Bad Behavior - Fulton, MO

I wish that no mother would ever hear the phrase, "She can't control her children." It isn't that mother's do not need to take control from time to time. But, the goal is not to have control of your child. The goal is to take advantage of every oportunity to help a child learn self control so that the need to 'take' control occurs less and less frequently. The most effective parents learn to look at challenging situations, like the ones you describe, as teachable moments. If the parents see situations as 'out-of-control moments', they are left feeling defeated and frustrated, which often results in more aggressive approaches to 'taking control' or just giving up.

One of the most important things learned in early childhood is to develop the understandings and skills necessary for self control. The fact is that, if a parent maintains the goal of 'controlling' their children, they tend to micro-manage them. The result is that the child either develops the habit of being controlled and relying upon the approval of others, or he/she becomes increasingly rebellious. In order for parents to do this, they must first reorganize their thinking and their habits as parents. This means that it is not only a 'teachable moment' for the child, but a 'teachable moment' for the parents as well.

Even when teaching a child to be obedient, it is necessary to help the child recognize that she/he is making the choice to obey, that obedience is a powerful skill to have, and that there are benefits to exercising it.

The book I continue to recommend to parents everywhere is The Family Virtues Guide, by Linda K. Popov. You can learn more about this book and helpful talks on CD at www.VirtuesProject.com. On this website, you can read about the 5 basic strategies for helping children develop character skills (virtues). The book and/or the CDs can help you better understand how these strategies are put into practice and develop a clearer focus on the nature of the parent/child relationship.

When our son graduated high school, I said to him, "When you were born, we thought we had so much to teach you. But, looking back, all we can see is what you have taught us." No one learns patience by sitting and meditating about patience. It is not learned unless someone is jumping on your last nerve and you reach for patience in the challenge of the moment. Our children teach us patience. So reach for whatever peace and contentment you can and let yourself resolve to maintain a humble posture of learning as a parent. You will develope marvellous skills in the process and your children will be blessed with an observant and competent mother.

A.,
He sounds like a perfectly normal 4 year old to me. Our children change from year to year and try out various frustrating behaviors. All you can do is be firm and consistent. It'll change again in due time. Your provider should NEVER make you feel bad. I definitely do know what it's like to be with a child that is worse than normal when they go through these stages. There's always the few children that push every single phase to the absolute furthest they can. But it doesn't sound like your son is that bad at all! It sounds like he's just stretching his wings a little bit and trying to be more independent.

Suzi

Good Morning A., Corbin is a little stinker some days also. He was 4 in March, hopefully will be going to pre-K this next week. Having his evaluation this morning.
My concern is him telling his teacher she has options...lol Or telling her to get over it...lol
He asked me the other day if I was tired of looking for his woo bee when it's time to go home. I said yeah sometimes. So he said Well Nana get over it.. ( got that from his dad MY son grrrrrrrrrr)
If he asks for a cookie I say yes you can have 2 cookies. he will say Well here is the deal Nana I want 3..lol
He has a huge vocabulary and this gives me some concern. He doesn't tell us no anymore, he knows time out is a given.
His mom told him if she has to tell him to stop a second time he will get one swat for each time she said Stop or no. That worked well. Took one day only. Gen is a real softy when it comes to swats, you wouldn't feel it at all, it's like swatting a padded diaper. lol

You might ask him why he told you No? Corbin will say because I did. I tell him when Nana says No it's because something it's safe to do. I don't want him to get hurt or hurt someone else.
We always have face to face talks after a discipline is issued and finished. I ask him if he knows why he got in trouble for time out or not playing with something. He usually does know, and then will say he is sorry he was bad. I always tell him he is Never bad just misbehaved.
He wants his Nana to be happy so If I tell him I am frustrated or unhappy, he will tell me to be happy.
He got on the front of the shopping cart once so he wouldn't step on my last nerve anymore...lol

Talk to your little guy ask him why he thought it is ok to tell mom and dad No. We are out numbered at times and we can lose it at times. LOL I don't yell often but my voice does change to a higher or lower tone :)) Sometimes when all 5 are here I have to Yell to make myself Heard... Then It's Margarita time when they are gone..LOL

God Bless A., he will come around, just talk to him.
K. Nana of 5

OK, first check with your own emotions: is your son simply acting his age- or are you concerned about his moving on & growing up? He's hitting a milestone, & this is quite often a transition for Mom too.

What I'm seeing in your request is a list of "excuses" for why he could be acting the way he is. Your comment that you feel like a "bad mom" says it all. You are not a bad mom for making him sleep in his bed, & the odds are that his kidney condition is not creating his behavior. If you're truly worried over his health, have the dr. check him out.

BUT, please first look at yourself! Why are you worrying sooo much?? You are the only one to truthfully answer this question.....I wish you Peace!

I would talk to your doctor just to be sure that there are no underlying medical conditions that might be affecting his behavior. If there is nothing physically wrong, the doctor might be able to suggest some different discipline techniques. I liked the book 1-2-3 Magic. It worked for us. Good luck!

You are a great mom. Your son maybe feeling the stress of the changecoming. The change to Early Intervention maybe it.

Also if he has an infection, ears, sinus, or other, it can effect his behavior. Something small can often be fixed with treatment of the infection. Often the change in behavior comes a few days before the fever or other signs.

Good luck with both of your children.

I believe another mom on here had a post about her child acting out and come to find out he/she had food allergies. So a visit to the doctor may be beneficial. also red food dye in foods and drinks can create behavior issues. so if anything in the health area is fine I'd say he is being normal.