Will Losing Weight Really Make Our Relationship Better???

I recently lost 20lbs (I weigh 120 now, so its a lot for my weight) and my husband took me out to buy new clothes and pawns all over me now.

I dont know that it has changed the quality of the relationship and that wasnt my goal when losing the weight, but he is definitely more attracted to me now.

Good luck with whatever you decide! I drank lots of water, had a stash of nuts for when I was hungry, went no sweets for 2 months (this was hard, but my sugar craving finally went away and now I dont miss it!) and limited fast food.

I know so many husbands that FREAKED when their wives started losing weight. For one thing....they were insecure and loved their wives the way they were but when momma started getting a more hot figure to her, some husbands were more worried about that end of it because other men might catch a glimpse of you being beautiful too.
Work on your weight for yourself because it's the healthy thing to do. And it's easier to be active with your daughter and your husband.
You can get things back in more ways than one.
Strive to be the beautiful woman you are at what ever weight you are and know that it's possible for some bigger ladies to be healthier than super skinny ones, especially if your husband likes a little meat on your bones.
I think you should continue to exercise and eat healthfullly and give your husband a reason to find you sexy.
I had a very good male friend who loved me dearly, but he always said he wouldn't give me two glances. I was too thin for him. And he meant it. He married a beautiful large woman. That's what made him hot. They have been married for years and have a child and he likes her the way she is.

Make yourself feel good about you and the rest will follow.

Best wishes!

The answer is yes. Losing weight will make you feel confident, it will make you feel strong, and make you feel sexy. Exercise has a way of doing all that for me, you just have to give it time. It will make your relationship better because of the confidence it will give you. I was about 211 lbs at my biggest and I can honestly say I had never felt more insecure and miserable. I hated the way I looked in all my clothes and finally said enough is enough. I worked out and changed my eating habits and the pounds kept coming off. Got down to 155 before I got pregnant, and gained 40 lbs during pregnancy. Baby was born a month ago and im 168 now. Even with the baby weight I feel amazing because I know where I was at.

Honey he is your husband, please talk to him. My husband is my biggest encouragement. He is your man. Tell him you've felt a distance and you know weight is the underlying issue,but that you've taken charge and lost 11 lbs already. It will be hard work but you can do it if it really means something to you. Good luck ! I'll be working on mine too.

I do not believe you will lose your marriage because of a weight gain, after all no one is perfect. What does happen is that self esteem problem. Take a serious look at hubby. Is he absolutely perfect. Go outside. Look at all the men around and then the women if you want. Are they perfect? Marriages end for lots of reasons and some of the best marriages I know of are people who just enjoy being together and having fun. Tell him to stop it. You may lose your marriage if you lose lots of weight (congratulations on the first set !! you go girl) and the reason why you could lose your marriage is you are becoming so smoking hot he might be jealous. Tell him not to worry and don't listen to him when he starts on his thick comments. Let him know he is thick in the head.

In my opinion yes it will. You will feel better about yourself and your hubby will find you more attractive. I am not a heavy person, never have been. But at times I have been a little thicker than I feel comfortable. My close don't fit right and I just feel fat. Which doesn't make you want to be close or intimate. When I have lost the weight or even just start exercising, I feel better. Sexier. And that makes me feel better about being close or sexy with my husband. It certainly can't hurt your relationship. And in the end you will be a healthier, better you. Good luck and I hope everything thing works out for you two.

I'm not married however I was in a relationship and myself gave birth. I gained 45 lbs but eventually lost some of the weight. I think men can be very selfish and demanding when pregnancy is involved. You may not ever be the size you were when you first met your husband however I think you have to be dedicated into losing the weight and also watching what you eat, and when you eat. Ask your husband for his participation as well. Best of luck.

I did not read the other answers, but it mainly has to do with how you feel about yourself. When you are confident and love yourself then a man does too. If you are worried about what he thinks that really shows. My marriage got better when I quit caring so much about him and started being true to myself. I am who he fell in love with in the first place not my weight. I am now around what I weighed when my husband and I first got married and he thinks I am to skinny to bad because I am comfortable and happy. And honestly this is the best relationship we have had since we got together. We talk and are open and care about each others feelings, but tell the truth no matter what. We made mistakes in the past that could have cost us our marriage and we refuse to let something happen again.

Losing weight boosts anyone's self confidence. Being confident is attractive and sexy to most people. Whether you are built like a "brick____house" or just a girl like me, average height, weight, ...walk tall, shoulders back and stomach in. Know that you look the best you can. Make the most of what you have been given by God. Your partner fell in love with you for a reason. If losing weight will help, go for it. Be healthy, eat right, exercise, and love much.

My husband is a starting to gain a lot of weight. I do feel a little less attracted and worry mostly about his health, so it has caused some strain with us, as I see him overeating on things that hurt him. He has a family history of heart disease, and it worries me, and also having to buy bigger clothes for him has put a strain on our budget.

So, don't always think the partner who is looking in is purely doing it for selfish reasons out of attractvieness.

