'Babywise' Questions

I read in another book Baby411 that Babywise was not recommend by the American Academy of Pediatrics due to the scheduling of breastfed babies ane the malnutirtuion risk. There are so many books out there it is hard to know which theory is "right" but in Baby411 they rate several books and tell you what the theory says. Also, Babycenter is a good website that gives diffrent articles and feedback to questions for these type of concerns. Most of what I have read basically says routines and consistency are great to establish but also be flexible to baby's needs too. Hope this helps!

I cannnot say enough bad things about this book. Keep in mind that is was written not by a pediatrician, nurse practicioneer,lactation consultant, nutritionist or any one else with a medical or nutrtion background. It was written by a minister. In 2001, after its origingal publishers investigated medical issues connected to the book's advice such as failure to thrive and dehydration and character concerns around its author, they dropped it.

It always cracks me up when I'd hear new moms say they "had to get their baby on a schedule." Babies can't tell time! What do they care about keeping a schedule?!

Over a decade ago when I went to my first childbirth class, the teacher said pretty much the same thing about this book. She also said that little ones just don't have the gray matter to manipulate. If what you're doing is working, keep doing it.

I, also have never read the book. I have a friend who used it and swears that that is why her oldest was hospitalized for failure to thrive. My sister uses it and swears by it. Infants need to eat on demand. They do not manipulate, and I believe the real way kids learn to manipulate is by example or if they're shown that is the only way to get their parents attention. I have breastfed, co-slept and baby-worn both my girls. I feel that this is such a short time, sleeping through the night is not my goal, my goal is well-adjusted good people. I think I teach them respect by respecting them. I do not think that the household should be run by the children, but I also do not think it should be run by the parents. Our house is run by the family and during different times different people have more pressing things that make the others bend to their needs to some extent. It's just a part of being a family.

I guess that isn't really related. I haven't read the book (and have no desire to), but I like the LLL philosophy to treat meetings like a buffet, take what you want and leave the rest. I feel that way about parenting books, but I have come away more full from books like How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen so Kids Will Talk, Dr. Sears books, Playful Parenting, No Cry Sleep Solution, etc. You might check out the local AP group http://www.kcapfamilies.com/ or http://www.attachmentparenting.org/ ...

I too am concerned about these responses and how much some moms miss out on..

K.

One thing that bothers me is how so many people "credit" that book for their children sleeping, but with many other books people seem to take the credit for themselves. A sign of a good parenting book (to me) is giving power to the parents and family, not having people credit their wonderful children to it...

I burned that book after my milk dried up. I had plenty in the beginning. I struggled to follow that book and I really believe I sabataged my breast feeding. I also got some advice regarding baby brain wiring and and baby stress. Leaving them to cry when they are very small leads to stress. they don't know you are coming back. If they are crying because they want you and you don't come, they become stressed. Following the advise of the book and trying to get my 2 month old to take a nap in her bed, I let her cry for several minutes at a time. The book suggested that after a few days of this your problem is solved. I tried a week and she never fell asleep after crying in a very stressful way. I regret that more than I can tell you. I wish someone had told me that everything comes in good time - even naps in the bed by themselves. Do what comes natural and don't obsess over that book.

A little about me: I am a stay home mother of a six year old daughter. I had her at 41 after trying for six years. I have learned some things since being a mom.

Some people swear by BabyWise. Myself, I'm like you, I completely agree. I don't believe that any book has all the answers... you might be able to get some tips from books like BabyWise or Dr. Sears, but they certainly do not apply to most babies. I say, take what you can realistically use, and toss the rest. I've known people to use this book and have it not work. They end up questioning themselves and their ability to be a good parent. I completely agree with trying to have a routine to create a sense of stability and security. I didn't use any special technique and my daughter is a very well-adjusted and intelligent 15 mo old, who has been sleeping through the night since around 6 weeks.

Parents, women specifically, should learn to trust themselves and their own parenting styles. They should get advice from a variety of sources, their parents, pediatrician, friends, books, websites like this one, etc, but in the end they need to trust that only THEY know what's best for their little ones.

I have not read the book, but I definitely agree with you. But, since I have not read the book, I don't know what the book suggests and what it doesn't. My opinions reflect my views on these topics, but I can't say that the book is advocating these ideas or not. I have a bachelor's degree in Biology and a master's in Early Childhood Education so my opinions stem from how children develop from both the scientific, physical aspect and the child development aspect.

The only verbal way babies have to communicate is through crying. When they cry and some one responds, they learn that their way of communicating is effective. If they cry and no one responds, they learn that it is not effective. In a baby's brain, neurons are making connections all the time as they mentally make connections between different things in their environment. For example, in an older baby, if they kick a toy with their feet and it makes noise each time they kick it, their brain forms a neural connection and this behavior is "learned." If they kick the toy and sometimes it makes noise and sometimes it doesn't, a connection is not likely to be made.

This also applies to babies' communication. When some one consistently responds, they learn that they can effectively communicate and a neural connection in their brain is made.

There is a difference in responding to your baby's cry and overacting to every little peep they make. Responding is not the same as spoiling. Overreacting to each little whimper can teach your child that they are not ok by themselves and that they need an adult to help them be calm. The goal is to help your child learn that you are there for them, but that they also have skills to help calm themselves down as they get older. You can teach them this by soothing your baby but not overreacting to every little thing. This requires a balance.

I am not a fan of rocking babies to sleep. I would rather see them learn how to soothe themselves to sleep in order to develop good sleeping habits. However, some babies need more help learning how to do this than others. I don't think that letting them cry and cry helps them learn, except that maybe that you are not there for them. Things like gently patting them or stroking their hair until they have calmed down, but are still barely awake seems to help them learn more then letting them cry until they are exhausted.

I also agree that infants don't have the ability to manipulate you. This is not what is going on in their little heads. They are just trying to get their needs met.

I understand (from what I have heard from friends that are using the book, and again I have not read it) that the Baby Wise book follows a strict schedule with babies. There is a difference between routines and schedules. Babies DO need routines, like a bedtime routine, routines throughout the day, etc. This creates predictability and they know what comes next. Schedules, however, are meant for older children. Babies change so quickly and so do their needs. If you are on a strict schedule, you are not adapting to their needs. When babies are going through a growth spurt, they me be hungrier more often and need longer or more frequent naps. Sometimes your baby may need more awake time if they need more stimulation. A strict schedule does not allow for this. A routine does. I'm not saying that your baby should go down to sleep at 7 pm one night and 9 pm the next, but a little flexibility in the time of day that things occur in necessary.

As you said, I also don't want to judge other people who are using Baby Wise advice. But, I think parents should evaluate what it means when something "works." If parents think that a strict schedule "works" by meaning that their baby goes to sleep at exactly the same time each night, and eats the same amount at the same time each day, then yes it does "work." But if you think about meeting your baby's changing needs, does it really "work?"

I think books can be great for advice, but in every book you read, you have to decide which things will work for your baby and your family, and disregard the things that you don't agree with. A single book cannot describe what each individual child needs and is not written specifically for your child. Each book requires a little adapting.

I have heard that you should always respond to a newborn. I firmly believe it as well. I have 3 beautiful children. I was told by my doc when I was pregnant with my 1st that a baby will cry when it wants something- sometimes hungry, sometimes needs a clean diaper, etc- but that sometimes it just wants to be held. He said that a baby develops inside of it's mother and that when it comes out, it's scared. The only thing it's ever known is basically being held constantly. So, you can never hold your baby too much. I totally believe this is true. I held my babies TONS and sometimes wondered if it was too much. But now they only want me to hold them when they're sick or hurt or scared or something. I haven't read the 'Babywise' book so I don't know what else it says. But, there are tons of great books out there. Some good and some bad and some with a little of both. This book may contain some good, too. You really just have to read all materials and stick with what you believe and what you feel is best for you and your precious little one! Trust your motherly instincts!!

