Aspergers Child Having Meltdowns After School

I'd have his snack on the table ready for him (or in the car if you pick him up.) The first order of business is feeding him. Don't even try to get him to talk to you - just let him eat. Then take him to his room and quietly get him involved in whatever it is in his room that he wants - laying on the bed, reading, playing with a puzzle. Let him get over the school day. He really needs that.

After dinner, sit down with him and the homework. If he still cannot handle it, try Mom2many's idea of morning homework.

Dawn

With my daughter we ran into the same types of things. The deal is, he is behaving at school....taking so much concentration and effort. We had an ARD and minimized her homework a bit to allow for a much larger decompression time.

Good luck,
DH

Are you closely watching his diet? My daughter has taken all dairy out of my granddaughter's diet and her behavior has much improved. She has also lowered the amount of gluten in her diet and again has seen an improvement.

Check out the Autisim Diet it has proven to be very effective in helping the behavior issues with Autistic/Aspy children.

Also check out www.autisimspeaks.com and easterseals.com for more information.

If you pick him up from school have a snack in the car for him. This made a difference with my granddaughter at that age. I also sometimes let her play on the playground before getting in the car.

Or, perhaps, he needs to be alone during that decompression time. I suggest, even if you're right there with him that you don't try to engage with him. Let him take the lead. Let him run and play.

My grandson is on the autism spectrum scale. He's now 9 and in a special classroom. Ever since he's been in school he's watched a TV program when he first got home. It allows him to veg out. That seemed to settle him down.

My 16 year old daughter is Aspy as well. We dont medicate, but did remove gluten and casein from her diet with remarkable changes. PM me if you want more info.

I used to get specific days schedule from teacher and go over that each night so she knew what to expect. Now if something threw it off or there was a surprise sub, she'd come home and have a meltdown. I also asked for advanced notice of planned subs.

I never did hot lunch only cold and she knew exactly what she was getting for lunch. Clothes were also laid out the night before. Snacks for next day were planned out and talked about. So at bedtime, our routine was to talk about the next day. It would go something like this....so i will wake you up, you will wear this, this is for breakfast, you will then brush your teeth, etc. At this time you will get on the bus.....go through the school day then go through your routine after school. I made charts for her with pictures before she could read of our routines. It sounds ridiculous, but its what made hee feel better because she knew what to expect.

Any tv time or things outside of normal routine need to be talked about the night before.....like a trip to grocery store or wal-mart.

I'm personally not a routine person, but had to lose my spontinaity in order to make her feel calm and safe. This reduced out meltdowns. You can't control every minute of his day, but this sure helps.

I would talk to his teacher about how important routine is. You'll have days where it doesn't go as planned and you'll have a meltdown.

Oh and on the getting him to open up. I would tell her after school that at bedtime we will talk about x (be specific like what you did at recess or about math or whatever). She needed this time to process to be able to talk about. Even now i still do this if or i just get "good".

If you have any questions on any of this, PM me.

Does he ride the bus? Sometimes busses are so chaotic, and there may be bullying. My son has Asperger's too, and that was the case with him. Also, know that he feels safe at home, and it all comes out after building up all day. Could they give him some quiet alone time during the school day to decompress occasionally? Could his med schedule be changed so that he is getting his meds mid-day, even if the nurse has to give it to him? You are doing the best you can, and remember when it is so hard, it is the Asperger's talking.

Did he just started on focalin?

Some children have psychotic episodes when the meds wears off. They are kinds like springs. The focalin decompresses them and when it wears off...they spring up to a much higher level. It is like they don't know what to do with themselves with all that stimulus.

There are certain things that can be done to combat the episodes.
1.) Since focalin is an appetite suppressant, consider that his sugars may be low or that he may be hungry.
2.) My dd psychiatrist initially had me give her benadryl to combat all that stimulus. Then prescribed an additional 5 mg focalin for the evening... reg not extended release (this only worked for a couple of days) Then he prescribed an anti psychotic drug to go with the focalin...risperdal, if I recall correctly. There were preauthorization issues with the focalin so this did not happen (Happy accident)
3.) Stop the focalin and restart. This was recommended by one of the mom's here. I was ready to give it all up because I felt so helpless every time my 6 yo cries and carries on for no reason. She also has autism and is ADHD. I took her off it for the weekend (because our prescription only covers so much and this drug costs us $4 per day). Unintentionally, I did what one mom here recommended. It worked!! Now she gets the focalin daily and is a changed girl. Still has more energy than most but is once again my happy little girl.

Try mornings for homework, right after his medication if possible. That's what worked for my ADD son, although he is unmedicated. After school was a battle of unimaginable proportions. One day I said screw it but you will do it in the morning, he said fine. I woke him up a half hour early expecting a huge battle and I'll be a monkeys uncle if he got up and did it. From that day forward that is how we did it.

My daughter has sensory issues. Every year that goes by, her ability to handle herself and self-regulate gets better.

One thing to understand with any child on the Autism Spectrum is the enormous amount of attention and effort it takes for them to appear "normal" and fit in with their fellow classmates and friends--esp for those who are high-functioning. When my daughter was younger, she would often come home after school and fall apart or have a meltdown. Why? Because it literally took everything she had to keep it together while she was at school. When she came home, she was in a safe place where she could vent her frustrations and get all her emotions and insecurities off her chest. I know. Good for her, not so good for mom (or whoever is on the receiving end of the meltdown).

We did a half-hour decompression time after school where she could talk to me about what happened at school, how she feels, if she's upset about anything, etc., etc. That really seemed to help. We don't really do these daily anymore (she's in 7th grade now); she knows if she has a problem or needs to talk about something that she just needs to let me know and that I'm there to listen.

