18Mo Son and Public Temper Tantrums

Hi C.,
I know every child is different but taking my son out in a push car instead of a stroller really helped me. He thought he was "driving" around the mall and there is a little trunk to put a drink and some snacks. Also my son prefered a umbrella stroller over a reg. stroller b/c he could see more. The best one on the market is a Maclaren stroller. (comfortreally matters for toddlers)

http://www.target.com/Step2-Push-Around-Buggy-Red/dp/B000...

http://www.maclarenbaby.com/us/index.php?option=com_conte...

Amity has a lot of good insight. Really, this is normal for an 18 month old. If things aren't working, leave. I think it's perfectly fine to let him know that it's time to leave because he is not having a good day, though, not because of his "bad behavior". I don't like telling a baby that he's bad! I think his behavior sounds quite typical. Also, don't worry about what other people think. If they've had children, they should understand. If they haven't - who cares?!? They're not the ones you have to contend with.

okay it sounds like your son is really testing you. the thing that works is LEAVE and let him know it is because of HIS bad behavior. We've left restaurants and i have sat out in the car several times with our daughter while my husband finishes shopping.

you have to let him know his behavior is NOT allowed and is the reason your leaving. period. i know it is hard, especially when you don't have a lot of time, but do it. it is better to get it out of him now than when he grows up and turns into a horrible brat.

look at the love and logic book for parents. it really helps, take what you need from the book.

good luck

C.,

When my middle aged son who is now four went through the public tantrum phase I would take him to the car as a time out. After fair warning, I would promptly take him out of the store or public place straight to the car where I would put him in his car seat until he calmed down. After following through with it a few times, the threat became enough to change the behavior and we didn't have to even do it anymore. I hope this little info helps, best of luck to you!
-D.

Please forgive me if this offends you or anyone that reads it. Spare the rod, spoil the child!

By the time my son was 18mo, I was a single parent! My son is now 13 yr and the most happy, well behavied, respectful child you will ever met in your life. I would NOT tolerate unacceptable behavior at 18 mo or at 13 yr. People have asked me for years how I got both of my children to behave so well. I told them, I do NOT believe in time out! I believe in, what is now called, "beating your child". (HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA) I NEVER beat my children. They simply got a swat on the hand of touching things that were not their business. (My children never touched or broken anything at a friend's house, or out shopping.)They would also receive a swat on the back of their thigh right under the buttock, for bad behavior. I never left marks. I never left bruises. The extent was a small red area.
Let me tell you. My children did what they were told.
Check with your local law enforcement. They will let you know what you can and can not do. Most police officers would rather you get control of your children now, instead of them getting arrested when they are teen-agers. You may not think your child's behavior now is a reflection for what is to come, but it is. Believe me, I know what I'm talking about. (Contact me via email if you would like to know more.)

This is why they make leashes for children. That is what I would suggest.

My daughter can throw one heck of a tantrum when she wants to. Anytime, anywhere we stop what we are doing and have a time out. I take her out of the stroller and sit her down immediately. We don't move from the spot until she stops screaming. When she settles down I ask if she's ready to cooperate. If she says yes, we get in the stroller. If she starts screaming again, we continue to wait. This is a no talking, no playing, no eye contact time. There is a phrase I heard once which really gives me a lot of guidance as a mom, "what would you do if you were not afraid." It reminds me not to be afraid to discipline my daughter the way I know I should just because other people are around. Also, I have found it helpful to wait on the snack until after good behavior has been present. Now that she is two I say, "If you can sit nicely in the stroller in this store, when I'm done I'll let you pick out a cookie." I tell her this BEFORE we even get in the car, so she has time to process my expectations of her. And if she has to have a time out in that store, no cookie. I tell her we are going to a new store and she can try again to earn the cookie. Same rules apply. Good luck!

First of all, thank you for the awesome scripture!

Now about your question...our daughter threw horrible fits at about the age of two. (I was embarrased just like you, believe me!) You can still put him in time out in the stroller! Just tell him, "You're in time out. Put your hands on the tray until Mommy tells you you're out of time out." It may take stopping what you're doing and gently placing your hands over his to keep them there until he figures it out... but he will. It's important to teach our children how to behave properly in all settings, whether they want to be there or not. We have always believed in exposing our children to as many social settings as possible (from shopping, to concerts, etc...) and teaching them how to behave appropriately. It pays off later, trust me!

Hang in there! This too shall pass.

God's blessings to you and your family.
Your sister in Christ,
M.

