"When Are You Going to Have Kids?" Response Ideas

Most people are just making conversation... So if you're REALLY looking to be

Polite : Ask when they did (right away, after a few years, etc.). Get them talking about themselves.

Sidestep : We haven't decided whether to try right away or wait a few years. (The non-answer answer... Again, gets people talking about themselves, as that throws open the door for advice one way or the other).

Factual : We'll be trying right away

Silly : About 9 months after conception!

Shut Down : That's private.

Deflect with a simple, "Oh wow! Let us get married first!" ::giggle:: If they persist, you can then say, "When we're ready."

If they continue after that, you can flat out say, "Is there a reason that you're asking? It's just such a personal question."

People really want to be nice...they try to start the conversation....they hear marriage and say "babies are next!!" So the question comes..."when are you going to have them??"

You could even say - "right now I just want to have sex for fun!"

We'll have 'em when we have 'em. simple as that. If you really don't want to have that conversation with them - tell - that's a private matter for us...and change the subject!

Probably about nine months after I get pregnant...

"When we are ready." Leave it at at.

Really, it's just the beginning. Once you get married, people think they have a right t ask any question, and have any opinion. Just wait until you do have kids. That sucker will be out of you for 5 seconds, and you'll hear, "are you having more." And god forbid, if you have an only child! You'll never hear the end of that. "Won't he/she be lonely?" "Aren't you worried they will be socially awkward?" What about when you die?" Oh, and if you have a lot of kids. "You know how those are made, right?" "You're having ANOTHER?" How you feed them. When they sleep through the night. How you discipline. EVERYTHING will be a question, opinion, judgement. Just start letting it roll of now.

I would always say 'not today', ha ha. Its not too rude, but gives them the hint to my their own business. Or you could go with an extremely detailed anwser, be sure to mention something about the lining of your uterus. I bet they never ask again.

i guess my first thought is 'why is so offensive?'
most people probably aren't really probing into the secret depths of your relationship, just excited for you, and making conversation. so don't turn it into something it's not.
so i'd avoid being sharp in my responses. but of course it's always fun to have fun!
'when we've killed off the last of the dogs and cats.'
'we were thinking we'd have time for that around 65 or so.'
'as soon as the nanny tells us she's ready for 'em.'
'when do you think we should?'
'is there a sale on them?'
'ugh, they'd mess up my nails.'
'we need a bigger oven.'
:) khairete
S.

How about, "We haven't decided yet. We just want to enjoy being married for a while first."

"Who knows? When it happens it happens."
"Wow, that's a pretty personal question to ask someone!"
"We don't have a set plan for it--first things first. We've got a wedding to plan!"

It doesn't have to be clever--just enough to let them know you aren't going to give them a due date.

ETA: I get the opposite:
"So, are you guys done now?"
"Oh, you're having #4--do you hope you finally get a girl?"
"Are you guys going for a soccer team?"
...to all of which we say, "We'll take what God gives us and leave it in His hands."

I have to admit this is not my own saying but I LOVE it.
"We don't have kids, our pet's are allergic". If you have a pet, use the phrase. It will definitely leave them speechless (long enough for you to walk away)

Congratulations on your engagement!! You've already gotten a million responses on what to say, so i'll just offer another way to look at it. btw i only read the first few responses so this might have been said already.

Before I got married this question irritated the heck out of me too. I'm the oldest grandchild on my mothers side of the family, and for about 10 years I was the only one of child bearing age (appropriate age at least). I was asked this question all the time. Saying 'I want to be married first' didn't help things. My very southern grandma told me, "honey you ain't got to be married to have babies". Turns out she was right and I had my first baby a year before we got married, but that's beside the point :-)

Now that I have kids, the first thing I think of when someone gets engaged is when they're going to have kids. I LOVE being a mom, and kids are so fun (when they're not being wild terrors at least) and bring so much love and joy into your life. I'm always excited for people to experience this for themselves. Sounds very corny but its true. So even though it's super annoying on your end, try to think of it as your friends/family wishing you joy and happiness. And of course a little for themselves too, since everyone loves having a new baby in the family.

Again, congrats on your engagement, and I hope you get the chance to explore the world with your husband before you have kids!!

Simple answers can be

"We are planning to start trying right away"
"We have other goals in mind first"
"We are planning on having children, but the wedding plans need to come together first!"

I think a snarky answer to an otherwise harmless question is rude.

"First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby in a baby carriage." This is something we are taught from the start so why would people not wonder when the baby will come?

I got these questions a LOT,esp from family. Sheesh, people are nosy, aren't they?

My usual response: "We're being zen about the whole thing- it'll happen when it happens." If it was someone I didn't want to seem rude to, I'd also add "and when it happens, of course we'll let you know!"

