Baby Name Drama

There are so many names in the world, if someone close to me had picked out a name, I would just find another one. You, however, didn't do that. You just used the name. Too bad you couldn't come up with something original that meant something just to you. You took a name (three names!) that meant something to her. I don't know what else you can do at this point. I guess stop copying her.

Well, no one owns a name and if she was done having kids and not going to use it, then there's nothing wrong with you choosing that name. However, if she told you with all of her pregnancies what her name choices were, and you used "her" choices every time, I'd have to ask why. It's not like there aren't thousands of names to choose from. However, this really isn't a reason to end a relationship especially if she wasn't going to use this name now that she's done having kids. But if it upset her the first and second time you did it, I can't imagine why you'd do that again.

If it was a name she has actually chosen to use had she had that gender, you should have asked if she minded you using the name.

Okay, I would be irked at you too... BECAUSE you used ALL of your Sister's names... that she chose for her kids.
And you actually named YOUR kids, these names, that SHE had picked out for herself.
As you know, choosing a name for your baby is not easy and entails ALSO going through the process with your Husband and it is a very PERSONAL process. For your, baby.

To me, you took her names that she picked herself... that was for HER children.
It was special to her, to her Husband, and to them as a family.
Name choosing... is a process and very personal.

Yah, you are a name stealer.
Sure, names are up for grabs... but, you CONSISTENTLY took the names your Sister chose. Each time. And did not ask her first, out of respect, IF you can do that.
You just did it.

If you were my sister, I would REALLY be irked at you. Pissed. My Husband too.

I'm sorry, sure names are up for grabs. But, in this situation, and it has to do with your sister, I think, it was not nice. Of you.

Sure you can name your baby whatever you want.
BUT... you consciously chose the names, that your Sister had chosen/picked out for HER kids. THREE times. It does not matter if she had a boy or girl or not more children after that.

And, of ALL the names in the world... you COULD have thought of names, yourself. On your own. Not copying and using, the names she personally chose.
Obviously, those names your sister chose, were special to her.

I am irked, just reading this.
Geez.

Do you copy everything your sister does?

Maybe she said you damaged your relationship with her... because now she doesn't know if she can 'trust' you. And does not know, if you respect boundaries.

And because you tend to steal her thunder. Repeatedly.
She must be the sister that is overshadowed perhaps? By you?

I think I'd be pretty mad, and I don't usually let things like this bother me. One time... yeah, maybe. Three times. I'd be ticked. Why would you do that? There are so many names to choose from. Was it so hard to find other names that you liked just as well?

It's hard for any of us to say how to repair it or if it can be repaired. We don't know the dynamic between you and your sister... and what can you do now... the kids have already been named. I doubt she's really feeling your apology since part of you feels like you should be able to name your baby whatever you want. That's probably the big reason that you felt you could use the names she had chosen. Since you asked, honestly, I think it was pretty crummy.

I don't know. This isn't an isolated incident. You did it THREE times. When someone says they want to use a name, that means they want to name THEIR child that name. (Or,future children.) How can they when their sister steals it, not once, but three times. For me personally, I would be mad and incredibly irritated...but it wouldn't be a relationship breaker. For her, maybe it's enough. Is there more that has happened between you two? Do you often copy her? I have a friend who copied everything I did. I HAD to get that person out of my life. People like that suck you dry. Are you like that? (I'm not saying you are, I'm just asking.) If you've had some problems in the past, this could have been the final straw...so to speak. Just ask her, if that's the only thing that's wrong. If it is, then the ball is in her court. Apologize, say you miss her, and she may come around.

I think if it happened once she should get over it. I dont understand how it happened three times

When you asked her if it was ok the third time, what did she say? If she said it wasn't, then that really is your fault. If she said it was, then it's mostly on her.

But seriously, I don't really get why you did that THREE times. I mean, the first two times, I guess I can kind of see (well, the second one is iffy), but the third time really is a bit much. It seems mean. Not only to your sister, but to your children because doing stuff like that is only going to make their aunt resent them. It damages the relationship they have with her and their cousins.

