Anyone Else a Stick in the Mud?

The difference is you grew up , and got responsible and they didn't.
It sounds like you have out grown their type of entertainment.
I have a BIL that is over 30 and he still hasn't discovered that getting plastered isn't the best thing to be doing , or the best way to have fun.

i am a total stick in the mud :) but i have always been that way, i can count probably on two hands the total - TOTAL number of times i have been "out" like you are describing. i never thought it was fun to get plastered (and just "hope" that nothing bad happens...)

but you are 26. it's kind of that gray age where some of us are ready to settle down and some are still partying hard. give it 3 or 4 years and you'll probably be less lonely in the mud :)

danged proud of you!

you did everything right.....& I say ....find new friends!

you are not a stick in the mud. You were a responsible adult.

& YES, you can have fun without booze!

I don't drink. At all. Like, I have NEVER had a drink. I have been to a bar ONCE. I hated it. It was pathetic seeing all these grown adults getting sloppy drunk and going home with someone who may or may not be/have, aids, other stds, a serial killer, etc. I sat and wondered if they really knew how stupid they looked, and how proud of themselves they'd feel in the morning. (I'm gonna go with, not proud at all.) It actually made me MORE glad that I'm me, and I don't have to resort to that for a "good time." (Also, I'm married. However, I haven't always been!)

I have plenty of fun in my life. The difference, is I have friends who like the same kind of fun I do. When your friends start to make you feel bad, for being yourself...I wonder if you even need that in your life. Maybe, it's time for you to branch out a but and find more friends.

Why do you care what you look like?
"It just kills me that I'm the one who looks like I'm no fun. I'm the one who looks like I had the bad night. They are the ones who chose to be irreponsible and drink too much and risk going off w/some guys they didn't even know. They think I'm the one who has a problem b/c I'm a bit more modest. Time to accept that we are becoming different people and try to make new friends who want to do more productive things with their time."

From where I sit, if you care. I think you look like a person that likes to have fun, but does not need alcohol to do that.

Most of the people I have ever known were like this, especially once we had children.

We have fun by having book clubs, playing games, going to coffee houses, going to festivals, taking weekend trips. Super nice dinners at restaurants.

We volunteer together. Some of my friends take yoga classes together.

I think the problem here is that you have outgrown your old friends.. This si not unusual.

Look around and let it be known to acquaintances that you want to go to s concert. an event, start a group.. be pro active about it.

ooh honey!! you aren't a stick in the mud!! It's called growing up and being responsible. Sounds like they are trying to play catch up. You're comfortable in your skin and who you are - there is NOTHING wrong with that - at all - you go mama!!!

I don't drink. I'm not a recovering alcoholic - I just don't drink. It doesn't do anything for me and I like to keep my faculties about me.

i'm 46, so all my friends are like me - we go out to dinner, talk. go to the movies. go to a book club. We've gone to concerts. I'm the designated driver. I don't need alcohol to have a good time. I love going to concerts!!

I would move on from these friends. You don't need to be made to feel bad for not wanting to drink and go out with men you don't know!! I love that you are comfortable with who you are!! IF you weren't in Omaha - I'd say come hang out with us!!

I roadie for a band so I go out a lot. I will have a glass of wine in the beginning of the evening then switch to water. I have never liked the feeling of being drunk. I love to dance, I'm not there to pick up guys or get laid. If I meet someone I might exchange phone numbers; but I don't date drunks so if a drunk tries picking me up and won't take no for an answer I hand him a business card that says 'R. the Roadie' and a phone number the number is to the rejection hotline. If he calls the number he gets a response that says "you have reached the rejection hotline the person who gave this number isn't interested in you and thinks you are a loser..."
You can google 'rejection hotline' and get a number that has phone numbers that are 800 numbers or with your area code.

I know it's not nice but no means no.

btw I'm 57.

And yes I know there are a lot of other things to do on a weekend night and I do do that also.

