Any Moms Who Have Male Fashion Sense/hygiene Advice???

You could always start frumping ... that might get him thinking.

That said, is he still within weight for PT standards? If not, you might mention that you're worried he might not pass his next physical and you'd like to work out together -maybe even shower together afterward. :wink:

How old is hubby? Since he has those health problems in his family/family history--If he doesn't start taking care of himself and follow the dr's advice -- he may not be around to see his kids grow up or even see any grandkids. He needs to take his health and his habits that bother you seriously. Is there a weight to height parameter standard in the National Guard? I thought there was one for the regular army.

But then, if he won't listen to his family--least of all his mom, what can anyone do?

He needs to 'get his act together' before its too late-- being diabetic or blind from it or being on dialysis is no fun!!!!

I completely understand! My husband has gained around 40 pounds and has blamed it on me being pregnant! We have two small boys so he has averaged twenty pounds per pregnancy. I am a personal trainer and I have forced my husband to do better without him realizing it. Take a look at my website www.thetoweroffitness.com and see if you would be interested in anything for him. We offer boot camps, personal training, and nutrition services. Feel free to email me at ____@____.com or call me at ###-###-#### with any questions or for more details.

Do you love him? Will you love him for better or worse?

I am a big woman. My mother tried tough love with me..guess what I only got bigger. The most you can truly do is encourage him, offer to exercise with him, do the shopping and buy healthy food and dont' nag. The more you nag the more resentment it will build in your relationship. He has to want to change. He has to decide to do it. Do you work out? Ask him to join you. If you don't, (and please don't take this wrong) nothing is harder than being big and having a skinny person that doesn't have to exercise telling you to do so :).

Friends and people making comments is rude and basically none of their business. If family questioned me, I would have to tell them they need to talk to him. He is a grown adult. YOu aren't his keeper.

As far as shaving and his clothes go, if I were going somewhere nice and he wanted to go he would have to shave. LOL.Just that simple. Take him shopping- which is a huge reality check when it comes to weight- and get him to see how good he looks modeling clothes for you. Encourage him and tell him he looks good. Make a huge deal out of it. He will then begin to feel good and that has a domino effect. He will start thinking about how he looks. It makes all the difference in the world as to how you do it.

GOod luck!

I wanted to add something on the manners in public. My husband thought it was funny to walk ahead of me in the store and fart and then laugh at my face when I walked through it. One day, at the top of my lungs, I said his whole name, Why did you fart? That stinks so bad and is disgusting, I said his name again and then as we walked past people I pointed to him and said don't go down that aisle my husband just farted on it.

I don't have that problem anymore :)

Have you thought about maybe giving him "rewards"? Like, if he eats everything you make for dinner for a week, you'll cook him his favorite meal. Or the same for a month, you'll go out to his favorite restaurant. Or if he exercises with you, manages to behave himself ;-), or goes with you to your store of choice to get a new outfit, he'll get another reward.

Good luck!

Don't say a word! Just cook healthy and find recipes that are better of what he likes. He will not know.

Read Dr. Laura's Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands!

Well I can't tell you much but time!!!! I am a very attracted female and am with someone totally opposite of me. My family and friends hate it but I have gotten him trained, LOL! My husband has gained much weight since I met him 4+ years ago. But men don't care what others think about themselves like us woman. Keep talkin about it and tell him that u don't want to fight but tell him there has to be a happy medium! Its has worked for me in the years. GOOD LUCK

Okay, just to tell you my two cents... I don't think anything you do is really going to make any changes. If he doesn't want to change, he won't. Men are just stubborn like that. I think if you push him and tell him all the things "other people say", it'll just make him get worse. I would put my foot down, if I were you, about his behavior around his son, but at the same time, realize he is at home and should be allowed to be "comfortable" in his own home. Obviously, your own role modeling is not making a difference with him- that's one of the only things you can do, unfortunately. I would steer clear of controlling him by "dressing him"- you run your own life and let him run his- you have your child to dress, your husband is a grown man. I used to be a very controlling person and realized that it just causes strife in a marriage. Let him be himself and just get used to it- love him for who he is on the inside and be happy knowing that if you gained 80 pounds, he'd still love you. Tell everyone else that you love him and to mind their own business. Again, just my two cents.

This is truly a tricky and touchy subject. I have found that hounding just makes the situation worse. My husband and I are working towards being healthy again. We have both been over weight (me off and on, him all of his life) and the angle we have taken is that in order for us to be good parents and teach our DD how to lead a healthy lifestyle, we have to set the examples.

One other trick...and this was by pure accident. I found several rolls of film in a drawer and had no idea what would be on them. I have had a digital camera for several years. Well, there were only a few pictures on two of the rolls, one of which was a group pic of us going to a friends wedding. We were both much thinner and looked awesome. That was an eyeopener for the hubby. He said, I want to look like that again.

Good Luck.

take pictures from all angles. Film his behavior,descretely of course, and let him watch.

