Others Asking About a Second Child

Well if were me I would say. "We have been trying, having a little bit of difficulty. So what positions did you use to get pregnant? Maybe that's the problem." I mean if they are allowed to ask personal questions, you are too right? :)

I hate it when people ask! I usually end up crying in my car or in the bathroom when I get away from them. We have been trying for 3 years. My close friends know about it because I have shared with them my frustrations. Those that don't know us don't say anything now because we have 3 foster kids now so it looks like we have a huge family. I am at a point now where if people do ask I just give them a blank look and a fake smile and change the subject or walk away. I also use that look when people offer unsolicited parenting advice or weight loss advice or try to sell me something...it usually gets the point across.

Oh this can be a very touchy subject! I have three beautiful children and thank the Lord I didnt have any issues conceiving them. But.. I work with a beautiful woman who is 28 years old and her and her husband have been trying for 3 years to have a baby... still no luck. My heart goes out to her because she gets asked the same question over and over, and only her really close friends know she is struggling. So one day, she came to work crying and was very upset because they had gone to a BBQ the night before and was asked several times "when you gonna pop one out" or "why dont u have kids by now" or "well, what you waiting for"..... little do they know they are trying and have been trying. I just gave her a big hug and told her the next time someone asked her that question just respond with "well, when the good Lord decides its time" Breaks my heart to know that someone so young can have such a hard time getting PG, but it happens. Here i am 37 and had my last child at 35. Sometimes I just don't understand! And people who have never been in your shoes, don't know how to deal with stuff like that. While it can be so easy for one family to have kids, another family struggles. God Bless!

I always said that we are open to having more and when God sees fit to send them we will enjoy them. My oldest children have three years between each of them. That wasn't our choice we would have had them one after the other. We then had two children pass away and to our wonder God blessed us with our sixth. There is a huge gap between the oldest and the youngest. People have lots of opinions about our family. We just tell everyone that we are blessed and wouldn't want it any other way.

Tell them that you are thinking about another, but in the mean time having fun practicing, and enjoying the the one you have!
Good luck!

You could always reply with "All in good time", "When God is ready so are we", "Thanks for the advice", Thanks for the input", or something else along those lines.

Eh...they mean well, but people can be so insensitive.

I agree with the "You'll be the first to know WHEN it happens!" approach. (kind)

or

"We ARE trying." (gets the point across, use when appropriate--from situation to situation or those on the frequent-flier program!)

I had three miscarriages before I had my child....and I dealt with these well-intentioned questions a lot. Now I'm VERY sensitive to others about this.
Good luck!

I really hate that! I've got people all the time asking when I'm going to have another baby. I want one, but we can't afford it and I like knowing I can pay all of my bills. I was recently told I probably wont have a job come October and now it's "just stay home and have another baby!" Well, sure, but then my bills wont get paid. It's very hurtful, especially when you really want another baby, and I'm sorry that you're having to go through it.

People like to share the joy. They will congatulate you when you get your degree or ask when are going to graduate.

Most people feel having another child is a reason for joy so they are wanting to share your joy. They aren'y trying to be nosy or mean.

Good luck to you and yours.

I think asking about when are you going to have "baby #1, baby #2" etc. is very insensitive for this very reason. I'm sure your close friends understand that you are trying and have stopped asking. Sometimes being blunt can be a lesson to near strangers (or even nosey relatives) - "We've been trying, since you asked. We will let you know the big news when it happens". Then watch their faces then they (hopefully) realize how out of line this type of question is. Easier said than done. I've been ornery lately :)
Good luck TTC.

I used to tell them 'when God thinks my life needs less sleep' or
'who has time for a 2nd?' or
'Work on a 2nd? Who wants more work?' or
'The trying is the fun part! Who wants to work at it?'

=)

I am sorry this bothers you so much, and having some difficulty conceiving your second can make those questions hurt more (I have a close friend who had trouble for years conceiving and also had a miscarriage in between her two pregnancies). I would just say "It's in god's hands" and leave it at that. It is no one else's business about "where your at". I have two boys age 8 and 2 1/2, and I constantly get the "When are you trying for a girl?" so I understand the frustration. We are TWO AND THROUGH. My response is usually "I have my 3 year old niece, that is the only girl I need"

I think people aren't trying to be mean-minded when they ask, that's pretty natural. I know it's frustrating, but I would simply say 'when it happens, it happens', and leave it at that. You already know it's not just up to you is and when you conceive, and anybody with a brain will know that as well. You don't have to let them know how long you've been trying... whenever it happens, it happens!! Good luck and have fun trying :)

I would say what you've been saying, We're thinking about another or tell them that When God sees fit, we'll have one. I know its frustrating and heart breaking but people aren't trying to be mean but its also really none of their business.
Not even 3 months after my son was born, every says when are you going to have another and that next time they want a girl. I wanted to tell them to shut the hell up I just had one.

I know exactly how you feel! It seemed like every month from oct of last year to may when I finally got pregnant everyone would ask and tell us to hurry up and get the job done!

You sound like you are handling it very nicely. A mantra is the way I would go. Instead of "We're thinking about another." I might fine tune that and say, "We're thinking about it." It's none of their business just what you are thing about.

If they push further...... repeat "We're thinking about it." At that point most people would get the idea you don't want to discuss it and you maintain your privacy. Keep that mantra in your pocket and pull it out as often as you need to. That's what I'd suggest.

UGH! I feel your pain. It took 8 months for our 1st & 4 years for our 2nd. People asked ALL the time when we were going to give a sibling to our 1st. I was so excited to finally have 2 children & my Grandma told me I should quit having kids in the winter (December & February) b/c it's too snowy & it's hard to get around ~ sorry Grandma, I had kids when I could!!

It is very frustrating to have people ask. At first I'd tell people a polite answer. Toward the end, I'd tell people we've been trying & tell them how long & they'd feel kinda bad. I didn't care at that point ~ they were being nosy & making me feel bad! I also had people tell me, just be happy w/ 1 at least you have her (we didn't want her to grow up an only child).

Good luck!

I'm so sorry that you have to hear this. People really are coming from a good place and they don't mean to upset you (especially if they are unaware of the situation).

After my son turned 2, the questions started. In our case, we simply weren't ready to have another child. I had just taken a promotion and the time wasn't right. Every family gathering, every party, all the time... "When are you two going to have another?"

As hard as it is to keep your cool... try to just smile and say "We'll let you know when there's news to share" and then make sure to let them know!

Best of luck to you.