Stick in the mud here as well! We don't have many, if any single friends for that very reason.
Notice I said 'single', age doesn't matter really. We know people in their 50s' acting like twenty year olds.
You have a LARGE support group, lol

My husband and my friends think I'm fun, I think I'm fun, but I'm not into that scene (at all) anymore either. I wouldn't consider you a stick in the mud. As a matter of fact, if they want to do the same thing every weekend (go to a club, drink til they get drunk, hook up with random guys), then the winner for the no fun category would go to them, in my opinion. Some people aren't well rounded. Some people just get stuck on a little hamster wheel and can't get off. Hopefully they'll look up one day and go "what the heck? is there something else to do in this town?" I wouldn't look down on them though. If they're recently divorced, this may be their way of working some things out, and making sure they still "got it" and can win a guy. You're not there. It's not something to judge them on, but don't compare yourself to them: it's apples to oranges since you're just not a recent divorcee.
In my youth (18-20) I partied HARD. Like 7 days a week for 10 1/2 months before my first weekend off, 2 pints of vodka everyday to WARM UP before going out to drink in New Orleans kind of partying. A lot of my friends did actually distance themselves from me. Sad thing is, I didn't even really notice until I got sober. I swore I was having a good time....but couldn't really tell what happened (we---my bff and I, since she was the only one that actually stayed with and helped "push" this lifestyle---definitely lost a solid 8 months somewhere in there that are completely unaccounted for). In retrospect, how much fun is no memory at all, or the questionable positions you find yourself in, or "etc".
I do like to go out and have a few drinks but ONLY with responsible people, especially given my "natural tendencies". They seem to have gone away since I became a mother but it's just best to be safe. We go check out a salsa night, or hit a seedy blues club, or check out some great jazz at a bar, or take my husband on a date to a hotel that's hosting an event. We like to dance a little, we like to drink a little, but there's SO MUCH MORE to "fun" than that. And being married, no. I wouldn't be comfortable at all with the meat market scene (which I personally hate) especially if my girlfriends were looking to hook up afterwards. That's not being a stick in the mud as much as being a fish out of water. :)
You're not wasting your youth. Doing the same thing over and over is a waste. Trying out new things----while you still have the energy to do so----that's taking advantage of your youth. Keep doing what makes you feel comfortable and makes you happy. Don't worry about anything else. And don't let them say stuff that gets to you. They probably are too drunk and in their little issues to realize it could be hurtful. But a good friend isn't going to make you question yourself like that. Incidentally---the friends who recognized I'd jumped headlong off the deep end and distanced themselves from me? We're good friends again. If it's meant to be, you can all catch up when paths cross again.

I agree that you need new friends. You don't sound like a stick-in-the mud at all to me.

I like dancing, but I prefer social dance, which requires some basic skills. I like dancing the salsa, jitterbug, the lindy, etc. I even like dancing the two-step and the merengue, which are pretty darn easy, but are still about dancing with a partner (when you have a good lead, not a groper!:). I am not snotty about it - it's just what I like. I am bored by the other kind of dancing.

I like good beer, but it needs to be combined with social dance, or a music jam, or some kind of game with friends, or a conversation with a really, really funny friend. Just drinking to drink? I don't get it. Again, to me, this is boring.

Your friends are focused on booze and men. To me, nothing is more boring than that. Maybe you aren't reserved - maybe they're, um, boring.

Don't give up. You will find your friends. And they won't think you're a stick-in the-mud. They'll think you are a smart, complex woman, with varied skills and interests.

Best of luck to you.

If that's being a stick in the mud--sign me up!

You sound responsible and happy with the life you have.
They sound unhappy and immature.

Don't get me wrong, I enjoy a girls night out every so often, but often find myself ready to go home.
I know I'm not missing anything at a bar!
(Apparently they don't. Kind of sad for them, if you think about it...)

You're on the right track. Think about this: They met guys at a bar and wanted to go somewhere with them? If a college student did that I'd be telling her, honey, this is how you end up getting hit on or much, much worse. They're grown-ups? For real?

