Are You the Meat in a Sandwich Between Your Child and Your Parents? Coping Well?

I did. I'm raising my youngest grandchild and helped care for my parents for about 7 years. My Dad passed away last February, my Mom two months ago in November. And I have fibromyalgia.

My little guy will be 4 in April so he was little through my parents decline. I had to juggle their care with his just about every day for over 3 years. I was sometimes ready to cry at the drop of a hat out of frustration, I won't lie, it was hard, especially when we did hospice. But I did what needed to be done, my parents felt loved and got to die at home as they wanted, my guy is well-adjusted and a thriving preschooler. Due to all that I feel I coped well and wouldn't have done it any differently.

Not yet, but its getting nearer by the day. Mom, who is 70 is having more trouble with her arthritic hands and is having "senior moments" more regularly. DS is two and change.

With any luck, Mom will grow graceful about the infirmities of old age. Right now, she is argumentative. i.e. insisting I never spoke with her about something that I mentioned easily 4 times over two weeks. Only after the fact does she concede that perhaps it slipped her mind.

Wishing all those so situated a boatload of patience and understanding.

Good luck to you and yours,
F. B.

I am 26 years old with a 4 year old,a husband, and a grandmother to care for. My grandparents raised me,so automatically I was assigned to care for my grandmother. My grandfather passed when I was 10 and it was only her and I in our home. I can't lie it's very difficult,frustrating,heartbreaking,lonely,overwhelming and more. I am with my grandmother/son 24 hours a day, i don't get to go hang out with friends (I have none), I don't speak much to my husband since he is not interested in my uninteresting boring life. I love my grandmother to death but she is very difficult on top of being controlling and tries to dictate my(and everyone else) life

It's not easy. I take care of my mother , I have been for 15 or so years now. I find it really stressful if I want to take off or go away with my husband. She is 79 now and I am sooo tired all the time. Doing all her stuff and all our stuff. I find it hard without help from my siblings who do nothing!

I will be soon. Both of my parents will be turning 80 soon, and here I am just having another baby! I have no doubt I will have a good long decade of being sandwiched.

My parents were young when they had me, and I was young when I started having kids, so I have young parents. Thank GOD I do not have to deal with aging parents just yet, I have been dreading the day since I was old enough to realize that it would happen some day. My parents are early 50s (and my kids are ranging from 7 weeks old to 9 years old).

I'm not doing very well with it. My parents are in relatively good health, but they aren't coping with getting older. My mother especially. She says she wants to be the angry old woman sitting on the porch scowling at the world. She can be down right nasty. She doesn't care what she says to people and will say things to make herself the center of attention, to the point of humiliating the other person. She was never like this before.

She is 77, has a viable business that is still going strong. Is far more active than her friends and can't see how lucky she is. Her hearing is bad, but refuses to get a hearing aid. Says they can't afford it. My dad told me the other day that they have the money to buy one. Doesn't matter how I try to talk to her about this she shuts me down by either laughing at me, hanging up on my or walking out on me where ever we are.

It's very upsetting to see her put herself and everyone else through this. I hate to see the last years of her life being this miserable. 

I don't know how to deal with it. I have a special needs child and a husband who travels. I'm juggling a lot and find myself pushing away.

Not yet, thankfully. My parents are 69 and 66 and both are in good health. My mother's parents died in their 50s but they had a lot of unhealthy habits. My paternal grandfather died at 81 and my grandmother at 91 and both were after a breif illness. So, God willing, I should be in the clear for at least another 10 years or maybe as long as 25. My youngest is 7 so by that time, my kids will all be grown. My parents have recently dealt with caring for their aging parent/siblings during short terminal illnesses while also caring for a grandchild. I think that if I'm sandwiched later, that's what my situation would be. We tend to have children young and live long in my family - I think the sandwiching between aging parents and young children is more likely to happen when you have generations where people give birth at 35 - 40 vs mid-to-late twenties.

Yes, I cared for my in-laws, who are now in their early 90's now, for about 15 years. It was very stressful juggling their many medical appts, chinese herb doctors, Korean shopping trips, vacationing with them, along with my very active toddler and school age kids. Plus I was pregnant and nursing and my husband was traveling. I do not think back on those days with joy. It was a burden and it took it's toll on my marriage at the time, because I felt that I was never good enough in anyone area. That investment of time did not create a mutually satisfying relationship.

I passed the baton to her real daughters a couple of years ago and have been able to focus on my own family - THANK GOD!!!

I had the expectations that we would be closer, and perhaps my MIL would teach me to knit or cook, but she was a lousy teacher. In hindsight, I'd still take care of them as is customary in their culture, not mine. But if I could have a do over, I'd be more proactive about openly communicating what I was willing and capable of doing, versus doing what I felt I had to do.

Not living that life, yet. My parents are 71, my kids are young teen/pre-teen. Husband's mom is middle/late 60s.

My parents are retired and in relatively good health, and live 5 hours away from us. Both of my brothers live closer to them (within 30 minutes to an hour). They have their own place and haven't really needed any help yet.

Husband's mom also lives 5 hours away, within 5 minutes of his half sister and 45 minutes of his brother. She recently retired also, and seems to be in relatively good health. Her issues are more financial in that she and her husband (she's a widow) did not plan well for retirement, and she is still not wise AT ALL about anything related to money.
She recently mentioned moving in our direction and seems to be considering living midway between us and husband's other half-sister. But the location she mentioned is too far from either of us to be of much help to her if she needs more than once or twice a month check ins (almost an hour for either of our families, and we both have kids--SIL has 3 small ones).

I don't know what the future holds any more than the next guy. Good luck to all of you who are already spreading yourselves thin...

Coping. . . OK, and I don't really have a lot of issues. . . yet.

My mom is almost 72, but fairly young. Just recently thought she's had some medical issues and I'm on call so to speak. I'm lucky that my kids are 22 and 18 and I have an amazingly supportive and helpful husband. But it's the self-imposed guilt that I may miss something with my kids and husband. And yes, even a little resentment that even though I have siblings, I'm the one who seems to catch everything.

I find that when I don't have anything scheduled, I HAVE to have downtime and try to just chill.