Baby Is 21 Months Old and Refuses to Let Go of Pacifier

My daughter is now 27 months old, and she was an avid paci-holic until she was about 18-19 months old. My husband and I decided that when she was 1 yr old, we would try to ween her off of it by only giving it to her at bedtime and naptime. One day, she fell asleep in the car (around naptime) without it and I put her VERY CAREFULLY in bed without it (she never woke up). That night when she was tired, I took her for a drive to help her fall asleep (with no pacifier). When she fell asleep, I drove home and put her to bed without it. That was the beginning of the phase of no paci. We simply changed up her bedtime routine until she became used to falling asleep without it, and now she won't take one even if she sees another child with one. Good luck!

Hi S.. Don't worry! We had this same issue with my son when he was a baby and the dentist told me "I don't worry about pacifiers, I worry about thumb-suckers". Embarrasingly enough, my son had his until he was 5(which I admit is too long but he was a very happy, balanced child and it did not affect his speech)! My husband was not happy with me, but I must admit that you should try and take it away before 5, b/c 5 is even more tramatic. Maybe try when she is 3. It is nothing to worry about. The thing you want to keep in mind is if she is a happy , well-balanced child like my son was I would suggest just letting her have the pacifier a little longer, especially if there are any upcoming changes in the family (ie. new baby , move, etc....) b/c you don't want to disrupt her schedule too much. Hope this helps (by the way, my husband took my daughter's pacifier away at 2 and she now sucks her thumb when she goes to sleep at night- I guess his philosophy didn't work either.... ha ha ha!!)

Best of luck, A.

I haven't done this but one of my friends did - help paci "break" again so that it is difficult to suck on but still kind of works. Paci broke but she can keep it. My friend kept cutting it shorter and shorter until it was too hard to use.
Or....let her keep her paci. She won't go to Kindergarten with it. You could restrict it to only the house, only the bedroom, only the bed, etc.
Saying all that I am convinced that my 16 month-old WILL take her bottle to kindergarten :-). Maybe I should post on how to wean her from that.....
Good luck.

Please Please let her have it. She is still a baby. Let her be one. My kids gave up their pacifiers by age three. I am not sorry I let them go that long-actually they began weaning themselves off the ''lolli'' starting around 2 and half -they started using it less and less. You might just let her have it nap or nighttime to go to bed and simply talk about it being a baby thing and tell her someday you can just throw it away - encourage her at 2 and half to notice other children. BUT IT'S NOT WORTH HAVING HER CRY TO THE POINT OF THROWING UP. Don't worry about her teeth -she will be fine -my children had no problems. You sound like a good caring mom-go with your instincts. You will be OK-ENJOY your little one-someday you'll wonder where your little one went. They do grow up so fast and you can't get those days back but if the memories are good and sweet and you don't regret things oh boy it will be a wonderful thing. Good luck.

S.,
When my twins were about 18 mon. I started to limit their pacifier use. They were only allowed to use it when they were in their crib at nap time and bed time. Then eventually at Christmas time(they were 2yrs10mon) we decided to give them to Santa so that other little babies could use them. Since they were big boys and didn't need them anymore. It worked like a charm. I think the key was tapering off. Hope that helps.
Good luck!
Take care,
M.

My son is 27 months old and still uses his pacifier. I wouldn't worry too much about it. I don't really care what people think, but they mostly say how cute he is anyway. I've only had family members comment on the pacifier and I let it go in one ear and out the other. My first son, I took his pacifier at 7 months old and he didn't look back, but I am way more relaxed about stuff this time around. Also, I find that if they are trying to accomplish any other task, like sleeping in the "big boy/girl" bed or potty-training, they may be more reluctant to change any thing else. So you may want to accomplish one task at a time, so they feel like they have some control. I hope this helps!
R.

I suggest that you first, limit the pacifier to bedtime and naptime only. Then you should make a countdown chart and tell her that on that day, she is going to go around and gather all of her pacifiers to give to a baby (if you have a pregnant friend or relative, enlist them!). Since she seems pretty mothering, she will probably like the idea of giving her pacifiers to a baby now that she is a big girl. Make a big deal of getting all of the pacifiers around the house, wrap them up like a gift, and give them away! As far as the crying goes, kids have really good gag reflexes, and while it's upsetting to see them throw up from crying, it's pretty normal. It might take a little time for her to get used to it. Maybe give her something else (blanket, animal) for comfort in bed. If she is using the pacifier all the time, it will eventually mess with her teeth and even her speech.

