Anti-Bullying Books for Kids?

In addition to speaking up and PRACTICING it with her.... you also need to teach a kid, how to KNOW themselves and know who they are.
So that, they cannot be manipulated or be someone else's doormat or become caught up in other kids drama or be a follwer-copy-cat.
They also need to know, and understand what right and wrong is, and what is appropriate and inappropriate is.
I started teaching my kids that since they were Toddlers.
And it helps a great, deal.
My kids are now 7 and 11, and even in Kindergarten, they KNEW who they are. And so, they could think on their own. And knew when a kid was trying to manipulate them. And/or they will just tell a kid no or they will go away or they will tell the Teacher.

A kid, NEEDS to have a sense of self.... and know who they are. So that they then can learn to speak up, and understand, why. And yes, even very young kids can learn this.

That is not bullying. That is normal kid stuff. The word "bully" has been taken to a whole new level. This kind of kid stuff has been going on for years and years a and will continue to go on. She will learn how to,stand up for herself. Give her time.

i am very tired of the regular interactions between Very Small People who don't yet have experience of the world and are trying to figure it out being labeled as 'bullying.'
it's no fun to be your daughter, and also no fun for a little girl who doesn't have the tools to be empathetic and impeccably courteous to be slapped with 'bully.'
children have very little power and influence in their own lives, and the only way they learn how to get it and wield it is to practice on each other. of course you want to teach your kid to stand up for herself and not be a doormat. that's parenting. but i promise you, 99% of the 'victims' of a 'bully' are testing how it works by 'bullying' another kid. it's important that we work with kids and help them learn kind and empathetic ways of dealing with others, but not to assume they come hardwired for it and denigrate them while they're learning.
khairete
S.

I know a great book.. It is called One: Kathryn Otoshi

it is a great book.. I borrowed it from the library.. read it to my 5 and 6 year old.. absolutely loved it...and then gave it to the first grade teacher to read to the class.. she loved it and asked the school librarian to purchase the book for the school library..

it is such a simple book with such a big message..

however I agree with other posters.. this is not bullying.. this is normal kid stuff.. I wont be your friend.. he touched me.. yadda yadda.. heck my kids fight and say they wont invite their own sibling to their next birthday party.. the next minute they are lovey dovey.. possibly do a playdate with the mean girl and see if they can be friends..

What you're describing isn't bullying. Technically the girl is acting like a bully but that word has become overused and a trigger in our society. All kids experience what you describe but certainly all children are not truly bullied.

Your daughter doesn't need a book. Just keep talking to her about what type of friends she wants, standing up for herself and how some kids will try to manipulate her to get what they want. If she establishes herself as a girl who won't go along with that stuff she'll be a magnet for other kids who don't like it either. She may not get invited to every party but she won't be alone either. Drop the bully label now, it just gives the bratty girl power.

G., can I give you a bit of advice from someone who has been there/done that? (My kid was the one complaining about other kids, btw...)

Please keep in mind that while some good books might be nice, this may be a long journey that kids are going to need to learn on their own. What is 'friendly' behavior and what isn't; what makes a good 'friend' and how to be a good friend, how to stand up for oneself, etc.

I agree with some roleplaying, but one very strong caution I want to offer-- and I am not saying you are doing this, by the way-- is to not make more of this moment of snotty behavior than it warrants. It's easy for us as parents to want to 'fix' situations of relational aggression, or to ask "how" so and so treated our kid, etc. But we also want to help them --even more-- develop a sense of resilience.

Which means that we temper our own responses and make sure our kids don't see us overly worried, so they know this isn't the end of the world, as it were, or anything of real significance. Sometimes, the more brusque, slightly less-empathetic comment can be more helpful ("Gosh, that doesn't sound very nice. Maybe you should play with someone else. She doesn't sound like a lot of fun.") than trying to talk it through...

... I will say this, in regard to 'standing up for themselves'-- she is only five. Of course, a nice birthday party would be awesome and she doesn't want to miss out. Thus, she may not be able to cognitively understand or relate to "standing up for yourself is better than...." simply because, for a five year old, NOTHING is better than exciting birthday parties with cake and ice cream. This is something most kids DO understand (which is why "you can't come to my birthday" is used-- heck, my son is in first grade and got that one leveled at him by another kid). So, she really isn't at a stage of emotional development to say "well, I would rather choose my dignity and self-respect than go to something everyone else is going to". That concept is WAY too far out for most little ones to grasp.

As I said, I agree with role-playing, puppet play, etc. as tools for getting comfortable speaking out. I also just want to encourage you that for many, many kids, this is a long journey, which may or may not come to a head in middle school and high school. The point of all this is to suggest, for now, easier options (go play with someone else) than focusing so much on the negative behaviors of others. It is good to let the teacher know, and then move on from this as much as you can. You may give her all the tools in the book for self-assertion, but until she can see/buy into WHY it's important, and put herself before 'what other kids think'... let's just say that she's going to have to develop into that. I do have empathy, G.-- it's what I'm waiting for mine to do as well. I just know that the more we talk about it, the more HE focuses on it and we all get pulled in. So, do try to keep it simple.

