My 14-month-old daugther wants just me if I am in the same room. She wants me to hold her or play with her; she will not let me do anything else. She will not stay with her Dad either. However if I am not in the room, she is OK with other people.
How can I change this situation? How can I make her stay with Dad at least for a while to allow myself having things done.
Thanks, S.
Hi S.,
Take some parenting classes and get into a mom's support group.
www.kidspriorityone.org or ###-###-####
Hope this helps. Good luck. D.
Both of my children were the same way, well my daughter still is. I am not saying to ignore her, but you need to let her know that you are not going to hold/play with her all the time. When you have things to get done I would just go and try to do them. When your daughter cries just tell her that mommy has to do whatever and give her a toy to play with. If you and your husband are in the same room and your daughter wants you to hold her don't pick her up and let daddy get her. Not all the time but sometimes, she needs to know that daddy will play with her and comfort her as well. Even if you are in the room.
This is a typical scenerio. Often times they have periods of separation anxiety.
Personally I am of the mindset that if you meet their needs, they tend to be more confident that when they need you, you're there. This helps them become more independent. Some kids need more time than others. On average, I'd say this may last a couple months.
One way to get her more comfortable with Dad, is sticking around when he's there. Often times, we look at these opportunities as, "great, Dad's here, I can go do laundry"... which is fine, but for now, she may need more reassurance that her needs will be met (her emotional need of having you there)
Good luck!
(BTW, Dr Sears has a great section on this, I believe in the Baby Book. He also has a Discipline Book, but since this is not a discipline matter, it may not be in that one. Both books are fabulous and you can probably find them at your library)
be firm, be loving, be consistent. if you have the attitude that she will not 'let' you do something, you're teaching her that it's up to her to decide how things will go in your family. when she has enough age and experience to do that, say in 30 years, that might be a good thing. at 14 months it's too much responsibility for her. resign yourself to loud objections while you and your husband make some decisions. it's perfectly possible to be loving and supportive while not allowing a toddler to run the show.
khairete
S.
S. T -
Your Daughter's behavior is completely normal for her age. Try creating fun activities that she can do with both of you. Then slowly remove yourself from the activity. If she can come to associate that activity with Dad she may allow you to have some space. Also, ask your husband to take her on a walk, or give her a bath, or take her to the park. They need to have rituals that are just the two of them. One last thing, if you are going to have someone else care for her while you get stuff done, don't make a big deal out of leaving her. Wait until she is distracted and quitely slip away. As long as she is gettting the emotional support she needs from you when you are with her she will be okay with brief periods of separation. Good Luck!
M. p.
Hi,
I am a pre-school teacher and a mom of a 5 year old. As a teacher, I would suggest for you to help your husband join you to play with your daughter, so when you are in the room, she doesn't always want your attention. Have dad become more involved in the daily routines once he comes from work. Assure your daugter that you will still be in the house. Talk to her about all the things you have to do. Find something she likes to play with so it makes her feel more confortable. It's something you will need to work on and not give in to all her requests. Children like taking control of situations.
D.
S., it's so common at this age for her to be more "bonded" with you than her Dad...but you're right that you need to start shifting that dynamic a little bit -- if for no better reason than you'll never get anything done otherwise! (the better reason is that you don't want him to miss out on having a strong relationship with your daughter).
When our daughter was that young, my husband would take her out of the house for some daddy-daughter time on Saturday or Sunday, so that I could get things done. They went to the zoo, the park, the farmer's market, feeding the ducks, etc. It was great, because I wasn't around, and she was doing FUN things with Dad, so she really came to look forward to it. He would ask her to "help" bake something or create other tempting scenarios if they were at home.
Now, at first, I think my husband found it a little, um, challenging...hauling everything around and negotiating events with such a little one. As she grew up though, it became easier and very fun for both of them. Now he and his friends take the kids on Dad-daughter camping trips, he takes her to ballgames, concerts, museums, and so forth. In fact, she is such a daddy's girl now, that she loves going ANYWHERE with him -- even the grocery store! (although, this is probably because he's a total sucker and will buy her junk I would never buy...but who cares?)
I hate to speak in generalities, but let's face it; if generalities weren't somewhat useful they wouldn't exist...so forgive me in advance here? I do think that while moms tend to be more nurturing and are biologically programmed to create a sense of security, dads tend to be more fun -- or they can be. Not that moms aren't fun too -- but this is the beauty of a two-parent family, we can compliment each other, right?
I think the main thing is that he not wait until she's older to start forming that important bond. Leaving the house to do an activity may help at first, because being with you won't be an option. Eventually, I guarantee she will look forward to time with "just dad", even when you're in the next room. Best luck!
My daughter (now almost 5 years old) was exactly the same as your daughter when she was that age. She is almost 5 now and still wants to be with me most of the time. Because I work at home, she has never been to daycare. Now it is time for her to start kindergarten soon and she refuses to go. We have tried several pre-schools and she doesn't want to go to any of them. She says that she wants to be with me. Even if I am only going to the store she prefers to be with me and NOT stay at home with her father. I know how difficult it can be. You love her sooo much and appreciate how she loves you. But, you need your own space and time for yourself. Having your own time is very important and makes us better mommies. I am still dealing with this and hoping to have some time to myself when she starts kindergarten.
Hi Shu Lin,
I know how challenging this can be, but there is a thin line between, needing reassurance, and toddler spoilness. I am a first time mom, my daughter is three months from turning two. She is with me during the day, but I noticed she is fine with others when she is engulfed in an activity with them, or when she doesn't have a choice (like when I have to run errands and I leave her with a sitter). You have to reassure her you are there, but when you are not, it's still ok. I agree with the other moms, you have to lengthen the rope a little and let her explore daddy time and whom ever else you have as a sitter so you can get things done. I am a single parent, and have just gotten to the point where I don't feel gulity about having my ME time. It will be ok. Remember, your daughter feeds off your energy, if you feel comfortable with whom you are leaving her with, she will feel the same.