The caliber of people you are going to meet while ice skating, going to sports events (and I'd add: Taking fun classes and courses that interest you, or hiking, or going to museums, etc, etc.) are going to be people who actually share your interests and who can hold real conversations about interesting things. In a bar, the point is....What exactly? Forgetting what you did? You're on track to meet better friends who are doing things to expand their mind and learn new things.

I remember way, way back in high school hearing a girl say "I had such a great time, I can't remember a thing!" and I asked, "If you can't remember a thing, how do you know it was great?"

Keep trying new things like the smart, horizon-expanding grown-up you are.

I am right there with you.

I have lost my whole group of girl friends b/c going out drinking is not my thing anymore...hasn't been for awhile actually...ever since I became a Mommy it just isn't fun, to me anyway. It took me awhile to just be OK with that fact and let those friendships slip away. I tried for awhile going and being the sober driver but lets face it: That SUCKS!

It was hard when I realized that if I didn't go out drinking with them than I would be loosing them but then I thought about it and ya know what? I am OK with it now. People change. Some people grow up and grow out of the bar scene and some don't. We all like different things and that has to be OK.

The hardest part is having to find new friends...not having much luck with that?! But it is what it is. I would rather be true to myself than be miserable trying to fake having fun at the bar just so that I can have friends!

~Believe it or not more than a couple of my core group of female buddies are married like myself and still go out with the girls and party on the weekends w/out their husbands...I just can't do that...b/c I don't want to not b/c my husband doesn't want me to, although he is very opposed to the idea he has always told me if I wanted to I could go, I just don't want to anymore!

I have my own opinion about women that go out drinking...just like a have an opinion about people that don't wash their hands after using the toilet. Get it?

I'm a fellow stick in the mud! Holla girl! /highfive

I don't like drinking when I'm away from home. If I'm going to be out of my mind, at least I want to be in a safe place where my husband can laugh at me while I giggle at things that, while sober, wouldn't normally be funny. Like brussel sprouts. (That one saturday night, no sprout was safe from ridicule!) And even then, I don't usually put drinking and a good time in the same sentence.

Getting drunk is not my idea of fun either! I gave that up many moons ago!

Everyone has their own idea of fun. It sounds like to me, you've matured and they have not. I wouldn't say end your friendship, but just know that you are "daytime" friends, not drinking buddies.

Yes! I can't tell you how many times in my 20's I told my friends that I was done drinking. I hate how bloated it makes me, I hate how I feel afterward, I hate how many calories it uses (and really, after counting calories and working out all week, I would MUCH rather splurge on a brownie, not alcohol). Well, anytime I mentioned that I would like to quit drinking, you would have thought that I had insulted them or something. Like, how dare I, how ridiculous! The silly thing is that I kept socializing with them including the social drinking, even though it was not my favorite thing. I really should have started branching out, like you are doing. I commend you for trying to find new, interesting pastimes. I am not friends with these gals anymore, and I cannot tell you how much more fulfilling (and healthy) my life is now. When I get together with friends, we work on artwork, get coffee or lunch, go on a walk, go on a bike ride, go swimming, ice skating, hiking, the park with our kids, go camping for the weekend, or cook a gourmet meal. Every once in a while we will drink or go to the bar, but it is not the only thing we do.
You my well drift away from these friends, and that is ok. Life circumstances change, and I bet you will find someone more compatible with where you are at now. Good luck!

ew. i'd rather roll in my own puke than have a 'fun' night like that. i must go hug my girlfriends who are with me in loving 'nights out' where we all go to someone's house for long, deep, delicious, cerebral, silly, intellectual, dirty, cathartic, intense conversation. usually involving food and wine, but not as the central themes.
sometimes we plan to watch a movie but we almost never get to it. the talk is too good. and sometimes we dance, but usually for the sheer freedom and joy of it. sometimes it's in the moonlight. nekkid. :)
you need new friends, hon!
but there's nothing wrong with YOU.
khairete
S.