Good luck!

S.,
we had the same problem with our now 4 year old. a week befor she was 2 we were sitting in the living room and i halh jokingley said "your almost a big girl now, and big girls dont have paci's, maybe you should throw it away!" my husbands eyes were the size of silver dollars as she walked in to the kitchen and threw it away! like you we were in shock, and could only imaginge what the night would bring, so we took her to the park and wore her out! she slept all the way home in the car and we put her in bed with out her paci, the next day she asked for it and we reminded her she threw it away because she was a big girl! and that was it!
my sil had her daughter send her paci to "santa" right befor christmas to show she was a "big girl" and ready for big girl toys!
i wouldnt rush her, i think when she is ready it will be easier on everyone! best of luck!

This is 2nd hand advice b/c my son never really took to a pacifier. My sister really struggled with breaking her son's pacifier habit. She tried everything. She told him that pacis were for babies and he should collect all his pacis to give away which he was all for and thought it was great fun, but come bed time he said that pacis were for babies, but also for him. She tried cutting the tip off -- that didn't seem to bother him. She tried to go cold turkey and he had a tantrum. Finally she took him to a dentist and the dentist explained to him why it was time to give up the paci. Just like that, he was over the paci, never used them again and never had a problem going to sleep without them. It was so bizarre. So perhaps having the talk come from a different authority figure could help. Good luck.

S., i took the paci away before turning 2 months, only because i had twins and in the middle of the night i couldn't remember which color was whose :). on the other hand, my nephew had it until the age of 2. you can go any way about it but if i were you I wouldn't make my daughter get so upset to the point she vomits. that's just me. so wait a little is what i think. wait until she understands better and then have a thing i hear a lot of moms do when they're ready to give up bottles and pacifiers. like put it under a tree one day with teh child present and how the paci fairy will come pick it up and take it to a baby who needs it really really badly and the fairy will leave something great instead. and go nuts on the idea what will fairy leave. some great doll, toy etc. doesn't have to be the tree. pick a spot, but wait a little. let her forget the last night's episode, wait til she turns two or something. it will happen and no she won't be the kid in school sucking on a paci. this is just one of those things that needs to happen when you both seem a bit more ready. good luck

S., I know that it is difficult to see your child upset, especially when we know how to "fix" the problem!

Our son, at 20 months, was separated from his paci....it was 3 difficult nights for all of us, but he then relinquished his paci. He know understands that "pacis are for babies"....I'd give your daughter a second go around with separating her from her security paci. Make sure to provide lots of encouragement/love/hugs/etc and I'd imagine that she'll eventually relinquish!

Good luck!

C.

With my son...what our pediatrician said really made an impact on us. She said the younger the better b/c their memory isn't as long yet. If you wait and keep putting it off their long term memory just gets longer and they'll fight harder.

so what we did was wean him down off the pacifier at nap time so he only got it at nighttime. then from there, we talked to him about throwing it in the garbage. we let him throw it in the garbage himself. then when he cried for it (and he did) we just reminded him that we threw it away. that it was "all gone". he only cried a couple of times, but when no pacifier appeared after his crying, he got over it and went to sleep. gotta be tough and stick to what you're saying. if they know you're going to give in after they have a fit, they know exactly how to play you. my son is good for this too. but we made sure we threw them all away so we weren't even tempted to give in cuz believe me I WAS TEMPTED! LOL!

but really, he only cried a couple times and forgot about it. so hang in there. it'll happen. just stick to your guns.

Hi S.,
I'm a mother of 3 (ages 6,4 and 2). At 21 months, your daughter probably still needs the aid she's been used to for sleeping (she's still well within the limits of having a "paci"). For my oldest 2 who had pacifiers until the age of 2 and a half, I started limiting use of the "paci" to bed only. As such, the significance of the "paci" became less and less. THEN, for several months, I started talking about how the "paci fairy" comes to all kids when she knows that they are ready to give up their "paci". The great news is that the fairy takes the "pacis" for new babies and leaves a present for the big kid. It worked like a charm. My second child even started asking when she was coming. Neither one of them cried or had trouble sleeping from that first night "paci-less". My third child sucks his thumb, now that's going to be a problem!! Good luck!

