19 Month Old Throwing "Fits"

My daughter wen tthrouhg the same thing. We started doing time outs for any tantrum like behavior, she got a time out chair and we would sit there for 1 to 2 min or until she calmed down. It was almost like a pause on life until she became somewhat resonable again. As tiring as it is it worked for us nad her tantrums decreased, she learned her boundires and lines with us and when she crossed them we would not stand for it, and it also helpoed her to better communicate what she wanted or how she was feeling. Its a hard age because they dont know exactly how to tell you these things witout crying and being overly dramatic. Hang in there and ((HUGS)) Hope this helps.

My only advice and or tip would be to do lots of talking with your child. If you know she gives you trouble walking from the car to the house, talk w/her about what your doing..."Sis, we got some shopping to do today. can you help me with the groceries?" Then give her a small bag and then talk all the way to the house..."Thanks for the help! You are getting so big, your such a good helper! when we get in the house will you help me put these away? Then we can have a snack...what would you like?"

Something like that. This is just a stage and she will out grow it...I find that re-direction at this age is the most useful tool!

My son, who is two, is much the same way. He is just strong-minded and knows what he wants and likes. This could be great later in life, but is tough to deal with right now! what has helped is having him use his words instead of crying. So, I don't know how much language your daughter has yet. But, I won't let him get his way if he is just crying. I make him express himself verbally.

it is a phase, mine went through it too. we actually had to stop in the middle of doing the pumpkin patch last fall because he was being SO obnoxious. we have left church and walmart as well. i know it's hard, but you just have to work through it. groceries are a pain, but sometimes you might have to make additional trips, carrying less the first time to make sure you have a hand for her (she does need to walk, but you can "help" her by holding her hand) worst case scenario, first trip, take her up. give the message that when mommy says, "no playing, we're going inside", that is what you mean, and make sure it happens. i would start timeouts with her, because at this point this is deliberate defiance, not just innocent curiosity, so redirection isn't going to help too much. good luck, it's a tough age!

just thinking of distractions, and learning early self-soothing technoques. Blowing bubbles are great because it gets them working on their breathing, plus it's fun, so perhaps have her blow bubbles as you walk to the apartment? Or even have some sidewalk chalk and have her draw a line that you have to follow. These may only work when you have time to go at her pace, and aren't laden with heavy stuff, but if you can let her take some control, so she doesn't feel dragged along, she may cooperate better. And drawing and bubbles are great calming things at that age, keep exploring outlets for her.
Good luck!

Dear Jessica, I am also a mommy of a toddler and a daughter of a not so great mom(understatement). I thus knew i wanted to do things differently, but did not know where to begin. My friend told me about Dr. Sears (www.askdrsears.com) and from there, his approach opened up a new world: Here are some books that have really helped me:
The Happiest Toddler on the Block -- Dr. Harvey Karp
No Cry Discipline Solution -- Elizabeth Pantley
The Discipline Book -- Dr. Sears
The Successful Child -- Dr. Sears

I hope this helps.

To your last responder: no amen...people like you are the reason moms stress. Where on earth is your compassion?

Jessica, My son occasionally has tantrums and the best advice I've read DISTRACT them. I have "distractions" readily available - a cookie, a toy, a book....I have a grab bag of anti-meltdowns and it's saved me many times over. I also have an IPhone and have a few apps for him - peekaboo barn, Dr. Suess' ABCs, Montessori's Ladybug song, etc.

If that doesn't work, then ignore the behavior (best done at home). Let her know you will talk, hug, love on her, when she behaves like a little lady.

Good luck!

Yeah, terrible 2's start around 18 months for a lot of kids. If you have to deal with a long walk, put her in a stroller or or baby carrier or get a leash. I had the same problem with my son who walked early and was about 35 lbs at 2. I live up 2 flights of stairs. He was in a baby carrier until he walked well (15-18 months). Then I put put him in a harness style (around the chest) leash. It was for his safety as well as my sanity (we live on a moderately busy street). Between 2 and 2.5 he learned he had to stay with me and never go in the street without an adult.

If we were out he was put back in the stroller if he was not cooperating and following directions (he hated to be restrained). Definitely bring a bag of snacks, toys and distractions everywhere, especially if there is a wait involved. If you can manage to avoid errands when you know your child is tired and/or hungry it helps (I have sometimes averted a total meltdown in the grocery store by giving my kids a snack like raisins, goldfish crackers, string cheese, etc) . But there are always times when something has to be done right away. Sure, remove the child when you can.

