Anyone's 6 Year Old Still Throwing Temper Tantrums?!?!

If he is not having a problem at school it is not adhd. You need to stick to the negative reinforcement no matter how much you think it is not working it will eventually. Positive reinforcement is not a good thing to start off with. After you see a reaction to the negative reinforcement then you start positive. I have a six year old and they are old enough to be grounded from going outside, tv, toys etc. start that and stick with it no matter how the reaction for a least a couple of weeks. Let my know what happens.

When my daughter was 6, she was doing the same thing..melt downs, tantrums. I was asking everyone what to do! One pediatrition said at this age, they are having hormone surges, and it is scary to them! They dont know whats going on, or how to handle it. They feel out of control. Just knowing that put things in perspective for me. B/4 this was told to me, I was feeling there was something wrong with her, with me and my parenting, but what a weight lifted off my shoulders! She DID grow out of it, and thank goodness! When she would throw her tantrums, I would try my best to stay calm, with a calm voice (which really helped!)and just say things like, "you're really angry, huh?..." "that makes you mad when ..." and that would open the door for her to talk about what was really going on, and she would eventually calm down and plus she learned how to use her words when b/4 she was just scared with the out-of-control, angry feelings. She would say, "I'm really mad, and I dont know why.." and we would go from there. I hope this helps! Good luck!!!

Our middle son will be 7 next month, although he does not throw tantrums he is very stubborn on what he wants. We have five children all together, so it is a juggling act especially when our son acts out or is angry. He is like my husband, emotions are to the extreme, although my husband has had 36 yrs to learn to control his. Consistency is best and stick to your rules that you have in place. With age comes maturity and he will be able to control his emotions better. We have found to curb outbursts, we have a schedule in place and this way everyone knows what to expect at pretty much all times. My son wears whatever we lay out for him but if your son has issues with that let him pick them out the night before, or afternoon, whenever you can fit it in best. Also, before doing any homework I let my son have 20 minutes (we set the timer) of play to blow off any extra energy before tackling his work. I wish you the best, but it does take time to find a groove for him to fit in and be at his best potential. With your love and support it will work!

T.,

I am having the same problem with my 6 year old. The situation is the same he is good in school and then he comes home and just goes crazy if he doesnt get his way. We have tried everything and are at are wit's end.

T.,

My name is K.. I have two boys ages 7 and 8. I have the same thing that you are going through with your son. I have found that the negative-positive reinforcement is working. My oldest one is the hardest. Very defiant at times. Throws tantrums when he is told to do something. I have been experiencing this behavior since he was 2 1/2 years of age. It even went to the point where he was biting his brother for no reason at all. I eventually took him in to see someone because I was at wits ends and worried that he was going to hurt his brother. The specialist told me use original listerine for the biting (child size toothbrush, and rub it on the tongue) amazingly it worked. We continued to use it for the backtalking and being defiant. He is now 8 going on 9 in a few days. He has gotten better. It is just a long road and alot of patience. I love the boys to death and would walk through fire for them, but there have been times I have often asked myself if I had done something wrong. I have been raising them on my own since they were 6 months and 21 months old. When I decided to leave their father I was a fulltime hairstylist and a full time college student. So I often wondered if it was because I wasnt around. Now I am a fulltime firefighter and I also provide private protection to clients. I am in school fulltime once again for EMT. I can tell you that it will take alot of patience and love which from what it sounds like there already is that in the home. And alot of reassurance that he is loved.
My son would throw such bad tantrums that when I would try to redirect him his words would be i hate you and that would be when I would take him in my arms and tell him well your mommy loves you very much and will always love you. And now Jack realizes that every tantrum has its consequence with the actions that he shows. I hope that I have been of help. IF you have more questions email me at ____@____.com

My 7 (soon to be 8) year old boy does this too... more often at school then at home. We make him leave the room if it happens at home, putting him on his bed - and we only point toward the stairs when this starts and he knows he's excused and not to return until his fit is over... he gets angry about this because he's loosing the attention he wanted... at school they're not as creative, or as consistant - as a result, he's in BED program - I'm sure you know what this is from teaching...

I suggest forming an agreement with your husband on what to do each and every tantrum, and you must create a solution that works both in and out of your home. So that EVERY time this happens, he gets the same boring result. It will take ALOT of consistancy on your part, and your husbands - and if your husband is like most men, this is excrutiating... to punish his child constantly he will feel like the 'bad guy'... but in the end - you must tell your son that you love him too much to allow him to act that way, and you should also get an apology from him for his actions each and every time. We use reward programs at home too.

ODD is a possiblity, and I'd see a child therapist if it persists, play therapy does wonders for them even if there's no deep issues - it allows them to vent. Something they may feel is 'wrong' to do with you and dad.

Another mom wrote to buy "the expolsive child" - and I suggest that as well!

I've learned that it's always HOW you react that will either promote or reduce his behaviors, our silent pointing to our son says "what you're doing is unacceptable, and I will not talk to you right now - go calm down" without even saying 1 angry or harsh word to him. It's excusing him to another room to act out his issues if he needs too - and if he makes a mess doing it, by throwing things in his room - conseqence will be to clean it up!!!

Good luck, and I'm sure you're doing an awesome job!

Dear T. -

This is probably going to sound like every other response you've received. I watched a Dr. Phil show where a mother was having horrible problems disciplining her 6 year-old. She thought there was something wrong with him. When the child was with someone else though he behaved beautifully. Dr. Phil told the mother that her son's behavioral problems had to do with the way she interacted with him, the way she disciplined him, since he behaved well when left with other adults. I'm thinking there could also be some jealousy issues where he resents the 3 year old getting to spend one-on-one time with mom. Maybe having special activities that just you and him, and just he and his dad do would help? I hope this helps. Good luck!

R.

Hi T.,
I put my daughter in Karate classes and the instructor was informed on the issues we were having. Karate helped her vent and directed it in a positive way. Also I watched her perform and she liked the attention. Just a thought.
S. G in AL

Hi T. I have an almost 4yr old and a 16 month old and nither still through tantrums and the best way I have found to stop them is to completely ignor them I know it is hard to do in a store and so on but if you just look away and act like you do not even care then they will learn that they can not get your undivided attention then when he stops and can talk "like a big boy" and explain what he wants you can talk rationaly. The other Big thing I do is explain that "I can not understand you till you talk like a big 'boy'" and then I look away. Hope this was some help good luck! Also make sure you and your hubby are doing the exact same thing talk about it befor you implament it!!

Two great reading resources, The Explosive Child and 123 Magic. If you dont have time for reading, both are available on tape through Amazon.com. The Explosive Child was absolutely a lifesaver for our family. Also, ADHD is different in every child. Have him tested by a professional. Impulse control at this age for kids with ADHD is a huge challenge so maybe look for an occupational therapist who can help him identify ways to tell he is "building up" and teach him ways to deal with his frustration and anger. Good Luck!

Do you ever watch the tv show Nanny 911. They deal with this sort of thing all the time. Most experts agree that kids will not just grow out of it. His tantrums are working for him so why should he stop. If he gets what he wants when he does it even just once or twice you are enforce the behavior. You just have to set clear rules and clear "punishments" for breaking those rules. You can't give in at any time. The more consitant you are the better he will be. Yes, he will fight and it will get worse before it gets better. You just have to stick to your guns. Best of luck.