R.~Here is my two cents. It doesn't matter if you nag him or make suggestions for him to change, he won't if he doesn't want to. My husband use to dress all GQ and trendy, but not too much any more. He would always have on the nice jeans, Polo shirts, nice button down shirts, Dr. Marten's or other stylish shoes, with his hair nicely done and smelling wonderful. Now that we are married, he constantly is wearing T-Shirts from assorted sporting teams that he's played on through out the years, white T-Shirts that are so thin you can see through them, jeans with holes in them (some so big his boxers almost completely hang out) and Justin work boots. This is quite normal for him now. Occassionally he will throw me for a loop and dress like he use to, but that's once in a blue moon. I guess what I'm trying to say is that anything that you say to him is not going to make him change regarding his appearance, but if/when he does put out the effort, make sure that you notice and tell him. I often ask my husband what happened to the "pretty boy" that I use to know and fell in love with. You'd be surprised how much that hit home and the reprecussions that it had. Kinda like kids: reinforce the good behavior and it will occur more often.

Regarding his weight, like another poster said, change the family's eating habits that way he really doesn't have a choice on eating healthy. I know that you are really concerned about his health and you should be because you are his life partner, but just know that he would still love you no matter how much weight you might gain.

The only thing that I can say about the crude things that he does around your son is just to tell him to tend to those things while he's by himself, not around the little one. As a compassionate father and someone who is helping mold ya'lls son into a person, he should get it. You might just ask him if he would like to see his son doing the things that he's doing in public?

Pick and choose your battles with him, it will make things so much nicer if you don't sweat the small stuff like his appearance.

My husband is very similar. My concern with him is his teeth. He won't brush. It's probably been 5 years since he last went to the dentist. He was told that he needed to have some work done but never pursued it. I'm afraid I'm gonna have to start treating him like a child and take him myself. Anyway, in response to your husband...has he ever been treated for depression? I found that my husband would not take care of his looks until he started medication for depression. Now, as long as he takes his medicine he actually showers daily and tries to dress nice. He has a weight problem too and seems to be in denial so some of his clothes are a bit snug. That's next. getting him to lose some weight.

Have you tried to talk to your husband regarding the emotional side of it? Does he have any depression going on? He won't change if he just doesn't care. You need to find the root of the problem to help him fix it. If he wasn't like this before the pregnancy, there's hope that he won't stay like this once you find out what's really going on. Just a thought.
A.

My husband always gained weight when I was pregnant. We always chalked it up to my eyes were bigger than my stomach when I choose what I ate, so he'd eat the rest.

But as for your husband. He's going to wear what he wants to wear no matter what you say. But if that is important to you then buy him some clothes and put them in the closet and maybe suggest that he wear them and when he does tell him how good that makes him look. (Of course, those being his ONLY clean clothes, he has to wear them right?):)

As for what he eats.....Do you do the grocery shopping? Only buy and fix healthy food. Don't buy any junk food, what so ever. That includes soda, that's just extra calories that isn't needed.

You said he was in the guard? My husband had to take yearly physicals, including the 6 minute mile test. I'm assuming he has to do that also, so I think the guard would also wanting him to be in shape also. Maybe talk to your husband about that.

Love him for who he is. If he does something you don't like, tell him. He won't know unless you tell him, but try to do it in a loving manner.

People change and get more comfortable when they are married. That's just life. Just love him for who he is, make suggestions in a loving way and maybe he'll see that those are good changes.

Best of Luck!

Relax, give it time and quit looking skin deep. What I mean by quit looking skin deep is that his weight and appearance come be more of an inner issue. As for the attire, I have been married 14 years and I am just getting the Hawaiian shirts out of his closet but he had to be his choice. Good luck.

Maybe you should encourage him to go have a physical. He might be depressed and won't tell you. He could also have a thyroid problem; you certainly want to get him a physical even if he doesn't want to lose weight just to make sure his blood pressure is good and he's not developing diabetes. My husband is way more likely to listen to the doctor than to me about health issues. Good luck!

i fought with this same problem for many years and now I am divorced. I sat down with him many times and told him he was not the man I married and he needed to try and make a change in his life. He was extremely over weight and towards the end even began taking diebetes medication. Maybe you should try to have nothing in the house but healthy food, fruits for snacks, but no junk food at all. That seems to help some. Manners, well I learned many years ago you cannot change bad manners in an adult(child). They do not care and never will unless you threaten something drastic and only then they change for short time till you arn't mad anymore- so accept the man you married or leave him for a better one, I did and now have a man that is every girls dream, so it is possible. I was married for 21 yrs to the other guy. Never change yourself just to suit them.
Hope everything works out for you!!

Great question - it was almost like you were writing my story!!! If you get any good advice on this, please let me know!!

Unfortunetly you cannot make him do something he has no desire to do. I would recommend going to a professional marriage counselor in order to confront this issue, since what has been done so far doesn't seem to have helped. My husband and I went to an excellent counselor in Arlington...don't know how close that would be for you though. Some people do not think going to a counselor is a 'good' or 'normal' thing, but let me reassure you that it is a very good and normal approach. Let's face it, most of us are not relationship experts, and many times the severity of an issue cannot healthfully be conveyed without professional assistance. If he absolutely refuses to go, then maybe you could go by yourself to get some ideas that might work well for both of your personality types. I wish you the best resolving this issue together.
Take Care,
~K.

R.,
My husband and I have been going through a slight rough patch in recent months (primarily due to the stress of having twins in the last year). He has also gained weight, his sex drive is down, and he doesn't seem to care much about what I say about anything. BUT, what I keep trying to focus on is that he is the man I love, the man I chose to marry, the man I chose to have my babies with. I love him with all my heart, flaws and all. So, I guess my advice would be the same as the others - control what you can as far as the food in the house, buy some clothes that you like that you think he would wear - but in addition, focus on what you love about him. Also, maybe give him one compliment a day and/or thank him for things he does. These are the things that have worked with my husband - you know, more flies with honey than vinegar. I wish you well, I know these times can be frustrating! Hang in there!

