Shopping with 2 Year Old

S.,

Most kids go through this. They just have to be taught to behave themselves. You can bring things to do (container of cereal, a toy car, etc.) Engage him in your shopping. (Do you see the bread? Where's the milk?) You will probably have to set aside the time to teach him. Make some specific trips to the store to teach manners. (Don't expect to get any shopping done.) When he yells to get out of the cart, you take him to the car, put him in the carseat and wait for him to quit screaming. It could take a long time, so be patient. (Don't look at him, talk to him or acknowledge him in any way during his time out.) When he quits, put him back in the cart and start over. Or you can get a partner to help you. Have them waiting and either let them take the child home or wait in the car until you are finished. You don't need to have this long discussion about why mommy is doing this and what he needs to do differently. Actions speak louder than words. Yes, this is going to take some time. But he has learned that if he just misbehaves enough, you will let him out of the cart and he can run through the store. Then he gets chased and it's just so much fun. He needs to learn a new kind of fun that is behaving in the store. You could just leave him home with someone when you want to shop, but he needs to learn to behave himself in public sooner or later, so you might as well teach him young.

Good luck,
S.

well try not letting him out-take some control-otherwise get one of those kid leashes.

Good Luck with this. I had the same issue. Keeping the kids home is not always an option, snacks and toys are a great idea for the cart and seem to work for me for a little while, but when he is ready to get out of the cart - I do "leash" him. I couldn't bring myself to buy the ones that actually look like a leash. I found a backpack style (because of Dora - my son loves it)at Target. It is a monkey - so there is a little humor in the "monkey on his back". This has seemed to work. He still runs, but can't get away from me and sometimes the cart still works and other times nothing helps the tantrums still happen. He's 2 - what else can we expect.

Hi S.,

My only advice to you is: Don't go shopping with him. I don't know if you're married or otherwise partnered, but if so, leave the child home when your spouse/s.o. is home and go shopping by yourself. It has to be an absolute emergency or I need to literally run in and run out before I go shopping w/my son.

If you have no one to leave him with, then it sounds like he needs to stay in the cart. Don't give him the option of getting out--it sounds like it's not working. He may scream the first few times, but we've all seen kids scream in the store--it will be nothing new. He will get over it--just remember that you, as the parent, are in control.

I too try to set up designated "run spaces" for my son. In the mall (we live in a small town; it's not a big mall, and many of the stores are not filled), he knows he MUST walk in the stores but he can run when he hits the mall part. In the grocery store, the rule is that he must stay by me and walk until he finds an aisle empty of people, then he and I race with the cart. I don't believe I should have to pack up a whole slew of toys to occupy my children, nor do I believe that food is a good way to make my children quiet (We DO do it when we have 9 hour car rides...but I prefer to use those things when I'm really desperate and not on a day-to-day basis. I want my kids to behave because that's what you DO, not because their mouths are full.) That said, I probably didn't do that until my son was 3. But what I did do was talk to him, not dilly dally (I never take him shopping for ME, but we do errands to Target, grocery shopping, natural food store, etc frequently), and try to find something appealing to him. I try to find one thing I know he'll like--even if it's eggs so that we can have scrambled eggs on Saturday. He likes helping pick out gifts for people he knows, and he loves pushing the kids' cart at the natural food store. Ultimately, I knew I just had to plan more time so that I'm not so impatient with my children. Oh--and I try very hard to just completely ignore it when my children misbehave and I have to put them in the cart, resulting in a temper tantrum. Yes, they're mad and letting the whole world know it, but my thought is that people don't go grocery shopping or to Target for the ambiance! At a restaurant, I'd take them out in a minute--but taking them out seems just to reward them; they get out of what they didn't want to do. I've actually put my 4 1/2 year old, 50 pound son into the front seat of a cart when he won't stay with me. Oh, and be as consistent as possible!