Hi C.! My son is 16 mos & hates the grocery cart, restaurant high chairs & the stroller. He screams & cries. I try to make short trips to the store during the day, b/c then it's mostly other mom's in there who probably understand & I just let him cry. :( Otherwise, my husband & I go together to the store, that way he can hold him if things get out of hand. At restaurants, I always bring milk & snacks that I know he'll be happy with & occupy him for a while when he starts to want down. It's hard at this age, since they want to be on their own 2 feet & explore. I don't really have a solution for you, but I did want to tell you that if you let him cry for a while so you can get your stuff done, it's ok & if other people get irritated, "Oh well!" as long as it's not at a movie or a restaurant, then I say let him cry until you can get what you need done. I haven't tried time out w/ my son but would like to. I thought it was too early. Will you P.M. me & tell me how you started that & what to do? I hope it gets better soon!

My mother's most favorite memory of me being a mom is one time we were in a department store. My son was about your son's age and wanted out of the stroller. I let him out and he started running around like a maniac. Well, that was not going to work for me. We did our time out right in the middle of everything. We actually did two time outs. It worked and he stayed by my side. I'm guessing it probably served as a great example to other parents of what to do in a situation like that. My husband was also at the grocery store with him and did a time out right in the check out line. The whole line was cheering him on and very proud of him. Couple of little old ladies told him that Jojo on Supernanny would be proud.

Be persistent!

Good luck!!

I like Deidre's response. He is testing you to see what he can get away with.

My sister has 2 girls and when either one of them acts out. She stops and wherever she's at, It's TIMEOUT time. She will find a little spot and say ok, you're in timeout and will wait the appropriate time. I've been with her and seen where people watch her and then they know what's happening. Don't worry too much about what other people think.

Good luck!

Hi C.,

I just wanted to add if he wants to be held, if you have a sling you can carry him in one. I carried my son in a sling until he was nearly 2. After 2 years, he did not want to have anything to do with it. You still have both hands free and will be able to push the cart/stroller etc.

Otherwise, I would say make your shopping trips short and get only necessary items to avoid a complete meltdown.

Another suggestion may be to take your older son shopping with you on the weekend and have your hubby watch the 18 month old. You can make it a special mommy and me trip with your older child and dad gets some bonding with the younger one.

you will either have to just ignore it (and the stares that will come along with it LOL) until he realizes "hey I don't get what I want when I scream! Mom just ignores me!" OR I would suggest trying one of those "leashes" for toddlers. I know, they seem horrible, and I swore I would never use one! I discovered how helpful they can be when i took my 2 1/2 yr old and 6 mo. old on an airplane by myself! I got the kind that attaches to the wrist, although I think the backpack kind look like they might work better and be more comfortable. That way your son can walk, have a little leeway, and you can have the peace of mind that he won't be running away or getting lost! Plus, you can use it as a bribe "if you walk nicely next to mommy and don't scream and throw a fit, then you can wear the backpack! But if you try to run away or scream and throw a fit, then you have to get back in the stroller/cart" He should learn quickly what the desirable outcome is!
Hope this helps!

Shopping is not something 18 month olds enjoy. They are active because they are learning and need to be able to play and more around to grow healthy and happy. Your child is not misbehaving but is, in fact, doing exactly what he is supposed to do. Sounds like it is time to curb the shopping habit or at least shop without your child. You are the parent and it is your job to help your child feel at ease in the world and that takes some sacrifices but is so worth the trade off in having a happy family life. 18 months is very young for any "time outs" to really make much difference.

Just try to be sympathetic and look at it from your sons point of view and it will be easier to see the "tantrums" as his expressing his normal frustration and trying to tell you what he needs.

First, tantrums at 18 months is perfectly normal. I feel, because you don't allow tantrums at home, your son is learning what he can and cannot get away with out in public. There is nothing wrong with finding a corner and putting your son in time out. I've often done this with my youngest DD and have gotten several compliments from strangers (completely surprised me!) Also, you can help your son with simple reasoning skilss by using the IF / THEN method. Ex: DS, IF you'd like to go play with friend, THEN I need you to ... Be ready to leave if your son keeps his tantrum going. It may take a little time for him to realize that he can't get away with it; but it's definitely woks if you stay constant in your method.

Keep up the good work!

Jodi R, leashes are for animals NOT children!!! As far as an 18 month old throwing tantrums while out, that's pretty common. Depending on the time of day you are out, your child could be hungry and tired and not have the verbal tools to tell you. You may try, doing one or the other...either play date at the mall or shopping...until your child is older and can better communicate emotions or at least control them better.