I have read Babywise and definitely did not feel good about implementing the suggestions in it. It makes me a little sad that, in our society, we tend to treat our babies like appliances that need to be figured out (where is that sleep button?). We go find a book with an "a + b = good sleeper" formula and try to plug it in to our new little robot. Babies are people with personalities just like ours (have you ever had a "weepy" day for no particular reason?). They need to feel loved and cared for, not put on a strict schedule for our own convenience. I love the Sears' approach (attachment parenting), but even with that, I've taken bits that I liked and left out stuff I didn't. You have to follow your heart and head and ask for wisdom from the Lord. My 2 1/2 year old gave us fits with sleeping, but hey, she's only small once! Sure, it was annoying to sleep with a toddler kicking me in the back, but I'm going to blink my eyes and she's going to be married with kids of her own! I'm willing to say this is a phase of our lives where I sacrifice some sleep so that my little ones know that Mommy (and Daddy) are always there for them. I've lived in other parts of the world where "Babywise" would horrify Moms & Dads! Anyway, that's my 2 cents, realizing I probably stepped on some toes. :)

I definitely would NOT use Babywise! There is a lot of dangerous information in this book! For instance, a nursing mother especially should never put her baby on her schedule. There are babies that have come malnourised because of the Ezzos' philosphy. Please also do not fall into the ideas of Growing Kids God's Way, if you believe at all that your kids need to make choices on their own. I prefer ideas like Love and Logic and positive parenting. I am attaching a website that gives some of the dangers of the Ezzos' philosophies of child-rearing. You can check the Ezzos' website and find it is in agreement with the criticisms. http://www.ezzo.info/
You can also find more information by doing a Yahoo or Google search on Gary Ezzo.

K.

The book does not teach you to start ignoring you baby!!! It simply gives you ideas on how to schedule out feedings and nap times. My cousin and my best friend both use this book for their babies and both babies were sleeping all night by 3 months. Both babies are at the top of the percentage chart in weight and size. Both are active, happy babies! Of course you are going to want to adjust the ideas to better meet your lifestyle, but I have never met anyone whose baby didn't thrive b/c of this book. I wish that I had found the book early enough for my daughter. I recommend this book to every new mother, because this is a confusing time. It helps with alot of those questions that you have.

I never followed a book on getting tips, I just did what I needed to do that worked for my son. He was a great sleeper and still is. I never believed in the crying out method. If my baby cried from birth to 6 months I was there to comfort him and let him know mommy was there to take care of him. I agree babies cry for a reason, to let us know they are hungry, need a diaper change, bored, just wanting attention, its important from birth to 6mths to give them the attention and comfort of mommy arms. My son is 2 and still loves to be cuddled and hugged and kissed. I hope he is always close to me. He knows I am always there for him.

AGREED!!! Ezzo and Babywise has been found to result in infants and young children who "fail to thrive". Across the board the book has been roundly dismissed so folks...use your instincts...a baby crying means they are hungry, in pain, or have a messy diaper...they are not COGNITIVELY CAPABLE of manipulating you.

E.,
Yes, I have read this book. My first question to those who do not agree is, "Have you read the book?" I ask because there are LOTS of misunderstandings about the method. With that being said, I tried the method with my first born, now five, and it worked wonderful! She slept through the night at 6 weeks! She continues to be a FANTASTIC sleeper. I tried it with my son, he is now three, and it did not work at all! He did not sleep through the night until 10-12 months and has a very different personality. The book recognizes personality differences and is clear that the method is not fool proof. I have always felt one of the most important points in the book is that "Children do not dictate or run the house, parents too." I feel strongly there at too many parents who let their kids run all over them. Kids do well with rules and clear expectations. We are expecting baby #3 in July, and I bet I will try the method again- basically following the eat time, wake time and sleep time- teaching your children to put themselves to sleep rather than nursing or feeding them to sleep. Oh course when your child is little if they are hungry, feed them, but babies sometimes want to eat every hour, and if you are nursing that becomes difficult too. I feel strongly in limits, you are not starving your child by feeding them every 2-3 hours. Sorry to ramble on, it is something everyone has a different opinion on. A book I recently read that discusses the neurological development of sleep and children at all ages I would strongly recommend, Healthy Sleep Patterns, Happy Child. It helped me realize that I am not crazy! (speaking to the insanity that comes with a newborn and no sleep- I always start to go a little nuts around week #6) Just my two cents.

The most important thing you can do regarding this issue, and any other issues that may arise, is to follow your instincts. If it doesn't feel right, it probably isn't. Each parent has to find his/her own way and what works for one doesn't work for all. I have an 18-month old daughter who didn't sleep through the night until lately. No matter what you are going through, keep it in perspective. They are little for such a short period of time, and the trust you establish by being there when they need you translates into a healthy, well-adjusted child down the road. You can't teach independence, it is something that is gained through healthy self-esteem and by your child knowing that his/her voice is being heard and responded to. I wish you and your baby the very best! Keep up the great work. (Oh, and one book that I particularly enjoyed was "Nighttime Parenting" by William Sears. It validated a lot of my feelings about babies and sleep, and could help you!)

E., I agree with you. I have never read the personally read the book, so I cant really say how I feel about it. I think its very important that you make them feel safe and loved. Especially in the first few months. I do agree that when they get a little older you sometimes have to let them cry it out, but I think the best way is to be consistent to help them learn good habits from the beginning. We almost always let ours go to sleep on their own(once in a while they fell asleep while we were holding them) in their own bassinet or bed. We responded to crys that lasted more than a few minutes(about 5 usually), but didn't pick them up or talk to them. Just gave them the pacifier or covered them back up. My three youngest slept through the night for the most part by the time they 2 months old. My oldest has autism and has never been the best sleeper, but that isn't uncommon with autism. Children do learn at a young age to maniulate their parents, but not as a newborn. Thats why I think be consistent and starting good habits early is very important. L.

I am probably going to be the one voice STRONGLY against this book - and you can google to find sites that will back up the problems with it.

While the suggestions moms presented here are not harmful......Rigidly following the recommendations COULD cause problems.

If anyone questions whether the book is good/bad, I would consider first and formost that the publishers of his book backed out of the contract to publish it. (Even though it was a money maker for them) He now self published it.

Ezzo is neither a health care professional nor a religious expert. Someone who isn't a HCP IMO should not be making recommendations about 'feeding schedules' for newborns.

I have found that if someone firmly believes in something you won't be successful in swaying them- so I wouldn't try. BUT just b/c something is loved and works for them doesn't mean you are doing anything wrong if the 'fit' doesn't seem right to you.

I would agree with the folks who look to attachment parenting and Dr. Sears (who is both a medical doctor and a father)You may find it is a better fit for you and your child. Although, some parents will find it frustrating in various ways too ---It is probably a good idea to look to several 'experts'- evaluate what makes them and expert- and take the things that make sense to you and use them and leave what doesn't.

In my parenting with my kids I try to keep in mind what my long term goal is --- not merely...'how to get my kid on a schedule' or 'how to get my kid to stop crying'.....

I am a physician and a mother of two kids - age 3 and 15 months. I used On Becoming Babywise in conjunction with Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child and my kids are very well-adjusted. I think by far the most important concept in Babywise is the pattern of eat, play, sleep that you can start from the first 2 weeks on. If you truly read Babywise, it does not tell you to ignore your crying child - it simply tells you not to stick your boob or bottle in his/her mouth constantly! My babies were pretty easy - especially at first when all they want to do it sleep anyway. The hardest thing in the world to do sometimes is let your child cry but sleep training is also important and I believe can be done early. When you are doing it make sure you have a clock around because 5 minutes of crying can seem like a lifetime and turn the monitor off for a set period of time (5 or 10 minutes)so you aren't constantly listening to it and getting yourself worked up. So bottom line is that I think people get so worked up over things (like a book that says it is okay to let a baby cry and to try to implement a feeding schdedule) and take them to the extreme. One of the hardest things for you and sleep training is going to be as your child gets older and needs an early bedtime (like 6 or 6:30) and you won't get to spend much time because of getting home from work. Hope this helps - be brave and listen to your gut as you work through all this.

