At a Cross Road with My 8 Year Old

welcome to the drama of a little girl. They are not easy. We have gone through many of these stages. Mine is 12.5 now. It is hard. I do find that the more time I spend with her and the more positive attention she gets from me and her dad the easier she is to get along with. I would also point out that it is a good idea from the beginning to let her know that she is not welcome to spread negativity to the family. If she wants to whine, complain, etc. she can be in her room or secluded from others because you do not want to set things up where she controls the attitude of the house. It is a tough balance but it actualy does get easier. I think it is hormones and just drama in general related to being a girl. Good luck and hang in there. It will get easier.

Bethany,
Try to let your guilt go. We love our kids, but we don't like everything they do. It does sound to me like two things are going on. She is feeling left out and her hormones are kicking in. Try to set some special time to be alone with her once a week and make as many play dates as you can. You might mention you are looking forward to your time alone together once in awhile during the week. Keep her busy. She is coming into those years where her hormones are starting.....I know she seems young, but age nine is typical for the beginning. That creates ME ME ME behavior. It's tough to be growing and not understand it, so do your best to remember that.

I don't know how your handle her complaints. I wouldn't minimize her in any way (although tempting, and we all have failed attempts when our patience is tested) but do your best to ignore what you can, or distract her. You could even tell her it is hard to hear her when her voice sounds "like that" and to please speak more softly.....or something to that affect.
I hope this helps! Best of Luck!

Her aches and pains may very well be her eight year old way of saying, "Mom - I need you!" She may remember how she has had your full attention when she experienced any discomfort, and is seeking that attention.

Perhaps if there were a way she could have your undivided attention for the first 5-7 minutes she got home after school, she wouuld have some of her "Mommy Cup" filled, and then feel better.

Being a Mom who works is a juggling act - and sometimes it just takes trying a few new ways to keep things in balance. Enjoy the fact that she wants your attention --the time may come when she wants her privacy from you, and always tells you she's "fine."

Hi Bethany,

I can imagine why you feel so guilty. We all have times when our kids irritate us and we feel like being away from them. I think that you have to make more time with her. This is probably just a phase for her, she probably needs more girly time with you. I have a 7 year old that is pretty sensitive and she can drain me sometimes as well however I have to be the parent and make sure she never feels that her attitude pushes me away from her, I have noticed that when we spend more time alone doing the things that she likes, she feels secure and special to me. I suggest you give her more time, it might not be easy but it must not be easy for her to share all your attention with your 16th month old and the toddlers you sit for. I think she might be feeling left out and maybe even frustrated, and therefore seeks so much attention. You are here looking for answers so dont feel bad, just spend more time with her and ALWAYS tell yourself she is 8 and you are the parent, try to find a bit more patience with her she will grow out of it. You might have too much on your plate with 4 kids? Anyway these are all just suggestions. good luck.

"I am very busy with my 15 month old, and the 2 toddlers that I babysit, so we don't get to spend alot of quality time with her."

I think that's probably the issue right there. Fix that & I bet you'll fix her problems.

She is begging for more attention from you in the only way she knows how. Schedule time together everyday. Even if it is only 10 minutes. Talk, go for a walk, read together, dance, play a game. It sounds like she really needs her mom right now.

Bethany,

I remembered another mom having this issue, so I looked it up - here is the link:

http://www.mamasource.com/request/7875854596667604993

You might find some helpful advice there. Also, I just want to say I think this is pretty normal at this age, and I'm not sure it's always related to lack of attention. I think girls at this age/stage are beginning to approach puberty - they're not there yet, but getting closer - and they don't always know what to do with themselves. And they really may have some vague aches and pains, etc. Or they are just anxious and don't know how else to express it. I think the best approach is to stay positive and unemotional yourself; be proactive - be ready beforehand to think of things to engage her in and ways to show her attention or give her praise; and last, just listen, express your sympathy and love, give her a big hug, and then get her to help you with something (changing diapers, setting the table, etc). Good luck and don't be too hard on yourself! This may be a stretch, but you might consider finding some "postive affirmations/positive thinking" CD's and let her go to sleep at night listening to them. It could really help her to end her conscious stage hearing positive statements, and it could re-direct her subconscious mind to become more positive. One last thought is to help her make a "journal of gratitude" where she lists a couple of things every day that she is thankful for...maybe that could help train her to look more on the positive side and recognize the good things in her life.