally has accidents and still pees in his pullup at night time like its a diaper. Potty training is the one thing that they are in control of. The more you push the more they push away.

Hi T.,

You have a lot of interesting responses so far. I guess, you could continue to force the issue...some moms have met with success and some failure, in doing this. It sounds like a gamble ...
I'd be tempted to back off, and let him regain interest on his own. I think we have enough stuff to butt heads with our kids about, rather than tackle something that they have the most control over (besides eating). Good luck!

I would leave that precious little guy alone! Obviously the toilet stresses him out for some reason, so leave it alone. You know how very different life is at this age and stage in six months. Leave him alone and let him decide when he wants to use the toilet, or when the weather warms up, let him have fun peeing on trees outside... what difference does it make if he's using the toilet at two years old or three years old... he'll figure it out eventually on his own terms, not anyone else's, which will only bolster his sense of self.

Hi Trish - your son is 2 - dont worry so much - he is normal - dont push the Potty training too much - This is one area they Do have control of and when they decide its time they do it - YOu cant make them do it - you can encourage and praise but dont lose sleep over it - when he is ready its there for him and he will do it and its his decision and sometimes the more you push the more he'll push back :)

And the poop lie down thing is good - you can encourage him that he would be cleaner if he did that in the potty, but it still may take awhile - but he knows how to do it - and he's doing it - so thats Great :) I let my daughter pick out her potty and she really liked that - she chose the Fisher Price Throne that makes music when she used it - Very Cute! I got her those Pop-up wipes that were cute and for Her and she liked that - try giving him choices & make it fun for him at the store to pick out things and that he is making Big Boy decisions - if he is able to understand that - maybe that will take a few months- but he'll get there - I know its silly but enjoy the experience - Cheers!!! S. :)

ok... since you have one telling you that he's ready, I just had to jump in and chime in with the rest...... he really doesn't seem ready at all, maybe a tiny bit because of the poopy diapers, but that's it

don't push it.......

my 4 yo son started at 3 yrs 10 mo & caught on quickly, but my 3 yo son wouldn't at all until a couple months after he turned 3................ we have a friend who didn't start until after he was 4 & another started before he turned 2 ..... don't push it.... try once in a while, but if you push it earlier than he is ready, you will have more problems

let it be natural

Hi Mommie Mentor here. I don't know if I'm repeating information here, so forgive me if I am.

I always recommend to parents that they wait until the child shows some interest, it make life 100% easier. In the mean time you can purchase a small potty chair and allow him to sit on it with a diaper on. That should take some of the control issue out of it. Then when he is comfortable with that he can move to the big potty and sit with diaper on. Then when he is ready you can take the diaper off. Boys are notorious for taking longer to potty train than girls.
Also, remember he is 2 and a 2 yr olds favorite word is NO! He will use NO to experience what he thinks is being as big as mom and dad. At 2 he is looking to exercise some control over his life.

There are only 4 things a child this young can control, how much he eats, when and if he sleeps, when and if he goes potty and how fast he moves. So these are the control points. If you begin to highly recommend he use the potty he may turn that into a huge control battle and not only say no but begin to withhold his bowel movement, and no one wants that.

My best suggestion with regard to potty training is to wait for the child. Do not use bribes, and make it as matter of fact as possible, "we all do it- great job, lets move on".
And remember he will NOT be graduating from 1st grade in diapers, time is on your side. Good Luck.
The Mommie Mentor, www.proactiveparenting.net

I would say that he just isn't interested and therefore not ready to start potty training. It will take a whole lot longer if you push him, so leave him be for now and try again when he gets closer to 3 years old. My first took a long time to train and wasn't even interested until 3 years of age, where as my second son started about 2 months before his third birthday and is halfway potty trained at 3 years and 1-1/2 months. They all do it in their own time. He will completely shut down if you push him too hard.

D. P.

I would say maybe you should wait a while. My son potty trained just before he turned 3 and had no interest until then. People always say boys do it later than girls and I really didn't beleive that until my daughter started wanting to go on the potty at 20 months. The alternative, if you really want to potty train him now is to have him say bye-bye to diapers, pick out some undies and help him go on his potty since he has no more diapers. It depends on how important potty training right now is to you. Good luck.

Your son is just two. And he seems to be a delighful cooperator with diaper changes! Why fight that? You've got a good thing going!

My son wasn't potty trained till 4 1/2 and while I looked forward to the day he would be trained, I was FINE with not having to change poopy underwear or cleaning up accidents. (I initially was envious of the "early potty trained" kids, especially boys, when they were potty trained at 2-3 and my son was 3-4 but then I realized they only peed in the toilet, they still pooped in their underpants. YUCK! NO THANK YOU!
I dont think it harmed my son's progress one bit to be potty trained "late" as he is reading 3rd grade books in 1st grade now (and he is young for 1st grade too)

I would keep encouraging, but don't push it. My son trained just before he was 2 (both pee and poop), easy-peasy, no bribes, begging or crying. My daughter was nearly 3 and needed rewards, bribes, clapping, etc! Let him sit on the potty when he wants, maybe while you're filling the tub, etc. Reward him if he goes, but don't make a huge deal of it and don't reward him just for sitting on the potty. You don't want to make it about pleasing you, otherwise you'll get into control battles.

It's good he doesn't want to sit in his poop. With mine, I started having them go into the bathroom to poop (in their diaper) once they started to seek privacy. That helps reinforce that that is the place to go, not squatting in some corner. Also, you might make him wait a few minutes before you change him... not in a mean way, just "okay, honey, I'll change you just as soon as I finish this." He may realize it's easier and quicker to go in the potty so he can get back to playing!

If he's showing interest, I'd just encourage gently, but don't push him. I think there's a "window" where a kid is very open to training. Yes, you can just wait until he "does it himself" but I, personally, am not willing to clean up a 4 yr old. If/when you are sure he's ready and want to try in earnest, don't ask him if he needs to go, don't ask him to please try, just say "it's time to sit on the potty" and maybe have a race into the bathroom. If you ask, most kids will say NO! He's still young, but don't fall into the trap that "boys train later" - some do, some don't. Mine didn't. Often, we just expect less of our boys and LET them train later. Just my opinion. :)

you cant force potty training. he will do it when he is ready. in the meantime get him used to it. i take my grandson with me every time i go to the bathroom. ( wouldnt trust him alone anyway). he gets to watch me sit then we say bye bye to the results. i keep his potty right in front of the big toilet and he started sitting onit when ido and he loves to sit on it. he now tells me when he has to poopand we go sit. sometimes he just tells me so we can og in there. we dont let him go in the bathroom unless it is to go or for a bath so the bathroom is a mystery to explore to him. i also used to empty his diaper into the potty thenhave him sit on it then we flushed it sohe got the idea. hestill doesnt have controll over urination but this week we started him on big boy undies . he peed in them a couple of times still told me when he had to poop and today he started pulling his undies down and peeing around the house. so i took him outside and had him pee on the tree and i think heis getting thehang of it. he is 20 months old. we make it fun and give lots of praise ( which he also returns when i go) lol. i dont thik he understands rewarding with toys or candy etc yet so we dont use that. he thinks he deserves everything he asks for or wants so that wouldnt work here.

He simply is not ready give it another 6months. My son had a hard time until he was a little older.

Hi T., I think the more you try to push it, the more they won't do it! Just let him be until he starts to show an active interest. My daughter was potty trained at 18 months, my son a LOT longer, but when he got it, he really got it! Good luck!