Anyone Know "The Perfect Mother, Perfect Kid, Perfect Family..."?

Just wanted to say I know how you feel. I am a working mom but about 90% of the other moms at my kids' school are not. Their homes are perfectly clean and they are in great shape, they volunteer way more than I can. I don't know if I feel judged by them though. I think it is more how I feel about it.

Nope, I never feel judged, mostly because I don't care what other people think. I know I am the perfect mother for my kids, and my kids are the perfect children for me. No family is perfect, but we are perfect for each other.

"Anyone ever feel people looking down on them?"
No. Very rarely. I can't recall the last time I felt that way. I think people are very caught up in their own lives to be judging and looking down upon you or anyone else.

There is a mom that you are describing that comes to mind. But she never judged anyone. It just irritated me how perfectly organized she seemed. She had 4 perfectly behaved kids. I never sensed her looking down on anyone though.

Everyone has challenges. Nobody's life is perfect.

Just a thought, but maybe you're the only one judging you? I think we all have moments/days/events we are proud of...and equally, we all have those that we are not. Ease up on yourself. Nobody is perfect.

Um, in your question, you are judging them and declaring them annoying.

Nobody has a perfect life, perfect kid, perfect family. I do know many ladies who do it all better than me. Well, at least the parts I choose not to do, lol. Ive learned a lot from them.

One of the hallmarks of these ladies is that they make corrections when things do come up. They are never too embarrassed to bring things up at thier doctors or with a counselor or get whatever help they need. Too many people hide things till they cripple a family because they feel inferior for needing something. That's something I've tried to correct in my life. Go TOWARD the problem, not run from it.

Another thing is not to be too self conscious. So your house is not sparkling, if you are generous and gracious, nobody will care.

Most of these ladies volunteer and work very hard at it. They are the ones who help your students, sort clothes for the needy in the district and then order pizza at night for their family because they are too exhausted to cook.
Nobody, NOBODY cooks every night. Then somebody will get mad about a tiny decision they made in the heat of the day and complain to no end about "perfect" ladies making all the decisions. Gee, make some yourself.

So next time you feel judged, quit doing it to yourself. Lighten up. Don't sweat the small stuff and it's mostly small stuff.

I think you might be projecting, a bit...

My former neighbor thought that was me. What a joke. We all have our own problems and our demons.

I often think of that old saying however.... If all of our troubles were hung on the line, you would take yours and I would take mine. 😊

People always look down on me...I'm not quite 5' tall. ;) (That's a joke, just in case you think I have a short-person inferiority complex.Nope.)

But really, Theresa nailed it. As you get older, (hopefully) you won't care. If your kid is relatively well-behaved and just being himself (but not obnoxious--everything has a time and place) then that's fine. The 'storybook life' thing is only your perception or an image they cultivate. Don't worry about them... just keep on doin' what works for you.

Eh, you'll get older and move past that. I promise.

:)

The Cleavers?

Seriously though, ANYONE who says they're perfect in all things is lying.

I have learned to parent my kids how I see fit, and to hell with what society thinks. They are NOT in my house, they do NOT get to judge me or make me feel inferior.

What is it Eleanor Roosevelt said?

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."

I do not consent to let others make me feel inferior.

Sweetie, I am pretty sure that it is all an illusion. I work full time. I am on the PTA Board and volunteer in the classroom. I have 2 beautiful kids and I am always juggling a bunch of balls in the air. However, I ALWAYS struggle with a messy house and just keeping up with stuff like laundry and kid's homework etc...

Everyone has stuff going on...some just put on a bigger front than others.

I'm sure these other moms are too busy with their own lives to be spending any time judging you.
Really, insecurity comes from within, why do YOU feel like others are looking down on you? Do you doubt your choices, your parenting? We all do from time to time but overall you should feel pretty good about how you're raising your child. Focus on the positive!
And just make sure your little extrovert knows when and where to be loud and crazy. A kid like that can be a lot of fun to be around but he needs to know when to tone it down too. There's a fine line between being the life of the party and being just plain obnoxious :-)

Funny, I had a conservation with an acquaintance recently that turned into something I was not expecting. She basically told me that I was one of the women you are referring to (almost like the popular girl back in middle school)!! I was completely shocked that someone would look at me that way. I'm here to tell you that I never look down on anyone, and neither does anyone I know who works hard for the PTA or whatever it may be. Try to keep that in mind when you're worried about people judging you. It's probably not even happening. You are putting the judgement on yourself. 99% of all adults are much more worried about themselves and their families and their problems (yes, they have them!), than to even give you a second thought.

