Any Advice on How to Balance College and Family Life Would Be Greatly Appreciate

Updated on January 04, 2007
N.W. asks from Anniston, AL
13 answers

Hello everyone. I find myself in a position of feeling frenzy and guilty. I started back to college a year and a half ago while still trying to be there for my three children. It has been really hard not just on me but on my children. They are so used to me being there for them and things are so different now. Not only do I go to class but most days I have a ton of homework, including the weekends. I miss spending that time with them and I know they do to. I am worried that they will think I won't be there for them when they need me. In a way, I am concerned about that as well. How can I show my children that I will always be there for them when I am so busy on school stuff? Any suggestions? How do I balance raising three children and doing well in school too?

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So What Happened?

Thank you everyone for the wonderful advice. I really appreciate it. I really liked the one who said to breath. Sometimes it is all overwhelming. But I am so happy to hear that I am not the only one. I will take the advice to heart. Thank you all again.

N.

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G.S.

answers from Fayetteville on

I understand 100% I too go to college full-time (SENIOR!!) Work and have 3 kids at home. Maybe you can consider going part-time instead of full time. But I can immagine like me, you just want to finish.

Make an apointment w/ the kids. Family Night!! Believe me, they be able to appreciate that time you guys spend together. Have dinner together, then play a family board game or watch a movie they've been wanting to watch.

Good Luck!!

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H.J.

answers from Roanoke on

N. -- I feel for you as someone who's been there, done that. I went back to school full time while working full time and it was hard on the kids. I was fortunate to be living at home with my parents, but it didn't make it any easier to see them spending all this time with my parents.

One of the things that my dad suggested was a "mommy day" or "mommy time". It served 2 purposes...it gave my parents a break and it allowed the kids and I to do something together. More often than not it was Friday night (we kept it as consistent as possible so that we all had something to look forward to) and I would get home from work and we'd order a pizza and play games.

I also made homework time something that we all did together when I needed to work. If I was working on my homework, they would be working on activity books or coloring so at least we were all at the table together. We also did this with reading.

One other thing that I did was explain to them why I was going to school. I wanted to instill in them that I was trying to better myself and the job opportunities that would come as a result. And I shared my papers/report cards with them just as they did with me. We all had papers hung on the fridge.

One other thing we did was post all of the classes that I had to take to finish my degree. I let them cross them off as I completed them.

I have to tell you...my kids turned into my biggest fans and over time they would ask ME if all my homework was done and I would hear them tell everyone what I was doing in school and they were so proud of me. It kept me going.

I've been out of school for almost 4 years now and we spend more time together and every once in awhile the older one will tell the younger one "you know, we got to go out to eat tonight because mommy went to school and got a better job so we can do more fun stuff"....they know...it's just a matter of getting them to see the importance of what you're doing.

Hang in there!!! You CAN do it!!!!!

1 mom found this helpful
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C.H.

answers from Norfolk on

I have just recently moved here from england, and although I only have one 3 year old little girl, I can relate to your situation. I worked part time, as well as studying full time, and still tried to be there for her as much as I could. The one thing I couldn't do was explain to my child what was happening, and that no matter what I was there for her. Sit down with your children, explain to them what you are doing, how long it will go on for, and that you are still there for whatever they need. I set aside one day at the weekend that was family day, we would go out to a zoo, or a park, anything that would be fun for the whole family and they could have my undivided attention. That one day was a welcomed break for me, and I know she loved having it to. The evenings and sunday were always filled with homework. My husband was very supportive through everything, but he wasn't always there. The only real thing appart for him that helped was serious time management, and prioritising. I hope this is helpful in some way.

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T.P.

answers from Charlotte on

I know that some schools understand situations like this and have compassion for parents trying to go back to school and raise a family. Please check with your school and see if they can suggest any other alternatives such as drawing out your college time a little farther to cut back on hours at school so you can have time with your family. Some schools have it where you can cut your hours in half but maybe add an extra 6 months to a year to your time before you can graduate.

If you are doing full time classes can you cut back to part-time?

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P.H.

answers from Birmingham on

I want to say first "Way to Go!" I just finished my degree after 3 years in school and graduated Magna Cum Laude. I worked a high stress job, 2 kids, and went to school full time.
We sat down and had a family meeting and talked about what having my degree meant for our family and to me. I told them I couldn't do it without their help and support.
We talked about how family time was going to be less than before but it was not always going to be that way. I told them that even though I was study I was never too busy to talk to them. I tried to get the kids into bed at 8pm and did my homework between 8-11. I took Friday nights off from school and Saturdays. Sunday afternoons and some mornings was devoted to school. I discussed with them what I was learning. When I wanted to give up and couldn't go anymore they where my cheerleaders that encouraged me to go on. They loved knowing what I was doing and what my grades where. I now can tell them they have no excuse for making good grades and finishing school because mommy did it! My kids where 4 yrs and 6 yrs when I started.
I did switch to a job with less stress and tried to take a smaller class load. If I can do it, you can too! I finished in August and I am planning on going to Auburn Online next Sept for my Masters so we will be back at it again. I do believe that my kids have learned how important school is and that makes me proud. An education is something that can never be taken from you.

