Are Most Newly Retired People Moody?

no, you probably won't.
my in-laws are very sweet, lovely people. but when they retired, they sat down in front of the tv, and are still sitting there. their health is poor, their eating habits atrocious, they have no social life. they're just waiting to die.
my parents, on the other hand, never stop. we just lost mumsie recently, but up til her diagnosis and then even beyond, they just don't quit. ballroom dancing, volksmarching, and lots and lots of travel. they've been the epitome of how to retire magnificently.
ooo, that reminds me, big daddy's leaving this morning for CA! must go call him!
khairete
S.

My dad retired when he was 58, maybe 60, sorry my adderall hasn't kicked in. They thought it would be the holy grail. Mom hated his disruption in her system, dad had nothing to do. He went back to work part time, mom hated that too.

I think it took them about ten years to find their new groove. Then they were fine, until mom got Alzheimers but that is a whole other story.

Nope.

There's no "think" involved.

The APA (American psychological association) has the stats to back it up. And socialized med countries (which have better statistical studies) back up their findings across the board (for once!).

Regardless of age: (the tech boom introduced a lot of 20-40yos in the 'retired' bracket, which researchers jumped on)

Most newly retired people are clinically depressed in 6 months, and retirement is a HUGE indicator for suicide, drug/alcohol addiction, & dementia.

Suicide & addiction are related to the depression (sunk or self medicating).
The DEMENTIA is key, though.
The brain is highly plastic.
Use it or lose it.
Even the brightest minds, retiring at their peak (no history of comcerning symptomology) are a gazillion (obviously made up number, Im not digging out the real number, but its a LOT) times more likely to be treated for dementia within 2-3 years. INCLUDING the 20/30/40yos.

Retirement is actually taught as something for doctors & nurses to flag a patient for psych consult in school (how I learned about this) because it is soooooooo highly predictive of
- depression
- dependence
- dementia

UNLESS...

The patient is leading an active life.

Meaning they're reading/ volunteering/ mentoring/ traveling/ ANYTHING that uses up at least half their time in mentally active pursuit concordant to or more rigorous than their previous work. (AKA: Former teacher watching grandchildren = not concerning. Former pilot watching grandchildren = concerning. Former accountant studying aeronautics for model planes = not concerning. Former aeronautics engineer with model planes = concerning. Because one is stepping up their maths, and the other is barely touching their maths. )

I'm glad that you posted this. People need to know that retirement doesn't fix all their problems. People's inherent personalities don't change just because they don't have to go to work anymore. If they are unhappy in their jobs, they may also be unhappy in their retirement as well. Quite frankly, home can be just plain boring.

I have a friend who turned 65 last January and where he lived overseas and taught high school, there is mandatory retirement at 65. He came back Stateside and he's having the time of his life. He snow skiis in his "backyard" (he lives out west), has a sluice to look for gold (for fun, and found enough in the fall to buy all his new ski equipment), plans steele head fishing as soon as spring is here, and will enjoy white water rafting in the summer. HE has a plan for life, Alissafey. That's the big thing. Just being glad to not go to work anymore isn't enough.

Your remark about her planning her Eminent Death reminds me of a book I read (I saw the review on this book in the Wall Street Journal, and indeed, it's a really good read...)

The Little Red Guard
by Wenguang Huang

http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/13114766-the-little-re...

You might enjoy reading this. AND after you read it, please give it to your mother. Maybe it will open her eyes.

Good luck!
Dawn

My dad retired, and then my stepmother did a year later. They are never un-busy. They have hobbies, both as a couple and individuals. Travel (separately and together) see friends, visit family and generally do what they want to do and enjoy life.

My in-laws are both older than your mother. They do have some physical limitations as time goes on, but they are active in their community both as volunteers and participants.

Your mom needs to get out, join groups, meet people, do what she enjoys. She sounds lonely to me, and her attitude will just make it worse.

It sounds like she's depressed. Maybe she feels like she's lost a bit of her identity a s a productive member of society. Not that she has of course - retired folk are fantastic at contributing to society - it can take some adjusting to though.

It depends on how well they've prepared for retirement and whether it was forced on them or not.

Some people have plans of retiring, moving to Florida and living on the golf course - they take a long time in planning and are ready to do what they love and have fun when their career is over.