Have you tried another method besides cutting the top off? If she fully comprehends what is going on perhaps another method such as the one used by Super Nanny (I forget the full details but I'm sure you can google it)or donating her pacifiers to babies at the hospital is the way to go. Let her feel like she is the one who gave it up. I would try a different tactic. Good luck!

My husband and I just went thru this, we tried taking it from....BIG mistake, he cried just like your little girl, and he only used it at home and for bed time (which is how I knew he didn't really need it)

But what we did, was we waited until he lost it (I normally would find it, or give him another one), well when he lost it, he did tell me to "find it", and I told him that HE lost it, and that it's all gone now, he fused a little bit, but not much, and he did ask for it at night, and the next morning, we just said "All gone", the end!

Hopefully it will be that easy for you

Even though she seems a little old for a pacifier, she also seems to be well adjusted and doing many things a more mature child might do. I wouldn't worry about her starting preschool with a pacifier! She will give it up when she is ready and even if she does start preschool with it, the other children will be enough encouragement to put it away for good. Maybe, at times, the pacifier could be misplaced for a short time. You might also, without making application to her, talk to her about little babies and what they need and do as well as what they can't do until they are as old as your daughter is. Enjoy her while she is still young, they grow up way too fast.

I know you have gotten a lot of responses, but I thought I would give you some ideas. Both my kids at 12 months we switched to naptime and bedtime only. My son was completely off his by 19 months (we had another one coming soon). What worked well for him was poke a hole in all his paci's and then a week later make the hole bigger and progressively bigger until you start cutting some of it off. We didn't have to cut much off. After a month of this he was pretty much done with it and we took it away. My niece was a little different because they needed to cut it off almost all the way to the plastic part and finally they were able to take it away. She was about 21 months. My daughter is now 21 months and like yours is VERY attached to hers. As kids have a need to suck for the first 2-3 years for comfort I am not pushing it yet. We have another flight in March, so I am going to wait until then to even start the process. Then I am going to try the same method as my son. But we are only doing naptime/bedtime which is nice. She knows the rules pretty well. When she gets up she puts them in the crib. Hope this helps. Good luck.

My son went through the same thing when we got rid of his pacifier. Every day got easier though. I hate to sound mean, but you just have to be consistent with it. You can't give in. I know many people have said it is okay to have it until 3 or 4, but are any of them a dentist or doctor? You just have to remember that she will not remember this or be scarred for life. Good Luck!

My son used a pacifier at night until he was 3 years old. Right after his 3rd birthday we told him it was time to give his paci to another little boy or girl that needed it. We tied it to 2 helium balloons, took it outside and he let it go. We watched it float away for a while. He was proud of himself because he felt like he was helping someone. Leading up to the day we kept talking about it so that he knew it was coming. I wasn't really sure if itwas going to work, but surprisingly it did.

My daughter was FOUR when she dropped her paci.. I was desperate. I took her to a psychologist, who advised me to back off. She was trying to be independent, and her paci was the way she comforted herself, whithout needing much external TLC. She noted that my daughter was able to stay over her grandparent's...meaning that she was OK not having me around for a while...but needed her paci for reassurance. I did what she said. I let go and one day Ann came to me saying that she didn't like the flavor of it. She put it on the trash herself and said "YUK, I don't want to be a baby anymore".

Don't worry. SHe is still a baby. There is no need for such a rush. She will give it up ONLY WHEN SHE IS READY.
M.

I have to little girls myself... My (now) 5 year old just stopped using it one day at around 2 1/2 years. We started limiting it to just the car & sleep time, and that seemed to work. As for the other one, my strong minded (now) 3 year old, she was a bit harder! We tried taking it away, but that didn't work. After spending the night with my in-laws and not using it, we started 'losing' them. It took her about a week to figure out how to go to sleep without, but she eventually made it. I wouldn't worry just yet... My 5 year old niece was sucking her thumb, gave it up, and now is doing it again! Just think - we can throw away a binky, but not a thumb!

