Anyone Else Out There with a Large Family?

I come from a large family. I'm #7 out of 8 and I have large age gaps between my older siblings and myself. So I even heard people tell my mom how cute her grandchildren were. They were speaking about my little brother and me. =/ So my mom would just smile and say "actually they're mine." I would say to do the same. Just smile and say yes they're all mine and walk away. You stay a classy lady that way! But don't let me stop you from telling a really rude person where to stick it! Some people deserve it! I have 3 kids myself and I sometimes get comments too. Ok well I hope you find some help in this!

I LOVE THIS THREAD!!! WAY TO GO MOMS OF MORE :)
I have 7 kids myself. When I was married to my ex, we had five, and lived on a military base in Sicily. I would take my kids to the main base, and was teased gently about the *ducks* lined up behind me. I would take them offbase to the open air market and the kids were adored by the people at the market! I remarried and had two more...so we have blondes, brunettes and redheads and they are all just wonderfully individual. All but one of my older kids are married and have kids of their own, and they really appreciate each other now. They visit each other with their own kids and call me for advice. I would never trade how challenging it was when they were small for anything. It's soo rewarding now. I have always had people tell me how *great* i look for having that many children. I laugh and say...*how am I supposed to look*? It usually gets quite a laugh. I dont believe I've ever had one negative comment in the 27 years I've been a mom. I've been told how lucky I am. I have to agree.

Most people aren't meaning to be rude (though it is rude to ask a lot of these personal questions) so simply smile and go on. Give an answer if you feel like it, but don't feel that you even have to respond.

I agree with the mom who said most of us are somewhat in awe of your ability and desire to handle so many children. However, I'm sure I'll get some nasty emails for this but does anyone with all these children consider the environment? We have an overpopulation problem. What if every family had more than 2 or 3 children? The earth would deteriorate even faster than it already is. I think about the life my children will have - not just about what makes me happy right now. I worry about their future environmental situation and think it's everyone's responsibility to think of the greater good - not just the here and now of enjoying kids. What is the impact of people having so many children?...

I hate to add to your stress about this issue, H., but many people these days are aware of the problems associated with overpopulation, and the only way to control this tremendous threat to the existence of all life on earth is for each set of parents to limit their offspring to two , and simply replace themselves, not add more . No family is an island. It exists in a society, and each American child, whether it is loved and cherished by its parents or not, is going to have, throughout its life, ten times the impact on the environment that a Third World child will have. So there is a point of view that sees large families as a form of selfishness and insensitivity to others that share the planet. And, heaven forbid, what if something should happen that would make it impossible for you and your husband to care for your five or six or eight children ? Then the responsibility and expense would fall on the rest of the community, citizens who were never consulted when you elected to expand your family. Those could be considerations that prompt people to judge you harshly.

