What to Say When Asked When We're Having Kids

I'm sorry, people can be so insensitive.

I would just keep up what you've been saying, then promptly change the subject. I have two, 5 and 3 years old and people ask me that as well. If I'm feeling snarky, I laugh and ask, "when are you having more kids?" or, "why do you need to know" or, "would you like to help pay for it?" and that seems to work.

Once my mom asked (and she did all the time) and I said... "Right NOW! Come on honey, lets go have some sex!" My mom hasn't asked since.

I have learned to NEVER ask this question. I learned the hard way. I hope most people stop asking the question. But if it were me, I would just give them a firm "We're Trying" and change the subject. If that doesnt shut anyone up they need to go get a filter put in their brain.

"Wow, that's a really personal question! I don't talk about that with anyone but my husband."

If you want to soften the response, add "But we will really enjoy telling everyone when we are expecting."

People can be real jerks, huh?

'When people stop pressuring me'....

Edit: 'We're having fun with the practice makes perfect part" :-D
Hahahaha.

Thursday.

The silliness of the answer points out the silliness of the question.

Well Good Lord, why in the world would any one want kids?!

tehehe

:)

jokingly ask "did you have a date you needed one by??"

or- "as soon as it happens, I will let you know" then turn the conversation to them- you could ask if there's a promotion on the horizon, or something similar.

best wishes

ooh the dreaded question!!!!

i would just say that we are working on it and when God feels it's time for us - then it will happen...

We went through this. We were married at 21 and we knew we didn't want to try to have children until we were 30 and then it still took us two years to conceive. I had a few answers for this question...my response depended on my mood and who was asking. And I have to admit, I wasn't always to most kind. We heard this question for years and it really wears you out after a while. And when we were experiencing difficulties, it was like a punch in the gut every time we were asked. So here are my "bank" of responses....
-"Someday. We're not ready yet". Beware this gets people all worked up about how NO ONe is ready, blah blah blah
-"Well I hear that happens about nine months after conception"
-"Someday soon we hope"
-"Why do you ask?" This one seemed to be the most effective at ending the conversation
-"We don't want children right now."
-"We're working on our form"
- "Let's talk about something else".
-"I don't know, maybe I should talk to my hubby about this".

I have other rather rude responses tucked away in my brain, but I never used them...even though I really wanted to.

People can be terrible lol. I really feel for you. My husband and I have been trying with the help of a doctor for over a year now. Every one on both sides of our family keeps the heat on me all the time. I hate it. I always tell them, "when it's time it will be time and that questions won't make it happen faster." I am really close to my dad and he asked me in April right after my sister had her second daughter and I suffered a miscarriage when I was going to bless him with a grandchild and I told him when he grows a uterus and ovaries he can pop out his own until then he can enjoy the 4 grand kids he has already. Keep you head up lady :) it'll happen when it is meant to be, until then enjoy the love of your husband.

Just tell them its on the to-do list. :)

"You'll be the first to know when we decide to!" and then change the subject. This used to drive me nuts - before we were even married, my husband's family was hounding us about this. I just refused to discuss it with them. They never did stop asking, and just so you know, even after you have baby #1, they will then start asking you when you're going to have another! LOL

They are likely asking because they know you want children & it's coming from a "good place ". I would say something like "we're working on it & we'll let you know when we have news to share".

I would let your parents & siblings know so they can do some deflection for you!

I like, "when we are ready". And a giant smile.

Before I had my daughter I would respond to that question by saying "when I pregnant" lol

We tried for well over a year and everyone else was getting pregnant, even though we planned it long before they did. My evil SIL got pregnant with triplets and people would have the nerve to ask if we were going to have triplets too! My sister got pregnant, neighbors, co-workers, etc, etc. and people would alwaaaaays ask us! I would downplay my desire to have kids, and make jokes about it. And, there were those people that got the most crass response I could muster up, because they were rude about such a personal and private thing. I did finally mellow out and realize that most of the people were just trying to make conversation. And, if you're having troubles, they do want to reach out even though you don't want it.

You mentioned your doctor has assured you nothing is wrong. Did you have any testing? Bloodwork (thyroid, day 10 FSH, day 3 blood panel, progesterone post ovulation,etc), HSG, vaginal ultrasounds around ovulation. That is the beginning of things to check. He can't assure you nothing is wrong based on your age, etc. Trying for a year is a long time and doesn't happen right away for some. But, the heartbreak is enough to get the ball rolling with some noninvasive testing. Please ask your doc for further testing and tell him you wanna get more aggressive in your treatment. I'm sorry you're going through this, it's one of the toughest things life can hand out. Your children will be loved all the more. Good luck to you!

I do not want any more kids and it has taken nearly 4years for almost everyone to stop asking. I always would tell them that I am a "one and done" or something fun like "we are still practicing!" Most people took the second as not right now we are just enjoying eachother. You could say something fun like that or you can simply say the door is open and when the moment is right it will happen. Giving them enough info to know you are working on it but not forcing anything to happen :)

People are so frickin nosy and annoying. my 2nd daughter was a month before people started asking when we were having another. ANNOYING.