E.,
I completely agree with you about this topic. I would never ever let my baby cry it out. I don't see how any parent could bear to do it. It only creates a mistrust between parent and child. Why do people want to be parents if they are just going to let their child cry themselves to sleep in the next room? Babies cannot manipulate you at this age, they are crying because that is their only means of communication. The U.S. is one of the only countries that thinks children should sleep on their own,and by themselves at such a young age. Babies NEED their parents!

I loved Baby Wise and used its content routinely with my child. My daughter (now 2 1/2) was sleeping through the night by 8 weeks. She was not crying for long stretches and she learned to self-sooth, which in turn has made her very independent and she has very healthy sleep habits (sleeping now 10-12 hours a night). You didn't mention whether or not you had actually read the book, but if not, you should reserve judgement until you have.

I haven't heard of this book, but from the little that you told about it I wouldn't recommend it. I have 2 girls (6 & 4), I picked them up and loved on them when they cried. And they both have been good sleepers since 6 weeks old. We would give them a little time to whine to calm themselves down starting at 6 weeks, but when they started with a full cry we went to them. My husband and I did do the "let them cry" thing when they were about 9 months. Each girl got a little hard to put to sleep about that time (when they could pull up and stand in the crib). Only had to do it once or twice. I have always thought that when your child is crying you should give them love, they need that. My mother-in-law once gave me that line on how when my then one year old daughter fell down I should love on her, I should laugh. I told her that was the stupidest thing I had ever heard of, laughing at your child when they fell and were crying. I think you should go with what feels right. Use your commen sense - God gave us that for a reason.

I agree. "Babywise" is not my preferred method of parenting. If you (or someone else) is looking for alternatives, I would recommend Dr. Sears or 'No Cry Sleep Solution' by Elizabeth Pantley. You can help your baby organize into a routine without making them cry it out. Babies need to be parented as much or more than an older child. You wouldn't leave your child to learn for themselves that the stove is hot, would you? Why would we expect them to learn to sleep on their own.

I could not agree with you more! I have 3 boys & 1 of them has been a VERY difficult child ever since the womb!!! SOOO many other parents & friends have commented & made suggestions to use this method but we haven't. I strongly beleive that if you cannot instill the feeling of security in your child as an infant then how are they supposed to have comfort & security in you as they grow? I've also found that alot of these people recomending this method like to think they actually use it in their own households when in fact they can't do it to their little angels either once they'v actually had them & found out whats it's all about to have the "love of your life" crying for you at 3 a.m. for comfort! So, GOOD FOR YOU, for doing things your own way instead of thinking every parenting answer can be found in a book! Besides, you CANNOT spoil a child with too much love & support!

You are completely right, the Baby Wise book is NOT recommended as a parenting tool. The methods taught can be very dangerous for a baby. I am a birth doula and childbirth educator. I recommend The Happiest Baby On The Block.

I used babywise and loved it - as did many of my friends. My son, now 20 months, is well-behaved, well-disciplined for his age, a great sleeper, and eats like a champ. I think you need to take everything you read/hear with a grain of salt, and choose what works for you. If you actually read babywise, it is - in my opinion - very forgiving/flexible if you will. It explains things in a comprehensive and thourough manner, and it does work for many who feel it is in line with their parenting ideals. The most important part of the theory, again, in my opinion, is the eat-wake-sleep cycle (vs. the typical eat-sleep-wake). It teaches your child to fall asleep without "cues" and prevents the habit of a bottle in the bed. My son is a great self soother, but still very secure and confident that we are here when he needs us. I am unclear as to what part of babywise questions the fact that "your baby needs to know that you are there and will respond to their needs....especially in the first six months." I think you may have some misinformation. Both my mother and mother-in-law were leary about my decision to use babywise, but have come to appreciate it when their grandson can simply say goodnight, be put in his bed, and go to sleep without a peep for 12 hours. The bottom line is to use what works for you and makes your child a secure, healthy, well-behaved, loving person. Good luck in your parenting decisions.

I had friends who literally followed Baby Wise so strictly that their newborn lost her voice from crying! They took her to the doctor for an appointment and the doctor knew they were following that book and said something like Baby Wise doesn't work for every baby.

I read BabyWise when my daughter was born along with The Happiest Baby on the Block - in many ways two opposing philosophies. I would be in tears trying to go with one or the other and "do the right thing".

Finally I realized God made me this child's mother and I know what is best. I really found Baby Wise to be very helpful about the scheduling. I swear by the "Eat, Awake-time, Bedtime" routine. And also not allowing "snack feeding". It really did help her sleep through the night early. But I did have a problem with allowing a newborn to "cry it out". I agree that a newborn doesn't manipulate and I felt very strongly there was a reason she was crying. So I disregarded this part of the book... in other words, I threw out the bathwater and kept the baby!

As for Happiest Baby on the Block (which I know wasn't even in your original question), I absolutely swear by the 7 S's... have seen it work on many babies. But I think it went the other direction in over-coddling in some ways. My daughter would calm down immediately out of hysteria as a newborn if I would "ssshhh" loudly in her ear. My nephew loved being swaddled. Once I went into a church nursery as a frazzled worker was getting ready to page a mom. I offered to hold the baby in the meantime as she was at her wits end. Instinctively I did the "ssshhh" sound and the baby stopped crying.

I guess, the bottom line is, listen to all the advice and decide as the mother what is right for your child. I think I have the greatest three-year-old in the world by deciding this in the midst of tears, torn between two books when she was just weeks or even days old.

Best of luck.

I would suggest that concerned parents read the book before making any judgements for or against it. We have used it with my 8 month old since birth and he is very healthy (90% since birth), happy, and has taken great naps and slept through the night since 7 weeks old. I exclusively breastfed him since birth also and had NO milk supply issues.

Babywise requires you to think before you react and to use your judgment in situation that call for parental decision making. We personally like it because although it is meant for secular reading, the authors are Christians and we agree with their over-all philosophy for child-rearing. I also enjoy having a structured day and considered myself not just a SAHM, but a professional doing the most important job in the world--raising my child.

Babywise is not just a scheduling book and has the same recommendations for length of feedings, amount of feedings, and counting wet/soiled diapers as the La Leche League "Womanly Art of Breastfeeding." I know this because I have read both books throughly. The differences lie in your parenting philosphy, not in the health indicators and the amount of love you give your child.

Please read it before making a decision, as it's always best to only speak about what you yourself have read, and not take other's opinions at face value. Especially when they too have not read the book series. I found it valuable to read a variety of different books that you both agree and disagree with so you can be well-informed.

If you have further questions after reading the book, please see this series of articles written about the books by a woman who has used both AP methods and Babywise:

Combating Babywise Myths #1: Go Three Hours Between Feedings No Matter What: http://babywisemom.blogspot.com/2008/01/combating-babywis...

Combating Babywise Myths #2: You have to abandon your child's needs: http://babywisemom.blogspot.com/2008/01/combatting-babywi...

Combating Babywise Myths #3: Your Baby Will Not Thrive: http://babywisemom.blogspot.com/2008/02/combating-bw-myth...

Combating Babywise Myths #4: If you need help with it, then it is obviously a wrong thing to do: http://babywisemom.blogspot.com/2008/02/combating-babywis...

Combating Babywise Myths #5: Babywise will cause you to lose your milk supply if nursing: http://babywisemom.blogspot.com/2008/02/combating-babywis...

Combating Babywise Myths #6: BW parents call their kids words like "manipulative": http://babywisemom.blogspot.com/2008/02/combating-babwise...