That said, losing weight for yourself is where to start. You will be healthier, and have more energy and more self confidence. I can only guess, but maybe the weight gain has made you feel less assertive or confident as well, and maybe has played a role in your relationship? Weight gain can also create a low sex drive over time as well.

Perhaps, on top of getting back into shape, you and your husband can go on nightly walks together, maybe take an excersize class or learn how to cook some healthier meal options. Use this as a reason for the two of you to date again in new ways. It will be good for both of you. Good luck!

11 lbs. GO YOU!

Of course it will help. You will be happier and feel more confident, and you will have done something for him.

There are no guarantees, of course, but you have already proven that you can do it. Do it for yourself! There are no downsides to making yourself healthier and improving yourself. And think how proud you will be!

I didn't read all the responses - so sorry if this is repetitive.
Good luck on your weight loss plan - I know it's a tough road. Your decision to lose weight is a great one - for so many reasons. Not only will it help your marriage but your health and self esteem will improve greatly. When you feel better and healthier you will be happier (not saying you aren't happy - but it's amazing how when you start to feel better you then realize you weren't at your peak). You can work on your marriage though without it being all about weight. I suggest spending a little extra time with your husband on a regular basis. You may be focusing more on your child than on him (which we all do) and not realize that he needs more attention. Not to sound prehistoric - I've just found it to be that way. Men are needy. :)

In order to lose the weight you need to do it for YOU, not for him. Do YOU think you're too heavy? If you don't, you'll gain all the weight back eventually.
I don't think losing weight is going to hurt your marriage, but I can't say that it's going to be a fix-all either. If there is a distance, chances are it's more than just the physical stuff going on. That might make him lose his sexual attraction to you, but you're still the same person he married. Have you talked to him about it? It sounds like you need to really have a nice long talk with him. Often times when we have a child we shift our focus from our husband to your child and it's really harmful on the marriage. Dad starts to feel left out. Some men have a hard time looking at their wives in a sexual manner after they give birth. They put us in the category of "mother" instead of "wife."
I think losing the weight is fantastic! But, just don't expect things to magically go back to the way they were. I don't know why so many women seem hesitant to talk to their husbands about the way they feel. I think you'd be amazed at how far a long heart-felt talk can go. Just don't be accusatory. Use words like "I feel like this..."
Good luck with your weight loss and your marriage!

Congrats on losing the weight! I'm sort of in the same boat, except that I didn't start as thin as you; but I did gain weight with my younger son, and then after initially losing some, gained more. [I'm an emotional eater, and although it's no excuse, I was going through some rough spots, and it was very easy to eat.] I'm really trying to get a handle on it now, though.

I kind of think that husbands tend not to treat their wives any better than the wives treat themselves. So, if we "let ourselves go".... so will they. A big problem for me, is that when my husband more or less withdraws from me, I get more emotional and want to eat more, so it's a vicious cycle, which I just simply must break. Identifying the problem (which has taken some introspection and probably will take more) has been a big step. That way, when I get upset and want to eat (many times I feel truly hungry, even though I shouldn't be physically hungry), I stop and tell myself, "You're not really hungry; you just want to eat because you're frustrated/angry/hurt, etc.," which gives me the ability to recognize the "hunger" for what it really is, and deal with the *real* issue, rather than just medicating my anger with chocolate chip cookies.

Well, I'm on the other end. I have always been small, but my husband has gained a bit of weight since our last succesful pregnancy. I gained 20 lbs while I was prego, but he gained 30. I never told him that I was unattracted to him b/c of it, but I guess he could feel it. I love him, and always have, but the sexual attraction changed alot when he was that heavy. He lost the weight since then. Kudos to you for trying to get healthy!

I didn't read your responses, but let's get things in perspective and face the important aspects of the issue.

Granted, looks are important (to ALL of us, not just to men). Health is another biggie. Habits, attitudes, emotions, all have a part. Love is the biggest thing of all.

Now, God made men to get their satisfaction as a person from their job/work. He made women to get their fulfillment from their husbands. (I know this doesn't seem fair, but it IS how it is, and all we can do is go with it). Most men DON'T fulfill their part in making us feel validated, affirmed, cherished, and even loved. A lot of women let themselves become doormats and subservients to an unhealthy degree.

It's all about balance. You need things in your life that bring you satisfaction apart from your husband (and kids), but you also need to make him feel like a man (they have very sensitive egos, hence their [false] 'fronts' of being all in control of their emotions and full of self-confidence. We build fortresses around our weaknesses, not our strengths).

Concentrate on doing/saying things that make him feel more 'manly' and valiant. This is the opposite of human nature, but it works (I've been married 34 years and I'm still not good at it, but I KNOW it's what's right & I'm working on it!) Making him feel more masculine and heroic will bring out his chivalry to you, no matter what you look like! Remember things that attracted you to him in the first place and tell him 'he's still got it'! LOL

For your own good, though, just change a few little habits to eat more healthily. Drink lots of water (we're often thirsty instead of hungry, and sweet drinks -- diet drinks or otherwise -- just don't quench thirst like water does). Eat a piece of fruit instead of candy or other sweets. Munch on a veggie instead of chips. Cook 'from scratch' instead of prepared foods. (Takes a little more time, but is cheaper AND healthier).