You aren't the only one. Remember how difficult this is, for the days when your children are teens and are having a hard time dealing with peer pressure. What you think/do NOW will serve you well when talking with your kids THEN.
Sorry.
Hope it gets better.

Fun depends on whose POV it is. That would not be fun for me. I quit being out all night and drinking heavily in college and these days I'll go to a party but I want to be home before the sitter falls asleep. I had a great time a month or so back at a "dress up nice" dinner where we lost track of time and rolled in around midnight with HUGE apologies to SIL for being out late (she needed to drive home).

I also think that their stage of life is not yours and that's OK. My DH said that the year after his divorce he was temporarily insane. He had to find his footing again. Maybe their experience with the divorce is coloring their "needs" to be validated by partying so hard.

It can also vary on the area. Back home, there's a whole lot of nothing other than bars, so that's what a lot of people end up doing. Not my thing. I tend to catch up with people for dinner, before they go out for the night.

If they say that you are no fun, remind them that they are welcome to party the way they want, but so are you. A stick in the mud would be saying "I'm the designated driver and I want to go home so you have to come with me" at 9PM.

I'm sober. I'm a BIG stick in the mud!

Don't worry about them. I would have told you to leave the bar earlier!

Being sober it's certainly been eye-opening at what some consider going out "activities". You're the only person who can define what crosses that boundary for you. You go, girl!

I too am a stick in the mud. I've lost friends because I choose not to be into going out nightly or even on the weekends drinking. Do I have a drink when out on a date with my husband? Sure :) However, I'm past the stage, have been since before I even hit my 20s where I'm about getting drunk or going off with random people.

You have no reason to feel bad, you are you and be proud of that. Try to find friends who might enjoy doing things you do and if those friends you currently have see you as no fun well then that's their problem not yours.

Yes, I am a stick in the mud. And I always have been (with the mostly not drinking). I'm just a naturally more cautious person, I guess, and I hate the way I feel when I've been up all night and didn't get enough sleep (and that is aside from any hangover, which I've only had a couple of times)--not getting enough sleep literally makes me feel sick. And I just don't like feeling that way.

I say, heck with them. If you want to keep seeing them, come up with some other fun stuff to do with them, but call them on their comments (or not). And it's definitely time to make some new friends who will not judge you for living responsibly.

I hope nothing bad happens to them, but they are basically playing rouelette with their lives & health by what they are doing (more likely to be raped/date raped/killed/mugged/get a DUI, etc).

You are not alone. I co-sign Bug's entire comment. Especially about you just needing to find some new friends. That's what I did. Even as a teen the idea of getting drunk, skank dancing and slutting it up, then puking and being hung over didn't appeal to me. I don't think it ever will. Best wishes to you.

Yes...me. I'm almost 40, and I did have my fun booty shakin days, way back when, but it's not my first choice of things to do...not then and not now. I would way rather hang at home w/ my friends, drink for cheaper, cook out, watch a comedian...stuf like that.

Sounds to me like it's time to find a different set of friends...not that you have to get rid of these, but have some w/ similar interests as you.

I admit, when I see other friends who have huge groups of friends and they are all happy, it makes me a lil sad, but then I realize, I made a choice to be who I am and I am ok w/ it!

I do have friends...I'm not a total loner...but I am honestly happiest w/ my husband and family, w/ the occasional lunch or breakfast w/ a good friend. You have to decide who you are and accept it! :)

You are SMART, not a stick in the mud!

90% of the time I would rather avoid the bar scene also. There is other options out there where you can have fun.. and I do.

The other 10% I feel like going out drinking and dancing... 5% of those times once I get there I don't feel like being there and will have one maybe two drinks then I leave... the other 5% when I have a driver or with in walking distance I will let my hair down, have enough ( I haven't been way drunk in a loooong time!) drinks and dance the night away. That is only once maybe twice a year.

over the past 5 years I have been the DD more times than not. I can still have fun and do... but it more talking to people and mingling like you said you did. I guess my definition of fun has changed over the years as will theirs someday.