Dear H. F.,

Wow, I wish I could talk to you on the phone !!!! I am also a wife and mother of five, and we would like to have one more, though I am older so my chances are getting slimmer by the day. Though I hate even the idea of lying, if we are able to conceive again, we will probably say this was an "oops" because it seems as if everyone in the world wants to make sure that we are "Done". I sort of understand my father because he has quietly panicked through every pregnancy, particularly the last since I had twins. I lost a brother years ago, so I am all that my parents have left. I have two older children from my first marraige, an angel blessing of a daughter that will turn 18 in two weeks, and a son that just turned 16. He has given me a few sleepless nights but he is his own person and I am soooo proud of them both. Then I have a 4 & 1/2 year old daughter that never stops moving and a set of twin girls, age 2 & 1/2. My dad comes from a large family and I have so many memories of the house just filled with happy noise. I am fufilled in my family and our house is truly filled with happy noise. I work days and my husband works nights so that the children are not in daycare, though Grandma comes three days a week for a few hours in the afternoon on the days that my husband has to leave earlier than when I get home. She watches the three younger ones after they wake up from naptime. We really rely on her, which makes it really hard because she is the worst of the critics. She gripes at me every time I box up rather than throw away the clothes that the girls have outgrown. If I am able to conceive again, we don't have the money to just go out and buy more clothes. She keeps muttering and saying, I don't know why you are saving those, you are DONE ! She was even pushing me to get my tubes tied when the twins came but I di not do it. I know that she is probably just expressing her frustration from the days when the girls are more trying than others, and I have had those days too, but the small and busy age does pass and then even more rewards start coming. I keep my mouth shut because I don't want to make her mad and we would lose her help all together, and I do worry that if we add one more that she will be overwhelmed. Those are my good and understanding days. On my sensitive days, it is really hurtful because we would really like to try just one more time for a little boy. My son asked for years for a little brother, and even though my husband is not set on having a son to carry on the name, it would be nice. And I don't want to be pressed into lying because I don't believe in it, but it looks like it's gonna have to be that way. On my rebelious or angry days, the comments just piss me off. I rarely talk that way, but my family is everything to me, and the more the merrier. My husband feels just as strongly as I about wanting another one, but he just like I am worried about making her angry. This is sooooo hard to live through. The strangers, co-workers, doctors and nurses are easier to live through. I just joke back that yes, I am crazy, but happy crazy. One doctor even asked me if we were either Catholic or Mormon, because those were the only families that he knew that were still large these days. I also lost a best friend right after the twins were born, and though it was really over other issues that she could not voice, she chose my children as the topic to end the friendship. When she asked if we were done and I answered honestly that we weren't sure yet, she just snarled and said that was stupid and disgusting. I was in shock because we had been best friends for 25 years and shared so much so I did not just hang up as I should have. She asked why I wanted such a large family and I tried to explain that when I was growing up I had always wanted to have more siblings because I kept thinking that if something happened to either my brother or I, that that would leave the other one alone. Of course there is other family, spouses, in-laws, etc. but nobody else has quite the same experience as a sibling to share with you. She said that was ridiculous. Stupidly I still hung on to the phone. I said I had a bid heart and a lot of love to give, to which she told me to go volunteer at a homeless shelter or something. At that point we hung up. I have not heard from her since. That was two years ago and I still hurt from it. I am doing well at my job and so is my husband, and my older two tell everyone that even though I am busy, I always seem to find special time for each of them. It is probably because other than work, I have no other life other than my family, but that is EXACTLY what I wanted, so I do not miss vacations or getaways, because I never really enjoyed those kinds of things anyway. Some of my friends could'nt wait until their kids were grown and out so they could take off, but I am terrified of the empty nest. My beautiful oldest daughter has assured me that by 10 years from now, when these little ones are hanging out more with friends than with MOM, that she will just bring over the grandchildren so that I won't be lonely. I can't wait. I am definately not pushing her because she is a smart girl and wants to attend and finish college first, but I know I will love being Grandma as much as I love being MOM.
I think it is even harder today with the economy the way that it is and people looking at large families as wasting so much more, but I think we are more resouceful than most. We have to recycle and make things stretch. Even if money is not an issue, the multiple trips for supplies takes up the time that I have with them, so if we are wasteful it costs more time, money, gas, carbon footprint, etc. I even joke that I conserve water by showering with a friend (my husband. We have some of the nicest conversations in the shower, while he is freezing because he likes it scalding and I like it tepid.
I also think it is harder now that the stories of the "Octomom" have hit so big. The people that have sent death threats have a lot of gall, and it would terrify me to have someone threaten to fdile a case to take my kids away. While I would not have made some of the choices that she made, I understand them and respect her right to make them. I do not think anyone should control someone else, though you would hope that a person would use caution in making those decisions. I truly do understand her feeling that those ferilized embryos were her babies that were just waiting to be born. Though I vote for freedom of choice because I respect others rights to make it, I could never have an abortion,and I almost feel that giving a child of mine or an embryo up for adoption would almost be worse. I would constantly be haunted and looking into each and every childs little face for a glimmer of familiarity. And the thought of destroying the embryos is similiar to abortion for me, a little life began but not completed, and feels soooo empty and cold and final. I do not know how she is going to handle her life now, but she and all of the children are in my prayers, and I think everyone else just needs to butt out!

Ok, by now you probably think that I am truly a crazy person, since I have just unloaded all of this to you, but I have kept it inside so much that when I saw your note I just couldn't help myself. It would have been much shorter to just say, "yes, been there, done that, but I do not have anyone else that understands and your note seemed to have a trace of the same without revealing too much. I will understand if you just want to keep it to MAMASOURCE, which I love, but just in case you want to respond back directly, my e-mail is ____@____.com. I hope to hear from you, congrats on # 5 in a few days, my oldest was born on 3/15/91, and don't let anyone stand in the way of yours and your husbands dream and choice to have more if that is what you wish together. Good Luck and I will be thinking of you.