R., have you considered that your husband could be exhibiting symptoms of mild depression? weight gain, not caring about his appearance, these are some signs. could he be having trouble adjusting to coming in second with you due to the daily routine of raising your son? of course he has to right now and for some years to come, that's only natural. perhaps it would help to go back and think of your life with him and relationship "pre-baby" and try to view it from his eyes. you are not doing anything wrong! its just looking at this issue from a different angle. also, how about asking him to work out with you and then "rewarding" his effort with a hot shower together?

Hi R.,

Wow, I can feel your pain!

I am in my second marriage now, and the only thing I can tell you is that you can only take care of you.

My husband has a herniated disc in his neck which is causing extreme pain and weakness in his arm. He also has stomach pains almost every night during dinner. I have told him that the quality of his life is suffering and I wish he would do something. I have given him a list of chiropracters, but no response yet...

I try to be a good example and sometimes he agrees to exercise and eat healthier. All I can do is have the healthy food available and be willing to cook and serve it.

It sounds like you are crazy about your husband and your love for him is all that matters - not other people's opinions of his appearance. Just keep loving and accepting him and things will turn around!

Have a great day!

L.

My hb was like that a couple of years ago, with regards to the weight issue. About 2 years ago, he and his buddies from work made a wager. They all put up $100 each, winner take all. Who ever lost the most weigth percentage. There were 8 of them. Over 100 days. Something just lit in my hb and he took off with that contest and has never looked back. He lost 45 pounds in that period and mind you the 100 days ran through his birthday and Thanksgiving.
Yours has to try to do it on his own, but that does not mean that you can't help him along as oppose to just throwing in the towel. That's not good for anyone in the family. It could have a negative effect on your marriage, his relationship with your son, and the biggest of all his health. I won't ask, but I have to bet that the sex drive has probably gone down too right? He probably does not have the energy to and probably does not feel "attractive" to himself then he transfers that onto your thinking.
You have to change the diet in the house. Just do it. Grill your chicken, add grilled fish to your meal. Limit red meats to only 1 every 2 weeks if you can. Switch from ground meat to ground turkey. Make it a point to have salads on the table every meal. Start buying whole grain breads. Eliminate 1/2 of the junk food that you keep in the house. Don't buy as much sodas. I know he can get all these stuff on his own outside the home, but limit what he has assess to in the house. Limit your meals outside the home. Go with the angle that you are trying to tighten your budget. Buying junk food and eating out really does increase your spenditures. Tell him you want to save for a beach vacation. Maybe that will entice him to look good.
Take a picture of him with his clothes off, well I mean with a bathing suit of underpants. He probably does not truly see how he really looks like. Encourange him to go on walks with you and your son. Use your son as an excuse. Don't take no for an answer and have a game plan every day. The Y has great child care facilities, join together and work out together. He can also get free body/weight loss assessment and a personalize training program.
Get him a personal trainer session as a gift. Find a friend who he can wager with as far as who can loose the most weight. Men gets weird when they are trying to compete.
The thing is, he's got his beutiful wife and he thinks he's done. He does not have to try to impress anyone any more. You love him the way he is and he's set. His son loves him unconditionally, so he does not even have to worry about loving himself or impressing himself. The two most important people in his life is providing that for him.
I wouldn't throw in the towel, I would try every avenue and angle. If his health goes down, which you know it will, think of the other effects. Whos going to play ball with your son, who's going to ride bikes with him. His fat and out of shape dad who is out of breath just going to the mailbox? NO. So help him be the best that he can be. Good luck.

you are what you eat..............do you cook for him? if so, cook healthy and avoid processed foods and snacks. take walks together. create a lifestyle together

Let me suggest a book I just finished. It has made a HUGE impact on my married life.It has a lot of good insight into the male psyche. "Created To Be His Help Meet" and it's by Debi Pearl.
I also suggest that you email Debi at www.NoGreaterJoy.org for some sound advice. It may not be what you want to hear but she will be honest with you.
Her principles are biblically based, but if you are not a Christian, she still has great insight to how to make a marriage work.

ahhhhhh what a nightmare!, my husband was real into fast food, and red meat for the longest time, I have been vegetarian for over 12 years, so of course you can tell it bugged me. Basically the question i guess i have for you is, do you do the shopping?, if not maybe you should. My husband is almost vegetarian now, because he eats what i buy, simple as that, and now that he looks and feels better, he sticks to it. About the manners department, i am not sure i could be of any help. I mean how do you politely say to a husband "stop acting like a pig" without offending him? perhaps you two should join a gym, and even though it sounds like you don't need to, it wouldn't hurt.

I agree with the moms who suggest he may be depressed. I also think Andrea B was smart to mention the passive aggressive possibility.

I think you are right to be concerned, and actually, I think it's good that people have made comments, because we all need those reality checks. Does he know that others are concerned about his appearance? It's almost like a slight mental illness to me, to be adjusting himself, etc, in public.

R., hang in there. I'm glad to know you take care for your appearance - there is nothing vain about that! You keep it up and just keep trying to find ways to get him motivated. Best of luck!