Don't let him out of the cart - especially if he is screaming at you. You are rewarding his bad behavior of yelling with letting him out of the cart. He has learned that he can be naughty and get what he wants. When he screams like that you need to take him out of the cart and take him to the car and either deal with his yelling with either a time out or a swat on the behind. He is not being respectful to you and you need to teach him that he cannot yell at you like that. I know it is embarrassing but it only gets worse if you don't deal with it now. When my kids were that age and started to yell and scream (after a few times of going to the car)I got to the point where I could just whisper, "Do we need to go to the car?" and they would immediately stop. Now they are 6, 7, and 7 and they are helpful and well behaved.

I had an Elmo kid-leash for my daughter when she was two. She was so proud of that thing that she loved to wear it. Sure, I got some weird looks (from non-parents), but I never lost my kid and it kept her happy and me sane.

I don't agree with leaving him home... thats totally avoiding the issue and not teaching him anything.

Your first mistake was letting him out of the cart the first time he whined. Now he knows when he starts throwing a tissy to get out, you will give in and let him out. From now on, lay down the rules, he WILL stay in the cart, he will NOT get out and run, and stick to it. Bring a small treat, like a sucker or a bag of pretzels, and when he starts fussing, let him have his treat, but DO NOT LET HIM OUT OF THE CART! This is a discipline issue, and it needs to be taken care of.

I have two boys, ages 7 and 3.5, and my boys both rode in the cart until they were around 4, meaning my 3.5yr old still rides in the cart. He's just now earning the priveledge of walking sometimes, because he's big enough to get that if he's not listening, he gets back in. Both boys are amazing shoppers, they just walk/ride along and I have no problem with them. Its because we dealt with this right away and didn't let them down to run when they were little.

So take him with you, but be tough and stick to the rules you've told him about before you ever get out of the car. Be prepared to give him his snack when he starts fussing, and keep with it. He will have a fit, but just keep your shopping, keep him strapped in, and he will get the point that mom has had enough and isn't going to give in. He's not big enough to listen to stay by the cart, then he doesn't get out of the cart.

Leave him at home if you can. My daughter was the same and most of the time I still try to do my shopping alone, and she is 4. She will stay close to me now, but begging is the new issue. Why put yourself or him through the struggle?

If you must take him, have you thought of trying the leashes for kids? I got one that was attached to a back pack for my son when I was traveling with him and it was great. I always laughed at them but it was the best thing when I was traveling so he could walk and wear himself out and i didn't have to carry him everywhere. The little back pack was perfect for him to carry soem of his snacks as well. Just an idea!

Maybe you need to give him a "project" to do while he's in the cart. Like help you "find" the bananas, or find the cheese. Or he can cross off the items off your list when you get them. Or he can sit in the back of the cart and "organize" the food. Things like that, to keep him interested in staying in the cart. Good luck!

When my kids were younger a friend and I were shopping with her 3 small children and my two small children. While sitting in the food court eating lunch her almost 2 year old slipped out of the stroller and wondered off. He was found and all right but it was probably the most panicked time I ever had. My two older kids were great about staying by me but my youngest son wanted to run like your son. I bought a leash, at that time it looked like a telephone cord and hooked one end on my wrist and the other I put on the back of his bib overalls. He would run until he would run out of line and then wait up. My granddaughter (his daughter) is the same way but she has a harness. While we have had some comments about "treating her like a dog" I know they are ignorant people who has never been scared like I have been. Safety is important. It lets them have independence and us security that will keep them safe.

I picked up a harness for my daughter (she is 17 months old) so she can still have her freedom, but i can still keep track of her. It made me feel bad at first because i felt like i was walking her like a dog, but then i got used to it. She does really good on it and she even stays close when she doesnt have it on!