Of course, you can name your children whatever you want, but have a little sensitivity. If you are truly interested in repairing the relationship with her, offer to have one of your daughters be a flower girl and one of her sons be the ringbearer. And quit putting your children in a position where they are competing with hers. You already have three girls to her zero and their names besides. Let her "win" every now and then.

Ask her what she wants you to do to make it better. Tell her "Sis. I love you. I am sorry. What can I do to make it up to you? Would you like me to name my next kid after you? I will do that if that's what it takes to get you back. You're my only sister. I can't imagine my life w/o you. Please, I didn't realize that this was such a big deal. What do you want me to do to make it up to you?"

(And yes, you can name your baby whatever you want, but when it's family, I would make an exception. ie: my SIL is probably done having kids. She said if she ever had a boy she'd name him Finn. I am likely not done having kids, and even if I loved that name, out of respect for her, I would 1. Ask her first and 2. Probably put Finn as a middle name and not first. If your sis had 'claimed' 15 names, then I could see you taking some of her top 15. But if she had 3 on her list and you took all 3, I can understand her being pissed.)

Wow, can we put dibs on names for kids we don't even have? How far does imaginary ownership extend?

It is one thing if you are both pregnant with girls, and you decide to "steal" your sister's name for your girl, who will be born 2 months earlier or something. That is a bit nasty. It is completely different to use a name that she likes for a child she doesn't have - and isn't in the process of having, either. She doesn't have any right to be upset with you.

However, it's a bit odd that all the names you used were hers, first. Actually, it's more than a bit odd. It's really odd. And I suspect that is the real reason she is cross with you. It sounds like you may be feeling a bit competitive or something with her (you'll have to look inside yourself deeply to make sure there is truly no ulterior motive there) and while of course you can name your children whatever you want, I think it is time for your sister to stop sharing her name ideas with you. It will prevent any additional conflicts if either of you ever decide to have another child.

While this is true, that you can name your child whatever you want to, you chose to name all of your children's names that your sister would have picked out. It is a little insensitive. She is probably hurt by your decision, as she may or may not be able to have anymore children, but if she would have, now she will need to find a different name. Time, probably will be the only way to repair this relationship.

If I were your sister I'd stop telling you names...it wouldn't have taken me three times to figure that out.

Well it is a repeated pattern.. . . I'm still mad that my sister in law named her last girl child the same name as my sister, first and middle not just same first name. It's not a relationship breaker but I didn't talk to her for a while. And I still won't call her child by my sisters name.

ok so wow , you also wanted both of your kids to be in your mom's wedding when your sister has two boys as well. Um hello, don't you think that'd make you mad if you were in her shoes???

Hmm.
Everybody has the right to name their babies what they want.
Bickering over names seems so bizarre to me.
However, I lost a baby to fetal demise when I was 6 months pregnant. A little boy who I'd named well in advance and in full anticipation of him surviving. I was a little stunned when my sister named my nephew that a year later without even asking me if it might bother me or be painful in some way since I'd lost my baby. There was no dialog or conversation whatsoever. She didn't need my permission to use that name, but she's my sister. I think it would have been nice if she had at least acknowledged that it might be weird for me.
My nephew is 19 now and it doesn't bother me at all anymore to be honest with you.
It didn't bother me when he was born other than she never brought it up at all. I would have felt better if she had said, "I know your baby died, and I'm sorry, but I really like that name and want to choose it for my own baby."
I have to admit that when he was first born, I couldn't understand why, out of all the names in the world, she had to choose THAT one.
But it is what it is. I love my nephew. I don't get upset about it. She could have been more sensitive, but I don't have a little kid running around with that name so it was her perogotive.
All I can say in all honesty is that it probably does seem weird to your sister that you've used the names she'd picked out.
I definitely remember wishing my sister had shown a little more imagination but in the end, it didn't ruin our relationship. Do I wish she'd been more sensitive? Yes.
Being bluntly honest, I wish she had been more sensitive, but over all, it didnt't cause a huge rift.
I don't think of the baby I lost every time I say my nephew's name or anything like that, but it was hard at first.
Even though you maybe didn't do anything on purpose to upset your sister, I think that you might need to take a minute to acknowledge how she might be feeling if you want to repair your relationship with her.
You SHOULD be able to name your kids whatever you want, and no one OWNS a name, but knowing that you took something special to someone else deserves an explanation or apology or dialog so there won't be hurt feelings.
That's just my opinion and like I said, I have a sister who never bothered to even ask how I felt. I found a way to resolve those feelings for myself. Your sister may not be so quickly able to do so.