At home I put my son in a pack and play or a high chair with a seat belt for timeout. Sometimes I put him in a safe place and left the room if I felt like an audience was encouraging a longer tantrum (or if I was totally out of patience myself). If you can head off a tantrum by telling your daughter what you are about to do and the behavior expected if sometimes helps. Also, telling her you understand how she is feeling (angry, frustrated, etc.) sometimes it helps.

In the meantime, it is just a stage toddlers go through...

My daughter is the same age and going through the same thing. Have faith- this too will pass. Pretty soon she will be old enough to begin understanding and you will be able to reason with her. Trust me, my 4 year old son went through the same thing and is now a very obedient child 90% of the time.
For now, we try to avoid public situations that we know will set her off (ex. long shopping trips, restaurants.) When we do go out I try to have distractions with me (ex. a healthy snack, quiet toy, etc) to redirect her attention before a fit begins. If she does start a fit in public, I try to calm her without giving in to her demands (I don't want her to think that the way to get what she wants is to scream and yell). If that doesn't work within 30 seconds I remove her.
Most people are understanding about this as it is obvious that I am trying to take care of the situation in a quick fashion. People with kids know that all kids go through these phases and usually give you a sympathetic smile. Others- oh well... I'll never see them again and I hope God gives them a little more patience.
Just be careful not to give in to avoid a fit. Kids learn early on to manipulate and will learn that they way to get what they want is to get loud. Also, try to keep your calm. Staying in control helps your child regain her control.
Best wishes!

Hi Jessica,

We went thru the same behavior at that age. It does eventually end. As others have mentioned timeouts and holding the line on expectations are important. I also found it helpful for me to pay extra attention to my daughter's mood, and sometimes cut things I needed to get done short because she was getting tired or hungry. When those things come into play, kids start losing any ability to be reasonable. I also started carrying cheese sticks with me a lot to deal with hunger feeding into bad behavior - my daughter loves them and the protien was nice and grounding vs a sweet snack.

Good luck. It does get better, I promise.

AFTER READING MORE RESPONSES: Where is my compassion? My compassion is with the people who have to endure out of control children in public places and the parents who don’t have the ability to teach their little ones that the world may revolve around them at home, but that isn’t the way it is in the real world.

When a child is genuinely hurt, frightened or sick that is a whole different story and people can tell. When a child is throwing a tantrum simply because they are not getting their way, they need to be corrected. I personally believe the time to correct is then and there. If one opts to ignore a screaming, flailing tot at home, that is their right. Allowing that same behavior in public places is infringing on other people’s rights.

Jessica,

This is a repeat answer for another mama's question:

Unlike most women I’m not crazy about shopping for clothing, gifts, etc., I do enjoy grocery shopping and it is really annoying when people are unable to control their children. People DO care if a child is screaming and or running around unsupervised. Allowing tantrums and screaming to go on uncontrolled in public places such as malls, grocery stores, church, restaurants (fancy or not), movies, etc., is just inconsiderate and rude.

If you are unable to have someone watch him at home, when you take him out in public, the minute he starts up, immediately remove him from the area he is disturbing (outside or in the car is best). The only way a child will learn they cannot get away with any kind of behavior they “desire at the moment”, is demonstrating by action that it will not be tolerated.

People who have the courtesy not go off on YOU verbally, will look at you with distain do so because they are thinking…..WHAT YOU ARE THINKING! People who glare at your child do so because sometimes when a child having a fit with his mother or father and the parent is opting to do nothing and/or ignore the child’s behavior; a child will immediately stop the bad behavior because a “stranger” is giving them the look as if to say, “KNOCK IT OFF AND DO IT NOW”!

Can I get an “AMEN”?

Blessings.....

I know I'm a little late, but thought I would throw in my two-cents. I think you should ignor it while it's happening, i.e., she throws herself on the ground while you're carrying in groceries, step over her and keep on walking. She will get up and follow you because it' s no fun to throw a fit if no one is paying attention. Then, when she's calm, make her sit on her bed for a time out because of the tantrum. Tell her she is a very pretty little girl, but when she acts like that, she is ugly and no one wants to be around someone who is acting ugly. I know people say that you have to punish them right away or they don't understand but I don't buy that. I'm not saying wait hours, but just until the tantrum stops which is usually just a couple of minutes. Don't do it in the throws of the trantrum because that will make it worse. Wait until everyone is calm and then explain to her why she's being punished.