Why Do I Feel like a Broken Record??

You could always just say, "that's too personal of a question for me to answer" and leave it at that.

I would answer the question with a question... "are you planning on having anymore?" or, "Do you want me to call when we decide?" Whether it is a man or a women in her 60's, they will usually get the hint.

I was going to say the same thing. It might not be because you have 4 kids...it may just be a conversation piece. I was constantly asked after my first if we were done. I used to think it was mean...like if I only had 1 I was doing something wrong. But I blew it off. I just had my second and I realized I get asked that same question all the time too. So don't feel like it's because you have 4 kids...it's probably not meant to be mean.

I can relate to your post, as my son and DIL just had their fourth, and no, she is not necessarily their last. The size of a family is a very personal thing, and just as I would never tell someone they MUST have one or two children, I would also never tell someone when their family is complete. As long as you are able to provide and have love in your heart, then be confident that the decision you and your husband make is the right one for you. My daughter-in-law was asked when she left the hospital if she would be back, and she was happy to say, "Yes, I will." They knew when they married they wanted a large family, and they are very happy. The kids are amazing, healthy, and well-loved. If anyone asks you again, just tell them you haven't made that decision yet, and that you are enjoying the four little blessings you have right now. You might add, with a little smile, that you can't imagine how that could be of interest to anyone, and change the subject. Best wishes on the birth of your new little one, and enjoy them all!

I am also pregnant with my 4th and can sympathize. The intrusive comments started when I was pregnant with our 3rd. Our first 2 are a girl and a boy, so people would ask "why are you having another one?" or tell me "You should be done already!" I would just tell them we love children and I have a wonderful husband who loves being a daddy.

People aren't so much asking me straight out if we're done, but they ask how many more children we plan to or want to have. I just say "one at a time, hopefully!" and laugh.

When people's comments go from nosy into downright mean, though, then I try to stand up to them, politely but firmly. I've had people tell me, after looking at my pregnant belly, "I'm glad it's not me" - so I say, "Me too, because I'm glad I get to be this baby's mom." And there's always the all-purpose answer when people criticize my family size, "I make my own choices for my life, and I expect you to respect that."

I didn't read all of your responses yet but I did like the one that said "why do you ask?" that's great!!!! you might also try saying... "well, when you have kids that are as awesome as mine, it just makes you want more!!! I'm so sorry you don't feel that way about yours!" lol

ps I think it's great!!! I'd have more if I could, but 3 is all God has given me so far, and at my age and my medical status I can't have any more, so if God wants to bless me with more children he will have to get a lot more creative! but I'm open to his blessings!

I would just say "we'll see" or "future will say" or, if you are a believer "God will decide" or "we'll let God decide".

Remember that each of these people ignores you just had this question asked 100 times, and I guess they don't mean to be mean to you. Just want to have something to talk about. Usually it's the weather but as a mom, you always get "when are you due", "how cute! how old is he/she", and then "is this your last one?". No harm intended.

I wouldn't say it to you if I didn't know you.

If I DID know you, I would have to ask! Not because I would be judging you; but because I would wonder how on earth you were going to do it!

I know with my two - I am done. I cannot imagine four (or more) kids! I bet, and hope, that is where people are coming from. It is not about your personal life, they are thinking about if it were THEM!

Take it as a compliment to your parenting skills. Seriously. Hats off to you!

Ha! Consider that the people asking may also just be in admiration of you. I am! I always thought that four would be the perfect # of kiddos. That's not what we are having, we're sticking with two, due to the age at which we got started and some health issues. But also, people just awkwardly want to make small talk or start conversations, and they instead bumble through it, asking nosy or sometimes ignorant questions. I say smile at them, and say "why do you ask?" or maybe smile at them and say "it's too soon to say!" or smile at them and say "hmmm, not sure yet" and let the awkwardness of their question rest on THEM, not you. :) Good luck with that fourth baby, mama! :)

I know how you feel. We have 5 little girls, and we constantly get the "were you trying for a boy" or "are you done" questions. I hate answering them sometimes, but there are times when I have to see these questions as no big deal. I often say, "We're just taking our blessings as they come" or "We didn't try for anyone, but they told us we had to take them home."

It's hard to deal with people being in your face about your own personal decisions that probably won't affect them. However, you get to look at, hold, and love on the lil blessings you have and they don't. LOL Stay strong!

Just reply, Nope, we're trying to catch up to the Duggars!
We are getting ready to start trying for number 4. I'm sure I'll get the same question. Congrats to you!

I have a fridge magnet that says, "Children are a blessing - you never know when you will need blood, or a spare kidney." Maybe THAT should be your response! ;)

I have five children, and when people ask me if I plan on having more I usually respond, "I don't know, ask God." That usually shuts them up.

