At a Loss with Sleep

Hi B.,
We used the suggestions found in Dr. Weissbluth’s book: Healthy Sleep Habits Healthy Child. I hope you all get some sleep soon!!

i see two big things.

one he's 'always' rocked to sleep. it's lovely to rock a baby to sleep, but when you (and it's you, not him who is doing it) decide that it's THE way to put him to sleep, you've seriously limited your options and set him up for difficulties.

bedtime routines are wonderful. every family should have them.

rigid rules about how sleep must happen are not. babies can and should be able to fall asleep on a blanket at a picnic, on the beach, in a backpack, or on grandma's living room floor.

two, you give up and get him him out of bed in the wee hours and set him up for wakefulness by taking him downstairs and behaving as if it's normal to be up.

it's no fun to take turns going in to rub and sing softly to a restless grumpy baby, perhaps for nights on end, but if you want to want to get sleep yourself and help your baby get enough rest, you've got to be disciplined.

that doesn't mean the 'sleep coaching' you've been doing which sounds alarming like CIO. there's a big middle area between abandoning your baby to nighttime loneliness and actually getting him up when he's restless. make friends with that middle ground.

khairete
S.

I found "The No Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley to be very helpful.

https://www.amazon.com/No-Cry-Sleep-Solution-Gentle-Throu...

It is really hard when your baby has trouble sleeping ... especially if that means you don't get enough sleep!

I found it was most effective when I followed their cues. My boys only slept 8 to 9 hours at night, and that was WITH a wake-up, at that age. What really helped for us was letting them come into our bed once they woke up. We put them to bed in their own bed, but once they woke up, we just brought them into bed with us. For the most part, they would just go right back to sleep. I think they just wanted the comfort of Mom and Dad. They grew out of it (they really,did!!!)!

Even when they were older, my boys would only sleep 7 to 8 hours at night. They took really long naps, just like your little one, so in total they were getting enough sleep. It wasn't until they dropped their naps that they began sleeping 11 to 12 hours at night. They are now 9 and 11 and still need at least 10 hours of sleep at night.

Try not to worry about what time he's "supposed" to be going to sleep and try to focus on what works. If you can get a pretty good idea of what time he's ready to go to sleep at night and how long he really will sleep at night, that should cut down on the night wakings.

B.

Your son is a "night owl". He's telling you that and you aren't listening. My 3rd son was and is a night owl. He's now 14. He doesn't go to sleep until 11PM. He will lay quietly in bed reading and then turn his light out at 11PM. When he was a baby? We TRIED desperately to get him on a schedule like his brothers? No. He wouldn't have any of it. We adapted.

His brothers still go to bed between 930 and 10PM and he's up at 11PM.

Keep him active until bed time. Get into a routine. Ours, like several other members have posted on here is bath, brush, book, bed. Nice bath (or shower now), brush hair and teeth, read a book and bed.

Good luck!

I don't advocate crying it out but letting him fuss for up to 5 minutes won't hurt him. When you do have to go in he has to understand that it is not play time, don't take him out of his crib. If he stands up lay him down, over and over again if you have to. Talk with him, sing to him, rub his tummy/back and comfort him, but don't take him out of bed or introduce toys, it is night time and it is time to sleep. This may be a long process but consistency will be key.

His nap schedule sounds pretty typical - mine went from 2 naps of 1.5-2 hours each to one solid afternoon nap of 3 hours, and he kept that up until age 4.

I'm reading your "night nine formula bottles" as a typo - and you mean "night time formula bottles" which you have cut out completely. Good. At this age, he does not need to eat at night. If you check with your pediatrician, you will find that children this age will easily get plenty of food/calories during the day. There should be no feeding at night.

I'm not sure what you mean about sleep coaching. Did you leave him in his crib for 1 hour and 49 minutes, crying? Or did you do the Ferber style, where you went in once after 10 minutes, patted his back (or rubbed his belly, whatever he likes) and said something soothing (like "Time for sleep, see you in the morning" and then walked out)? After the first time, go back in the 2nd time at 15 or 20 minutes and say exactly the same thing - no picking up and no showing frustration in your voice. Third time, 30 minutes. Next time 45. And so on. This is what our pediatrician told us to do at 6 months. If you do this for 3 days straight and don't give up, he will learn that this is the new routine. It will be truly awful for 3 nights, and you will hate it. Alternate with his other parent so that each of you gets at least 4 hours of sleep at one clip. Do it on a long weekend if you have to so that no one is a basket case for work. And do not go out driving to do errands - you're not safe on the roads.

Here's what helps to motivate you: your child desperately needs good solid sleep for healthy brain development. He should not be getting up every 3 hours. He should not be taken downstairs for 2 hours. It is not play time. I also think you should not rock him to sleep. Rock him until he is drowsy but still awake, and lay him down in his crib, rub his head gently (or whatever he likes) and either sing a soothing lullaby or put on a CD of quiet and calming tunes that taper off in volume until they stop. But you leave the room before he is asleep. The point is, he must learn to fall asleep on his own, and not wake up in a different place from where he fell asleep. He's confused when he falls asleep with you and wakes up alone in a different place. Teach him that his crib is for sleeping, your lap is not.