I would bust out crying. lol. Maybe they'll leave you alone then. Or you can make it super uncomfortable and tell them you're trying and ask for position advice. ha ha. I'm just kidding.

I'm sure it is coming from a good place but they'll keep asking until you tell them you're pregnant. So maybe just tell one person in private (like MIL or mom or something who will relay the message down to everyone else). Tell her you've been trying and nothing is wrong (etc just what you told us) but tell her it's very upsetting to have everyone hound you all the time. Maybe if she passes the word on...there will be no more public ovary conversations. Good luck!!!
It took me 13months to conceive my first daughter. It was literally once I stopped thinking about it so much and figured I was never getting pg that poof I had a positive test!!! :)

You have a lot of great suggestions so far. Just to vent, we adopted my neice and my ex-husband's mother would ask "when are you going to have one of your own"?? Ummm, she IS ours. Was absolutely happy with her, never tried.

I liked the whole, "Why do you ask? Did you need me to have one by a specific date?"

Seriously though, if it was me I think I'd take the whole route of, "We're talking about it, you'll know just as soon as everyone else does when we're ready."

A close girlfriend of mine got married a few years ago to a great guy who already had a son of 15 years old at the time. In the beginning everyone asked them when they were going to have a baby over & Over & OVER. I never asked quite that question. What I did ask her once & only once when we were on our way home from a most excellent John Mayer concert was whether or not they WANTED to have a baby together. She said they had been through so many hardships with his son that she didn't think they were going to. Did she owe me that response? Absolutely not! I think she was relieved to be asked in a different way by someone who was not making presumptions one way or the other.

It'll happen when it happens. or Oh, we're not worried about that right now.

It took us almost two years before we finally got pregnant with our first. When people would ask, that is what I would say.

Tell them you will have kids when you have kids. If they persist, simply abruptly change the subject. "So how about them Tigers?"

8kidsdad's answer is hilarious. Love it.

"No idea, but you'll be the first to know!" :)

Married 9 years before we had our first. Took 2 years and one miscarriage to be blessed with him. Two miscarriages and 3 years of trying to be blessed with our daughter and another miscarriage since. My standard answer now is "It is in God's hands" or "Only God knows". I don't know if we will have anymore. All of my testing shows everything is normal, but I have trouble conceiving and then obviously trouble carrying, so right now my answer is true for us. Now do I want more ~ yes, but they don't ask that, they only ask if we ARE going to have more and I don't know.
They are not trying to be mean and they are not trying to be hurtful, but when they don't know their questions are painful. Then when they do know it is all they want to talk about, so for me I kept things in. My husband knows, but even my 2 closest friends do not know that we are "technicall" trying for another.
Good luck and I wish you the best.

All in good time ~ with a Huge Smile on your face and then just walk away from them.

I feel for you. I have a daughter that is 19 months old and I am currently pregnant with baby number 2 but.... When I got pregnant with my daughter it was a "okay lets try" and I was pregnant instantly and when we tried for baby number 2 it took us 7 months of trying and charting and temperatures and all that fun stuff that really takes any fun out of the 'trying'. While we were trying all we heard was when are you going to have another? Why wont you get on making a sibling for her? When I was your age I had all my kids by now. Little did any of these ppl know that we were trying. It made me realize just how hurtful and hard it is to hear and now I never ask anyone 'when are you gonna get on making babies?' Because for all I know they are trying and its just not happened for them yet. Im sure you've heard it before but if you are trying, it will happen you just have to have faith and believe and go by the infamous but always unhelpful advice of just relax and it will happen
I wish you all the best and baby dust all over you =)

Isn't it nuts how people think its perfectly fine to not only ask once but also push personal questions regarding fertility. Like 2 kids is the only "normal" family. Personally, I would say something like "When God chooses to bless us". But if that's not your thing then I wouldn't get nasty because people will think something is wrong and then ask you about THAT. How about "Hopefully, soon!".

It is rude of people to ask. You have a few options. "We are not considering it at this time" is one possible answer. Another option is to say, "I know we live in the age of TMI, but really, it's rude to ask that." Of course, if you can cry on cue, you'll probably stop them from ever asking again if you burst into tears and say, "We've been trying for two years and we'll probably never have a baby." Good luck. My husband and I were married for four years when we decided to conceive our first child. I'm sure this was not a surprise to my family, but my husband's family probably thought that I was either infertile or didn't want kids by the time we decided it was the right time to start a family.

Oh I so know how you feel. My mother in law is awful. They know that I can't have kids (or so it would seem) and so does everyone else she comes in contact with. Or so it seems.

Usually what I tell people who don't know... is that mother nature isn't ready.

Which is true, it'll happen when and if God/Mother Nature sees fit. Even those on birth control get pregnant, which goes to show how true it is.

But it's not going to matter what you tell them. It's those of us with issues in the reproductive department who need to accept that it is what it is and that we must be patient. Things will happen the way they're meant to.

No, I'm not sure I believe what I just said. But I keep telling myself that anyhow.

What to say - Say "Whenever the good Lord sees it fit to have one"...people ask these questions as if you can MAKE a child at a determined time!