Since this is a change in behavior, it sounds like your hubby could be depressed. Along with that he is being passive-agressive towards you by the way he dresses. He could be feeling jealous of the attention you and others give your toddler and he is getting "negative" attention by the way he dresses.
You have already mentioned this to him repeatedly. He is unhealthy and he knows it but does nothing about it. Counseling could help get to the issue behind the messiness.

Hey R., this can be frustrating, but there are a few things that you can do. First of all, if you are the person that cooks and does the shopping, healthy meals, not buying pop or junk food, is huge. I know that he can probably get unhealthy foods on his own, but when at home, you can help regulate it. Have a bunch of fresh fruits, veggies, dips washed, sliced, ready to go so if anyone needs a last minute snack they are sitting in the fridge. As far as appearance goes, try to get him to work out with you, even if it is taking a walk after dinner with the whole family, riding bikes, going swimming together. When we do activities like this it makes my husband just feel like we are having family time together rather than exercising. And lastly, just let him know that you love him and want him to be at his best. IF he'll let you, Nordstroms does a free personal shopper that will help you pick the best look and fit for your husbands body. Just keep in mind the reasons that you fell in love with your husband and don't worry about what others think. If he is a good husband and a good father, you are the envy of a lot of women who have men in their lives that cheat, are abusive, or don't pay attention to their children. Let him know often that you think he's great and the reasons that you love him. When you are trying to 'fix him up' he'll be a lot more willing if he knows that you love him regardless of his looks. Good luck and I hope it works out for you!

i have the same exact problem with my husband only my DH is an electrical worker and wears all of his clothes to work(including a nice red and white collored shirt and kaikis i had just bought him). It drives me up the wall!!!!!!!!! For your husband i would slowly remove his old clothes u dont like and put ones u do in their place. or lay out his clothes i sometimes have to do that with DH. Good Luck!!!!!!!!!

If you do all the cooking, make healthier choices. You can control that. If he is in the guard, he should have to get yearly physicals and if he isn't listening to the doc, he'll regret it.
I don't get what you are referring to as "gold digger comments". I'm assuming you are saying you are thin with big boobs. No offense, but lots of people are. Perhaps you are being too judgemental and are afraid people will judge you for HIS appearance, which is pretty sad, as you are his wife.
All you can do is make improvements in yourself if you can. Make good choices for your son. Try not to put him down in front of your son though. At some point, if you and your son are making healthy choices, he will... OR NOT.
In the end, you aren't responsible for him. He is an adult and will choose to be sloppy until HE decides to make changes.
You can not MAKE him do anything.
What you can and should do is get to the bottom of WHY you are feeling this way. Pray about it...
Good luck

Sounds like depression to me. I'd have that checked out first. The sleep apnea is a big issue as well. Get him to a sleep clinic.There is something deeper going on here than meets the eye.
Good luck!

welcome to my world -- I have been married almost 20 yrs and have 3 sons, ages 18, 15 and 11... My husband and oldest son refuse to eat healthy and it drives me crazy. I'm overweight, but eat healthly, have perfect blood pressure and excellent cholesterol levels, I have a low thyroid which messes w/metabolism and a chroinc illness that causes fatigue and joint pain, so I don't exerise as much as I'd like, but at least I know my heart is healthy.... my husband is now on insulin shots 2 x's a day, cholestrols and BP meds.... I think maybe he is finally going to take his health seriously, maybe, our DR is wonderful and will sit and talk w/me about his health and get my side of the story then call and FUSS at him about not taking care of hisself, OH and he also smokes... he still hasn't started exercising but I've noticed some healthier eating habits, so there is hope... My only advice, it has to be their idea, you can't change them, believe me I've tried... I pray for my husband, for his health and happiness and have completely quit trying to make him eat healthy. It was driving me crazy. Same w/my older son, its got to be his idea. We are going to join a city fitness center so the boys can work out, I'm hopeful that will help. I don't expect my husband to use it. He travels for his job and is gone most weeks, M-F -- but maybe he will, I don't know... so I do completely understand your frustration with the healthy eating, over the years I've learned to live with the messiness of the men in my life, they are just different creatures and for the most part, don't really care a lot about their appearance. Good Luck to you -- email me anytime to "talk"
____@____.com

Well first of all R. I feel your pain...been there. I'm divorced now but for different reasons.
First of all we all know how we percieve ourselves is how it will reflect on the outside and possibly loosing weight will be the ticket to getting your husband feeling good about himself and making an effort to clean himself up.

Obviously your doing your part by taking pride in yourself so thats a great step in the right direction. I am a big fan of eating small meals throughout the day and you would be amazed how easy this is for men to assimilate to. Men love to eat. Ok, a normal man usually needs about 2000 calories a day but normally men tend to eat alot in one sitting and eat more than that...so all you need to do it break it up. If you prepare his meals this is a great way for him to practice this without even knowing its a "diet" really its not...its a life change. Every two-three hours he needs to eat..if you tell him this he might be excited to try. Prepare each meal to be approximately 3-400 calories each and to start off it can be foods he enjoys but stay away from the sugery or starchy foods. have him eat 5 times a day at 400 calories each and he's got 2000 calories and he kept his metabolism moving all day. Any activity he might do will help as well so he will be burning fat, and gaining energy without any effort. Try this first to get him to slim down...when he sees the results he will get motivated to probably workout and buy a new wardrobe.

