Autistic Son's Reaction to Boy

In my limited experience with autism ... I've come to learn it can really be anything. A person laughs too loud and gets put on the terror list for days/months. A person is known to come and go gets met with tears as if they're dying. A person is fond of a color/ perfume/ whatever and wears it... can prompt a meltdown. Crazy hair when it's usually neat, touching a beloved object (that may or may not be apparently special... my cousin "owns" all the doorknobs in the house that are glass... no one may touch them or he reacts the same way my son react if someone is breaking one of his beloved toys, anything can literally set someone on the spectrum off IF it happens to be their quirk... because it's about how they are perceiving events or sensory stimuli, as opposed to how the event actually happens. No matter if it's awful or not to US, it's awful to THEM.

Therapists can usually work with you to find ways to cope with those quirks (my cousin's doorknobs got the royal treatment : being taken OFF of doors was a nightmare... they absolutely had to be left on, but how to open doors? 2nd knobs that weren't glass. But it took MONTHS to figure out what the problem was to begin with (at first it was thought people coming/ going (he'd leap and hold onto them sobbing and pleading don't don't don't, then once it was narrowed down to a knob issue it took a LONG time how to figure out a way that let my aunt and uncle and other cousins live THEIR lives in a normal way without causing HIM anguish.)

Keep digging. I had a friend who had a son and he was a wonderful little boy. my own son started to get weird. I guess it was supposed to be a joke, but the other one made my son hold his hand under hotwater and said if he told, he would be in trouble. I don't believe my son told me for ten years. And the boy was so cute and nice...anyway, bottom line, something could happen, even autistic children have reactions and understanding that things make them comfortable ( I work with autistic children too so that is where I base my opinion ). Even the nicest kids do things that can be unnerving because they think they are funny. I thought it was cruel of course, but it was a lot of years later when I heard about it. And your son doesn't communicate the same way, so if something happened perhaps you might just kind of keep him out of the way of this boy.

does he have any manerisms that your son might find offensive? Even the way he does anything? I would ask your oldest to see if he saw anything, otherwise--maybe he just doesn't like him and thats the way he presents it, by crying. GL
M

i would think something happened between the two of them and the friend does not want to tell you about it. I would ask your other son if he noticed anything going on and if something happened.

Sounds like something might have happened between the two of them. I would ask your older son and see if something happened that he knows about. Other than that maybe your autistic son doesn't feel very good vibes from him or doesn't like him anymore??? That probably isn't the case but obviously something is bothering him..good luck!

Well something has unnerved him.

I would really take note of this.
talk to your older son. If he knows anything.

This could be a reaction to having to share.... My son goes through cycles of this. (He is 4 and on the Spectrum.)

Ask your older son to try being especially attentive of his brother. Work on the younger son feeling he can express his needs to his brother. Ensure he doesn't feel shut out when there's a rival for his brother's attention.

I have a 7-year old son with autism. When he was 5, he had little functional language as well. I'm just thinking that something must have happened with this older boy that frightened your son. Remember, it's all just subjective. It's not so much what this kid did was frightening or upsetting; it's how your son interprets the event. It may also be a case of how his older brother treats him, or how the two boys act together, when his friend is around.

You can also check out to see if there is a sensory issue going on but, I would imagine if that was the case, you would have investigated that issue already.

I hope you are able to figure out what's happening soon.

Are you able to ask your son why he gets so upset when your older son's friend comes over? Don't prompt him or put words in his mouth-just see if he will take his time and reveal something.

He may feel as if some attention is taken from him and he cant verbalize that other then to cry. Perhaps his space is invaded? Does the friend ever try to interact with your 5 yr old? Does telling him its ok help or calm him down?

Can you use PECS or anything else that may help you get a clue?

My other thought is that if you son is also diagnosed with PANDAS or PITAND, he may be reacting to this child if he is a strep carrier or has an active infection. This is something that is pretty common, even among siblings, that I have learned about through parental anecdotes.

Here is a fantastic discussion forum board for both Autism and PANDAS, as well as Lyme, Tourette's, OCD, etc.

http://www.latitudes.org/forums/index.php?act=idx

If you don't have the PANDAS dx, I know it is something that is coming up now in a lot of children with autism. Here are the symptoms for you, if you are curious.

http://www.webpediatrics.com/pandasclinicalcases.html

Just a thought-what about asking your autistic son to draw a picture of something you all did together including the friend. Maybe a picture would reveal something.

I have a 6 year old autistic boy who's verbal skills are also limited. If this were happenening at our house I would assume that my son is associating the boy with something negative happening. I now this sounds very unfair to your 10 year old, but since it really is bothering your autistic son, I would have your older son start to have his playdates over at his friends house. You never really know what is happening when you aren't looking and since your son cannot talk for himself, you may never find out why he cries at the sight of this other child.
Added: I would rather be safe than sorry. It would break my heart to find out that my son was being mistreated and couldn't tell me.