N. H.

It's the same when you don't have any kids, people ask how long you've been married and then the next question is how many kids do you have? I'd answer 12 years, zero kids and get the Aw you poor thing voice, You can't have any? NO, I don't want to RUIN my FIGURE! as her 4 monsters destroy my showroom I'd just finished tagging and cleaning.
Now we have a 4 year old and everyone asks why we don't have another ( I had 3 miscarriages last year and usually burst into tears at this little gem)
SO, basically people run their mouths off without thinking regardless of the topic. here's some mouth-running for you:
-You could tell them you're trying for a set of quints so you can have your own reality show on Lifetime or Oxygen.
-You are a crazy saint? perhaps..
-These 2 are mine and I found the rest at the park...
-I do know what causes this, but don't tell my husband!
-The VOICES told me to have 8 kids....
-I'm trying to poulate the world with enough kind, polite, good people to make up for assholes like YOU! maybe not a good one - but you sure could THINK it really loud in your head as you smile back.
Be creative! And Godspeed you on your delivery!

Dear H.,

I wouldn’t worry too much about being rude, because the people who are asking these questions have already breached the rules of etiquette and had no business asking you such questions or making stale remarks such as; “You do know what causes this don’t you?”

With all the raised eyebrows since the birth of the ocouplets, to the single mom, on the dole, who already has six other children, people are more likely to make comments, rude or otherwise about families with lots of kids.

You have lots of alternative remarks. You can take the high road or the low one:

QUESTION:

“Are they all yours?”

HIGH ANSWER:

Yes. (Keep on walking.)

LOW ANSWER:

No, I found them in the parking lot and decided to blow my wad on groceries.

QUESTION:

“So are you done?” – “ You do know what causes this don’t you?”

HIGH ANSWER:

Why would a stranger ask such a question? (Keep on walking.)

LOW ANSWER:

Evidently not.

QUESTION:

"I don't know how you could do this you must be a saint/crazy."

BEST ANSWER:

I’m a saint, and YOU?

As long as you and your husband can afford to support a large family, its no ones business but your own. Blessings to you ALL……keep walking!

Hi H.
I think some people are just oblivious and ask rude questions. I don't have a big family , however even when I had my son, I was instantly asked, are you having another and or when??? I wanted to say, let's let the paint dry first.... geez.. then again, I guess sometimes people don't know what else to ask. Even before I had my son and then during pregnancy, someone always had some kind of off the wall comment, from , "I have a problem with couples who have more than two kids" or do we really need more kids in the world.. To me, it's less about the kids and more about people not having manners......... so based on this, enjoy your growing family and keep teaching them good manners so they don't end up like some of the rude people you have encountered and above all, just keep smiling..

You know the comments will get worse now after the Octomom debacle.... be prepared.

I admit --- I'm guilty of having asked "are they all your's"? but I've ALWAYS followed that with "You are so fortunate and I admire your stamina."

I don't think people are necessarily being rude --- I think they may be genuinely interested in how someone can handle so much, admiring of your abilities, a little jealous perhaps. And the "do you know how this happens" is just someone thinking they're being clever.

You've made a personal choice and should be able to stand by your convictions by smiling and saying "yes, they're mine and we're very lucky" or "No, I'm still trying to figure out how this happened" to the "clever" remark.

We had three (and got "looks" even then) and would have had more had we been able to afford it.

I have a small family, only two kids and myself but I know how hurtful rude remarks can be. (Being unmarried and very young) I try and remember that people say mean things when they are feeling bad about themselves to try and make themselves feel better. Nobody can tell you what is right for your family. The more kids the more love, more laughter, and more laundry! lol
Good for you for wanting more kids. I think you should have as many kids as you want, you don't need to lie to make your mom feel better. If one more sweet little love bug keeps her away from her wonderful family it would be her loss! I know times are tough, but you will figure something out! If she leaves and you no longer have daycare than start a daycare of your own and be with your kids all day! Anything that you live through will make you stronger, and if it takes something like that to push you to make a change then so be it! Stay strong and don't be shy about saying something rude right back to put the rude people into place!