Combatting Babywise Myths #7: Your child will not be interactive: http://babywisemom.blogspot.com/2008/03/combatting-babywi...

wow you have a lot to read! so i'll try to make this short. i do believe that "discipline" and training begin at day 1, and i do believe that establishing a clear difference between nighttime and daytime is key. i was a new mom with my first a year ago (still consider myself a 'new mom'!) and all i can tell you is learn all you can, but take it all with a grain of salt - only you know what will work for you. i can tell you that from day 1 i tried to show my son that daytime was for playing and nighttime was for sleeping. when he woke up i would do whatever he needed, but with the lights off and without talking above a whisper. rocking only, no playing. basically, no monkeying around at night. he too slept through the night at about 6 weeks, which i think is pretty normal. the only time i had problems with him was when he would come back from spending the night at grandma's. that next night at home, he would often wake up, seemingly for no reason. he's 18 months now, and i firmly believe that those times he really just missed me. he's older now so we don't have these issues, so i can say hang in there. being a new mom is tough but you'll be great. it's all just a matter of getting your son used to life outside your tummy. good luck!

I have not read Babywise, so I can't really speak to that. But Dr. Sears's methods have worked great for me (I have an almost 6-yr-old and a 20-mo). Someone also recommended the No-Cry Sleep Solution book, which I also love.

My personal opinion is that it's usually not the infant that needs to learn to sleep all night (they will get to that when they're ready), it is the PARENT who wants their child to sleep all night. If babies need our almost constant care & attention during the day, why would they NOT need it at night?

I think the most important thing I do as a parent is to really try to understand what my children are trying to communicate to me. When you show your children that you genuinely care for them and respect their feelings (all the time, not just when it's convenient for you), they will show the same care & respect for you and for others.

I have always recommended that my friends read a few different books and watch what other parents do that you respect before deciding to use any new techniques for parenting. I have three sons who I never allowed to cry for very long in the first 6 months and began to try to let them self settle after this time. They all had good night time routines by the time they were 8 months old.
I also don't believe babies can consciously manipulate others.

I have been using Dr. Sears' "The Baby Book" to help me figure out how to be a mother, and his suggestions seem very intuitive and natural. He opposes the "Babywise" technique and even calls it 'baby training.' There may be a time when a baby needs to cry a bit at bedtime, and only the parents could determine that. However, I believe (because of books I have read) that the bedtime crying can lead to daytime fussiness and cause the baby undue stress. Not every time and maybe not even very often, but I think it is possible.

As an alternative to "Babywise," I would suggest the book "The No-Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley. But I have to remind myself, as we work with our 8-month-old on sleeping, that teething and vaccinations and everyday life (such as excitement at learning new physical capabilities) can affect sleep very powerfully.

YES...and I completely agree with you! You will know your baby and what he needs. No parent is perfect and you will make adjustments to the things you do continuously as your child grows. Trust your judgement and love that baby boy the way you feel you should.

Wow, I never heard any warnings against this book and when I was having problems with my newborn sleeping several of my friends swore by it. I bought it and delved in and just couldn't get behind the strict techniques of managing my baby's schedule. I didn't like any part of it and just followed my gut with my child who began sleeping through the night by about 5 months, even with letting him sleep in my arms, not letting him cry, allowing him to fall asleep while nursing and all the other Babywise 'no no's'. I thought I was the 'different' one for being opposed to the philosophies on controlling the baby's schedule, but I guess there must be some foundation to my beliefs if the book isn't endorsed by the American Acadamy of Pediatrics. That being said, I still think the whole parenting process is personal and for the people that found this book helpful for them and their children, the more power to them!

You are absolutely correct, and your scrutiny of that book is a bulls-eye. We also go to pediatricians and they always said the same thing, that this is your baby's way to communicate, and it's mommy's job to listen and do what she can to help her baby. Since every baby is different, they all have different needs. I wrestled with all this alot when I was trying to get my babies back in the crib after breastfeeding in my bed at night. I always listened to what the pediatrician told me, and they were right. I will always cherish the bonding with my baby that I experienced from breastfeeding and am so thankful I had pediatricians and La Leche to support me thru it, even if it was tough learning about their cries and the transition from bed to crib.

I am a mother of 3 wonderful sons.

As a working mom as well, I have to say that having a routine for our son is so much more important that I EVER, EVER, EVER would have guessed! That said, we didn't exactly follow Babywise. I read it and used some of it's suggestions, but it didn't match our needs - you have to find what works for you.

Baby's can't tell time by a clock, but the same way our lactation will change dependant on your nursing schedule, so can a baby anticipate schedule.

My 2 year old son knows when it's 7pm and heads upstairs to brush his teeth happily now! Had we not started setting up the routine of dinner, play, wind down with a show together and/or reading books, telling him "let's go brush our teeth" and taking him upstairs and getting him ready for bed... this wouldn't be the case. He knows that brushing our teeth is the first step to going to bed. He knows that he has to have a fresh diaper and change into his PJ's and that then he gets a bottle; we pray, have a little snuggle time and then roll him in to bed. No crying, no fussing, because he's emotionally prepared for what's coming next. He can anticipate it.

This has been SO important because he, like me and my hubby, are a little OCD - surprises don't suit any of us well! I really support the putting them down while they're drowsy, and certainly some crying won't hurt your baby - but it's up to you to decide what's best. Not any book.

True Confession: Until a few months ago he still got a 4am bottle... he would immediately fall back to sleep, and it was his only wake up... seemed pretty minor, though atypical. Just too simple and too comforting to him to refuse it... He gave it up on his own when he didn't need it anymore. That isn't in any book I've found... but it was what worked for us!

Listen to your baby and follow your instincts. You'll do fine!

T.

Hi E.,

I personally found On Becoming Babywise to be a lifesaver for my family. My daughter, who is now 3 yrs old, has been a great sleeper and eater her whole life and I think the techniques and theories from this book helped make that happen. I personally had no idea there was this much controversy over this book because everyone I've talked to that has used it, LOVES it. I read 3 of his books and never came away from it with the idea that I shouldn't comfort or console my crying child. Sure, it does give you a number of different techiniques to try (depending on your own personality and what you feel comfortable with) and one of them is letting them cry it out (for short periods of time) but that is in line with other very popular parenting books I have read too. As many others have suggested, I too suggest if you haven't read it, to give it a try and decide for yourself. Only you can decide what will work for you and your child. If it's any consulation, I get asked by many people what I did with my child to get her to be such a well-behaved child that sleeps and eats so well...they want to know so they can try it with their kids. Also please note, my pediatrician never said a negative word about the technique when I told her what we were doing and she continually says how well my daughter is doing in all areas. Good luck!

It is thanks to BabyWise that my children were EXCELLENT babies who slept through the night by 8 weeks with my first, and 10 weeks with my second. It is an excellent plan that developes a natural eat/wake/sleep cycle in your baby- this makes both you and baby happy, reassured and comfortable. If the philosophy is practiced from the beginning, there should be no need for excessive crying from the baby, because they have such a predictable schedule. And the book reiterates a number of times to tend to the baby if he/she might be hungry or in need of TLC if the baby is under a certain age. Babies are born knowing nothing of how to live in the outside world and this book helped me learn how to help my babies have a secure and predictable environment. The focus is on the cycle I mentioned- not on neglecting a crying baby. My sons were both breastfed and they were extremely well nourished from following the Babywise plan. I read it 3 times before my first son was born so I was ready. I truely appreciate all that BabyWise did to keep us all happy and sane! I plan to read it again, soon, to prepare for my 3rd baby due in July. Hope this sheds some light on a very missunderstood self-help book. G. C

I'm sorry I just don't believe that you can get the answers from a book...any book. Parenting is trial & error. You know to nurture, love, feed, bathe, clothe a child. Our parents didn't have a manual on us...we turned out okay, right? Listen to take of a child is like taking care of yourself....everything you need, a child would too...just in a more simple form. I wish you the best of luck & God Bless!

