Hi Moms!
Our baby is 6.5 months and so far, has never been left with anyone other than myself or my husband. This wasn't by choice, necessarily...she refused a bottle no matter what we tried (we've now moved on to introducing a sippy cup) and since a babysitter didn't come with a set of breasts to feed her, we sort of felt stuck (leaving the house for a long time with a bottle did not work). :) She's still exclusively breastfed, but has started taking some solids...and I feel that it's time to start introducing her to a new face (i.e. a potential sitter), so that my husband and I can get out for a couple hours. She's an awful sleeper and doesn't have any predictable stretches so I don't feel comfortable leaving her at night, but definitely during the afternoon. I lost my job so I've actually been home these last few months with her, but that might all change soon. The funny thing is, that although I'm itching to hire a sitter so I/we can get out a bit, I also feel so protective of her----having been home with her for so many months, I know her so well (as I should). I guess I just need to get over it and start out gradually...maybe have someone come over and play with her while I'm still home...and then leave for an hour...and work my way up to two hours.
When did you first leave your baby and how was it?
7 days old, with his grandparents! DH and I realized early on the necessity of the alone time for each of us.
He started with our nanny at 8 weeks, and the rest of history!
The first time I left my son he was 6wks old. My sister came over to watch him so that I could go get a hair cut and buy some clothes. I was a nervous wreck. Not that I didn't trust my sister. I was worried that something would happen and I wouldn't be there. I kept calling like every 20m. Sis took it in stride and told me to stop calling so much the phone was going to wake him up!
Good luck
M.
The first time my husband and I went out without the baby and had grandma watch him was when he was 4 months old.
I won't lie. I was an absolute wreck. I could barely enjoy the movie we went to see. I kept checking my watch. I kept wanting to call to make sure he was okay (he spent 14 weeks screaming as he was colicky). Somehow I made it through the evening and even managed to enjoy a glass of wine.
While I was so happy to return home to my baby, I also realized something the minute I walked through the door: my entire family managed to survive for those 5 hours apart from each other and everything was fine. My husband and I even got a chance to reconnect with each other without having to worry if the baby was going to wake up and get fussy during our dinner out at the restaurant. It was such a relief to know that we could leave our child in the hands of a qualified caregiver so we could go out and recharge our batteries and have a little fun. The second time we went out without the baby, I don't think I even looked at my watch once or worried if the baby was okay! I was more focused on having fun for myself and my husband and taking advantage of this much-needed break from being "full-time mom".
The first time will be hard, but you NEED to give it a shot. It will do wonders for your sanity and emotional health. And hey, you might even have a good time too!
6 weeks old, by necessity only (for myself to work, as I was a single mom) with my mother. I left her overnight at 4 years old, again with grandmother for one night for an emergency for work. I left her with a sitter (also family- a cousin) once at 9 years old to take her baby sister to the hospital.
My youngest daughter has been left with a sitter for 30 minutes while I take my older daughter to school, but only at 2 years old, and not for pleasure, but by necessity.
I was in your exact situation 5 years ago. DH and I had a wedding to go to, no family around, so I had no choice. My daughter was NINE MONTHS old and I was still a wreck. Constantly checking my phone, etc. i couldn't relax until we got that call that she was asleep. My experience is that it is MUCH Easier to leave them when they are younger. When they get older and are more aware of you leaving, they start really crying and pulling at you and verbally begging you not to leave. That is BRUTAL, especially on you. So I think it's very important to find someone, relatively soon, that you trust and start taking time by yourself and with your spouse. Start with just going out for coffee or to a movie and then stretch it out to dinner and bedtime, etc.
It's normal for both of you to feel separation anxiety. So don't feel bad about it. My kids are 6 and 3 and we have been lucky to have some really great babysitters who like them and vice versa. The first time they DON'T cry when you leave, you'll be really sad (!) but its all part of their development.
Don't worry. It will get easier!!
Our daughter was 5 months old when she was first left with a babysitter.
She, the babysitter, was a college student that was referred to us. We asked her to come over so we could meet her. She stayed about 45 minutes and we were able to ask her some questions while seeing if it was a good fit for our daughter. I held the baby and my husband asked her questions. Then I handed my daughter to the babysitter. The both seemed comfortable so we decided to try it.
The babysitter came over on a weekday afternoon for 4 hours. I told her that I needed her to watch the baby while I worked in the garden. I explained that she was in charge but if she had any questions just come ask me. It was wonderful. I was able to get some alone time planting my flowers, yet I was right there if needed.
I remember those days.. the best thing (for you) is to do as you mentioned - have someone who you believe you will trust for night time babysitting to come over for a few hours while your home and leave them alone while you do chores, take a bath, etc. Then build up to leaving the house for a few hours, and then eventually you'll be OK.
I have twins , and no family around, so we were REALLY stressed b/c 2 little ones were really hard at times. It worked best for us to hire older (more expensive) college age kids at first and then once they got to be about 2 yrs old we felt better with younger babysitters. Do it sooner than later b/c your anxiety is only going to grow!! Good luck!