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D.J.

answers from Spartanburg on

Hi. Boy do I know what you're going thru. I too went back to college when my kids were 2, 5, & 7. It was soo difficult, because for the previous 7 years I had been a stay at home mom, and I felt soo guilty. But remember you are doing this not only for yourself but for your kids future as well.
One of the ways that we spent time together, was doing homework together..we would spread all our stuff on the floor or dining room table and go to work. It took me longer because I was also helping them, but it was worth it. I also made sure, that even if homework wasnt done, I put it away at 7pm. So that I could spend that last hour before bed with my kids. Once they were in the bed at 8, and I had done the singing and story, and tucking in...then I would pull my work back out and finish, even if I was up past midnight, that hour was worth it.
We also ate dinner at the table together (where b4 we ate in front of the tv).
On weekends, snuggle together on the couch and watch cartoons with them for an hour or two, then start your homework...work at maybe 2 hr intervals, then take breaks to play with your kids for 30 minutes.
It's also good for you, cause working longer than 2 hrs at a time will burn you out fast.
It may take some added effort on your part, but its worth it, and your kids will learn that mommy still loves them, and they will learn the value of a good work ethic. Since seeing me buckle down and do my own homework, I havent had any problems getting the kids to do theirs.
Good luck, and congrats on going back to school.

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M.F.

answers from Hickory on

Hey, I'm a working mom going to college with a daughter thats 6 months old. I am a full time student taking 18 semester hours and majoring in Elementary Ed. I understand that it can be hard. The main thing to remember is to try to breath. It's hard but you need to breath. The only thing that I really do to try to balance everything is keep a planner with absoultely everything I need in it. If there is something on my calendar for my daughter, I absoultely do not schedule anything within 30 minutes of it to be sure that I can spend a little extra time with her before and after the appointment.I also try to schedule times when it is just me and her and we don't have anything else in the way. I do my homework after she is in the bed and during my lunch break at work and also between classes. It's amazing how much you can get done while you eat. I also have to make my husband help with housework so that I can have more time with my daughter. Once she is asleep I get everything ready for the next day and have it ready by the door. After all that is when I finally get to sit down for a minute. It's gonna be hard, I was taking classes all through by pregancy and I went back to class one week after my daughter was born with her in tow. I wish you the best of luck. I hope that everything works out for you. good luck on your degree.

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C.W.

answers from Richmond on

WOW...I'm not alone.

I'm a full time employee, full time student, and single parent of a six year old.

At first, thing were going smoothly, but as I started losing out on sleep I became "mommy the meany". I changed the way I did things which messed everything up. I use to work on school work AFTER my daughter went to bed which would sometimes force me to go to bed around 2am. I tried to start going to bed at a decent time so that I would not be so tired at work the next day, but I get frustrated because my daughter tries to find a million things for me to do while I am trying to complete my assisgnments.

Here is my advice...
Find something that works for you and the kids and stick with it. Pick a day that your homework load is less stressful and plan the day with your children.

I decided to spend Sundays doing most of my homework so that my weeks are smoother. so far so good.

I wish you the best of luch in your pursuit for your degree!!!

C.

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S.D.

answers from Lubbock on

I just finished my doctorate last year and twins. Night time - when they are sleeping. That is when it all happens. Your children are older, mine take naps still! I used that time too. It is hard - but worth it in the end. Talk to them! Do homework at the same time. Incorporate outings to the library and take them with you. You are also providing them with hands-on information and experience for them to choose to go to college. They won't have to do it like you are doing it, they can get their education out of the way. That is the blessing you are giving them too! One thing - make sure you don't teach them your college stuff is a drudgery - you want them to like it too! Hang in there.

S. duncan

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S.

answers from Spartanburg on

my husband just finished his masters and I am planning on going back to get my masters and possibly a doctorate within the next few months so I completely understand where you are coming from. What worked for us was that my husband would study on Saturday mornings for a few hours and then we would spend the rest of the day together. Sundays were about the same he would study in the afternoons on sundays and we would still have most of the evening. He would take stuff to work and do homework during his lunch time and if he had some down time he would do some reading. Since you are going to school full time I hope you are not having to work on top of that, but take any free time you have to study. If you are on campus and have a break between your first and second class just head over to the library and study, write papers, and use the time very wisely. You may find that you can shave a lot of time by doing these things and not have to do so much when you are actually home. One thing you should do is set a time aside each week that is you and your family's time to spend together. Set a resonable amount of time, but stick to it. Probably saturdays would work best, but if could be whenever and do something fun. Go on a picnic, hike at a local park, go to the state fair just something fun away from schoolwork and home that you guys can do together. college is short lived and you will not be in school forever especially if you are going full time, and they understand that. Just think about when you are done, you will have summer vacations with them and when they have breaks you will have a break too, and you have more than enough time with them. so just be patient and tell them every chance you get that you love them and that you are always available if they need you. things will work out and you can do it.

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R.G.

answers from Norfolk on

I go to online college and while not as taxing on family life as "regular" college, it is still time consuming. Just take a deep breath and maybe sit down and do your homework while your kids are doing theirs! That's what I try to do! It can be fun!

Good luck!

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K.T.

answers from Raleigh on

N.,

I completely understand where you are coming from. I am a single mother of two boys ages 9 and 7. I am a firefighter and I also work fulltime for a private protection company and am going to school for my EMT-Basic. I have been going to school since July. I found it very hard at first. What I have found myself doing is staying up late at night to do school work that way when I am home and the boys are up I am devoting my time to them. I commend you on what you are doing. It is not easy. This is the second time for me going to school with the boys. The first time they were just infants. My best advice to you is to just devote time to the children when they are awake and do your studies when they go to bed. If you ever want to talk feel free to email me at ____@____.com.

Thanks and best of luck!

K.

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T.E.

answers from Charleston on

Maybe if you could not take as many classes so youll have some free time or write down your daily stuff and then put them in a time frame Maybe you have to live your life on a schedule. I wish you the best of luck with this but try to schedule things might make it easier and when time is up then time is up for that part of your day (( might be hard at first but it may work))

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