YES! I've definately heard the controversy surrounding babywise. I think it's important for babies to be placed on a routine, but not a schedule (as 'babywise' recommends). Also, the author of babywise is neither accredited in child/baby pyschology or development. He is only accredited through "life experiences." More so, as mothers we are told many different things to do and how to get our babies as independent as possible. The most important thing is to listen to your own instinct (which is very hard these days) and realize that babies don't come into this world to 'fit' into our lives. I think it's also important to read the most current, accurate research and find lots of different sources. Just because a technique works, like many of the suggestions in 'babywise', doesn't necessarily mean they are in the best interest of the child. I've definately heard all of the controversy and done some research of my own about the book (and read it). This is how I came to the conclusion that it's not for me and I cannot recommend it for any mother in good concious. "Babywise" techniques have even been criticized for being borderline abusive. Any book that borders on that is not one for me....
K.

I have not heard about Babywise. However all the information we were given before our baby came along by professionals in infant development says you CANNOT spoil a child before six months of age. It's not possible. Now I do know some folks felt we were being too lenient allowing our infants to eat when they were hungry...some are advocates of putting infant on a schedule and sticking to it even if they are crying. however if you ask social workers the information that is most current shows a direct relationship to how quickly parents (or persons to whom infant bonds) respond to a cry or need...and the happiness of the child later in the toddler and preschool ages.

go with your gut. our pediatrician saw my oldest in a Maya wrap/sling when she was 10 months old and frowned and said I will have issues later if I do too much of that.

at almost five, she is friendly, curious and very self assured. I say..the early nurturing is related.

People who love their babies are sometimes the best experts.

I agree, I have a doctorate in psychology-specialty in attachment, and ANY book that tries to structure an infant into a rigid routine sleep, feeding, etc, prior to 6-8 months is at HIGH risk of attachment disorders and issues, as well as cognitive and social disturbances. PLEASE do not follow such advise, a little or alot. If there are sleep issues, contact St. LukesSlee Center/Mrs Burkenmeyer, RN who is an infant and child sleep specialist.

Baby Wisw, The baby Whisperer are DON'T'S,
Dr. Karp , MD books are DO'S

Therese

I have heard the negative comments about "BabyWise", but I am a believer in it's philosophy. I used the "BabyWise" method with both of my children ages 7 yrs. & 2 yrs., who were very happy & content children. I was given the book by my older sister who has/does use it with her 10 children. Although, one must realize that every child is different and following the "BabyWise" methods will not look exactly the same for every child, but the basic principles are unfailing. With my 7 yr. old son, my mother-in-law actually disagreed with us to the point that we were told we could not let our son cry at her house. So we did not go there for several months. She told me that she heard the "experts" say that when a baby is allowed to cry it kills their brain cells. Now that is as bogus as it comes! :) I don't put much stock in what the so-called "Experts" say. My mom-to-mom advice is read the book if you haven't yet and judge for yourself if you should or should not follow it's methods. But it is definitely not anything that should be of concern to anyone. Crying is a baby's way of communicating, but they are smart. They learn VERY quickly what gets them picked up and what does not. It is a mother's job to get to know her child well enough over time that she knows whether or not her child's cry is one of need due to sickness/pain/hunger or just plain fit throwing. There are times when it is difficult to distinguish, but for the most part, a Mom just knows! Hope I didn't offend, but I've seen it work for my own children as well as many others.

http://www.babywisebooks.com/babywise-method/ --- the best article I have ever seen on this topic. It shows the five leading experts/authors on this topic and Dr. Mindell is one of the five. All five are medical professionals. The article shows you the history of the concepts and who was the original author on the topic and how all five experts have many similarities on their approach to helping babies.

I found it very helpful to see what the American Academy of Pediatrics has to say on feeding and sleeping with newborns:

The AAP states that newborns "be nursed whenever they show signs of hunger..... approximately 8 to 12 times every 24 hours."

If you look at page 70 of On Becoming Babywise Pediatrician Robert Bucknam, M.D and co-author Gary Ezzo state, "with these recommended times you will average between 8 - 10 feedings a day."

Looks pretty safe to me as the AAP recommends the same exact amount of feedings for your baby and Pediatrician Bucknam/Ezzo recommend the same authority: the mom should make the call as to exactly when her baby is hungry.

When it comes to the concept of babies crying, the American Academy of Pediatrics (quoted in On Becoming Babywise on page 146 says, "Many babies cannot fall asleep more without crying and will go to sleep more quickly if left to cry for a while. The crying should not last long if the child is truly tired." The AAP goes on to say, "Sometimes you think your baby is waking up when she's actually going through a phase of very light slumber. She could be squirming, startling, fussing, or even crying-- and still be asleep. Or she may be awake but not on the verge of drifting off again if left alone. Do not make the mistake of trying to comfort her during these moments; you'll only awaken her further and delay her going back to sleep. Instead, if you let her fuss and even cry for a few minutes, she'll learn to get herself to sleep without relying on you." The AAP goes on to say, "same babies actually need to let off energy by crying in order to settle into sleep or rouse themselves out of it. As much as fifteen minutes of fussing will not do your child any harm. Just be sure she's not crying out of hunger or pain, or because her diaper is wet."

This is precisely the entire point of Babywise and from what I read, the whoe them of the book. I cannot fathom where all the rumors of "no medical backing" and "dangerous" come from as Pediatricians all over the country back what 23 year Pediatrician and author Robert Bucknam, M.D. and his co-author Gary Ezzo have written.

Moms-- enjoy this book, use your common sense..... and happy sleeping!!

You might be interested in "attachment parenting". If you are not already familiar with it then check out www.askdrsears.com

I have a wonderful 11month old. I used the Babywise method. I love it. It tells you how to get your child used to a routine. It doesn't say to leave your child if they are crying. It just says don't rush in right away. If they are supposed to be sleeping they may need to just calm themselves down. This really worked for me. If he cried longer than 15minutes(I know seems like forever when you're listening to it) I would get him. It taught him to calm himself so I don't need to rock him to sleep.

I have heard those rumors. I believe they are widely pushed by a man, Steve Rein, who "left" VCU after the university was given evidence that Reins had illegally hacked into the author's company. Rein is a big attachment parenting supporter. The Ezzo's disagree with this philosophy in it's extreme. The attachement parenting seems to offer the answer just feed the baby more often. This method has truly been linked to failure to thrive. Babywise stresses not to feed your baby any more often than about 2, 2 1/2 hours from the start of one feeding to the next. So if the babe is crying in between then check their diaper or maybe they are sleepy. I had to remind myself of this with my first one. At 2-3months, I got caught up in feeding her every time she squaked. She was so exhausted she would fall asleep at the breast and then wake up everytime I put her down. She would sleep for 3-4 in the afternoon and awake the rest of the day. This is not healthy. Cries do not always mean the are hungry. This book simply gives a guideline of what you might expect is going on with your baby. If you feed your new baby every 2 hours in the begining then you can be a little more confident that your baby is getting a FULL feeding not just the foremilk.
Along with every one of my 5 sibliings(18 babies between us), we have all used Babywise and have very healthy, loving children. Bottomline choose what you will make sure you baby is healthy but please do not promote false info if you have not read the book and read both sides of the argument. You can fine both websites on the internet.

I would advise anyone who is jumping to conclusions about Babywise to actually read the book first. It does not teach you to ignore and neglect your child. In fact, it teaches you ways to make your baby's world predictable (as much as possible) and comforting, which makes your baby feel secure and loved. This is NOT to say that other methods do not make your baby feel loved. This method is great for people that like structure. While it does recommend a schedule, it mentions over and over that you should still be flexible - if your baby is hungry earlier than scheduled, FEED her. It's a parent directed method, but it is NOT about adhering to a schedule in spite of your baby's needs. It really is a pretty balanced way to deal with raising an infant. It has worked wonders for my 7 month old daughter, and I have just taken the parts of it that I feel comfortable with (which is actually most of the book) and tailored the other parts to fit my needs. Most importantly, regardless of which "method" you use, is to make sure you LOVE your little baby more than anything in the world and that he KNOWS it.