..... the thing is, NO one, is perfect and no one has a perfect life.
What we see outwardly or per affectations, is only 1 slice of the whole pie.
We don't know, how their own personal lives are.
So I really don't take things for granted.
But sure, some families seem so, perfect.
But that is a subjective thing, based on, apparent, ideals.
Or not.

I don't feel anyone looking down on me.
Because, I don't worry about that.
If they are, well whatever.
I know how me and my family and kids are, and they don't.

And the thing is, if you strip down a person bare... and they don't have all their "titles" and work related commendations and public approvals... then who are they really? Some people, don't have any identity or sense of self, unless they have their affectations and titles.
And some, know who they are, even if they do not have anything or any "ideal" child.
And people who always "compare" themselves/their families/their kids to others, always feel, less than.

UUUUMMMMMM no.......

Those perfect looking families usually have addiction problems. Someone drinks too much because they need to relax, being 'perfect' all the time is exausting. Someone either has an eating disorder or wacked out on diet pills. The kids end up not knowing who they are or what to do with their lives if they don't follow Mom and Dad's footsteps.

As an example look at the Kenndeys. They look so perfect on the outside but Daddy Joe had many affairs on Rose, John ran around on Jackie and got murdered, Teddy had a huge drinking problem and no one really knows what happened when that woman died in 1969, ..... I could go on and on

No family is perfect it is all an illusion.

If she is looking down on you she is not perfect.

Oh yes...and the Perfect People.....DO NOT EXist.

No one and no child is perfect. I'd love to see it someday!

Yeah, it is all an illusion. We all have our areas where we excel and where we need work. Also, the "perfect life" is subjective; your idea of what a perfect mom or house or anything is likely different than mine.

My friends like to joke and call me "Mama Andrea" because they think that I have it all together. Sometimes I do. I enjoy cooking and am a bit of a neat freak. Those are areas that I do well in but I have my own struggles. And tonight we had nachos and corn dogs from the gas station because it has been a horrible day and I am tired. So the illusion my pals have that we *only* eat meals from scratch is false. I will also tell you that I do wish I were a little more free spirited and could let go of the housework and just...be less anal. I think if you really talk to anybody candidly, you will find that we all feel a bit judged, sub-par and wish we could be (fill in the blank).

And Melissa is right...we hide it, a lot. Partly because we don't want to give our burdens to someone else. And because it feels good for people to ooh and ahh and admire. I want to appear capable and together. I would tell my closest friends the truth, but someone I don't know that well? (besides internet strangers?!) not so much.

Let me add on...
There were a few of those "perfect" type families in my neighborhood when I was a teen. My mom was good friends with one of them and often talked to me about her feelings of inadequacy. Guess what, in the end it turmed out the lady was severely depressed so much so that she thought about killing her children...often...and the dude ended up being a child molester. No joke. What we see is often so far from reality

No one is that perfect. If they say they are, they lie!!! LOL.

It's not so much that people look down on you as it is that you feel that they do.
It really is about being secure with yourself.
Everyone's family is different - what works for one will not work for the next.
You figure out what works best for yours and then be confident that you are doing your best.
After that it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.
Will people continue to offer advice?
Sure they will!
But by then who cares?
I'm always willing to listen to advice but I don't always have to take it.

I don't mix with other parents much. I am very busy at work, and my husband does all the school drop-offs etc. I doubt this sort of thought even enters his mind. My children go to the local public school. They moved from an expensive private school. There tends to be far less pressure to be perfect in a lower socio-economic environment. But I think the pressure was all in my own mind.

I imagine everybody feels other people are looking down on them. And they don't realize that they look as if they have it altogether to so many other people!

The "perfect moms with the perfect kids" are struggling when you're not there to see. Try to keep your head straight about it. The folks running for office? Their pictures are posed ones for their commercials.

I know families like that, but they don't seem judgmental. I also realize they have only one working parent and Mom stays home, so of course their house is organized and their activities, snacks, vacations, outfits are perfectly scheduled. There is time in their day to do those things. Our family does fine, but we wing it sometimes and that's okay. My kids are happy, healthy and learning and that's all that matters to me.