Aren't we women like that when we loose weight? I know I am. I sometimes have difficulty making it to the gym but I have been eating like this for two years and have managed to keep the wieght off. It keeps me motivated and I know it will for him as well. Good luck and if you have any questions, please feel free to contact me. Also praising him and giving him compliments will do wonders for a man's self esteem. They need it just as much as we do. Just a tip.

Hi! I can tell you really love your husband. I'm assuming you have discussed your fears regarding his health with your husband. If you haven't let him know how worried you are about how your family would make it should something happen to him. Due to this excess weight he may very well be at risk for a heart attack or stroke which could leave to him being physically handicapped, comatose or even death. Let him know that you can't imagine raising your little boy without him. If you are like a lot of us, YOU buy the groceries, cook and decide where/what your family will be eating. JUST STOP BUYING JUNK FOOD and Start cooking HEALTHY LOW-FAT meals. There are tons of recipes out there that are delicious. I would remind his family that he is an adult and that no one is able to MAKE him do anything but him. As for what other people think, who cares. If your husband is comfortable with the scruffy look, let him wear it. Would you rather have a wonderful (but messy) husband or a terrible (but really neat & hygenic)husband? Last but not least, PRAY!

It sounds to me he may be going through some life changes. I think it's scary for men to all the sudden to become responsible for a family...even though it may have actually happened a few years back, it may be just hitting him. Maybe this is his way of rebelling.

There are some good suggestions about cooking healthy food. My husband recently had to go on some medication, & I was starting to nag him about his food choices & portion size (not that I'm the greatest). He got angry with me, but I told him to do it for our son. I don't want to be a young widow & have our son without a father who couldn't take care of himself.

About the appearance, I would suggest trying to talk to him. When he gets defensive, tell him that you're just trying to understand. I gained a bunch of weight while pregnant, & I for certain reasons, I couldn't lose the weight. When I was able to start exercising (a year later), I started being lazy. My husband talked to me about my appearance & how I was letting myself go...I was simply not trying. I still am not near the size that I was, but I have been making an effort in my appearance. He said he really appreciates it, & things between us have been great.

Maybe now that ya'll are married, he thinks he doesn't have to try anymore. Good luck, & let us know how it goes!

I had some similar issues with my husband. I started cooking healthier and serving his food. (I know it's old-fashioned but it works) I could not get him to put veggies on his dinner plate or serve healthy portions, so I started doing it. After 3 months of serving him the right portions and veggies, he lost almost 20 pounds. He was so happy that he started jogging and has lost even more weight.
He still is messy and has gross boy habits, but at least he's getting healthy!

This has to be frustrating but unfortunately, I don't think there is much you can do to change him. He has to see that he needs to change. I would simply sit him down one more time and just state your concerns and how you feel about it. Tell him that you love him, etc. and that you are concerned about his health and the habits your son is already picking up from his daddy's behavior. When family makes comments to you about his behavior, ask them to discuss it with him and that you are just as frustrated. Maybe if he hears it from enough different people, he will start to take some things to heart. My guess, it is all about control. But in the end, he is the one that has to change. I can only imagine the frustration, etc. that comes with this. His unhealthy eating habits can only be controlled by you to a limit. If you do the cooking and grocery shopping, you can simply buy the healthy options, etc. understanding that he is an adult and can go through drive thru, etc. I would try to focus on the things that you can change and hope that he will come around at some point. Best wishes!

Hi R.. It's pretty common for married couples to get into a sort of rut especially after having children. Your energy is usually used up on taking care of them and we end up letting ourselves go. After all, we don't have to work to impress our spouse anymore, right? It sounds like your husband has just simply settled into a "comfort zone", it happens to the best of us. The problem, however, is the lack of concern for his health. He should know that you and you child need him to be around for a long time. My husband & I have been married for almost 22 years and we got in a rut a few years ago. I don't encourage dieting because they usually cause more harm than good, however, we actually changed our eating habits through the South Beach Diet. It has really made a difference in our household because it's not just about losing weight it's about developing healthier eating habits. Now if you think that your husband will not come on board with you on any kind of diet change, just start preparing meals that are healthier, that is if you are the meal preparer in the family. If you aren't, you might nominate yourself for the sake of your family. The South Beach Diet has at least 5 cookbooks out (delicious recipes by the way)plus a dining guide for the best choices when dining out. Even if you don't follow their menu exactly it's really the concept that makes the difference. I have lost 20+ pounds and my husband has lost approx. 35 and we are maintaining. (Men lose more faster, unfair but true).
As for the fashion/hygiene advice, the only thing I can tell you is to try buying him a shirt that you think will look good on him, but also that you think he will at least try on.
You might have two different views on clothing so try to make some kind of compromise. He should know that he doesn't have to wear a suit and tie to be attractive and sexy. Make sure when he does dress nice that you compliment him on how good he looks and smells. Oh yeah, also splurge on some new cologne that smells good to you. Also, one last tip on wardrobe, if you can afford it send some of his clothes to the cleaners. That way at least they will be nicely pressed when he wears them.
Regarding the bodily functions, he might have to just grow out of that but in the mean time you can discipline your precious, easily influenced little boy that that kind of behavior is not appropriate in public or in front of company. I hope this helps! God bless!

He may need see more respect from you so he can respect himself. Men need their woman to respect them and they are to love us. Lots of things changed when I discovered this prescription. See Ephesians 5:22-33 for more good information. That is the reason my husband and I celebrated 31 years of marriage last December. You sound like a real sweety who loves her hubby. This is a plan that worked for me and many others I know. Hope this helps.