And to Pam: It is about education and being a responsible example, not the numbers of kids. My 3 year old will pick of a piece of trash she watched an adult drop and say "I think you dropped this, I know where the trash is, I will clean it for you!" It sounds rude as I type it out, but with the little voice and sweet smile people don't take it as rude and feel bad and know that they were wrong in leaving it on the ground when a little girl clearly knows the right thing to do. I think it is not the number of kids, but how you teach them. 8 little trash picker uppers in one family is better than 8 single child families that leave trash about. Just one example...

Hi H.,
I confess, I don't have a big family, but I am a big fan of Miss Manners, and I know she'd suggest 'If it was any of your business, you would know the answer'.
I hope you get a few answers you like!
Z.

H. - I come from a very large family and my husband is one of five. We have two and hope to have several more. My mom always said, "You can't please everyone. You'll always either have too many or too few. You'll have them too close together or too far apart. You'll start too soon or wait too long to start. You can't listen to those voices." If you feel good about your decisions for your family then hold to that! As far as responding to others' comments, I find that humor can be really effective. When people commented about us having our first two so close together (just shy of 15 mos. apart) I would often say something like, "If we weren't having such a great time with our first we wouldn't have rushed to have a second!" That certainly wasn't the whole story, but it kept me from feeling like I had to justify our personal decisions for our family. I wanted others to know I was having another so soon because I loved being a mom and wanted more. Humor in my responses helped me start to communicate that without making them feel threatened by my response.

Hi!
I have 3 children (7,4 and 2) and I even get that same attitude! Unfortunately, our society doesn't look at kids as being a blessing or hope for our future but more of a burden. I have seen shirts, bumper stickers that say "Yes, they are all mine". You could be funny and say, "Actually, we are trying for 14 kids!". Or you could say, "Enough about my reproductive life, let's talk about yours." I understand that one child may be a handful for a couple and 8 kids are just fine for another. Maybe we could just gently remind folks that kids are blessings and that's our view point!

Hi H.,

I am the oldest of 9 children. I remember that my mother always proudly commented that we were all hers. And, if someone made a comment that showed they did not understand why a family would be so large, she would just smile and not dignify it with an answer.

As one of those kids, I am happy to have so many sisters and my brother. It is great now that we are all adults and have families of our own. Holidays and family dinners are crazy and fun and full of love.

Congratulations on your upcoming addition. And bless you for the patience and love you have for those children of yours.

D.

Just smile and go on your way. I would say "they sure are and I can't wait for the next on!" If they are asking if you are done, say "not sure." Just smile and go on your way. People are used to only seeing 2 kids per family so 4-5 is usually an eye opener. If I could tolerate pregnancy better, I would have 5 or 6. Be proud and maybe you don't respond at all if you are not sure how to. Sometimes a little rudeness goes a long way.

Hi H.. We have 6 kids (15, 13, 7, 4, 3, and 2). Ours are adopted and different colors so we get the same questions as you, but we also hear "You bring your day care to the store? How great!" or the one that gets me "Do they have different fathers?" Um, yes and they have different mothers too. LOL

My opinion of these questions is it's no ones business but your own. Depending on my mood I may answer them as minimally as possible (simple yes or no) or I might make a joke of it. "So are you done?" - "Nope, we have more rooms to fill." "Do you know what causes this?" - "Yes, and can't you tell we enjoy it?" "Are they all yours?" - "No, I checked a few out from the library." "I don't know how you could do this. You must be a saint/crazy." - "It depends on the day. My kids' opinions may differ from my own though."

My feeling is by blowing them off with a joke I'm able to respond without giving them any information, and I show my children how to handle a potentially awkward situation with humor.

L.

