Banned from My House?

At my house, the presence of someone no one likes is called an intruder. Sowhen the kid rings the bell, say sorry we are having ffamily time. This way you are not putting emotion in it, just that he is not welcome. For the safety of kitty for now ....they are a house cat no outdoor exploring until the kid doesn't bother anymore

Why have you let this behavior go on so long. I would ban any kid that didn't behave well in my home.

I'd have no problem telling his parents I don't think he should come over for a while - I might say our playdates haven't been a good fit lately and perhaps they should have a little break. Besides, if your son doesn't like him even at the best of times, that would be enough for me to say no more dates.

i cannot imagine why you let things go that far with your poor cat. i'd have had that boy by the scruff of his neck (figuratively) the first time i told him 'put the cat down now!' and he ignored me. to let him remove the collar and take it from your house? what were YOU doing?
long before i had to put a ban in place, i'd have had a much more relaxed and pleasant conversation with the parents. 'little wolfgang is having some trouble listening to me at my house, and doesn't abide by our house rules regarding toys and especially pets. if he's going to play with my poindexter, i need him to mind. do you have any suggestions?'
once you're at the point of 'your kid is out of control and i don't want him here any more' the parents are much less likely to want to work out a solution with you. since your son doesn't like him anyway, why NOT just ban him?
khairete
S.

If your son does not like him then there is no reason for him to come over anyways, I would not worry about it.

You have the right to choose who comes to your house. If your son does not like playing with him, just don't allow him in your house.

If he comes over to play, just tell him that he needs to go home.

Keeping him out of your yard may be more difficult, though. You may have to speak to his parents about him coming over.

I'm not sure what to do about the cat, however. Tell his parents that he is being abusive to your cat and that you want him to leave the cat alone, maybe? Unfortunately, since your cat is apparently an indoor/outdoor cat, that may be difficult to control, since the cat probably wanders around the neighborhood.

And... put a lock on your back gate... that may help keep him out of your yard. You may need to do this for your own protection... if he were playing in your yard, even without YOUR knowledge, and gets injured, his parents may very well expect you to pay any medical expenses.

Are you KinderCare or something?
If your son doesn't like him and he doesn't play with your son...why is he in your house?

You COULD make it clear that if he can't follow he rules, he has to go home.
I'd have run away, too, if I was his cat!

No, you're not out of order at all. If he attempts to come over, tell him matter-of-factly that he may not play at your house or on your property due to his behavior. If he tries arguing, tell him that you will not argue about it and to run along home.

I think you let it go too far before intervening. I don't think you're going to get anywhere talking to the parents about their child's behavior - a lot of parents don't take well to that because either a) they don't see the problem or b) they don't want to discuss it with you because they've already been down that road with teachers and other parents. If they didn't intervene when they saw their child with your cat, you're done talking to them.

It's okay for neighborhood kids to not enjoy each other. I'd just address it as kids with separate interests and not much in common the next time you get an invitation or they try to set up a play date. Not having anything in common is not a value judgment or a criticism, just a statement of fact.

If he comes to your door, just say your son is doing something else today (don't say "Maybe another time"). If he shows up in your yard and comes anywhere near the cat, say firmly that the cat is tired and does not want to be touched. If you have to, say that he scared the cat when he screamed and wouldn't let her go, and so he's not allowed in your yard or allowed to touch the cat.

He should get tired of coming over, but if not, just say "It's time for you to go home now." Even if he just arrived!

GOOD JOB-Your son does not need to be exposed to this BRAT

ETA: As to their cat - I doubt very seriously it ran away...with the way this child is behaving - I wouldn't be surprised if he killed it and told his parents it ran away....they are oblivious to his behavior....

Welcome to mamapedia!!

Your house. Your rules. If he cannot abide by your rules, he must leave. Simple as that.

Set the rules before he comes in the house - tell him how you expect him to behave and the consequence of not following the rules. Don't bend. Don't waiver. Follow through.

Good luck.

Since your son does not like him at the best of time, why is there even a question of keeping this kid out of your house? You were only out of order when you were not more authoritative when the issues were beginning to show and even escalating in my opinion.

He was practically torturing an animal. He's rightly banned.

Sounds like a pretty awful child. You should never feel obligated to have someone in your house if you don't like them...especially if he isn't even a good friend of your son. Ban the kid - don't feel bad doing it.

Yes do not let him back, just say his behavior with your cat was not acceptable and he is no longer welcome at your house. In the future when children come over to your house and do anything you do not condone just say "this is the rule at our house". If they do not follow your rules, they are gone for the day right away. I gave kids a second chance and all who came back followed the rules cheerfully from then on because they knew I talked softly but meant what I said. Only one never came back. Lesson for you is to be clear and firm from the beginning.