Best wishes.

I have about 50 names I like/love, and if I had 10 or 12 kids, I'd use all of them! (Don't laugh, I'd of loved 10 kids). But I don't own them. They're names, not copyrighted material. I'm never mad when someone in my family names one of their children one of "my" names.

Now; if your sister had R. Autumn & Jillian Callista in her back pocket for two girls, and you used the 1st + middle combo that she'd been "saving" for her next kids... I can see being ticked. But if, like most moms, she just had a short list of 10-50 names she liked/loved, and you happened to use 3 that were on that list... your sister has major control issues and needs to get over herself. She doesn't OWN Alyss, Amelia, Aoife, Belle, Bella, Beth, Calista, Charlotte, D'arcy, Devon, Eva, Elsie, Grace, Harper, Hannah, Helena, Isabelle, Isabella, Jillian, Johanna, Lonna, Madeleine, Piper, R., Quinn, Zoe, etc.

I had my mum's name in my back pocket for a daughter (my mum's my hero). Well, I'm extremely unlikely to ever have a daughter. But even if I were, and one of my sibs "got to it first", no harm no foul. I might stick my tongue out at them, and tease them from time to time, but that would be the end of it. I wouldn't have my feelings hurt. And, quite frankly, if I felt strongly about it (I do), I'd use it for a different "place". First, middle, or 2nd middle depending on where they placed their daughter's name.

I have two sisters and I know the drama that can come, but I have to admit, I'd be upset. I may be in the minority...I haven't read the other responses. It seems like you may need to be a little more sensitive to her and perhaps just acknowledge you understand she's upset and try to validate her feelings. Maybe that's all she's looking for. Put yourself in her shoes. Had there been a name you expressed you really liked for your kids, but she used it first, wouldn't it bother you a bit...and then multiply that by three. Sorry. If you really want to mend fences just validate her feelings and move on.

So who says she can't use those names just because you used them?
I came from a family where most of the men were named John.
(George Forman named every one of his kids George - even the girls.)
She'd rather have a hissy fit and hold a grudge.
If she wants to be mad, she certainly can be or she can name her kids what ever she wants - just like you did.
If she wants to be mad forever - it's her choice.
You can apologies if you want to - it you think it will do any good, but if I were in your place I'd be inclined to tell her where she can stuff it.
(What does she want you to do - change your kids names?)
When people are mad just for the sake of being mad - there's no pleasing them - so don't try.

In my opinion, whoever has the kid first, gets first pick on the name. I was going to name my daughter William if she were a boy. When she wasn't, and my sister was pregnant and knew she was having a boy, she asked if she could use William. I said of course, since I didn't know if or when I'd have another baby. Did you intentionally use names your sister already had planned, or was it just by chance that you both liked the same common names? If it were intentional, and you didn't ask, I definitely would ask her if you have any more babies!

First person to have the baby gets the name :) The next person can always choose the same name, although in my opinion that would be weird. My first choice name for my most recent daughter was the name my niece "chose" for her daughter -- umm, she was not even married yet (still isn't) - sorry!

I have a cousin who was pregnant at the same time as me but 3 months behind --- she had a boy, I had a girl. I announced my girl name as soon as I was 3 month's pregnant (before she was pregnant) and somehow it became her name if she had a girl! Somehow, it was "her" name even though I announced it before she even knew she was PG. Luckily she had a boy so it was a non-issue, but it was a little weird!