Hi E.,
Well, I'm one of those moms that did the Baby Wise method w/both of my children! And Gratefully!! In fact, I come from a family that all the women utilized this method with great success except for one. The one who did not have success, did not try it.

You should read the book and judge for yourself. I do not believe the book suggest that you do not listen to your babies' cues. What is does infer is that children are at their best when they follow a routine and have structure. Imagine coming into a world and not knowing a thing about it or being able to communicate with those around you for your needs or wants. Wouldn't that be a scary place? But if over a short time you start to realize that basically you can expect the same routine day after day. ( Of course, fun has to be sprinkled in there too!) Wouldn't that be comforting? That's what I believe Baby Wise did for us. Both my children ( 5 1/2 and 20 months) are wonderful sleepers. There are no arguments at bedtime- it is just what they know.

As far as the America Academy of Pediatrics goes, while I do value their opinion, I also understand that their organization needs to speak to a very large audience. Unfortunately, a portion of that audience may not use common sense when heading such advise as Babywise thus they must er on the side of caution.

Baby Wise is one theory that may work for some and not for others. It is moms like you, who question and seek out advise that will do quite well with whichever method you choose.

All my best to you and yours.

I would ALWAYS refer to the American Academy of Pediatrics. Whether they recommend or do not recommend something, I would listen. They are the authority, as far as I am concerned. The AAP is made up of MANY doctors that have the latest research. Anyone can write a book.....is the author of BabyWise a doctor? Does s/he have a background in the subject matter (other than being a parent...if s/he is)?

Babies do not know how to manipulate and you cannot spoil an infant! I used the "What to Expect" books (...when expecting, ...during the first year, and have ...toddler years), but haven't read BabyWise. I skimmed some responses, and see there are strong opinions both for and against.

In response to the crying issue...I never allowed my son to fuss or cry for very long in the beginning (until after six or seven months, and only if I knew all his basic needs are met and he is just tired and is trying to go to sleep). I tended his every need. I learned in Child Psychology class that if you go to your baby, it helps with SECURE ATTACHMENT, and later in life he will be more independent and need you less for mundane things. My son should be going through the 'stranger anxiety' stage right now, but he knows I will always be there if needed, so he isn't scared. He acts a little shy at first, but doesn't throw a screaming fit when I leave the room.

That said, remember that every baby is different and every mommy has a different prospective, a different opinion, and a different experience. The more you read, the better educated you are, and the better decisions you can make. God bless you and best of luck to you!

This book was recommended to me by a co-worker. She claimed that after reading it, her kids were sleeping through the night after a 6-8 weeks. Well, I bought the book and read it. I agreed with some of the things. The book repeatedly says to follow your mother instinct. The best thing that I got from it was the feed, wake time, and sleep rotation. My baby was bad about eating and falling asleep. His ability to last between feedings was not long and it was wearing me out. I was breastfeeding and was dedicated to it. This cycle helped me get him into a routine that made breastfeeding more of an enjoyable experience. My son still doesn't sleep through the night, but I'm okay with it. I didn't follow the book, but really, who completely follows any of the parenting books you read? Take it for what it is...advice. If you think it fits your style, follow it...if not, don't. I bought my book, but I'm sure you could find it at the library.
Oh, one other thing. If you kid goes to a sitter, it may be hard for you to follow the teachings to the letter. If your sitter is like mine, she has a set routine and my boy follows it.

I never read Babywise but heard most of the same things you mentioned. If you're looking for a book, I highly recommend The Happiest Baby on the Block by Harvey Karp.

Hello,
I read "Babywise" during my pregnancy with my now 3 year old. Never would I ever read ANY book, article etc and follow it step by step or word by word. I read the book and followed some of the suggestions and amazingly by son was sleeping 10 hours by 4 weeks and 12 hours by 6 weeks. He was also a 9 pound newborn and was 12 lbs. 3 weeks later. (From birth, We were setting our alarm and waking him up to feed him at a minimum of every 5 hours and the Dr. said he was a big baby and to let him wake us up when he was hungry) He has always been a great eater, a great sleeper and has always asked to go to bed and ALWAYS wakes up happy and well rested. He still sleeps 12 hrs and and loves to go to bed. He knows it makes him feel better. Do I credit Babywise or any other book, article I read????? Or am I just lucky to have an easy baby????? I chalk it up to both. We are due again in July so we will see what this one decides to do. Mothers instinct is more important than anything you can read--that is just my opinion. Moms don't give themselves enough credit sometimes.

I actually read this book because our pediatrician gave it to me at my first child's two week checkup. The book is really about understanding how to set your child's body clock so that they will sleep through the night. I used the method with all three of my children and they have all grown into happy, healthy, well-adjusted people ranging in age from 11 to 15. The authors are quite clear on the importance of not being rigid in following the suggested schedule (feeding a newborn every 2.5 hours). The key is that you don't let your baby fall asleep while eating and that you keep them awake by playing with for a period of time after they eat. This eat, wake, sleep cycle, sets their clock so that they will sleep at night. All three of my children were sleeping 8+ hours at night, by the time they were 8 weeks old. My children rarely fussed because I knew what they needed and when they needed it and falling into that routine was the most wonderful thing for our entire family. And I was a way better mother because I was getting to sleep at night, too.

I know a handful of women who used Babywise including myself. I feel like it was a very basic book. The advise fell right between two extreems. Don't hyperschedule and don't become a human pacifier.The main advice of the book was, work on getting your child full feedings right from the start, and work on obtaining a feed/wake/sleep pattern as your infant becomes more alert. Everything else was just common sense. Stay mindful of your milk supply..learn to identify your baby's cries..ext. I don't see how any child could fail to thrive when the advice in the book is always.."if you think your child is hungry feed him/her..if the baby feeds for 5 minutes I guess they weren't hungry." They made the point that just because your child is crying doesn't mean he's hungry but just because its not the normal time he eats doesn't mean he isn't hungry..and it went to list several other reasons he could be crying but if nothing else is wrong by all means FEED your child. I hear lots of people down the book but most of them haven't read the entire thing..or became super extreme about one thing and forget the rest. I felt like the book covered pretty much everything. If you read through it once and forgot that they said you need to be mindful of your milk supply..(eat healthy, get rest, don't be stressed, stimulate them a certain amount in a 24 hour period)..then I don't think you can blame the book. I could go on and on. I just think that you need to use common sense (which the book promotes). My son has been sleeping through the night since 9 weeks. He takes good naps and somedays he gets off schedule and I alter my day to accomodate. Everyone comments on how happy and content he is..oh and how healthfully plump he is as well! :) Love your baby unconditionaly and eventually things will work themselves out whether your baby sleeps through the night at 9 weeks or 9 months.

I read the book when my son was about 3 weeks old. It made me think that everything I was doing was wrong. I tried the methods for one day and my baby was so exhausted by bedtime that he couldn't sleep. Later I read a brian research book on parenting that said that leaving a child to cry at bedtime is very scary for them and floods their brain with stress chemicals. I was also concerned about the book's recomendations on activities throughout the day (sit your child next to you while you read silently, let him watch a mobile, put him in a bouncer, etc.). I have a Master's in Early Childhood and I know that the best way for babies to learn is through interaction with people. My opinion is that the book is targeted for stressed and tired parents who are desperate for sleep, and the truth is that babies just don't sleep through the night until they are 3 months old or older.

Every pediatrician I know has recommended routine for your baby, not schedule. I started a routine with my son at about 2 1/2 months and he became fairly regular with eating and sleeping at about 5 months. Good luck!

