Attachment and Separation

We go through this with my son who is 2.5. He is fine with anyone else but me. It is so hard in public places.

What helped me was taking him out on "test" trips (when I don't absolutely need to buy groceries, etc.). We did this over and over one weekend - Went to the supermarket, CVS, the mall, etc. I took him out and told him he had to ride in the cart/stroller. I told him if he screamed to be held or tried to climb out of the cart/stroller, we would leave immediately (I think we did one or two warnings). And we did leave and go home. If we actually needed to buy something I would make sure my husband came for the trip too so one of us could take my son immediately to the car if he screamed to be held or tried to climb out of the cart. I didn't yell at him. I just said calmly, "you are not sitting in the cart so we are leaving", and carried him out without saying another word to him or making eye contact. I didn't carry him in the normal way like he wanted to be held; I carried him either over my shoulder or under my arm so he didn't feel like he was getting what he wanted.

There were a couple times I had to wait out a tantrum in the back seat to get him into his car seat. I just let him scream and writhe around in the backseat, not talking to him, reminding him calmly every couple minutes that we couldn't go anywhere until he got in his car seat and stopped screaming. Eventually he gave up.

It really only took three or four trips like this (in a row) for him to get that I was serious about where he needed to sit. During this training period I did *not* give in at all. You have to let him know you are serious. If you can spare a weekend for this kind of training, it might help. I see you are in the city and you might need to adapt this plan to fit your situation, but something similar might work. Maybe just take him around the block over and over -- so you are close enough to home to carry him straight there. Good luck!

I had this same issue with my daughter at 2 1/2 (she is 3 now), so I just decided to keep on walking (we live in a very quiet neighborhood with LONG sidewalks). She stood her ground for a bit but then followed after me screaming her head off. By the time we walked to the mailbox and then back to the house (about five houses each way) she realized that when I say "walk," I mean "WALK."

I also always take either the wagon or the umbrella stroller so that she has an option to ride if she is truly too tired. I would LOVE to just carry her when she wants to be carried, I really do subscribe to attachment parenting ideas... but the reality at that time was that I had two two year olds (I babysat five days a week) to take to the elementary school to pick up two five year olds and then we walked home. I simply could not hold her and care for all the other kids at the same time (especially in the snow).

Sometimes you are going to change things up. My husband has been gone for seven months and at the five month mark we got to visit him for ten days (right at her 3rd birthday), when we came home she was having some severe seperation anxiety and wanted to be held ALL THE TIME - I broke out the sling and carried her. We are now back to the wagon or stroller, and since she sees her brother on his bike she wants to ride hers a lot too. School starts in a week and this year I will only have her to take with me for drop offs and pick ups and we'll see what happens!

When the stroller or wagon is the only option, I always make sure I have healthy snacks and water, and once she realized that is the only option she is happy to sit and eat. Good luck!

Hi L.,
Sorry for your frustration! I don't have much advice about getting him to walk or ride in the stroller except that he will get over that in time (sorry, I know this doesn't help now) but regarding school, if he is able to be with a sitter and be okay (when you are not there) then I'm sure he will adjust fine to school. This is the perfect age to start and also when they have the worst separation anxiety. I went through this with my son. Now he is 4 and still has a little separation anxiety but more because he is with me only everyday. I know this isn't much advice but wanted to give my input and assurance. Good luck!

Sorry to hear you are getting "near the end of your rope", so to speak.

I agree with what MandA M. posted. Each child is different. This one is (apparently) not going to behave as your daughter did.

When I was going through this with my boys, three of them, I found that
1) they acted quite differently when with babysitter, family member, friend than they acted around me
2) the more I "pushed", yelled, whatever, the worse my boy behaved
3) I endured lots of stares, neighbors, other shoppers, etc. The stares seemed a lot less "harsh" if I was standing my ground with my boy. I got fond of saying "I'll just wait until you stop screaming. Then we can try again."

My advice is to say (often) "my you are growing so!" and "it hurts me to carry you" (hurts my back, hurts my shoulders).
And, give him big hugs and provide snuggle time during the day so he can have that "attached" feeling without the being carried part being a part of it.

I can just see it! Imagine standing beside the couch or your bed. Your son asks to be held/carried. You pick him up, groan dramatically and you both flop onto the couch! Follow-up with talking about how carrying him around isn't something you want to stop doing. But it is something that, as kids grow up, it stops. Point out that you don't carry his big sister! I bet you can get very creative from that point in the discussion. Maybe he will be carrying _you_ soon (wink, wink)!

Hey, fun thought: Stressed is desserts spelled backwards!
I hope your day improves and you get a chance to do something that soothes that stress!

I'd ask your pediatrician for advise on this issue. Have you tried to use the stroller as where he sits when he eats? It's not ideal, but it could be a distraction. A stroller isn't that different from a high chair, if he was comfortable wth a high chair instead of demanding to eat on your lap it might work. Maybe if you make it a meal and snack time place (I know, lots of extra cleaning with this plan with a 25 month old!), then you might be able to put him in and give him a snack while you push, once he's used to the routine. If that works, work in longer and longer times with no snack. School might help too, since they won't carry him about all the time either.