HI,
If it helps my son was two and 4 months and my daughter was one month shy of her third bday. They do it when they are ready. My son did it b/c my daughter was coming and I didn't want two on passys and my daughter I just thought was too big at age three to have it so the "Easter Bunny" took it.... My friend is a dentist, so I kept taking them every so often to have her check and make sure their teeth were ok. She said is really isn't til around 4 that it would do any damage. Check with a pediatric dentist and wait til she is ready. Though I will add, both of my kids starting at 18 months were only allowed to have them in their beds at nap and bedtime. It was never allowed any other times, you should start with that. My daughter had a "passy cup" and every morning she put all of them in the cup and I put it on a shelf in her closet so she wasn't tempted during the day to get them.
Hope that helps

I had a similar problem with my son but he was almost two when I finally got him to let go. I actually had his doctor talk to him about it at his checkup and he listened to her. When it came to nap or bedtime it was tough, but we gave him a blanket instead. The rough period was about a week or two, but talking to the doctor helped more than anything I tried. He is 4 now - still has the blanket but rather him have that versus the paci. On the other hand, my daughter 20 months is a thumb sucker going to have a harder time.

Hope it helps!
W.

Don't just cut the top off. Just put a hole in it.. every time u give her one do that. she will be off of it in no time at all...

I think you should wait! Especially if she's getting that upset. Just because she's doing some big girl things doesn't mean she really is a big girl yet. She's potty training at a VERY young age and even if she's doing well it could be a stressor for her. Let her get through one thing at a time. Who cares what other people think, anyway. I have noticed that I get a LOT of unsolicited advice from complete strangers and if you take it all to heart and start judging yourself based on what they think you'll get into some trouble. Also, if she does go to school and is the only one w/ a paci, maybe she'll decide she doesn't want it anymore, on her own. I like to refer to my daughter as "spirited", too! She just goes and goes and as a result, so do I! She is 28 months and still uses her "bobby". The way I figure it it helps my spirited girl to wind down which is a hard thing for her to do, sometimes. Not to mention it makes our nights easier, too. Soon it'll be time for her to let it go, but for now I'm okay with it if she is. (We're also still mastering the potty with some accidents here and there.) And if anybody else doesn't like it, let them waste their time judging! If it wasn't the Paci it'd be something else I was doing wrong, anyway!
Good luck, S.

I mean, I've been told that pacifiers are ok until about 2 1/2-3 years old. Thumb sucking until 4-5(although damaging to teeth!). So, I understand you don't want her going to day care with it, but who cares? Other two year olds aren't going to judge her and the teachers have too many kids climbing walls to worry about that! I've worked in day cares, and it NEVER crossed my mind that there was something wrong with a toddler sleeping with their thumb or pacifier. Now, when I see a 3 year old walking through the mall with one, I think that is a little strange! My 3 year old sucks her thumb and my 17 month old takes the pacifier at nap and bedtime. They were both colic the first 5 months and NEEDED that sucking(unless it was going to be on me all day and night!). I am in no rush for them to grow up as you said, but have only just started mentioning to my 3 year old that she needs to cut back on the thumb b/c of her teeth. If your little one needs it to sleep right now, as does my son, I would say give it to her! You have a lot of time to deal with it. She is still so young! And trust me, it shouldn't be a problem at day care! Good luck!

I would just limit it to bedtime. Also, when it's time to let that go, don't just take it away. Replace it with some other sort of comfort. When we nightweaned, I had to rub my son's back to help him sleep. Now he only asks for it occasionally. It really eased the transition.

My son was almost 36 months before we tried to break him of his "fi" habit. Since he was over a year old when he began using the pacifier we let him use it longer than we had originally wanted.

Our process worked without failure and little resistence. We picked a date and told him that the "fi" fairy was coming to take all his "fi's" to the BABIES who needed them in the hospital. We told him that if he leaves them for her to pick up she'll leave a surprise in their place. (We treated this as our parents treated the tooth fairy growing up). In amazement when he woke up, there was a bright orange pick up truck (he absolutely LOVES pick up trucks). My son will turn 4 in April and recently found an old "fi" in our SUV and didn't think anything of it and through it away stating that they were for babies! I wouldn't worry about what anyone else thinks about your daughter using a paci. I know many kids who used them until they went to school. Most preschools will not allow children to use them throughout the day. My worry was that my son would start to suck his thumb and mess his teeth up, but knock on wood that never happened. My pediatrician said it was better for him to use the pacifier than suck him thumb. Hope this information helps.