Hi H. -

I just read about suggestions for things like this in Parenting magazine - just respond however you feel comfortable and don't let strangers get to you - for example - you could answer with a tart reply to you do know how this happens, don't you with - "Acutally, I do - isn't it great?!" That will likely stop people in their tracks and hopefully make them think, hmmm...maybe this person doesn't appreciate these questions. You might save someone for next time...Anyway, I would just repond however makes you comfortable and in a way that makes people stop and think about their intrusive and possibly inappropriate questioning. Good luck

H.,
I have to admit I'm guilty of asking moms of large broods the same question. But it has never meant to infer anything negative. I'm just always in awe of the strength and ability of a unterus to even perform the task and that a mom can keep up with more than 2. I don't think that when someone asks you "how do you do it, or do you know what causes that?" that it is ever meant negatively. It's just one woman asking another HOW DO YOU DO IT!?
It's no different than asking an elderly couple how they managed to stay married for 50 years. It's a compliment, not anything else.
I'd learn the snappy answers like "I love them all so much, I just can't seem to quit." Women have inquiring minds, and those of us that only had one or two kids that seemed like a handful to us, just want to praise you for your ability to handle a bigger than average litter.
Moms that are sensitive to being asked would make me wonder if they are truly happy with their choice. So, always have a positive, cheerful comeback.
Congratulations!

Hi H.,
I'm not sure I can directly answer your question, but I do want to try to encourage you.
I am sure I myself, am guilty of making comments like those you've heard, but I think you should know it's more out of admiration than anything. I've started my family later in life and we will be done with #2 due in May. I would have loved to have had more, but I just can't imagine any more at this point in my life. I know there are many women my age and older who still have lots of energy and don't feel like I do, and I admire that.
I came from a big family, so I know what it's like from that side of things too. I always felt proud of our big family because my mom was proud of us. She got lots of compliments about how well behaved we were in public.
You love your family that's awesome! Stand tall and don't worry what any one else thinks or says.
Bests wishes!

Not to be rude...however...people need to MTOB! And not worry about what others do in there lifes! Personally if I did not know the person i would not even respond. It of course is your decision about the size of your family! Congrats on your newest coming soon!

Regards,
D.

Hi H.!

I am friends with a mother of 6 (2 sets of twins at that!), and a mother of 7. There are constantly getting asked questions, like you. It's truly human nature for us to ask questions. I mean, most of us have only 2-3 kids and can barely juggle life :o)

I can only say, that when they are asked ANYTHING, their response is humorous. After a few "humorous responses" the same people who ask questions begin to "back off" because the mother's responses are so funny :o) For example,

We were at soccer tryouts the other day when someone asked her if she was finally "free" of her children (because she was only there with her one son trying out), her response was "Yes, for about 5 minutes because my husband is tranded with about 15 kids right now including any friends that are over." When she is polite and responds in a funny way, questions seem to stop so often from the same people :o) It's the new people that will always ask questions.

I don't think there is anyway to stop this from happening to you. I am a mother of 4(yet 2 are my stepkids). I always dreamed of having a very large family, but didn't meet "Mr. Right" until 15 years ago, and then I was too old to keep having children. I admire all of you that have large families, as you are living part of my dream :O)

Try to think of their responses as a compliment!

~N. :o)

Hi H.,
I am the mother of 7 plus 1 older girl who lives with us. I get the same remarks all the time. So I have come up with a couple of things. Better to have busy hands than empty arms. To the comment of don't you know what causes that I say "I do and apparently I'm pretty good at it." Shuts them right up. I've been hearing it longer as my oldest is 14. I have 5 girls & 2 boys. 14, 12, 8, 6, 5, 3, & 18 months. I am a SAHM and I homeschool 5 of them, plus one other little girl. I am busy, but not time for getting into trouble. Blessings to you and your family. I pray your delivery goes well.
By God's Grace,
Stac

I have experienced a bit of this since having my 4th. 4 dos'nt seem very large to me but in our world it is. I love having a larger family and hope we'll add more through adoption or fostering since the age factor has stopped us. I choose not to be offended by people but only show love and greatfulness for my family size. I don't think they are intentinally rude just unknowing. After all more then 3 is not the norm so let them be surprised or shocked. More often I've encountered positive because my children are engaging and nice to be around. Congradulations on your new little blessing. Theres nothing like a new baby in the family. My advice...Be like a duck in water...let it roll off your back.