You probably wouldn't have a problem with telling an adult that they were no longer welcome. This child acts horribly at your house and apparently saying something to the child does not work.

What did the parents say?

You should probably keep your cat indoors...this child has no qualms about messing with the poor animal.

I wouldn't want this child at my home either.

Just refuse the offers to play. If they invite your kids over...you'll have to decide what you want to do.

Did you tell the kid the right and wrong way to treat your cat? It sounds like you should have laid down the rules..i.e. no swearing, don't touch or play with the cat, find things to play with together...etc...It sounds like his parents haven't given him the right guidance.

Visiting kids to my house have to follow my rules. If he won't behave and your son doesn't even care for his company, then there is no reason why he should be allowed over to play. Lock the back gate so he can no longer enter your yard.

I would have banned him long before this latest incident.
Put up no trespassing signs (complete with 'violators will be prosecuted to fullest extent of the law' and keep your pets inside.
Keeping him out will help but it probably won't completely end your problems with him and your neighbors.

You've gotten good advice. Get a secure gate lock (make sure no one can reach over the top of the gate and unlock it). Post a no trespassing sign. And get your cat microchipped. Plus inform the police that your pet was stolen and tell the parents you have taken that step.

But, one thing I haven't seen addressed (sorry if I overlooked this in any post) is: you need to talk to your son. In my opinion, you demonstrated that you will continue to put up with completely intolerable behavior (different than simply and politely overlooking an annoying but harmless habit that one of your guests may have). I think you need to tell your son that you have learned from your mistake, and that you will defend your family, your home and your pets from now on, and they can count on that. Not that you'll go ballistic and start shooting at the neighbors - just that you will establish boundaries of decency and ensure they are followed in your home, respectfully but firmly. Your little boy needs to learn how to stand up to disrespectful and harmful behavior while still acting in a dignified and mature way. I think if you tell your son honestly that you should have spoken up long ago and realize now the proper way to handle things, he will learn a life-long lesson. It's ok to tell him you made a mistake, and things are going to change. That's really important for kids to see modeled by a parent.

It is hard to speak up. But once you do it, politely and firmly, and the first time you follow up on your promise, you'll see a difference. Oh, and don't say something wishy-washy or vague like "um, act nice, ok?". Say "in this house, you will not use any curse words" or "you will not call anyone a ____" and "you will not touch the cat" and "you may politely say 'I don't want any carrots, thank you' but if you complain about the food ('this sucks' or 'yuck') then you will be sent home immediately. If you refuse to leave I will call the police". And then do it.

First, NO, you're not out of order! I would have banned that kid immediately!!!

If a child comes into MY house and is rude and/or doesn't even want to play with my child, then they don't get invited back.

As for the treatment of the cat, why on earth would you let it go on as long as it has? Why would you WATCH him take your cat into their house? If a child touches my cats (or dog) in ANY wrong way, they get a scolding; if caught a second time, they are tossed out!! End of story!!

I will not tolerate ANY mistreatment of children and/or animals!!

Bottom line: your house, your rules!!

Good luck!!

What did you say when you observed these behaviors? If anyone picked up my cat, took off her collar and walked out our door to their own house with her I would say "Hey! Come back here, where are you going with my cat?"

It sounds like you just passively stood there while he was acting this way time after time. Of course it's fine to decide who is allowed in your home and who is not but a better way to deal with this stuff is to tell the kid that his behavior is unacceptable when you witness it. If he continues anyway then the natural consequence is he cannot play at your house anymore.

Finally if your son does not like him, what in the world is he doing at your house in the first place?

I would just say sorry can't play today. And let it go. The kid will eventually stop coming over. No way should you have him in your house if he is rude and doesn't play with your son.

Have you told him the rules in your house? I would first make sure he is aware of your house rules. Post them in writing, then make a point of going over them with him. (eg No chasing the cat. No complaining about the food. No swearing.) Let him know the consequences of breaking the rules (ie You will not be welcome here.) Rules are different in every home and kids don't automatically know what is and is not acceptable behaviour, especially if it is something that is allowed at home. If he has been made aware of the rules and then continues to break them, then go ahead and ban him. Of course if your son doesn't even like playing with him, just tell him your busy.

This isn't your child; he is a neighbor child. Why are you giving him the right to do as he pleases in your house and your yard? If his parents want him to completely run their house and their lives, that's their problem. You are absolutely under no obligation to allow him to run your household or ruin your lives. And if your son doesn't like him--then why is he over at your house in the first place?

It would appear that his parents are unable to control him and so let him run all over the place, hoping someone else will "take care of him."

Sounds like he needs to be politely banned.

They were probably very glad to have a few minutes to themselves. I'd just not let him in.

You are not out of order. You decide who can and cannot come into your home. This is a good lesson for the neighbor.