Hi S.!

Please brace yourself for what I am about to say. I am a SAHM of a 4,3, and soon to be 1 year old. My youngest never too the pacifier. My DS and DD did. because they are so close in age I let my DS hold on to it a little longer. When my DD got to be 9months old I decided that it was time to toss the pacifier. I got tired of them losing them waking up and having to find it. To make a long story short. Anything thing new that I do with my children I always start on a Monday of the first day of the month or on a holiday weekend. Memorial Day weekend came and i told my DH that the children were coming of the pacifier. I told him we wre going to have to suck it up and hold our ground. The first night is always the hardest. If they cried for a long time we would check on them to make sure they were fine and let them know that we loved them and went back to bed. Saturday was easier because they knew they weren't getting it. By Sunday they would ask for it sometimes but knew it had gone bye-bye. By Monday they forgot about it. What I am saying is that if you want her to be off the paci then you have to make a decision in your heart, mind, and behavior to take her off of it. If she cries or throws up then you still have to stiick you your guns and KNOW that you are not a bad mother. Children know how to push the butons of their parents. They are masters at knowing how to manipulate us. Is one thing to throw up if she is sick it is another thing if she is throwing up to have her way. Conistancy is the key. Try giving her something else to replace it. If that doesn't work that is ok. Just remember you are the mommy. You can do it. Also, your husband has to be a willing participant and follow the routine. You can do it.

Hi S.!

We too have two little girls who adore(d) their pacis - our 3.5 year old and our 21 month old (2 years and 1 day apart).

The elder *loved* her paci, but mostly used it for in the car, night time, and whenever she was sad (or convenient for mom!). With #2 on the way and therefore lots of transitions coming for my oldest (big girl bed, switching rooms, potty training) we chose to not sweat the paci before her second birthday and I'm glad we made that call. We waited until baby sis had been around awhile and finally made a plan to pull the plug when eldest was 32 months. And we invented the Paci Fairy.

We were shopping and discussed things the Paci Fairy might bring in exchange for her pacis. I asked her if she was game for the Fairy to come tonight, and she said yes! So we did it - we put her pacis in a little gift bag and put them in our living room by the Christmas tree (happened to be December). And then she went to bed, and had a *very* rough evening. Lots of crying, falling asleep, waking up crying, falling asleep, etc. Daddy hung out with her quite a bit in bed that night. And the pacis went in the trash. Then when she woke up in the morning, I ushered her to the living to show her what the Paci Fairy had brought her! She was excited and we made it through the day with just a touch of sadness here and there (and constant talk and pride about being a "big girl" and showing folks what she had been given). Night 2 was almost equally difficult, but we made it through. She sadly stated a couple times that she wished the Paci Fairy hadn't taken her pacis away, but we also included the perk of starting dance lessons for the first time that January (few weeks later), which was for "big girls" so we affirmed that idea a lot.

As our second baby girl approaches two, I feel even less pressure to yank the pacifier. Probably because she's my second, she still seems like my little baby - no way she should need to give up her paci yet! Also, our doctor and dentist both assured us that we were okay waiting past age 2. I liked doing it at 2.5+ because we talked it through with her and she understood what was going on.

So I don't know if I have clear advice to give, but just an experience to share. Don't hesitate to email to commiserate or chat :)

Best wishes!
T.

Hi there and this is a difficult one! By 21 months most children start to become aware of themselves, by 24 months they are aware of other toddlers (as similar human beings) and by 36 months they start to make subconscious comparisons and it is at this stage that one can get rid of the pacifier if done discreetly and with a system. In the interim it is best to cut back the use of the pacifier and only allow it at sleep time ( rest time, quiet time) and during illness. If the child is desperate during the day be careful that they don't use their thumb, pacifiers you can chuck, thumbs you cannot! But on a personal note I would rather have a happy child with a pacifier than unhappy child without and let's face it how many adults do you see with a dummy/pacifier in their mouth.

As for the teeth, there are 20 milk teeth and all of these have to fall out as the new ones start to come through, in an average child it usually happens/starts at about 6 years old. Only if the child is still sucking the thumb or a dummy/pacifier at the age of 5 plus will it really affect the teeth but please do speak to the dentist.

A little about me: English Childcare lecturer based in London. Good luck.

L. PAGET