I can relate. I am one of thirteen children and have always wanted a lot of children myself. I currently have four, ages 7,6,3,and 1. My goal is eight, but we are taking a break for a few years. When people make comments to me, I usually keep it simple, I say I loved being from a big family and wanted to give my children the same, or it's what my husband and I always wanted, or the world needs more parents to raise children with higher a conciousness. It's our decision, and as long as we are not neglecting any of them, then others should keep their negative comments to themselves. However if someone wants to call me a saint, I'll take it, and if they think I'm a little crazy, they are probably right. What fully sane person could handle more than one or two kids? *lol*

Hi, I have 6 kids and yes, I got all those comments and more. I used to be extremely shy but with all my kids and 4 are boys, I learned to be assertive. Blurt it out and say yes, and be proud! That's what I say, if you choose to have a large family and can feed them, give them shelter and love them, it is your business.If people asked me if I was done, I would say, I don't know yet. You should have seen the look on their face but they usually stopped talking then. We are sort of a crazy bunch now but that's what it is and I woldn't have it any other way. Large families learn so much together, I don't think they take things for granite and they have to be quite creative. My kids like it & didn't and never have had alot if you know what I mean, but they had fun...good old fashioned fun, lots of mud, forts and riding bikes. This is what I tell them, I gave you each other :) Don't know if I have helped you at all, don't quite know why some people can be so hurtful and rude, I sure couldn't do it. Good Luck with your family ~~ it's your life, not other peoples.
I just read Lauras response and totally agree, I have done that as well, I have been known to say that I have more seats in the suburban to fill. Sometimes I would dress them in the same color shirts and do head counts, that was always a good one. And yes, it does teach your kids how to handle things. Enjoy your wonderful Large family.

I never wanted a large family, but you do. It's a choice, own it. When people make comments they are not always trying to be rude, you've just heard it SO many times that it seems that way. It's still the first time the commenter (hopefully) has made a comment on it.

Smile and tell them how much you love/want/need your large family. We all need that other perspective.

(And in the aftermath of the octo mom..... hate to say it, but as long as you can afford a family that large, have as mony as you want.)

Hi, I am a mother of 6, ages 25,23,20,13,12,&11 years. I have been asked the same questions when all of our children were at home. I don't know about your faith but I am a born again Christian so I just tell them that the Lord gives me the strength to handle my blessed family.Sometimes I smile and ignore the question, no need to answer a question that may make you feel uncomfortable or them ignorant. Don't forget you grow with your family so you gradually learn how to handle family life. If you are a Christian just remember that even though you come to the end of your rope,God is there at the end if it. I want to apologise if I have offended you with anything I have said and hope that something helps.(exucse my spelling)

Hi H.,
I am a mom of 4 girls and I was always asked the same questions, I found them so hurtful because my girls are the greatest gift in our lives! My Favorite response came from a Dear Abby column. If someone asks one of those insensitive questions I would say "If you forgive me for not answering, I'll forgive you for asking." Followed with a smile. Either that or I would share with the asker that my girls are the greatest happiness ever!
Blessings to you and your wonderful family!

Good Morning H....

My baby just turned 21 yesterday and I see nothing has changed...I raised five children...and you can have the party but nobody really wants to invite you over because of size of your party...We are very close...and I think some of the "shunning" remarks actually made us more bonded...I have one daughter now with four of her own children...and she is looked upon as a freak...how could she, in this day and age bring so many children to the planet...She is a wonderful and loving Mom...and really we are blessed with our closeness...it was nice as the children were growing that our house became the hangout and the haven...I knew what my children were up to...and always have had a very open loving relationship with them...and they brought home a lot of strays...animal and human...it has taught them compassion and loving outside of themselves...You will know when you are done...I knew as I labored with my last one...that he would be the last...its different for everyone...Ignore the ignorant...and offer up a loving prayer for them...

My heart to yours,
T.

Hi H., I don't necessarily believe all these questions you're asked are rude. I've even asked moms who I've seen with several kids, "Are they all yours?" I'm just being curious, I guess. I love seeing families with lots of children. You are so fortunate. I have two and really hope to have more. There have been times when people have asked me that, and actually my answer is "no" when I've had my kids and their friends also with me.

I wish I had as many as you H. but I started late so I only have one. I came from a family of six though and I so wish my son would have siblings. You and your husband know that you wanted a large family. People kind of need to mind their own business. You and I know they dont always, so youve got to find a way to humor them and find a simple response to let them know you are happy as peaches with all your sweet lil darlings!

We have a blended large family and get the same negative responses... I'm not sure it ever gets better with strangers. But on the flip side, we get told what a beautiful set of kids (9 yr dd, 7 yr dd, 5 yr ds, 3 yr ds) we have. I think it's those kind words that really smooth over the rudeness!!