Most of the time when people take this passive aggressive approach there is something deeper going on. You might really want to reflect on exactly when the change occurred and what emotional thing might have happened (birth of child might mean loss of identity, was there a death in the family). I don't know if he would go to a male group (church, bowling, camping, fishing, etc) maybe more bonding with males that have some of the qualities he used to possess might encourage him to get back to his old self. Finding a male role model that he hangs out with might help. You can only lead by example. I tell my husband "your appearance is not a reflection on me it is a reflection of you so dress how you feel is appropriate for the event, use your best judgment". With that I give him his power and I don't have to be his "mommmy". Good luck. I hope this helped you.

He may be going through a depression and need some meds to help get him out of it. Men don't readily recognize when they need help and if you have tried all other avenues then it would be wise to check it out.
Take him to the Dr. and go in with him and explain your concerns and let the Dr. know his change in behavior. It could make all the difference in the world to both of you.

Have him go to the dr. to check him out for any weight related issues - blood pressure, diabetes, etc. The most unhealthy sustained weight gain, especially for males is abdominal - it literally presses on and squishes the organs and causes them to have to work harder to do their job.

I also really think he is having a mood/depression problem. EIther way, he really needs a check up. Start regulating what he eats. Have lots of veggies in the fridge, yoghurt, cheese, whatever. Don't shock him too much at first. Guys hate rabbit food. Even the prepared salads for lunch, like chicken cesear or whatever so he feels satisfied for his appetite and can have so many snacks per day.

Tell him your concerns in a positive way about his physical health. Make him see an MD! Enlist other family members, like his mom or any sibs to scare him into going. Don't harp on the appearance so much, but address it from a health concern. Sit him down and talk to him rationally and hopefully he will listen!

Sounds like you're more self-absorbed about what he looks like (and what you look like) than you are worried about his health. Just leave the poor guy alone. He loves you, right? And he's good to you? That's what matters. Who cares about the comments? Who cares that your nails and hair are nice but his aren't?
Good grief... give the poor guy a break.
I'm in a simalar situation myself... fat snoring man, attractive slim woman. But I don't care. Sure, I'm concerned for his health and I make sure he knows that. But I'm not going to nag him about it. He's a great guy and I love him.

Rene,

I feel your pain! My husband and I are in the same boat. He really didn't care if he was overweight and doesn't care to exercise. I too like plumpy men, but I want him to be healthy above all. Well, long story short, my husband recently decided all my himself that he needed a lifestyle change. He is now eating smaller portions and eating healthly meals. After years of my nagging, I decided to leave him alone. Then he himself decided he should make a change. Good luck!

First of all, I just had to say reading your response made me laugh, because the clothes you were describing are exactly what is in my husbands closet! He has a bunch of those shirts with the collars! Old Navy is his favorite store. I actually don't mind it so much, but he also can dress up really nice when we go out and of course to church. I don't know what to tell you about the other stuff though. Maybe he should join the military, cuz then he'd be forced to work out every day, and he'd have to shave every day... :) Whatever you do, DON'T let yourself go just to try and get a point across! That's really weird advice... But you could ask him how he would like it if you did let your self go? And you could always talk to him about how it would be nice if he cared more about himself. Why does he get a hot wife and you have to have a sloppy husband? :)

I had the same concerns you have and can offer advice that helped my husband. First of all, he hates to shop for anything except "man things" so I buy ALL his clothes from head to toe and over time have given his cherished rags to charity. He complained at first, but he is proud of the way he looks now and remember: Buy comfortable clothes he will wear. I still have to tell my husband to change shirts or socks that don't match. Teach him where that is concerned and give him compliments when he looks nice.
Weight wise, don't say anything about his weight. It causes more weight. I had a conversation with my husband about what he liked to do before we married. He loves the water and told me he used to swim. That was something we could do alone or with each other. I called around and found a fitness center (at a hospital, it is not a meat market) that is on his way home from work. We went together and checked it out. He started swimming 4 months ago, has lost 20lbs, gets his cardio and muscle workout, and he is up to 30 laps in 30 minutes! He loves it! It is convenient and he will not miss going, even on the weekends. His stress level is down, weight is down, energy level up. One downfall, he gets home an hour later.

good luck lady..thats hard to change in a man i am sure he was that way in early days just impressed you for a while..

You can't make him change - most men (and women) don't like it when people pester them to change. He has to want it for himself. There are things though, in his life that you may be able to control. His food, for example. If you do the shopping and cooking, you can make sure that the dinner table is piled high with vegetables, less carbs, healthy and low-fat proteins... And keep the frige/freezer low on fatty sugary foods. It'll keep your family eating healthy and be good for everyone.

There's always the option of "letting yourself go" and letting him see what it's like to be married to someone who's letting themself go (but only do it if you really think it will work.) He might feel differently about it if he were on the other end.

Another option could be to find someone who is in advanced stages of Type 2 diabetes. Some of the things that can happen are scary. It's always best if it's someone they know though. My father has an insulin pump and he has to change the catheder the insulin goes though to get into him every few days. My uncles saw my dad changing it and are bound and determined never to let themselves get to that point. So am I, for that matter.

Good luck.