I totally understand your frustration and how hard this is. Even more frustrating when they won't talk (my daughter is like that sometimes as well. Then she'll explode later on over the littlest, stupidest thing--which we know is not the actual problem. Then we have to probe and prod to find out what REALLY happened, so we can discuss).

You have my sympathy and understanding.

No personal experience with an Aspy child.
But in our house, especially when my son was younger (5,6) the later we started homework, it took exponentially longer.
So if, for some reason, he couldn't do it early after school (due to activities, etc.) the next morning was actually a better option than doing it at, say 7 or 8:00.
Have you ever tried doing it in the morning?
Just a thought.
Good luck!

You have some good suggestions! I want to add that with my Aspy, now 13-yr-old, went through some speech therapy called "pragmatic speech". I learned so much taking him to the speech therapist - and participating in a lot of the sessions.

School is a place where there is regular schedules, routines, and expectations. Home is the place to relax - that simple difference might explain all the getting upset after school. You mention he is hungry - snack time needs to include some protein and happen before homework time. Even if my son doesn't have any homework to do, I turn that hour after the snack into reading time - it can be reading to me or reading to himself.

If you can find one, get an analog timer (it is like a clock countdown, sort of like the older style kitchen timer). The nice thing with this kind of timer is how the time remaining is visibly perceived - sounds unnecessary, but a digital timer becomes a distraction to my son because he is, practically, caught up in counting time along with the digital timer.

One suggestion I have is to watch your reactions to his actions. I have had to stop myself from saying "go to your room until you feel better" -- I now say, "go to your room (there is no restrictions on what he does in there) for 5 minutes, then you will come downstairs ready to do your homework". I'm always putting a time limit into my requests, my reprimands, everything.

I have also stopped asking "do you have any homework" but instead say "let me see your homework (completed stuff and assignments to be done)". In a way, this is making clear my expectations.

I needed to remind him what actions (behaviors) are appropriate and what is not, very often at first. Now, a couple of years later its a couple of times a month or so. I have even practiced with him: let's walk down the stairs with no stomping. Okay, once again. Great job! or have him purposely stomp down the stairs then to step normally down the stairs (I see that I have started defining what is "normal"). I talk about what I expect, what exactly it is that I want to see him do.

Find some way to compliment good behavior - at the minimum, acknowledge it! Being quiet when bad behavior happens, in a way, condones that behavior.

Don't forget to mention that this is a concern of yours to your child's psychiatrist (if you are only seeing a pediatrician, see if you can find a pediatric psychiatrist -- I think ours is invaluable to us).

Gosh, I think I could go on and on! Feel free to send me a private message, if you want.

Blessings!

My little brother suffers with aspergers. My mom had a schedule for sure and variation was never ever ever good. Also he had to have his time right after school. With my brother he'd get violent, pent up anger or something idk really, but letting him get physical with play right after school seemed to do the trick. Sounds to me like you should feed him and then let him play, hard. I'm anti medicating, my brother did the Risperdal or whatever and he hated it and it made him a zombie. The medicines were awful for him, and as long as we had some patience with him he did great. He had to be in a special class because of his occasional outbursts (it was public school so staff wasn't perfect at handling him) but he did things like flag football after school. He could run off all that frustration and it helped. Also little brother didn't vent with us either. Mom got him seeing a therapist. I'm sure some might think 5's a bit young for counseling but my fosters all see a therapist, 4, 9 and 11. It's play therapy and quite helpful for them. Also is your son in kindergarten? If he's that starved by after school maybe you could meet with teach and get a snack worked in an hour or so before school's out. If he's that stinking hungry by the time you get him how long has he been hungry? Does he eat his school snack at snack time? And lunch? Personally I get grouchy when I'm hungry as well...

It seems that many "neuroatypical" kids do this.... they try SO hard at school to stay focused, and "be good", that by the time they get home, all the built-up stress explodes out.

He feels "safe" with you, and knows you won't think he is weird or anything... so that is why he lets it out with you.

Suggestions? I'm not really sure.... give him the time to decompress.... can you encourage him to do something physical, like stop off at a park on the way home, to run off some stored up energy? Be sure to give him some good healthy snacks..... something with protein in it to forestall a blood sugar crash common with carb-heavy snacks.

I'm sure other Aspy parents may have other suggestions for you.....and it may take many tries before you find what works for your child.

Good luck!

My 13 yo dtr is an Aspie and not medicated. It has really helped to have a set schedule for all our kids and we all benefit from it because we all know what to expect and when. My dtr has an IEP in place at school. We have her homework modified so she doesn't have any unless she is getting below a C in a subject. If she has a C or better, no homework. Which has been most of the time. It was just WAY too much for her and she doesn't need to do it. That has really helped. On a side note, my son is ADHD, takes one med in the morning to help him get thru school, it wears off by mid afternoon and we are currently trying a different med to help him after school until he goes to bed. I hope you find something that works for you. Good luck.

Does your school district offer extra help. Our school district does. The school usual doesn't give help willingly you have to request it.

L.,

Let me first say that I have no experience with Aspergers or Focalin, but I do have an ADHD child that was on Vyvanse for awhile and that is exactly what she would do after school. I called it "the spiral". She was absolutely fine at school but by the time she would come home, she was an emotional train-wreck. We took her off the Vyvanse and low and behold she was FINE! Did this start in conjunction with starting the medication? If so, I would talk to your doctor about what is going on and see if they have any suggestions. Best wishes to you!