I totally understand. I have "thought" of leashes but never could bring myself to get one. If I could rewind time..maybe that would have been a good idea....I hear a lot of judgment in these responses I totally feel that some kids are runners...and it is not because you are not taking "control". I have spent so much time looking for my son who is now 4. He used to run constantly. With my son..it just seemed the older he is getting the more he sticks around. He no longer just takes off. In the shopping center before we go in I explain he needs to stay by me and he has one chance if he runs away I put him in the cart for 5 or so then of course he wants to get out again. I give him another chance and explain you can stay out if you stay by me. This didn't work until about a year ago. Good luck. Also I look for a little shopping cart for him to push or let him ride on the cart. Also, I give him treats to eat while we shop. All of these are ideas I have tried to keep him around. Also, a good time to get a babysitter until he gets older. Best wishes on this one. I know how challenging it can be.

I don't really run into the running issue but I have my youngest who wants out all the time. I ask her to hang onto the cart as she walks along side it or she sits in the large part of the cart and enjoys that. If you tell him to help push the cart with you and that he must hang onto the cart at all times maybe he'll get a sense of pride in doing something himself or helping you so to speak. Bringing gummy snacks or other snacks occupies kids time too.

I found at Walmart and Target these little backpack "leashes" for little ones. My daughter has a monkey.(I've seen other animals too) It looks like a stuffed animal hanging on her back. It has a very tiny pouch so your child can carry something in it and feel like he is doing something to be helpful. But the great thing is that the monkey's tail is a leash that i can hold on to to keep her close.

I'v also seen leashes that attach to the child's wrist, but that looked like it would really hurt if she took off suddenly. The backpack kind seems like it gives you more control without hurting the kid.

My son loves to run too - we let him run, if the aisle isn't busy, 10-20 feet, then we tell him stop and run back! and on and on - it's a game and he loves it. if he doesn't stop and turn back when we say he goes back in the cart. if it's too busy to run, then he can walk with us, either holding on to the cart, or "helping" push the cart. He also helps put things in the cart and picking things off the shelves. Or just counting things or finding colors or letters - anything to keep him engaged. I've also used the backpack style "leashes" and they are very cute and work great. Don't knock them until you try them. Good Luck.

Hi S.,

I wasn't going to respond because I read your responses and thought you received some very good advice already, but I couldn't quit thinking about the running part. I just don't believe a store, or the mall, is a place that children need to be running...there are always elderly people shopping, and what if a child was running and made them fall. It could mean a broken hip, leg, arm for that elderly person, or maybe even the child, if the elderly person fell on them. I know the chances of this happening might be slim, but who wants to take the chance of someone getting hurt. I think running should be an outside activity, and I don't allow children to run in my home. Not to say that it doesn't happen once in awhile, but when I tell them not to run they will look at me and say, "Outside, right, C.?" Children are sooo smart...sometimes smarter than we are...that's why being a parent is one of the most challenging things we will ever do in our lives.

C.

I agree with Cassandra and Betti...just don't do it! It isn't fun for you or him and everyone ends up frustrated :( Plan your shopping to get it all done in one day and enlist your spouse, partner or friend to watch him. I have a friend and we trade shopping days...one day I shop and she watches all the kids and another day I watch the kids and she shops. The kids play and are happy and mom is happy that the shopping was done quickly and without any tantrums..win-win!

Not sure if this will help, but we LOVE the book "Llama Llama, MAD at Mama" which describes your situation (in rhyme). When we are shopping now and she starts to act up I will say in a shocked voice "Stop all of this llama drama!" and she will giggle and we will talk about the book and how little llama and his mama worked together to get the shopping done... it doesn't always work, but it buys time between fits. Good Luck.

I didn't read all of the responses so if this is a repeat, forgive me. This worked for me when my boys were small. If they missed behaved while we were shopping, I would stop shopping, go to the check out, pay for the things in the cart and then go home. I would tell them in the car that when we are at the store, the way they had acted was not acceptable and that they will have a baby sitter (next door neighbor) and that they would not go with their father and I. They would not get any treats. As they got older, I would still do the exact same thing only I wouldn't take them home, they were told that they had to go to the car with their father and when I got everything on my list we would then go home and they would then be grounded for the next week. I still do the "go to the van and sit there" to this day. I haven't wavered from this, even to this day. The thing is, even at the age of 2 they do learn what they like and dislike. My boys disliked having to have a babysitter and/or being grounded, they liked shopping more.