That's interesting that you used all names she liked. I personally would be flattered that my sister liked my choices enough to use them. Then I would get to hear the names I loved. My sister and I get along well though. I think your sister is over-reacting but I wouldn't say that or get defensive. Just talk to her about it. My guess is that she isn't really "done." She's still pining for that girl. And you keep using her names.
I don't see why people would be upset that another person named their child after someone they know. Everyone thinks they are so unique nowadays and so sensitive about "owning" names. Names you think are unique, probably aren't, so really is it worth getting so upset over. Just consider it flattery they liked the name enough to use it.

I think its more about her trusting you with telling you and you used them for yourself instead of considering her. It was a selfish move. You have apologized and it was not enough for her. When you appoligized did you state why what you did was wrong and ask her to fogive you and you would work harder in considering others? It seems silly over names but I think its a bit deeper than names.

Side note. For our son we were stuck between two different middle names. After my brothers daughter was born he told us the name if she were going to be a boy. It was one of the names we wanted for our son! Of course were going to like the same names! But we would not intentionaly take them from the other. You did and dont seem to think it was that bad ..."because such and such" those "because" are actualy excuses for your stealing and being ok with it.

I truly dont think its that big of a deal.I just wanted to let you know that this might be how your sister is feeling and its up to you too right the wrong done.

Updated

I think its more about her trusting you with telling you and you used them for yourself instead of considering her. It was a selfish move. You have apologized and it was not enough for her. When you appoligized did you state why what you did was wrong and ask her to fogive you and you would work harder in considering others? It seems silly over names but I think its a bit deeper than names.

Side note. For our son we were stuck between two different middle names. After my brothers daughter was born he told us the name if she were going to be a boy. It was one of the names we wanted for our son! Of course were going to like the same names! But we would not intentionaly take them from the other. You did and dont seem to think it was that bad ..."because such and such" those "because" are actualy excuses for your stealing and being ok with it.

I truly dont think its that big of a deal.I just wanted to let you know that this might be how your sister is feeling and its up to you too right the wrong done.

I'd be ticked if my SIL took a name I was gonna use.. which is why we kept everything under wraps until we decided 100% then kept the name JUST in the family until the baby legally had it. Even with all that lo and behold 2 kids JUST in the hospital while we were there took my dang name. And Kai is NOT a common name for southeast texans. I was peeved. Luckily they misspelled it :) and they had NO clue what it meant and where it was from. If she told you the names and didn't make it clear she owned them then she doesn't really have a leg to stand on.. especially since the first was a name you didn't remember her telling you about and the next 2 were moot because she didn't even have a girl. She's probably just jealous you got 2 girls and she didn't and she won't get another chance. Apologize but don't break your back trying to kiss her @ss she'll either get over it or she won't..

You are allowed to name your children whatever you want. Your sister is being ridiculous, even more so because she is done having kids and can't use the names anyway. Seriously, she needs to grow up.

Sis needs to get a grip and grow the heck up. SHe is being extremely childsih.

My sis tried to tell me I stole both her kids names too. I have no memory of her ever telling me she liked those names. She says she told me when were were kids! LOL Anyway my sister still tells me I stole her kid names once in a while but she has never stopped talking to me for it.

I agree this is very petty. If she is done having children then why is she upset. At the same time I never would have used a name that my sister told me she wanted to use and liked, even if it was the only name we could agree on. So I do think that you are guilty of stepping on her feelings. It may not seem like a big deal to you but it's obviously a big deal to her and maybe if you recognize this and not try to brush it off your apology will mean more. As far as your mothers wedding, I think it is up to your mother to decide who she wants to participate in her wedding. I would hope that she would find a spot for each grandchild and not pick and choose. There is no rule that says you can only have 1 ring bearer or 1 flower girl she can have as many as she wants. Or there are other things for them to do. You sister should talk to your mother about this and leave you out of it. At the same time you should help your mom find duties for all the kids, not just yours.

I'm sure in time your sister will get over it, as long as there aren't more competitive things that come up. Have you both always been this competitive? and have you always been the one to get your way? This could play a part in how she is feeling too.

I would prepare myself to also not be offended if she chooses to use
the name you have used. Sounds like a lot of competitiion between
you in your "SO WHAT HAPPENED". I don't this sort of thing will pass
in time without a whole lot of communication and validating each other's
feelings.

Your sister needs to get over herself!