No because I know everyone has a battle. It might not be the same as mine but they have one. They just hide it from most. I am secure in how I handle my kids. Yet they can be little terrors. I have received compliments and saw mean stares all in one day because of how they were acting. And to be blunt I don't care if someone looks down on me. If they do that before even trying to get to know me then well f*** them. It's not that you need to try and be perfect. You need to come to the fact that you will never be perfect and be okay with that.

I wouldn't worry about what people say-but I would focus on my child's behavior-there is a time and place to be an extrovert-and a time and place to be a gentleman-start by talking to your son about the difference-he'll get it! Good luck-he sounds fun!

I thought there were people like this, but then as I got to know some of them and their kids, it's amazing what you find out! Sometimes the ones who look or seem the most "perfect" are the ones who struggle the most w/inferiority, troubles within their family, financially...whatever it may be and you would NEVER know it from the outside. I think most everyone has experienced judgment at one point or another. It's part of the human experience. Some people might look down on those that are different than them-mainly because they're not sure what to do if its not in their comfort zone. This is what I've experienced anyhow. The only thing we have control over is how we treat others and how we handle it or react with how others treat us (which hopefully is good, but when it is not is the test, I suppose!). There are some golden rules that I feel everyone should abide by such as kindness, respect, compassion etc. If it helps...and maybe even for a good laugh-I saw a couple at the airport with their two little ones-probably 5 and 2; the mom looked like she could have been on the cover of Vogue and the kids-Gap Kids or Pottery Barn add or something...the dad was sharply dressed too. It was interesting though because as I would look at the mom and smile, she never looked me in the eye. She was totally insecure of herself with this perfect "looking" family. Yes-I did compare and judge for a moment; I thought-MY hell, to look the way she and her boys did must have taken her hours of preparation and stress. When my kids were that little, I would have been doing good to have had a shower and get them dressed and may have even missed the flight-Ha! ha! I really think most of the "perfectness" we see is an absolute façade. I hope-even for a minute-this makes you feel better...REMEMBER-You and your family are beautiful and perfect in your own way!

I knew the perfect family living the perfect life but turns out
it wasn't so perfect afterall. They are completely split up.
Very sad. I think everyone would define "the perfect life"
in many ways.

Sally, do not worry.....just live the live you feel comfortable with and enjoy your family and friends while keeping distance with those you dislike or do not trust.
Every single family has its own struggles, its own mess and its own problems; some people do not care to show it and some others do; some people feel more comfortable by keeping appearances and some others do not, some people have clean and neat houses, but a handy closet or room full of junk when someone arrives unexpectedly . I am guilty about the last one. It is not easy to keep the house impeccable, clean, but not always perfect and tidy. I learned that perception is not always reality, and sometimes perception is your reality, just perception and how we view things. This is something interesting:

"Everything you see or hear or experience in any way at all is specific to you. You create a universe by perceiving it, so everything in the universe you perceive is specific to you.” – Douglas Adams

I gotta go now, I have to clean that room before my guests arrive tonight!

A.:)

I get where you are going here. Of course you know no one is perfect but the folks you are describing seem near perfect to you.

Try to visit them, drop in if it's not awkward. Get to know the kids. You will find the cracks.

You should change your attitude and outlook about yourself.

Growing up, I really thought I knew that perfect family. My mother's best friend was very religious and everyone went to her for prayer and problems. She was an ordained minister and it seemed everyone knew her.

She was the nicest lady, always greeting me with a smile. Her husband was just as nice, I can remember he always offered me cookies or something wonderful to eat. I had a crush on her son who was a few years older than I am and her daughter was a beautiful cheerleader. The son never came out much while we were there (probably hiding from me!). Once in a while the daughter would come out to the front room while we were there and she always knocked at the hall entrance and waited for her mother to respond before she entered the room. I remember thinking pretty low of myself because if I were to enter a room, I would just blast right in. I remember how loud I was and how obnoxious I must be.

Today, I know I was just a kid. My mom didn't require me to knock on the wall before entering a room. She was a beautiful cheerleader and I never wanted to be one. Anyway, I realize she had her qualities about her and I had mine.

Try not to compare yourself to others, there is no point.