I started out babysitting these 2 girls when they were 3 and 4 yrs old. I learned that as with everything, if you are consistent they'll learn what is acceptable behavior and what is expected of them. This is with two kids who liked to "divide and conquer" - one would distract me while the other one ran off. What I did was to take a real hard stand. I said what I meant and I did what I said. It doesn't really matter what exactly you do, as long as you stick with it. You might have to repeat it 70 times but it does eventually sink in.

My sister has a kid 2 1/2 years old who HATES being in a cart. What she does is she takes him only on very short shopping trips to get just a few items. She is building his tolerance slowly. When she does a big shop, she gets a sitter.

My own son is 3 now, and I have always taken him with me on all my errands, so he is quite used to it. Mostly I had him sit in the cart; I let him choose whether he wants to start out up front in the seat or in the main part of the cart until it fills up with too much stuff.

Having worked in retail, I know how dangerous it can be if you are not cautious going around corners and the ends of aisles. The workers are under a lot of pressure and they are often pulling heavy loads too fast to stop if a child runs out in front of them. That is one good reason never to let your child go beyond the end of an aisle without you.

From infancy, I have tried to engage my son in the shopping experience. I talk to him about what we are selecting and why we are buying certain things and not buying other things. I talk to him about marketing and advertising. We make up games as we go- pretending we are in a jungle and searching for animals (they are everywhere, from Tony the Tiger on the cereal box to zebra print pajamas). We also engage in specialized "window shopping". I let him select a toy from the toy section to test out while we shop, and then we put it back before we leave. Occasionally I will put something in my cart that I say I want to think about and then put it back later, so he knows it's not just about him having to put something back. We stop and browse; looking at things he is interested in as well as items I want to look at. I just try to engage him as much as possible. It takes longer but it is a much happier day that way.

And I always bring a snack and a water bottle- for him and for me. And if I get too tired, we stop and rest. If he gets too tired, he lays down in the cart. We never do the, "you can have a treat if you're good" thing. He is always expected to "be good". At the end of the trip,he gets to choose a banana for him to eat- this is as close to a treat as we get, but it is not dependent on threats of not getting it for bad behavior. It is just the natural conclusion of our shopping trip that he looks forward to each time.

Best of luck with your situation- I hope you discover the solution that works well for you.

Hi S.
I think this is a situation where you need to pick your battle. You can either stick him in the cart and make him ride the whole time or you let him walk the whole time. either way you should have somethings for him to help you with make a BIG deal out of it before you get to the store and then give him his shopping list and tell him you really need his help. If my kids thought they were being helpful they would stay by me and loved all the positive attention I would give them for being so big and what a nice helper. Good luck I hope you find something that works for you T.

bring snacks or books or toys for him to look at. another option is to pick up something new and let him play with it telling him that you arent going to take it home, it has to stay in the store, but he can play with it or read it for now. this also teaches him that he cant have everything he wants in the store. my son and i are doing things like that a lot.

those leashes that they sell are actually quite helpful for a kid who likes to run off - they cant get away from you on one of those leashes! LOL.

good luck

I have to have a talk with what we are doing and how they are to behave before we even get out of the car. It works wonders and if I forget and don't do it, I regret it for the whole shopping trip!

He's going to have to learn sooner or later how to behave and not run in a store. I think leaving him with a sitter defeats that purpose. LEAVE HIM IN THE CART. If he cries, whines or throws a fit just continue your shopping. Don't worry and try not to be embarrassed-- I guarantee EVERYONE in the store has either had their own kid throw a fit or has been around someone else's kid who's thrown a fit. Hopefully it'll only take a couple times of this for your son to know that you mean business and that YOU are in charge, NOT him.