I honestly agreed with most of what the Babywise book had to say. There are things in EVERY parenting book that you will not agree or feel comfortable with. I strongly suggest reading the book and taking from it whatever you can use. We didn't really use it till our son was about 3 months old... but I have friends who used it in the hospital the day thier baby was born! We stuck to the principles for the most part and they have worked great for us. Our son is 16 months old and he is a great sleeper... great eater... well behaved child. Not to say that book is going to solve all your problems and make the perfect child :) But setting the ground work as early as possible is very important. You just have to make your own decision as to what your family will do. Good luck! :)

I was told that this was a "miracle book," so I bought it and read it. I did not agree with what I read, but being a first time mother, I thought I would at least give it a try. I have a high needs baby and the techniques and philosophies in BabyWise did NOT help- actually following BabyWise only made my baby more irritable and me more frustrated! I would highly recommend The Fussy Baby Book by Dr. Sears. I read this, and felt a huge burden lifted off my shoulders and it helped me to accept my baby the way he is, rather than try to change him.

ive read it several times, it worked for us...and I dont recall any part of the book that says to ignore your childs needs. Just not to pop a nipple in his/her mouth everytime he/she opens it, if you know your child shouldnt be hungry, try to figure out other reasons they may be crying before going straight for food is what it mentions several times. Are you sure you're not thinkikng of the "ferber" books and such? thats a more cry it out theory. Babywise is more about feeding schedules

Hi E., Babywise was also recommended to me and I read it but didn't totally follow what they said. It seemed pretty harsh and although I wanted my baby to sleep thru the night, I wasn't a drill sargent about it. I let her cry a few nights for as long as I could stand (or until she fell asleep) and before long she was sleeping thru the night. Just use your judgment, love your baby, and you both will be fine. Good luck! jen

I actually have not heard of "Babywise", but I firmly believe that infants need love & nurturing first and foremost. Yes, they need structure & routine, but I don't think that should ever take a back seat to TLC, especially when they're so young!!! Love 'em first....then the rest!

Plus, remember that the one true "expert" on your baby is you! Books are just examples of what worked for others, ideas for you to consider. Ultimately, you know your baby better than anyone else. Customize his care as you see fit.

You need to actually read the book before you make a judgement. I read it even after I heard negative information about it. I took some great advice from it and think it has helped in raising our daughter. She is a wonderful baby who sleeps 11-12 hours at night, takes great naps and eats great! She is so happy. But, I never confused what the book was telling me with my own insticts. It's a balance between the two sources.

E.,

I just wrote you this big long answer to your question and then it just disappeared, so maybe God is telling me to be quiet. I'll just leave it at this. I have three kids. I used Babywise with all three and they all developed wonderfully restful sleeping and eating habits. The thing I like about the book that I didn't learn in any other book (although now I hear it from moms all the time) is that EATING AND SLEEPING PATTERNS ARE CONNECTED and necessary for good growth. It is good to be proactive in your parenting and to teach your baby boy to sleep through the night. If you haven't read the book, read it through. Decide if you are convinced enough to give it a go for two months. Your childcare provider must be on board or it won't work. It you don't want to try it, then don't. If you do, don't give up.

Babies do cry to communicate. Please read the chapter on When Your Baby Cries. I hope it helps you to assess the real needs of your baby.

I also just want to encourage you. It is not easy being a new mom and you probably get more advice and opinions than you ever needed. I hope you have a helpful network of friends or a Bible study or fellowship group that you can go through this parenting adventure with. That baby boy of yours is precious and I'm sure you will give him your very best!

I have not heard any specific recommendations against the Babywise method, although I did try it without much success, and as one of the other posts mentioned, went through about a 2 week period where I questioned my ability as a mother because my baby wasn't "doing" what he was supposed to. Once I went with my baby's schedule, everyone in the house was much happier! I think the book probably works great for some, but as with almost any advice book, you need to take it as the author's opinion rather than as Gospel and find what works best for you.

Dear E., I believe that you are exactly right! Babies are as close to Godliness, innocence and perfection as one can get. They react purely to their environment. Babies communicate through crying and should not be treated as "manipulators" simply because we don't understand their immediate need. It is also true that there will be times when we simply cannot meet our child's need(s) or want(s). While this is difficult for us as parents, it is also okay! Holding, loving, communicating lovingly will strengthen the bonds you have with your child, and help to strengthen their level of personal security. They will react and respond according to the way that they are treated, rather than being angry that you failed to provide 'XXX'. Remember that this little spirit recently left the pure love environment of God to be born on this earth. They might be missing the beauty of that place while facing the harshness of this gravity ridden earth, or simply feel fear for some reason that we cannot consciously explain. It is important that we try not to feel frustration or guilt for not being able to "fix" everything that makes our children cry. This IS a reality that will continue throughout life!

Have you read the book? I was never warned by anyone before I had my 5 month old & I did every child birth class available in addition to reading Le Leche's book (Womanly Art of Breastfeeding), BabyWise (as a gift from a couple), among many others. While the book is very different from Le Leche's book, it didn't differ greatly from many other sleep solution books. BabyWise in many ways seemed very logical. I hadn't heard anything negative about the book until after I had my baby, but just about every person who had issues with the book, hadn't even read it.

In the end, we took bits & pieces of it as well as some suggestions from other books to find what worked best for us. I can't say everything is working as well as we want, but every couple I know who used the book is sleeping more than us. And every couple I know who's doing other things, aren't. As far as I can tell, their kids seem as normal as mine, except they sleep. Go figure.

I have two adorable boys 2 1/2 and 7 months old, we did use the ideas from Babywise and both children were sleeping through the night at 6 and 7 weeks. We read the book and then took the ideas we felt comfortable with. The book is NOT about ignoring your child. I always get a laugh when people say that because the book gave me much of the same information that the nurses at the hospital and birthing classes did, feeding every 2-3 hours! One of the major ideas in the book is trying to keep the eat, play, sleep pattern which helps build security in your child because they know what to expect. The book in no way says to ignore your child. It would really be nice if we could not judge people for using one method or another because there are a lot of ways that work!

E.,

In my circle of friends I have only heard positive comments about the book. My daughter will be four next month. We read this book 'Babywise' and then went on to the other books by the same author, 'Babywise II and Toddlerwise'. I personally found the books to be very helpful in getting my daughter to start sleeping through the night. I knew I was going back to work after my 3 month maternity leave was up and I was hoping she would start sleeping through the night before I went back to work. I really think that by using some of the methods in the book we as parents helped her learn to sleep the whole night at 10 weeks old. In the book it suggest to let your child cry for just a bit when putting them down for bed. We never let her just cry and cry and cry. It may have felt like an eternity but it was really only seconds. Then we would go into her room, talk to her and rub her tummy. If you have not read the book I think you would find a lot of helpful ideas. I don't think there is any one method that works for all children. As new parents we all have to find out own way to do things. As with all books and any parenting advice you will receive you'll have to find the treasure within. It may only be on concept and sometimes the teasure is that you'll never try that with your child. Use your own common sense to help weed out the things that will or won't work for you.

F.
Toy Mom

Good for you! All these books an what one should and should not do are getting a little out of hand. One does not need to have a degree or be certified to write a book, meaning that just about anyone (as long as they have the money to do so) can get a book published. I went against all rules and my kids slept in our bed. My 2 1/2 year olds crib is still up against our bed, so he can roll in and out of our bed as the night goes on. My oldest(he is 8) has never been a sound sleeper, he tends to sleep walk and winds up in our bed every night around 2 A.M. We had broken him of this habit when we lived in Phoenix, but since moving here in Aug he is at it again. He loves to snuggle and there just is not much time in the day to do it, so he takes advantage of the night. Now my six year old was raised identical to my 8 year old, yet she goes to bed at 7:30 and stays put until we wake her for school.
I guess what I am trying to show is that every child is different and has different needs, they grow up so fast. You have to do what is right for you, I just hope people are picking what is right for them because they FEEL it is right and not because they have been told it is right.
I hope I have not offended anybody, that was not my intention.

It's been bothering me to hear this method. I come from the old school of a child until the age of two is not spoiled but loved and I don't think it stops at two. We're not raising robots but loving little us'es. That doesn't mean don't correct them but just do it firmly and with love.