Other people didn't plan as well, or their career ended before they were mentally and/or financially ready for it to end.
A BIG part of 'who you are' is 'what you do' - so losing 'what you do' unexpectedly or due to ill health can REALLY shake a person up.
Sometimes complaining about work becomes a side hobby and losing your hobby (your reason to complain) is just as unsettling.
Complaining about her Eminent Death might just BE her 'new' hobby.

You might feel that way - or not - when you retire.
You don't know if you'll have any unexpected health issues.

I think she needs you to acknowledge her feelings about her situation rather than telling her you feel her current pessimistic outlook is abnormal.

(Oh, and my Mom has had her end of life instructions set up from her mid 50's. She doesn't want a funeral or a wake or a service or burial. She's donating her body to be a medical cadaver and then after a year they will cremate her remains and send her ashes to me and I am to sprinkle her on the beach. She's 77 now and feels good she has her plans all in place.)

you know what, unhappy people are always unhappy.

you said it yourself, she was always miserable working. now she's miserable retired.

DON'T LET HER steal your joy! you do NOT have to be that way at SIXTY FOUR for chrissake - that is NOT old.

i find as i am becoming more of an adult (at 35 lol), i have less and less patience for people who are "old" no matter their age.

our bodies are amazing things. they can do amazing things. there are SO many wonderous things out there to experience....i have some people like this (of various ages) that are just OLD. regardless of their numeric age. and i have found that often, it's a form of depression. like your mom - one of my employees is a heart attack survivor. even now, two years later, she has this awful attitude. she expects people to 'take care' of her. she just assumes she's going to fail at everything, to the point where she doesn't even try. it's truly sad. she used to be very bubbly, happy person.

i often think that people who come through a major illness come out selfish and depressed. it sounds like this is where your mom is. if you can't get her to seek therapy of some kind, encourage her to get involved with something. depression is inward. she needs to focus her attention outward. she doesn't realize how much of life there is left to live.

My amateur theory is that aging strips away what is not real about you, and reveals more of who you truly are in your essence. It's too bad that she's gotten more pessimistic, but it sounds like she always had that streak in her.

64 is awfully young to give up on life. There is so much good to harvest, and so few workers.

I hope I never "retire." Even though I don't have an official, W2 "job" at the moment, I still work really hard to serve my family. I never, ever want to stop doing that and living life.

It's really important to nurture the good in yourself so that it's strong when you hit your elder years.

JMO.

ETA: So, to answer the question, I don't think most newly retired people are "moody." Yes there is an adjustment period, but overall I think people are who they are no matter what the circumstance.

No, I think that she needs to find a hobby or an outlet that will get her going again.

Having had cancer, you can't use that as an excuse. You have to have something to do to keep you going. You have to have a dream or a goal to make it worthwhile to be around for as long as you can be.

Many years ago I came across a book called "Rewire Not Retire". The book goes into detail about how to change you and do other things in life that you enjoy. I plan to retire at 68 in another year or so. In the meantime I have been working on a second career for myself by myself in a diffeent direction that I work. Looking forward to my new endeavor(s) andn ot having to punch the clock.

Oh yeah, the other thing is hubby is home retired with disability and he does get in my way sometimes. That is something that I will have to deal with when I do stay home. But I do plan on having a schedule that does not put me in front of a TV unless it is for background noise and not viewing.

It's all how you perceive your life. It's an attitude of positive or negative.

Good luck to you with your mom.

the other S.

It is a big adjustment. My husband and I had to find a balance and create new things to do. We did and are now enjoying ourselves. We like to travel, but this year we volunteered to babysit our beautiful granddaughter.
We will take short trips. Depression is common. She needs to get out and enjoy every day! I am 62 and looking forward to 40 more fun filled years!

ETA: I will say that my Father in Laws forced retirement is one of the major factors in his death. He felt 'Useless', "unneeded"....he was medically retired in August 2012...his garden was about to be closed up for the winter (he was in Boston) and October is when he gets the last out and tills it under....he died March 8th.

Alissafey:

When my dad retired in 2000. It was a VERY hard transition. He had been working since he was 10 years old (delivering papers wwwwaaaaayyyy back when), then joining the Navy, etc. he had never NOT worked. So he was under my mom's feet ALL the time...