R.,
your post had me in hysterics! especially the part about the unibrow and then the public display of farting and belching. My husband does not do these things but if he did them even once, I'd put a stop to it right then and there. That is just plain disrespectful. However, I can relate to the part of fashion sense. My husband has work out clothes, and nice going out clothes, but no in between. He owns a restaraunt so he wears work out clothes everyday. No khakis,collared short sleeves,or dress shorts. Its annoying. If we go somewhere during the day,I'll wear a cute sundress and then he'll wear work out clothes. I hate it!!
But, he was like this when I met him so I can't really complain.
If my husband started letting himself go and becoming publicly disrespectful, I would tell him straight up that it is very hard for me to be attracted to him in the state that he's in. You said yourself that he was not like this before and that this is something he has become. Well, you can either deal with it for the rest of your life, or tell him to get his butt in gear. The fact that he doesnt care about the way he looks is somehwhat of an insult to you b/c he doesnt seem to care what you think of him. I don't even like to get romantic with my husband if I haven't shaved my legs. I care what he thinks about me. And aside from his dress,the fact that he takes personal care of himself, shows that he cares what I think.
And this is just a small part of things. Your husbands health is a main concern. The fact that he doesn't care irritates me. Its a bit selfish of him not to care about his own health when he has a wife and child who love him...

The only thing I can think of is have him read your question, maybe the fact that you are looking for help and care enough to ask for help will wake him up. The only other piece I can offer is, only try to change one thing at a time, men are simple, this week ask if " Baby can you please not adjust yourself in public" after about four weeks ask him to change something else. Men can not change all at once. A little at a time is the best any of us can do and after about 5 years you will have made him what you want him to be, but beware you change him to much and he may not be the man you feel in love with, but an idea you wanted.

well ther isn[t a whole lot you can do because you can lead a horse to water but cant make them drink it. I have a son that is alot like your husband and he is 18. I try having only healthy snacks like fruit and lean meals that I cook like lots of bake chicken and veggies. it has't done much good. I did though just recently buy a family anytime fitness membership and he is actually working out. you might try that also about the wrinkly clothes you may have to iron every thing and make that the only thing availabe to his reach "ironed clothes." Another thing i suggest going to a diet doctor . my husband also has weight issues and his friend started losing weight so he notice and asked him how and it was a diet doctor some new diet pill that is suppose to be safe and he has lost 30 of the forty he needs to lose. But i think it is because he made his mind up own his own to do it not any thing i did or said.

R.,
I think you need marriage counseling not dieting tips for him. It starts here.... the not caring about his looks etc...and then where does it go?

A good marriage needs work, all marriages do at some point, and this is your time. Go to a counselor first, talk to him/her about the issues. But let your hubby know you're going and that you'd like him to go to because you are not satisfied with the way the marriage is going.

Maybe your church does a couple building seminar, if so sign up for it, you need it.

You guys are going in two different directions, and this happens, but you need to get back on track.

As far as your friends and family and others saying things, tell them to stop it right now. It's none of their business, it's yours and his. You are a couple now and you must respect each other at all times even when you don't like each other or each others habits. And you must look out for each other as far as health too. So it's important for YOU to address with your husband but tell everyone else to butt out and to be kind.

Oh goodness-

I'm having similar issues. Husband not shaving/showering as much as I'd like. Doesn't care a bit about how he dresses...etc. I really don't say much because that's just him and I want him to be comfortable. He also gained weight with my pregnancy and we joke about it--I'm sure once I have my son (due Feb 8th) my husband will lose the weight also. He'll see me getting active and he'll join in (what normally happens).
Anyhow, have you tried going a LONG time without mentioning ANYTHING related to his scruffiness, weight, behaviors? I know it's hard not to, but I notice that after a couple of weeks of me not saying ANYTHING and loving on him without judgement, he tends to actually try HARDER to look a bit better.
It's funny that the "boy" in them is rebelling on some level possibly. And every time he does anything that you think looks/smells nice, don't go overboard to complement, just sweetly, nonchalantly notice and let him know you think he's sexy and "manly."
Also, bring in good food to the house and see if you can get out with him and your son for activities that are fun but also burn some calories! You can't beat good 'ol endorphins.
Please make sure not to be passive-aggressive either. It will get your husbands defenses up which will drive him harder in the other direction.
He might feel like he needs to embrace his current heavier/messier state because he feels he might as well be happy with it because he's already gone too far into it. I must tell you though--no matter how he acts, truly no one FEELS better with extra weight and having to try to fit into clothes that no longer fit.
Oh--and make sure to complement him on all the other things he does really well as a partner and a father. Take the spotlight away from those things that bother you and are much less important.
Okay--I wish you the very best. And having said all of this--trust me, I KNOW how much it means to have a healthy husband. I know your concerns. But just notice that if what you've said and done in the past haven't worked, you might need to go a whole other direction. He's going to have to make the changes for himself. He already knows how you feel.
Warmly,
L.