You could say "well, we're trying to do that 'get married first' thing-- I know it's not as popular nowadays, but we're old-fashioned that way." (No judgment here on this by the way-- my husband and I were together 6 years but not married when we had our son.)

The politically correct answer is....."as soon as the wedding is over". This way, you are not rude, you are not explaining your private business in detail and honestly.... it's what everyone wants to hear. I promise you it gets people off your backs. And....if pregnancy doesn't happen quickly, by your choice or otherwise, your original response kinda keeps the people quiet, as they know you are trying, but don't know if you are having a problem with conceiving ....you know what I mean? It will keep them at bay and quiet. Good luck!

I think Mom and Grandma get a pass on that question, but for everyone else I find it rude and obnoxious. If you want to be polite you can say "It's in God's hands". A couple times I just told people "I'm barren".

"Well, we're actually going to work on the wedding and marriage first.
We're "crazy" like that!"

You're SO right about NOT having kids until YOU are ready and not because everyone else thinks its a good idea for you.
The world would be a better place if everyone thought like you!

"Don't know. When are you going to loose that extra weight?"
"Why? Don't YOU know?"
"Oh, we sent out the time and date of all future sex acts with the wedding invitations. One of 'em bound to be the right conception date. We're keeping a betting pool."
"MYOB: Mind your own business."

Or just smile and ignore.

People sure are rude, but I guess this is part of the TMI society that we live in. When many women make announcements that they are TTC, when they have ultrasound baby showers and send out mass emails about losing their mucous plug, people feel entitled to very personal information.
Some appropriate responses might be, "That's a pretty personal question, don't you think?", "We aren't planning on any children before the wedding" or "That's not in the immediate future." People really don't realize how rude they are being. I had a friend who used to burst into tears when people would ask her this, because she was trying and not conceiving, and it took her 4 years to get pregnant (6 years married). People used to ask me, and I'd tell them that it was not a consideration while I was working in NYC, with a 2 hour commute to work and 2 hours from work. I was going to need a local job before we could consider children. "Oh! You aren't going to just stay home?" Um, no.
People are rushing it with you. I typically feel that there is a 2 year cycle that people think is supposed to happen. If you've been dating 2 years, people start asking when the engagement will happen. If you've been married 2 years, people start asking when you'll be having a baby. If your child is 2 years old, people start asking when you're planning another.
I had my first baby when I was married 4 years, 9 months (2 months to conceive.) I think by then, most of my husband's family figured we weren't going to have kids. My daughter was 4 when my son was born. I think once we got to 3 years without announcing another pregnancy, people assumed we weren't having more children, but the 4 year spacing was what we planned.
Good luck

"As soon as we win the lottery."
;-)

Don't have any witty retorts off the top of my head other than, to say " when are you?" no matter the persons age or situation. that might make old Aunt Gertude pause for a sec.

Just wanted to say, great for you for having the wedding before the baby. I know for what ever reasons alot of people don't and i think it's important to go through those milestone steps and enjoy each one.

Congrats on your nuputials.

"I'm not married yet, so I'm not sure. Would you like me to put you on the calendar to let you know when I decide?"

This will shut them up. Shame on them for asking you this when you aren't even married - sheesh.

You respond the same way you do to any rude question: stare at the person with eyebrows slightly raised, mouth slightly open, for about 3 seconds. Then abruptly snap your mouth shut, blink, and pointedly change the subject. They will get the message loud and clear. ;)

How about " I promise that you'll be able to tell when it happens."

People do mean well in this regard but the ones who press are trying desperately to connect with you. The appropriate question to this would be "where's the honeymoon?"

Then again is anyone "appropriate?"

What Bug said. SO TRUE.

People will forever be in your business...just be gracious and vague. =)

I agree with Katrina, "Well, when we get around to it"...
People dont ask maliciously they just want to know if maybe your are already pregnant or planning to do it soon because they feel they have an "edge" on the gossip if they hear it from the source. :)
Just smile and be happy that they think you are having sex and could possibly have a baby some day.

Don't answer. Ask a question of your own like...when are you going to have another?

I would just say, we want to enjoy being married for awhile first.

When we get around to it ;)

Clever response - "When the babe is placed into my arms, we'll make sure to send you an announcement"

Snarky response - "We're going to try to have puppies first, as practice"

To close friends & family - "When Scott & I have had our fill of each other. But who knows when that will be? There's a lot of us to love!"

I had a friend tell me once: "I hate when people say they are "trying" to get pregnant...all that means is they are having sex all the time and that is too much information for me!"

I don't know what context she said this in - if it was in response to me saying one of our mutual friends was "trying" or whatever.

It is an annoying question - and just wait, as soon as you have one, people will start asking you when the NEXT one will happen! Or after a couple, if you are going to have any more! It will just keep going... Good luck!

I struggled with infertility and miscarriage for many years, so it was a particularly touchy question for me. My response was, well, when we decide, you'll be the first to know....