This is normal kid behavior. Does anyone remember being a child? It is not bulling. Just teach your child that some people are not nice. It kinda prepares kids for the real world. Ever have an evil boss?

Role play with your daughter. You be the bully, and give her responses to the bully.

Literally act it out. It's extremely helpful. She has got to practice the words before she will be comfortable saying them.

We just got back from an all day skating event with the girl scouts (mostly second graders). The moms didn't really mix with girls much we just let them go wild outdoors on a frozen lake. The few times I did go out onto the ice to deal with a sibling or watch an ice-fishing display, I would overhear snippets of the girls' "playful" conversation. Like, "Leave me alone I never want to see you again" (girl skates away with angry face) and "Just ignore her she's not part of this game" (a few girls herd together and alienate one) and "QUIT IT, I'M THE BEST" (Girl shouts at another girl)......they were out there for a good 2 1/2 hours "playing" and "having fun" according to them. No fights reported to parents even though I saw some tears out there. The drama seemed to alternate girls pretty much.They all say they had a blast and they all had hot chocolate together after.

Girls will find their own comfort level with brattiness and assertiveness if we let them and keep explaining that people will act wrongly so you have to either stand up for yourself or let it go or both whichever the situation calls for. I'm an older parent and I come from a stricter generation where the level of behavior I see wouldn't have been allowed so freely, but I'm sort of letting my daughter go with the flow as long as I see her behaving respectfully in general when she's not with her "peers" in full-on "playtime". When she is in the mix with other girls, I have said things like, "Tell her that's not nice", "Go play with someone else", "Tell a teacher if it gets really bad", "Tell her to quit it", and so far she has managed to be as assertive as the next guy with practice even though she has a gentle, quiet nature.

Bullying is when a child purposely hurtfully targets your child. Usually repeatedly so that your child feels sad and scared. This girls birthday comment should have been ignored or received a "That's a mean thing to say" and then your daughter moving on either away from the girl, or with the girl as if nothing happened. Only if the girl continues to be mean and actually does start to alienate your daughter or gets up a gang of kids against your daughter should you worry.

I don't know any good books, but the "Tell her to stop it and go play with someone else" advice is pretty good for her to practice. Yes, it starts in kindergarten-some kids were acting that way in my daughter's preschool!

I'm sorry, but that's not bullying. Bullying is when you scare someone into doing or not doing something out of fear. Not being invited to a b-day party does not rise to the level of "fear" that is associated with bullying. Please do NOT use that word for these minor offenses. This is just girls being girls.

I don't have a book recommendation for you. I bet your local librarian will have such a recommendation.

Of course children can bully at this age.
They are selfish naturally so we have to teach them to be kind, To be polite, to be inviting and inclusive.

To protect our children we have to teach them how to communicate what they need.

I do not like your words.

What you said is not nice.

I do not like it when you are mean to my friends.

You need to learn to use nice words.

I will not play with you if you talk like that.

Your daughter has a right to be treated well and she needs to know some people say mean things because they are afraid, they are worried other people do not like them. Or it makes that person think they are strong.

But we do not have to put up with that. We are allowed to tell them their words hurt peoples feelings.

Practice with her.

Here is a list of suggested books.
http://www.parenting.com/blogs/mom-congress/melissa-taylo...

I'm sorry, but YES, that IS bullying--a specific type of bullying called relational aggression, using influence and power to manipulate social relationships. Things like exclusion and rumors are examples of this, especially if it is a pattern of behavior that happens repeatedly. If it's only happened once, keep an eye on it. Like SH suggested, you should practice by role-playing what to do in these situations and talk to her about what a real friend is. You can't make anyone play with your child or be her friend, but you can teach her about friendships and encourage healthy relationships.

Just saw this blog post appear in my FB newsfeed ... Thought it may be helpful ...

http://imaginationsoup.net/2011/04/the-best-friend-and-wo...

Yes it does. This birthday party thing is very common in the younger years- I have heard it used by tons of kids, and our k teacher said she heard it a lot over the years, most of the time the kids don't have a birthday in sight for months or months. When it really stings is when your child is the only one not invited as happened with my daughter. Look into the American Girl library. They have many books on bullying and my daughter has loved them. Unfortunately it gets worse. Kids are mean.

It's kindness month and our local school system and library have lots of activities going on. My kindergartner was recognized during her am announcements for her kindness. I'm proud, but she seemed embarrassed.
Kindness is cooler, mrs ruler is a good one for K ages.
My mother bought the book each kindness by jacquline Woodson for the kids for Christmas and that is one they talk about regularly.

Look up random acts of kindness or smile cards and try to do a few kind acts towards others with your child. It really makes them feel good!

Google "A Mighty Girl." Their website has loads of great resources, including book recommendations, and topics do include social issues and mean girl stuff such as what you're describing here.