I got to the point where I would answer, "I'm not really clear on how to prepare and cook one, so no, we wont be having children soon." that usually shut them up.

I am very closely pushing 50 ( thanks to personal care and genes pass for early/ mid 30's). And STILL have family members asking when I'll have a 2nd child.

It's insulting. We are perfectly content, no regrets with our close family of 3 but someone, somewhere will always push it.

Last time I was asked... I said " when you pay 100% plus college". All the while, I had a hysterectomy 10 yrs ago, best thing I ever did for myself.

I used to get this all the time! We married when I was 20 and had our twins when I was 27. So, I listened for 7 years about when we were having kids. I would just tell people some lame excuse, like I'm not ready yet, or I want to work more, or soon or whatever would get them to shut up. Good luck to you!

I have been in your spot, I am sorry its hard when you really would love to have a child but you don't want the whole neighborhood in your business. I do think people's hearts are most likely in the right place, so you can be honest and say " I don't know". If they ask more questions and are being nosy, you do have the right to kindly say " That's really just between my husband and I, but thanks for your concern."

Just say, "it is not something we are thinking about right now, but when we are I will be sure to let you all know". Hopefully with that they will leave you alone for a while.

It took well over a year of going off the pill before having our first. Stay positive and relax. Put it on someone else, like your poor husband - "Go ask Bob." lol and walk away.

tell them hey we will have kids when we are ready and if they dont stop sticking their noses in and stressing us out it wont ever happen

I would just say "well, we are blessed with [SD's name] and the rest is up to God" (or fate - whatever jibes with your beliefs).

I would then change the subject immediately so that the person gets the hint.

I really do understand how you feel. Although I did have one child, 7 years ago, I am always harrassed by my mother in law about "when on earth are you going to have another child", or " all of my other siblings have more then one grandchild, I do not want to be left out"..It's hurtful, and disrespectful to keep asking someone this constantly.

My best friend has been trying for quite awhile, and gets very upset when people keep asking her when or if they are going to have any children. Once she had to leave the room when someone asked her. It's extremely heartbreaking for her, and for me to see her in this pain. She tells people that they are trying, and will have to see . Other times, she switches the subject on them. Sometimes, she just walks away.

Unfortunately, at this time when someone asks me, I usually role my eyes. It's not a good habit, I understand. Some people are well meaning, and have no idea of what is going on. I usually explain that I am sorry , but I get it all the time, and that we aren't ready. I am perfectly content at the moment with my wonderful darling of a son.

People are like robots, we are almost programmed to reply with predictable answers. A couple announces an engagement "Whens the date?". A couple gets married "when are you having children?". A couple has a baby "when are you going to have another one?". And somehow it's appropriate to ask such questions. I admit I unknowingly do it too.
My husband and I got married the day after our 12th anniversary of being together. We immediately, consistently got "Are you going to have kids?" My initial response was a vague "Who Knows". That was honest and seemed to work. After a few years we tried to get pregnant. Nothing happened. People would ask and I'd say, "if we have kids great, if not, thats great too." When in reality there was nothing I wanted more than to be pregnant. I was doing the temperature and the calendar and on the verge of serious medical investigations when I got pregnant the first time! I had been with my husband 16 years, had been off the pill for 10 years and didn't use any birth control for 4 years before I got pregnant! I think our bodies just had to be in synch. My point is don't lose hope, be patient. To those that inquire just be ambiguous. It isn't their business and you do not have to feel obligated to reply.
Good luck to you!

It's not any of their business and I would say that.

I used to tell people when they were ready to spit one, out id be ready to raise it....or tell them that we decided on a puppy instead LOL

I would just keep saying what you are already saying. Many of my friends have had luck with the ovulation kits...not sure if you tried this route already but I've heard many success stories! Best of luck to you and your husband!!

I'm so sorry! I wish that people wouldn't pry into your personal life, but it's just a fact of life that they will. You can just say that it will happen when it is meant to happen and leave it at that. However, I would not wait a year to get some fertility help. I have had fertility issues and I now have 3 children, but it was not easy. I was lucky to get diagnosed with poly cystic ovarian syndrome when I was young, I was in my early 20s and I already needed to be on Clomid to get pregnant! My last baby was after 2 years of treatments and trying, but he was worth it! Some of my family knew my diagnosis and the treatments I was on, and then I discovered that I had an aunt and two cousins with the same condition and I never knew! It was helpful to be able to talk to them and I learned that being TOO private had drawbacks, sometimes support is better than privacy.

We tried for 3 years to get pregnant with our first and my DH's family was the WORST!!! He has and older Aunt who never married or had kids and she would ask EVERY time we would see her. I told my husband if she asked again I was going to tell her we would be having a baby when she had a baby and we could do it together (mean, I know but come on! Who does that?) I started telling people we were having trouble and it was too difficult to talk about because it really stopped them from asking. It also made some of them quite uncomfortable, which I think is only fair if you're going to ask such nosy questions! Good luck with everything! This infertility stuff sucks! I will be thinking of you and sending good baby making thoughts your way! :)