That way I didn't have to go into any big explanations which were none of anyone's business.

I think this question is just hard wired into our collective human DNA. For thousands of years the pattern has been marriage, birth, death so people just see it as the natural progression of life. ESPECIALLY older people, they like to know the circle of life and family will continue on.
Instead of letting it upset you just say, "we'll do it when we do it" and change the subject.

Well, I'm a lesbian and so my favorite answers were "when i can learn to do it myself then we'll talk". My mom is all the time still asking me (I'm the only one who doesn't have any biological children of my own) and it is one of the most annoying questions in the world! I've also resorted to "When I have children will be when it happens." It kind of just sets the mood as if to say butt out but it's being polite too.

Some people have nothing in their head and that is the first thing that pops in their head.

My best advice is handle it with class. leave it vague with some equally lame 'it will happen when it happens.' and this is less classy 'oh we are getting married because we want to not because we have to, unlike you...grandma!" You can also turn it around on them, such as 'when did you decide to have children?' This helps get you out of the hot seat.

You can always vent here about some annoying co-worker, aunt or future in-law). Hopefully they are not on this site.

edit:
i just got my taxes ready, so i am a little moody.

You could say something like "Well at least not until after the wedding but then who knows!" or "eventually or never", or "when we decide to".

Another option is "Why do you want to know?"...then if they press, let them know that when/if you get pregnant you will be sure to include them in on the announcement.

Just say... sometime after we're married, or sometime in the future. Most people don't know exactly WHEN they're going to have kids, so it's a truthful answer.

I get the impression that having children isn't offensive to you - it's being asked the question so often. And it can certainly become a nuisance.

I suggest you treat it lightly. "Believe me, when we are expecting, you'll be one of the first thousand people to know." Then change the subject, or move away from the asker.

We married young with no plans in the next 5 years.. so we used to say, "We will have children, when least expected".. We actually waited until we were going to be 30..

We had been married 10 years.. it was perfect,

The topic of children, how many you have, and when you have them is a favorite of many people. Unfortunately, it never ends. Just say something like "Probably in the next year or 2". Usually, it a way of making conversation.

Don't take it personally, it's just human nature to find the next exciting thing to talk about. A response I used to give before kids was "Don't worry, when I am good and ready I will let you know"

My sister announced that she was going to have her first baby and it was going to be born in June so the weather was nice and it wasn't close to Christmas and on and on. Turns out, it was hard for them to conceive and it took over a year and her baby ended up being born 12/27.

Everyone was all in her business during this year because we knew she was trying and because she told us we assumed she was willing to share. We all wanted to know what the problem was - was it you, was it your husband, are you even going to be able to have any? It was silly.

If I were you I'd tell people, after we are married, we want to be married for a while and we won't forget.

The nest answer is: "I don't know, why?" If you're bothered and looking to turn it around on them. If you're not bothered, just say "I don't know."

You shouldn't be bothered by it since you want kids. It's way more annoying for people who never want kids actually. And then like you said, some people can't conceive right away or ever, so they field that painful question for years....but in any case, it's a dumb question so it's up to you how charitable you want to be. You can give them the benefit of the doubt: "They're making small talk, no biggie". OR you can take a more angry: "What nosy jerks" attitude.

The best thing for this and ALL the annoying comments and questions you'll hear in your life pertaining to "family matters" is to smile, shrug and ignore. Or answer in concise way that cuts them off and let it go.

When they come out.

Just tell them that is personal.
Its really no one's business anyway.
You don't even, have to answer those questions.
Nor do you have to explain... it.

After my husband and I got married, we didn't have kids right away.... because, I did not want to. I didn't want kids, right away. But he did. But it was not a problem. So then, 5 years after getting married, we had our first child. Fortunately, I did not have trouble getting pregnant even if I was over 35 at that time. Then we had a 2nd child, 4 years later.
But no one really asked when we are having kids.

The topic of children, how many you have, and when you have them is a favorite of many people. Unfortunately, it never ends. Just say something like "Probably in the next year or 2". Usually, it a way of making conversation.

This might be relevant to your interests. http://www.mommyish.com/2013/03/25/stfu-parents-4-polite-...

I remember how annoying that was before we had kids. Then immediately after you have your first baby everyone is asking when you are going to have a second. This is equally annoying. I say just be polite and say we don't know, or when we are ready.

I'm a smartass, so I'd probably respond thus:

Q: When are you going to have kids??

A: When we feel like it. *then smile*

the way I see it, you have 2 options.. either go with a funny/smartassy type response like one of the ones Suz T mentioned.. or say something like "we're not even married yet" or "we're just trying to concentrate on the wedding"
.. just so you know, I feel your pain (sort of).. our daughter just turned 8months and we are already getting the "when are you having another?"