It's important to remember that it doesn't matter the looks, the snide remarks, the outright rude remarks... remember that you and your family are very lucky to have each other!! Even when ours act out, fight with each other in restaurants, sit and pout... (yes, it's a treat when you can get ALL FOUR of them going at the same time in public!!) We love them and are glad to have them.

Be proud and happy. When someone says "are you done" just smile huge and say "Gosh I hope not". A great general response is a huge smile with "I know, aren't I lucky" or "I just LOVE this" I dont know you at all (obviously) but I'm not shy and I could hear myself saying (in response to "do you know waht causes that") "Yep, Great sex and a huge family. I'm the luckiest happiest gal I know"

Big families are awesome. They are a lot of work and a huge responsibility. Be proud of yourself and enjoy every minute that you can. I only have two, one on the way for three and I am NOT done :)

Yes, H. and I am the mother of 9 children. I have 8 eight girls and 1 son. I am truly blessed for having them and I went through the same reaction, but I held my head up and told them not to worry about how many I have because I was not on welfare or public assistantce. My children are all grown except for my 7 seven year old. Their ages range from 32-7. I would not trade them for nothing. If you could see our get togethers. I know that I am rich, blessed, and loved. I also helped to raise my niece.

I now have 9 grandchildren who dearly love their grandma (granny). Family is where it is at and sorry for those who only have 1 or 2 they do not know what they are missing. You might not see it now but just you wait. I was so proud of all my children and I still am.

You are Bless
From a Blessed mother and Grandmother.

I don't have a large family, but used to think this way until my husband and I couldn't concieve. Now I think of how blessed you are. I would say so. Smile and reply, "Yes, and aren't we blessed." Then leave it at that.

H.,

You don't want to be rude? These people wouldn't recognize anything you could say as rudeness. Frankly, it is none of their business how many children you have, as long as you and your husband are supporting them. Although I am a firm believer in the one child family in most cases (because of the environment), I love children, and I can understand why you love having a big family. It's your life!

Take care,

E.

Don't ya love it....lol
I have 4 bio kids and a step son. 12, 9, 8, alomost 6 and 18 mo. When we go out to dinner I love to see the look on people's faces as we all sit down and love it even more when strangers come up to us to complment us on such well behaved kids. I get all those comments and more but I just smile and say proudly that they are all ours and am blessed to be able to stay home with them all!
Good luck and congrats and #5!

I don't have a large family, only one daughter, but I wish I had more. Our problem is not enough money, at least in our minds. If you can raise five kids without going on public assistance, I think it is wonderful. There is a difference between you who have the numbers, but obviously take care of them versus the octo mom that everyone is hearing about that has 14, no job, lives with her mother, and from what all the news reports say, needs help in taking care of them. I am all for big families if you can take care of them. Congrats on #5, you lucky lady!

Hi H.. I have 2 kids and watch 2 kids so I get this as well when I'm out in public. "Wow, are they all yours? Are your little one's twins? How do you do it?" ETC.. I always laugh at the people and say something like.. does it scare you? I think those people are just surprised because this day and age the big thing is to not have kids at all... let alone more than one! My parents had 4 kids plus my Dad's 2 from previous marriage. People freaked out even 30 years ago with my Mom.. I just talked to her about this.. back then it was overpopulation or something is what they called it. To be honest with you I think half the time the general public is totally weird.. MIND YOUR BUSINESS!! Just ignore these weirdos!!..I had a man literally 85plus years old in a wheelchair ask me if all the kids were mine!!! Get over it!! Good luck.. you can have as many kids as you and your husband want!! Good luck!

Wow. A lot of these answers seem so defensive. The examples you gave in your post didn't sound rude to me at all. The anger in response is a bit over-reactive (maybe from being around too many kids hahaha). See?another joke. Sometimes people are just amazed and starting conversation. They probably don't mean any harm and if they say they don't know how you do it-- take it as a compliment. That may be how its meant. If the response has a twinge of judgment to it, ignore it. People are sensitive to some families overpopulating and putting a strain on the needs of society. . . so maybe they have a point. If everyone had so many kids, the overpopulation problem and environment issues would be much worse. . . and having more kids means that you aren't providing as much for each individual child (unless you are super rich and have already saved college tuition for all children).