Don't let them bring you down! Everyone grows up some time ;)

I am a definite "muddy stick." Always have been! I tried drinking in college and was turned off by it. Later, I learned that I was related to alcoholics. I decided I didn't want to take a chance of falling into that hole; I also wanted to model to my children that they didn't *need* to drink to have a good time. (As film star Katherine Hepburn once said, "Cold sober, I find myself fascinating.")

I suppose that makes me weird in some people's eyes. But I have a life I find interesting and rewarding, and I remember all of it the next day without being too embarrassed.

You are right to do new things and meet new people. You've been trying new activities - hooray! Think some more about other things you do or would like to do: School? Interest groups? Church? Hobbies? Spend time getting interested both in those things and in the people you meet in those places. You'll feel like a fish out of water for a while, but that's only because you're making a big life adjustment.

Don't worry about other people's perceptions of you. What others think about you may matter - but not that much.

If your drinking buddies miss you, they'll contact you; instead of doing what they do, you can invite them to the activities you're doing now, and they can say yes or no. If they turn you down, or don't miss you, you'll know they weren't the friends you thought they were.

Hopefully, you'll declare that chapter in your life done - and there are many more interesting chapters to go.

When I go out without my husband I dont drink. Sometimes its 50/50 whether I have a good time or not. I dont mind dancing and having fun when I am sober. But, sometimes I am just tired and ready to go.
Fortunately for me, my husband doesnt drink, so I am able to when he is with me. To tell you the truth, I am so over drinking. Its not even worth it anymore.
Your friends do sound pretty irresponsible. My single friends do not drink and drive and they do not go off with strange men. That is just crazy!
My best friend is single, I like to go out with her, but we also do movie nights at my house twice a month, and to be honest, movie nights are usually more fun than bar nights.
We also have a group of friends and we hang out at each others houses and play games and poker...etc.
There are so many fun things you can do without putting yourself in danger.
26 is young though, it might take them awhile to realize it, but hopefully they will soon because they are playing with fire!

Bar hopping has never been my thing even during the supposedly wild days of college. The one time I finally allowed myself to go into a bar in college was about the caliber of your experience. About half way through the thrills some random guy threw his entire drink on me because I looked like his best buddy's ex-girlfriend. Gee, thanks. Can we go again tomorrow for more fun?

I'm in my early 30's now, happily married with kids. Your friends lives sound similar to mine when I was in my early-mid twenties. I loved going out then but have no desire to live that lifestyle again, there are other things I'd rather be doing. I have different priorities in my life now than I did then. I definitely wouldn't call myself a stick in the mud for it. I think your comment about realizing you're becoming different people hit the nail on the head for you. I wouldn't cut their friendships off but I'd branch out to try and find some more like minded friends to hang out with.

I don't consider myself reserved, but I can't stand the bar scene. Never have. I would much prefer to have some friends over for a beer or two and cook out. I have one friend that, when we do go out, always ends up drinking too much. I always end up being the responsible adult. It's so tiring and boring.
I am in my 30s now, but I was the same way in my 20s. I did enjoy going out with friends to a pub for a drink and a bite to eat. That kind of atmosphere is much more relaxed than the club scene, though. Anyway, you are not alone. I get the feeling that most people I see at a club are miserable, too. (Whether they want to admit it or not). I find it so depressing.

I'm so with you. I never, EVER go to bars...what a waste of time and money. I am a wife and mother, and have better things to do with my time. I generally don't go "out" with friends...I feel that's for young adults with no children. Your children are only children for a short time.

You just sound like you are more mature than they are. They are letting off steam and having fun getting drunk. They will probably outgrow that - it gets old. Anyway, before kids I thought that kind of thing was fun, but now not so much. I'm just not even interested any more! Having one (maybe 2 if I'm being totally wild, ha ha) drink when out to dinner with my husband is a crazy night now. :)