I wish I knew why people can be so nosy! In my case, I get the "oh, you can't have only one...you wouldn't do that to your daughter." It makes me so mad....

You're right, it is none of their business, but I know how you feel you try to be nice about it. Just tell them "If it's God's will" and leave it at that. It could be God's will that you have or not have more. He has the last say. Best wishes to you and the new addition you are expecting. You are blessed and highly favored.

Have fun with it- come up with answers that make people feel really awkward like that you and your husband feel like it's your duty to repopulate the earth, or that your husband's other wives have more kids than you do so you're just trying to keep up with the pack. Especially if they're strangers, make it a sport, entertaining for yourself so you don't get totally annoyed by it.

I don't know are you going to pay for me to have my tubes tied ? Immediately comes to mind. :) Or no, I am keeping tally the number of times I get asked this question and we are planing our family around that total. Or I am not sure we were trying for twins. We have 4 and I don't get this question nearly as often as I used to. My youngest is just shy of 2. I will get "how do you do it?." To which my response is always "once you have 2 adding one more is easy."

Hmm......not sure, 6, or a half dozen. Haven't made up my mind yet.........
But I am guilty of asking if they don't have a television...... I know, I'm a bad girl.

I was really curious about what people would write in response to this questions because I am due to have my 3rd child any day and people are saying the same things constantly, except they are actually being very rude and hurtful sometimes. Even family members. I am a good mom to two kids, I adore my kids, they are well behaved and obedient, and well taken care of and yet people still make comments. Some are respectful and just ask, "Is this it?", others make fun, some tell me to go get fixed, some say it's time to STOP!!! I personally don't mind the curious questions. I feel like each child is a blessing from God and scripture is very clear that is how God feels about them. Unfortunantely our culture has taught us that children are a burden to be stopped at all cost, especially after the a girl for me, a boy for you and praise the Lord were finally through mentality. I didn't start having my kiddos until I was older so I am not sure I will be able to have more than 3, but I think it is great that you are. It is the hardest job on the face of the earth, but it is also the one that is most important and rewarding when done right. All that said, some women choose to have none, one or two and I don't think they should be looked down on either. Motherhood is a blessing wether you have one or ten.

I don't know why people say those things. I have a friend that is Catholic and they'll say "oh, you are a 'true' Catholic" and she wants to tell them "YES, but I PLANNED every child and you CAN do it without birth control if you know what you are doing!" Then there are those "you have your hands full", yep. I think someone told me one time to answer "I do and I wouldn't have it any other way" or "I do and I wouldn't have them full with anything else". As for "is this your last", I guess just say something like "I'm having so much fun, I don't know!" or if you want to put them in their place a bit you can say "why do you ask?" and then you put them on the spot. You can also just deal with it and know that people don't mean anything by it, they just know for THEM they wouldn't want that many kids.

I would never ask that question to a parent of 4 kids because you are right its none of my business. I can tell you that I thought to myself it's amazing how these mom's can handle 4 kids because I certainly wouldn't be able to. I have 1 child and we had tried to have more but it just didn't work out. However, my dream was to have six! Now at this stage of my life and my age I know I can only handle 1. Perhaps, some people verbalize the question to you because they are also thinking of themselves in that situation. Just a thought.

I have four, and I just always tried to make a joke out of it. I would say things like "well, now that we've figured out what keeps causing this, we're considering getting cable in out bedroom" or "gotta make sure we've got plenty of spares, in case something happens to one of 'em"...I knew my fourth would be my last, that was the plan, but it's still fun to have fun with nosy people :)

My daughter has 5 and is pregnant with #6. She just says we are trying for an equal number of both. She has 4 boys, one girl and this is a girl. If they say do you know what causes this, she says, yes and we are getting very good at it!
Leave them alone and don't take it personal. Her friends have 7-11 children and one asked her if she was Catholic(no offense please) and I said no. They just let God order their family and love children!

Why they ask? Probably for something to say, and they think it is an innocent question. I was asked if I was having more with my 1st and 2nd pregnancies. I hear people all the time ask those with all boys or all girls if they are going to try for the other gender. I get comments how lucky I am that I got a boy and a girl, as if I wouldn't be satisfied if I had the same sex, and would need to try again, but now I don't. I really think that they just don't know what to say and are trying to connect.

What is funny about me saying this is that I was ranting to my husband this weekend about the boy/girl comment, but it is easier to see it when it happens to someone else. :)

I don't think it has anything to do with you having four kids....I was and still am asked that frequently and I only have two. I think it is just a common question that people are curious to know. I think in the 'old' days when people did not have as much control maybe the question wasn't asked because sometimes things just happen. But in a day when we can control the number if we chose to, I think people are just curious. I would not take it personally or get upset.....