Go to the library and get a book on the Ferber method. Follow it. Your child's brain health requires this. And so does yours. You and his other parent cannot continue to function, let alone drive a car, in this state of sleep deprivation. It's dangerous. You will be glad when you get through this. Don't quit.

Many babies are still having sleep issues at 1 yr old so this isn't that unusual.
(I think 'cut the night nine formula' = 'cut the night time formula').

The rocking to sleep - I know it's nice - but the trap here is he's not learning to self soothe - and he's going to need to be rocked to sleep all the time - and you are just starting to realize what it means to be on call every time he wakes up and can't put himself back to sleep.

If you are going to Ferberize (let him cry himself to sleep) - you are going to have to resign yourself to several nights of difficulty - but if you stick with it - you could be over this in 3 to 4 days.
Read up on it - you don't just put him in his crib and let him cry for hours.
You go in to rub his back (don't pick him up) every 15 minutes till he falls asleep.
It will take a long time at first - he has to unlearn his rocking habit and he's not going to like that.

Infants need to be tired out just like anyone else in order to sleep well.
Lots of stroller walks outside in the fresh air are great for this.
One in the morning before noon - to prepare him for a nap around noon.
And one in the late afternoon.
You could walk in malls if the weather is bad but with the flu epidemic being what it is - I'd stick with being outside and bundling up for the weather.

Nap when baby naps - it will help even out your sleep deficit.
Or Dad takes one night switching off with Mom the next night - so everyone gets some good sleep every other day.
No bottle at night is a good habit to get into - anything other than water will rot babies teeth.

Our son was a napper - he napped till he was 7 yrs old - he was a grumpy kid in 1st grade since they didn't nap at school anymore but he still napped on weekends.
Often we all took a siesta at the same time - we sometimes still do.

9 formula bottles a night?

So cut that out.

I had a baby/toddler who was up all night. Finally, when he was with a new sitter and he wouldn't nap there, he slept through (first night). So I knew he could do it.

Before that, I was up with 1 bottle a night.

I switched to water in the bottle. He soon lost interest in being up.

I agree with Savannah. After our first baby, I just followed my babies' cues more. One of mine went to bed much later and was the best sleeper of all.

pacifier?
do not turn on any lights. do not remove them from bed. do a quick diaper change, pat the back, sing softly, read a book. if you get them out of bed they think its ok to be awake and will think its time to be up. it will take more than one or two nights to get them to understand this. at 11 months i would try dropping the morning nap, and keep the afternoon one to about 3 hours or less. make sure baby is playing outside for about an hour a day (unless weather is not co-operating) i discovered my firstborn slept much better if i took him out for a walk. so daily i walked around for about an hour with him in the stroller. i bundled up in the cold, i wore a poncho and covered the stroller with a rain guard when it was raining...
and ask the pedi for suggestions. they know your child, and have learned tips over the years from parents with kids and poor sleep habits

Don't give him a bottle with milk in it in his bed! Whatever you do! He'll have cavities from the milk pooling against his teeth. I think you added later that he no longer takes bottles at night, and that's good...

You are trying too many different things too close together. It's a disservice to him and a disservice to you. He can't learn to self-soothe because you aren't waiting long enough for sleep training to work. You are running around in circles because you don't know what you're doing.

Your child needs sleep for brain development. You have to use some tough love to help this child get used to a different sleep pattern.

It's hard to listen to a baby cry. But by taking him downstairs for 2 hours, you are teaching him to wake up for it. By rocking him, you are teaching him to wake up and expect it. He can't go back to sleep without you putting him back to sleep.

You have to let him learn how to self-soothe. Bailing him out when you are trying something just teaches him to cry longer and harder to get you to cave. Don't do it.

If you can't do the cry-it-out method leaving him in his room by himself, then sit beside the crib when he cries, on the floor. Put your hand between the slats and touch his leg. That will make it so he will lay down to be closer to you. Don't pick him up. Don't talk to him. Just sit there and touch his leg without engaging. Yes, he'll cry. Let him. He is learning a lesson that will serve him well by letting him sleep through the night.

It will take at least a week. LET IT. It will be hard. Accept that. You have a goal for this child, and you aren't leaving him alone.

I second Gidget's recommendation of the No Cry Sleep Solution. It's a wonderful, supportive, sane, loving and rational approach to everyone getting the sleep that they need. Check it out, and good luck!

Try baby cereal before bed. Then also give him his bottle to fall asleep.

He's getting too much sleep during the day. He is old enough to be down to one nap, after lunch, for a couple of hours. Then he might take a short catnap in the late afternoon for half an hour but he might not. Then he can still go down for the night around 9pm.

Your mistake is taking him out of bed and taking him downstairs in the middle of the night, private play time with mom/dad is great. So now he thinks it's normal to do this. It will take time to switch this around.

Stop putting him down for these naps. He only needs one and then he'll start sleeping longer during the night time hours. His body is used to only taking naps now. He needs to start taking one nap and being so tired he'll stay asleep longer hours in the night.