You may have to be the leader in this if you want him to work out youll have to start 1st then get him to do it with you. Like walks with the baby, or going to the gym together, me and my husband would go to the gym together everyday for two hours we lost so much weight then I stopped going and so did he. Also, make smaller potions cooking for 2 instead of 4 and food make it well balanced, if you don't buy junk he cant eat junk. And if hes going out to fastfood don't let him have money for it say you need to cut back on spending. As for the way he dresses well my husband is the same way tshirt and jeans and I am in heels and dress? He has recently tried cargo pants and is likeing them, I usally just buy him shirts that say like Tommy or have the polo logo on it, something of a higher quality and that seems to dress him up some. HTH

Hey Girl, Sometimes with men you have to show them for them to get it. For example, my ex used to always have plumber crack. I would complain & complain and it didn't change until one day I decided to show some crack. After that he was always more aware. I'm not saying you need to gain weight & become a sloppy mess but maybe let yourself go (as much as you can) and when he comments you can say "see its nice when I try to be healthy and look good for you". Also if he's wearing alot of horizontal stripes that is only going to make him appear bigger so plain t's might help. Have you tried exercising together? Good Luck! Be patient and remember to breathe;)

Unfortunatly, we cannot change people. But the great thing is that you do have some control. Cook really healthy meals and have healthy snacks around the house. If he complains, just let him know that you care about the family's well being, and it starts with healthy meals. This will help your son form good habits as well. Not having your son follow in the bad habits and footsteps of your husband will be hard, but when your son does try to be like dad, just explain to him that the behavior is unacceptable. Even though other people (dad) do it, doesn't make it right, and you want him to be the best he can be. My husband, and I too, have habits we don't want our 15 year old daughter to pick up. Not that we are changing what we do, but we explain to her that bad habits are hard to change, and we don't want her to even get started with them. Now she is the one getting on us and holding us accountable, which is great! We have always explained to her that there are always consequences to your actions, so making the best decision you can initially is the best way to go. With time (a lot of time), my husband has SLOWLY changed some of his ways. There may be hope for your husband as well. I believe and hope, that people will change because they see how good things are in your world. They see it and want the same. Just be consistant in your behavior as a mom and wife, don't be accusatory, and be a positive influence for both of those men you are trying to raise. And above all, pray everyday that God will keep you strong in this endeavor. Good luck!

R., I can understand your frustration and you are right to be concerned. I don't think your hubby needs a fashion lesson though. Keep in mind that extra fat IS HOT and that can also be making his heart have to work extra hard, so try to keep him cool in the clothing he wears...allow sandals and baggy shorts for now. My hubby loves lightweight silk or cotton button-up-the front hawaiian print shirts (not the brightly colored ones, they have some in muted colors too. I got a few at Marshalls that were Bill Blass) that way he looks more put-together than with a t-shirt and it is tolerable for public.

I was particularly interested in the comment about depression. If this is the case, it is a very serious issue and may warrant a call to his doctor before his next check-up. Another thing to consider is his thyroid. Hypothyroidism can cause weight gain, especially if you don't think that he is eating an inordinate amount of food. I am sure you get that belittling him or insulting his appearance will just do more harm than good, so resist (as tempting as it may be.)

I just lost 26 lbs and am only 5'4 so even a little goes a long way. I worked out like mad and never lost weight. I believe that it is "ALL ABOUT THE FOOD." If he is a big drinker (see the comment about depression) that is adding a lot of calories. I used slimfast optima shakes for breakfast to lose weight at first and am using it now in conjunction with weight watchers. You can go to slimfast.com and sign up for free, enter his height/weight and they will tell you how many calories he should be eating per day. Make sure he is getting all of the calories or he won't lose. You don't have to go crazy with the vegetables, you can eat well and healthily at the same time. Do you cook? If not, it is really time to start. Fast food and restaurant food are awful. You can control what you put in your food. I have started cooking with light butter which is 1/2 the calories and as long as I am mixing it with other ingredients, I use fat free sour cream and fat free soups. It can really make a difference. If you cut back his food intake, he will be able to lose weight and not have to work out. When he starts losing, be right there to compliment him. If he snacks a lot, get honey pretzel twists or regular pretzels. Make sure he is drinking water, just fix him a glass of ice water and take it to him.

You should also consider your sex life. I know it can be exhausting with little ones in the house, but I know my husband loses a lot of his self esteem when we are not having sex (I had three c-sections so he knows what dry spells are!). Anyway, sometimes men feel wanted and loved by women just through sex. It is possible that comments from others about how pretty you are and "what is he doing with you" have gotten to him...especially in a guard atmosphere (boys are cruel) this could have caused him to feel inadequate and give up believing you would be better off with someone better looking. Praise and love will reverse this, but praise him for taking out the trash or other little things he does...bathing the baby, cleaning out the dishwasher, etc. Also, men who have very little children are sometimes jealous of the attention that their kids get and have gotten for the last 20 mos. Your son is old enough to have a babysitter. Try to go on a date alone with your hubby once a week. Dinner and a movie, something to look forward to. Bowling, walking in a quaint area...it doesn't have to be expensive, just time for you two alone (we are so lame that once we rented a dvd and sat in the back of our van in a parkinglot and watched the DVD.)

I am grateful that you care enough to ask for help. Be really careful though, and do look at this from the perspective that your hubby may be temporarily ill. If you harbor angry feelings and at the same time you are getting compliments from outside, you may be tempted to find appreciation outside your home. In the scheme of things, this is just a little challenge to overcome. Love yourself (keep taking care of yourself and your son will see that!), love your son and love your husband, for better or for sloppy...!

i made my husband be healthier by cooking healthier stuff. we don't really eat out so i found really good healthy stuff for all of us to eat better all the time. i wanted to loose weight and i knew that was the only way it was going to happen! kraft.com has some GREAT recipies! good luck!