Were you physically/sexually molested as a child? I've heard that this is very often the cause of many women's weight issues. If this is the case, maybe see a minister or therapist about that -- the real issue.

May God bless and keep you and your marriage strong!

P.S. I actually went back & read your responses, and you got some really good advice!

Please have a check up done. I found out that I have thyroid issues &
I'm insulin resistant (pre diabetic) and that is why I wasn't losing at all:( got all that worked out and lost 31 lbs in 60 days; I have to eat like a diabetic & count calories and portion control.
My DH is a larger man but he isseeing the difference & I'm doing it for 'me' to live longer

I hope he becomes more aware of his hea

I can now walk 3.5 miles

Lose the weight for yourself. Pregnancy and weight gain is difficult emotionally and physically for us women and having a supportive partner always helps. If you need time to workout have your husband watch the kids or join babybootcamp.com or stollerfit.com in your area that way you can workout and have the kids with you that's what i did with our second baby. I track my food and workouts on mypyramid.gov

With our first daughter I went from (height 5'6) 110 lbs to 280 and lost it all in 6 months. However, I liked having some curves so I kept it at 136. With our second baby I went up to 285 and so far i've gotten down to 174. Its taking me longer because i pushed her out on first try and suffered 4th degree tear , threw my hip out and nerve damage from the epidural so i've had a long road to recovery. I'm losing the weight for me because I want to be healthy to run around with the kids plus i bought a sexy little dress to wear on our anniversary in January to help keep me focused. You know my husband does tell me "wow you are looking great; i'm happy you gave me another child but if you just got big sitting at home it would be a different story." Now, I told him his praise was half*** because what was his excuse for gaining weight and that he needed to workout. So now he works out too.

No person is perfect so when you get to the weight you want...your husband better think about that and start treating you right and being supportive now before you change your mind about him. Just remember to lose the weight for you. See the goal and attain it. You can do it. Congrats on losing 11Lbs; you are on the right track.

I notice whenever I am feeling insecure it is a bit of a turn-off to my husband. Confidence (not arrogance) on the other hand seems to be more of an attractor (is that a word). Anyhow, while you are losing the weight, try the "fake it til you make it" approach regarding your confidence and see if that will make a difference in how he responds to you.

First off way to go loosing weight is hard!! esp when you are a momma!!! second if your husband only liked you when you were thin do you really want to be with someone like that? Think long and hard about that but in the mean time keep up the good work for your health and your self esteem no one else!

I don't have a good answer for you but I feel so sorry that you feel this way. Have you tried just asking your husband if his feelings have changed? Maybe it doesn't bother him in the way of loss of feelings but just wants you healthy. I think you should go to your doctor and get on a good weight loss plan, a healthy one that will stick and not be gained back right away. If you can afford it, try joining a gym and getting a trainer...a friend did that and it not only worked but it became a habit for her. You might just need a kickstart, don't get down or depressed or it will get worse. Get rowdy about it, get serious, get happy, and get walking! Get a HUGE thermos or jug for water and fill it everynight before bed, put it in the fridge at bedtime and in the am, play a game with yourself and see if you can drink one or two of them a day. Get a new eating plan, you can still eat good, fill yourself up, just eat a lot of fiber to fill you up more. Get out and walk...show your husband you are trying. I can't imagine he would lose feelings for you but if he did, you have to know it was not all about your weight anyway. As he sees you lose it will turn him on again. ;o) The more you lose, the more you think you look pretty, the more you act pretty and the more your character shows this and it will reflect on your husband and he will be more attracted to you! Don't let this get you down, keep emailing us moms if you need to. Get some other army moms to walk with you. I used to have contests with friends to see how much weight we could lose..it is easier when you have support. Maybe your husband could stand to lose a bit too and he could exercise and help you. Stop buying fatty foods so they are not tempting. YOU CAN DO IT! If not for your husband, for your own health and your daughter. :O)

I'm so sorry you are having such a hard time. I want to encourage you to lose the weight for you. It will make you feel healthier and have more energy. It will help you to be around longer for your daughter and your husband. The relationship issues may improve. I think often that the relationship problems stem from within. Sometimes it could be that the wife lacks self-esteem. Sometimes the husband is discontent and unthankful for the precious wife he has been given. It probably is more a combo of both to some degree. My advice to you would be to continue to work on your weight for you. Love your husband. Serve him. Rejoice in him. Respect him. Honor him. Those things are way more important to a man than a number on a scale. WAY more important. You might consider cutting out all sugar and white flour. You will see results so much faster. You may get a headache the first few days as you detoxify from that poison, but it will go away. If you crave something sweet, eat sugar-free jello. It's cool and will fill that sweet-tooth need. You can do it. Blessings to you.