I highly suggest you read the book. It's nothing to do with your baby manipulating you...at all. It just lays out the different parenting methods that are available these days and then talks about their particular method. They just believe in getting a routine down to provide your baby consistency and with that consistency comes security. Before you judge this method (which I'm not saying you are), just read it. I've never met anyone that has had a problem with it and everyone I know, including myself, got their child to sleep through at 6-8 weeks.

Well, I asked my ped about it when the twins were newborns, I had a friend that SWORE by the book!
Our Ped said whatever method works best for you in your family structure.

I basically read that and 3 other books. I took a little from each book and used it. I would not personally follow the babywise book verbatim. I disagreed with a lot of it, and quite frankly what the heck does this guy know? He's not a pediatric specialist. Just a guy with a firm opinion! However I did find some of his advice useful, to a limited extent. He's a little to harsh for me. NO, I didn't run into the room every time my baby girl started crying (Unless it was "THAT" cry), she cried all the time anyway, she was an angry baby. My son, who never cried, if he started I would go in right away. They both have EXCELLENT sleeping habits and have since about 3 months of age.
I also really like Dr. Karp's baby & toddler series. Good books! I also like the Ferber method.

I too was 'warned against' Babywise by the lactation consultant at the hospital when I had my first child. I personally think the book gets a bad rap because people who don't actually read the book talk about it based on what they've 'heard' from others. I was reading the book on the recommendation of a friend who used it and had wonderful results. She never ignored her babies, but she did establish a good feeding/wake time/nap time routine with them. They are now 7, 5 and 1, and are very happy, loving little boys who have always slept great.

The book points out that most babies won't be ready to develop a routine for until they are at least 3 months, sometimes up to 6 months. It also states that each baby is different and you should modify the ideas to suit your lifestyle. The book does NOT tell you to ignore your baby. It tells you to do the normal things like see if she has a wet/dirty diaper, or is hungry, needs comfort, etc. It also stresses making sure the baby gets a full feeding at each nursing session, which is very important in getting them to sleep and not wake up for another feeding too soon (any lactation consultant will say the same).
I had 2 reflux babies, so sleeping was a problem because they refluxed when laying down. Never-the-less, I was able to get them on a routine of waking, feeding, playing, and napping. I let my babies get up whenever they woke up in the morning, then nursed, played, usually nursed again, then a nap. I kept them up for about 2-3 hours at a time, then put them down for a nap when they were little. Incidentally, that's what most babies do during the first few months anyway. So, what the book says to do is already happening in most cases. It is just making the parent more aware of the routine of it all.
The hardest thing to do if trying the Babywise ideas is sticking with a routine when there are errands to run, etc., and letting the baby cry-it-out when it's time for sleep. Something that most parents try at some point anyway. I was never any good at listening to my babies cry, so I usually went to them and rocked them to sleep (something that took a LONG time to break them of, as it turns out!)
Anyway, I say the book has a lot of good ideas and gets a bad rap for no reason. People also criticize the Ferber method, the Cry-it-out method, and the Attachment method of parenting/sleeping. I take what I like and leave the rest when it comes to all the parenting methods out there.

I was pregnate with my 7th child when I read Baby Wise. It made so much sense. Instead of demand feeding, I put my new baby on a 3 hour schedule at 2 weeks old. I thought you had to demand feed if you were breast feeding but my new baby didn't spit up so much or have tummy aches and was so content. He slept through the night at 8 weeks (instead of 12 months as my other children had) and was chubby (my first chubby baby) happy and easy going. I thought maybe it was a fluke, but tried it with my next 2 children with the same results. All 8 of my grandchildren have been raised like this with great success. Remember to use common sense and adjust if and when necessary. Also, even though the book said I could start solids at 4 months, I prefer to wait 6 to 9 months to avoid allergies to foods. I have many food allergies as my mom started solids at 2 months, but none of my kids have any food allergies.
D.-mom to 9

I am a mother of a 5 and 2 year old girls. 'Babywise' was the only book on child care that I did read cover to cover. Both of the girls were sleeping 9-11 hours a night by their two month check up. Both girls had low birth weight when they were born and both were in the 70-90% in weight/height percintile by the two month check up. I don't subscribe fully to anyone theory or routine, and i always reserve the right to step in for the sake and safety of my children, but the 'Babywise' system had many good tips for me as a new mother.

Now did I allow my newborns to 'cry it out' at times? Sure I did, after making sure that everything else was up to snuff. (dry diaper, full stomach, comfortable temperature, ect.) However I created limits that my husband and I agreed upon. I never let the babies cry longer than 15 minutes at a time but the theory of letting them 'cry it out' was seconded by my 90 year old grandmother. She explained that in her time that was they way the babies exercised they energy out of their systems. Now I by no way am telling you to let that newborn cry into an overstimulated frenzy or to the point where you are a nervous wreck. What I am suggesting is that you allow the child to learn how to calm themselves down on their own a little bit at a time.

Newborns do not know the art of manipulation but they do begin to understand cause and effect rather quickly, and if the find out that mom is there at even the slightess scream they will exercise that every chance they get. I do believe that discipline does begin the day you come home from the hospital in the form of a solid routine. You'll find out soon that 99% of the outburst that you get, wheather the kids are 0-18, they all come down to hunger, sleep or over stimulus. Why not be ontop of at least 2 of them from the begining.

Bottom line you are the babies mommy and you know better with your gut feelings than anyone else. I urge you to exercise that instinct in the face of all the road blocks thrown at you by doctors, teachers, specialist, day care providers and other mothers.

Good luck

I agree with whoever mentioned attachment parenting.

This is the philosophy that I parent my children with - and it sounds like it might be more up your alley.

Here is another website with info about AP http://attachmentparenting.org/

Attachment Parenting has 8 main prinicpals, one of which includes "Engaging in Nightime Parenting" as our children need us just as much during the night as they do during the day. Even if the baby is fed, at the right temperature and has a clean diaper, they might just be crying for comfort, or contact with the parent. These, to me are just as valid reasons to be there for your child when they cry.

If you want to talk more about this style of parenting, send me a note!

Wow! What a response! Obviously, people feel strongly about this issue. To those that have not read the book, I think one should read it before you judge it. I agree that no book should ever be taken word for word, but this book has a lot of great ideas. I read the book before my now 16 month old was born. I read all of the critics of the book too. I had friends who did it from birth and swore by it. After reading it, I wasn't completely comfortable with everything it said for my infant, so I only used bits and pieces of the advice. I admit that I was scared off after reading the critics, despite my friends telling me how wonderful it was. Their children didn't love them ANY less or fell ANY LESS secure because their parents used this method. In fact, they were some of the most well-behaved children I'd ever met because mom and dad ran the house, not the children. That's one concept that I think Babywise instills. I tried more aspects of the methods after my daughter got older and I was desperate to get some sleep at night. I talked with my doctor about what I was going to do and my doctor agreed that it would not harm my baby. She's been sleeping through the night ever since. People who haven't read the book or tried these methods think of starving, crying babies that don't get the love they deserve or need. That's not what happens at all. I couldn't love my daughter any more, but I knew it wasn't healthy for her to not get the sleep that she needed. It took two days of working harder on her routine before she adjusted to it and now sleeps 11.5 to 12 hours each night (and takes at least two naps during the day). Maybe it doesn't work for everyone, but I don't know many people who have read the book, tried aspects of the methods, and it failed them or harmed their children in any way. In fact, I don't know any. With anything, you have to do what you think is best for your child--you are the child's mother. But, I think that before anyone can make an informed decision about whether this method (or any method) is right for their child, they have to read the book and understand it. From there, make your own decision.

Finally, to anyone that thinks Babywise requires you to follow a "strict schedule," please read the book. It says over and over and OVER again that you need to be flexible. Those that comment on all of the methods without reading the book are really doing a disservice to others because you don't actually know what the book says. I would recommend to any new mother or mother-to-be to read the book and several others and decide what is best for your child. Please do not take any of our words for it--read it and make up your own minds about it.