Balance

Updated on April 07, 2010
A.F. asks from Bellmore, NY
9 answers

I am wondering how other moms' time-manage and find balance in their lives. I am a SAHM to a beautiful one year old girl. My daughter doesn't have a consistent nap schedule except that she will usually nap twice a day. How long she naps can be anywhere from 40/45 minutes to over an hour with rare two hour naps.

I am the type of person that likes structure somewhat in many areas. I like to plan ahead for things like having guests over for dinner otherwise I will stress over it. Other times I just want to get out of my apartment and not live by a schedule. Maybe this is why I have such a hard time following a diet plan.

I am trying to find balance in taking care of my daughter and finding other outside interests. Any suggestions? Thank you.

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So What Happened?

Thanks for the advice. I definitely will check out flylady.net. Denise P. gave made a lot of sense when she said the days "blend together" when you're home and do not have a schedule. I tend to be a "list" person and write down all the things I need to do, should do (like clean) and might do if I have nothing to do. It's hard to follow the list though. Now that Alyssa is much more active, she needs to be supervised during floor time especially with my dog around. So the list might not get accomplished.

McMama suggested I just relax when Alyssa sleeps but it's hard to do that. Sometimes I try to just read my book or watch t.v. but I feel like I should be cleaning or at least straightening up. I swear I feel like I spend all day doing dishes and I have a small dishwasher!

Most afternoons I "miss" Alyssa's nap because I don't want to be home. I am usually home from 4:00 on. I am in an apartment so the more I am out the better. But definitely setting some goals would be a good idea.

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A.P.

answers from New York on

I don't have any answers, but you got some good ones. Just want to say I'm so glad you posted this--most days lately I've been thinking there must be something wrong with me because I just can't seem to get it together. I had an illusion that a SAHM would have time for it all--the house would be clean, dinner would always be cooked and be something fantastic and nutritious, and the kids would always be spotless, as well as me (yeah right, on all of them!) Most days I can manage to accomplish one of these things, but then there are days when everything falls apart. Guess that's what being a SAHM is all about really!

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C.M.

answers from St. Louis on

Since your daughter does not have a set schedule, why not set goals for the entire day instead of thinking about having an hour by hour schedule? For example - try to get outside in the morning (before 12) or afternoon most days. This can be to take a walk with your daughter in the stroller, get out and go grocery shopping, etc.

Sit down on Sundays and write what you'd like to accomplish each day with your daughter as well as at home. Spend 1/2-1 hour each day working on house cleaning. The same on cooking. Spend 2-3 hours on your daughter. 1/2 hour reading to her (you can break this up), 1/2 hour playing with her, 1/2 hour having her play alone (with you close by to learn independence), etc.

During her naps, watch TV, sleep or just relax. Don't worry about working out, cleaning or cooking during those times.

Meals can be planned out weekly or monthly. Try to cut up veggies on Sundays so you have them for the week.

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D.P.

answers from Pittsburgh on

I think O. of the biggest pitfalls of being an at home mom is that the days can tend to blend together if you're not on track and on some kind of schedule. FlyLady is a great resource for incorporating general "must do's" into your daily routine and has great tips for saving time. But generally, I have found it helpful to have a general idea for the week what errands need to be done, what work around the house needs done, etc and plan my days that way (I do work PT so I'm not there 2 days). With a little O., like your O. yo, I used to find it easier to get my errands done in the mornings after breakfast that way if a nap DID happen--it was usually when we got home or on the way home....
Maybe take Fridays as your fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants day and just go out and enjoy the day doing whatever you get into!
Enjoy it--the little years REALLY do go by fast!

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S.M.

answers from Casper on

Along with other great advice, try to find something to teach your daughter - music, books, physical activity, hands in messy stuff, cooking, or just to go visit people and do service. Sometimes it's great for me to go visit another mother in my town and let our children play together. Even if they play more with each others' toys, it is a great opportunity for conversation and she tells me how much she appreciates it as well.

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B.F.

answers from New York on

Join a MOMS club (even just to meet other mothers with young kids), plan your day, and let the naps fall where they may. And as the other mothers suggested check out the flylady! Good luck!

C.F.

answers from New York on

Try flylady.org - it's a free time management system for Sidetracked Home Executives. I also suggest dropping the stress and inviting those guests! Stress is useless - it doesn't matter that your apartment looks perfect - what matters is you and your family :) Live <3

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C.T.

answers from New York on

For balancing your life, I agree, Flylady.net has been a lifesaver, with a toddler and pregnant with #2. Even if the house is a little messy, her lessons are great in regards to scheduling the little time you have available to make the most of it: getting dressed and making your bed first thing in the morning, cleaning in 15-minute intervals, one "hot (messy) spot" at a time, not trying to do everything at one time.

Regarding naps, it's eaasy to get your daughter on a schedule. This is what a sleep specialist suggested - calculate when your child normally goes to bed at night and when she gets up in the morning. Find the halfway point and add 12 hours - this is when her inner clock will be ready for a nap. If she goes to bed at 8 pm and wakes up at 8 am, halfway point in 2 am + 12 hours = 2 pm. Place her in her room, dark and quiet, and do the same ritual you would for bedtime. Be consistent and soon she'll fall asleep around this time and hopefully sleep 1-2 hours. It's easier to do things if you can count on this daily scheduled nap. If she's naapping more than once a day that's OK too, just try to find out when she's normally tired.

Grown ups have it too - it's the same downtime in energy you feel in the afternoons!

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N.D.

answers from New York on

i feel for you! i have a one year old little boy and we had such a hard time with naps in the winter, he is tired atdifferent times every day and wakes up different times in the morning... evening he goes down easily, i felt very isolated all winter waiting for him to fall asleep/wake up at home...
i recently moved him to one nap a day which is working out great, he takes a longer nap abd goes down easy.
also, you can try to make her take a great morning nap and have her nap in the stroller for her pm nap so you can make plans and do stuff.
i am usually against tv for babies but we got this supercute dvd: eebee baby, about 20mins long, he's like hypnotized, helps to get stuff done around the house etc.
i'd recommend sticking to a regular food schedule, but make sure you can feed her out of the house, at a cafe or in the park.
have you tried any classes for young miss? or do youhave mommy and me yoga near you? that's a good way to meet other mom's and do something good for yourself and bonding with baby at the same time.
good luck!!!!!
N.

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J.K.

answers from Phoenix on

check out flylady.net Get on her email list and she will help you plan and do routines. This helped me tremendously!

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