I always answer personal questions with the same answer "why do you ask" said very sweetly of course. When and if they answer simply say "Oh, and change the subject. They usually get the message.

I think you a being hyper-sensitive and over-reacting. Some people are just being polite and trying to make conversation. It's a common question. Especially now with all the TV shows about having so many kids - it's just what people are thinking. Don't shoot them down for being curious.

It's just something to talk about, especially since they are mostly strangers they probably don't know of anything else to talk about. Babies are exciting and they just long to have a tiny part of your wonderful blessing. I remember them asking it with just my 2nd pregnancy. Then with each pregnancy it's always the same questions, boy/girl, due date, etc. It's just one of the questions.

Hi,

I find this amusing as I am expecting my 4th as well and its our 4th boy. So the next question I get is- going for number 5 for that girl? Constantly I get that question about #5, yes I agree its annoying. I am not sure why everyone feels so compelled to ask these questions and then of course share their stories either. You are right, its your life and no one else's business so just carry on and laugh them off if you can!

Good luck,

J.

I think part of it may be because of all the shows on TV now with people with so many kids.
Just a guess.
I was talking to my son about a family in our town and mentioned something about their zillion children. He said, "Mom...really, there are only 4 of them." I know that to be true, but if you knew these kids, you'd understand what I'm saying. They are everywhere or in trouble for this or that and it's actually mind boggling that there are ONLY 4. LOL!

I wouldn't get upset about the question and I wouldn't be rude about the answer either. After all, keeping things short with strangers is usually the best thing.
"Am I done having kids? What a silly question. Can't be done til this one gets here."
Short and sweet.

There is so much in the media about Octomom and all the TLC shows about multiples and large families. I think that's why people may be curious without meaning to be rude. Just my opinion.
I hate to say it, and I would never personally ask, but regarding the Duggars, baby #19 barely survived and I do wonder, to myself, if they think that maybe 19 is enough at this point. I understand they don't believe in birth control and God gives them what he gives them, but when it gets to a certain point...I just wonder if they've thought about enough being enough. Who knows what challenges Josie will have and would it be fair to get pregnant again right after that?

I know people that came from large families and to be honest, I never thought about it much until such families were all over television.
Like I said, I think this might be why some people are wondering and asking you things that might not be their business. So many other families have been willing to put it all out there.

I wish you a very happy and blessed 4th baby!

I have one and am forever asked if I am going to have more. that is annoying too! I would tell them that you are trying to beat that lady that has....sorry but I dont remember how many kids she has but she is really famous or tell them you are trying to start your own cult.....JK I would never acutally say either I would just say only time will tell or something less hostile while picturing their eyes popping out LOL.....that is what I do

Strangers think everything personal is their business! I'm the other end of the spectrum, I have an onlie. I can't tell you how many strangers used to quiz me with "When are you going to give your child a sibling" questions when my daughter was around 2, 3 years old!

L. F., mom of a 14-year-old daughter

Next time someone says that to you,just reply, "Is there a reason you would like to know?"

a) 4 is not a lot, 19 is....
b) be thankfull you dont get MY question, "Is that your natural child?" or, "is she yours?"......THAT is annoying.

Hi N.!

You can get lots of opinions on here as to the reasons behind why someone might ask you that question. I would encourage you to respectfully face it head on with each person. You can respond (and I emphasize calmly and respectfully) with a question like "I am curious because I have been asked this before...can you help me understand why you are asking that question?"

This helps in several ways: 1) you don't have to go into defensive mode explaining what you may or may not do with your family 2) if the person has a kind motive behind the question, you may end up with a compliment which will encourage you! and 3) if the person has an unkind motive in asking the question, your respectful yet probing response will help bring to the forefront that their question was inappropriate at best and rude at worst. You can kindly bring to light the rudeness behind their question. It may help them to stop doing that kind of thing to other people in the future!

And I echo another mom by saying: good for you mommying at least 4!!!

God's Grace to you,

Lisa :)

Smile sweetly and ask, " Why on EARTH would you ask that?" Or you could say you're shooting for your own baseball team. People aren't trying to be rude, they're just trying to make conversation.

Tell them you're going to quit having kids as soon as you discover what's causing it! lol Seriously, four isn't "a lot" to you and you're the only O. who matters. Why not say somthing vague like "Why do you ask?" or "We're very blessed."

It is only between you and your husband.

I think it may just may be an attempt at polite conversation. I'm always asking people this (maybe I should stop), whether they have one kid, two, or more, primarily because I'm deciding whether or not to go for number three myself, and I like to hear other people's perspectives on their families. I might just smile and say something non-committal, like "We will see", then change the subject.

I think most of them are just curious. I don't get why everyone seems to think questions are hostile.

Just change the subject.