He got a tad depressed, then hyper - gotta DO - gotta GO.

Help her find a hobby. My dad's is wood working. He has made rocking horses for kids, crosses for Communion's and other Blessed events, shadow boxes for Eagle Scouts and retiring military members...and so much more...help her find her hobby. It will help her focus on things other than being alone, making no difference (if she worked her whole life, then got put on disability, had cancer, etc. she might be depressed!) Remind her that she is a SURVIVOR!!!

Good luck!! I hope your mom finds a balance...with your help!

Haven't read the other replies, so this may be repeating, but I would suggest to her finding a volunteer position, hobby, lifetime learning classes, or an "easy" job. Almost all of the people who work at the grocery stores I go to during the weekday are older people, and they sometimes say they do it to stay busy.

If she's good with kids she might enjoy working in the child care area of the YMCA. In my experience they are well staffed, and the employees do get to socialize quite a bit while they watch the kids. It is a very relaxed environment.

Normally I suggest that people volunteer in a nursing home, but in your mother's case, since she's already thinking about her own death, I wouldn't go that route. That might be depressing for her.

ETA: My dad just retired a few weeks ago, after being a county property tax accounting clerk since the early 1970s. By the end he HATED his job and it was a huge factor in his mental breakdown. Now that he is retired he says he wants to work as a grill cook at the steakhouse I used to work at when I was in high school--but, he likes almost burnt steaks, so I don't see that working out ;-) Otherwise, he has always been into landscaping and has done a few side jobs for people over the years, so he might get into doing some design consulting. Much better than his nervous-breakdown-induced plan of becoming a rescuer with his new dog. Oy, parents....can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em :)

I think that's a common way for people to feel initially after they retire. People almost always need to feel like they have some greater "purpose" in order to be happy.

Your mom now has no purpose, and only has death staring at her.

However, there are plenty of things she can do to get purpose. Most of what would make her happy involve joining groups and/or volunteering. She might live for thirty more years, so she had better find something to do, vs. sitting around waiting for death.

I'm only nine years younger than your mom, and I'm pretty sure I won't feel that way when I'm her age. If I do, I will follow my own advice.

It sounds like one of the earlier poster is really annoyed when people want to look forward to retirement. I wonder why???? Is it because she has NOT saved enough money and is fearful?

You only live an hour frommom? Then go there daily. Get off the computer and go visit your mom!

Go to Bingo with her so she can meet new friends, join a church together, etc.

She sounds depressed like already suggested. I would see if she would see a psychiatrist and therapist. It's not only that she stopped working but she is a cancer survivor and that can take a toll on your mental state.

Your Mom is only 64, and has gone through a pretty tough time recently. Cancer scares most of us silly. It sounds like she probably has retired in a manner she totally didn't expect due to having had the cancer. This can be very unsettling to a person. Now, I'm not saying that she doesn't need to own this problem and do something to overcome her moodiness. Just saying I think you may need to be a bit more understanding of her and learn how to help her through it. You don't mention her having any type of faith-based background, aside from your comment 'thank god she's now ok). For me, that has really helped during this past year as I went through breast cancer surgery (very successfully) and am now facing the fact that my husband of 43 years probably has lung cancer. These are scary times for us too, but we are trusting God with our lives and health. If you and your Mom don't have that faith base to lean on, I have to admit that I'm not the best person to advise you. But, I would think that getting her out more... maybe just visiting a little more often and/or inviting her to visit you and plan some really interesting outings or activities would be helpful. Talk with her honestly, but without an accusatory manner, about how you feel regarding her situation. Give her ample opportunity to talk honestly with you about how she's feeling too.

I'm going to come at this from a different direction, mainly because I have 2 small kids (6 and 3). My son is in kindergarten, and this week is spring break. There's only so much TV we can watch before boredom sets in, and my kids start picking on each other. So, we try to stay out of the house as much as possible. Playgrounds, walking, day trips, grocery shopping, etc.

Your mom needs to get out of the house. Meet new friends. Find activities that she enjoys and will help keep her young. One of the biggest risk factors for depression is inactivity, and I tell my new moms this all the time: get out of the house.