Baptism Decision When Parents Are Different Religions

M., our family is Jewish and my daughter-in-law and her family is Catholic. They were lucky to find a place where families raise their children in both religions.

The children are now 5, 8, and 10. They are not confused. They embraced both religions but the older one has announced that he wants to be Jewish and the middle one told everyone that he wants to be Catholic.

The middle one was just Babtized and is going to have his 1st communion in a week. The older one is going to Hebrew School And the middle child wants to go to Hebrew School also. And they are all happy.

Where is it written that your child cannot be raised in a home with two religions, raised in 2 religions and given the freedom to make a choice if they choose to?

As long as your home is filled with love and respect for each other's beliefs, anything is possible. You just have to ignore all outside family pressures.

Good luck M.
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I am Lutherana dn my husband is catholic and the only reason why we decied to raise the kids catholic is because our pastro at my church suggersted something. he siad that if we raise the kids catholic and tey want to become lutheran or any other religion later it is very easy to do so, just pretty much join the church and they have a ceremony for you. If you become Lutheran and want to become Catholic later you have to take tons of classes and jump though hoops etc to become catholic. i was still against it since you know I will end up taking the kids to church even thouh my husband says he will. But it is me involved in the bible studies and takes to religion class etc not him and I am stuck doing all this in the catholic faith. I just know that I have made it easier for them to choose when the time comes what they want to do. hope this helps??
good luck
J.

I would encourage you to use this time to explore these faiths with your husband, and decide together about what you two can embrace together.

(I read a book called A Severe Mercy, by Sheldan VanAuken -- and it was such a beautiful story about a couple learning their faith together, and how it transformed their love that they thought could never get stronger than it already was.)

Our priest has explained to us that marriage (and raising your family) is a path to salvation. It's a life-long journey of growing more faithful, more patient, more kind, more generous... A church will give you tools to accomplish those goals (teachers, sacraments, disciplines, volunteer opportunities, etc). Deciding where to baptize your child isn't just a cultural "thing to do" -- this is the first step in his path toward heaven.

Do your homework - treat this at least as seriously as you did choosing a pediatrician, a sleep method, vaccines, etc. What a beautiful opportunity to become of one mind with your husband about the most important area of your life.

God bless your journey!
T.

ps I personally am Orthodox Christian, a faith I highly recommend. Similar to Catholic, but with a stronger emphasis (I would say) on developing both discipline and love, and a more 'traditional' way of worship (most of the services date back more than a thousand years!). Anyhow, I am happy to share resources about Orthodoxy, if you're interested.

My husband is Catholic and I am Methodist. We decided to have both of our children christened at his church, but have some sort of blessing at my church. Apparently, if you are baptized outside of the Catholic church and later decide to become Catholic, there are a lot of classes that need to be taken. We decided to just christen them from the get go and the children can decide on their religion when they are older. In the mean time, we take them with us to both churches. We go to my husbands on Sat, and mine on Sun. We are both very active in our churches. As soon as they are old enough, I plan to take them to Sunday school at my church.

Hi M., let me start by asking, do you guy's attend church regularly. If yes which church do you attend and how often?

Hi M. -

I know you've gotten a lot of responses already, but I felt it important to respond myself because we're going through the same decision-making process right now too. My husband was raised and is a practicing Catholic. His religious tradition is important to him and he is active because of what it does for him, not because of any outside expectations. He also volunteers as an assistant with the church's high school youth group. We recently moved and are now starting to establish new church homes near our new house, but he's finishing out the year with the youth group at the old church (we're not that far away that it's impossible, but too far to do this forever). At one point, he considered the priesthood. I was raised United Methodist and am practicing my religious tradition as well. I have always been active in the church in some way, was most recently a member of the choir, and am also trying to establish myself in the church community in our new area. At one point, I considered the ministry as well... So you see that we're both highly involved and dedicated in our respective traditions. We have been married for two-and-a-half years and just had our first baby (a boy) in January.

Of course from the time we were dating, we knew that the religious tradition of our child(ren) would be an issue we would have to deal with. In fact, it brought me to tears just thinking about it even back then because I grew up with parents who grew apart in their religious traditions about the time that we were in jr. high and their ensuing arguements about it really hurt. However, I was drawn to my husband because of who he is and part of that is his dedication to his tradition. I am GLAD he has a strong faith life. My husband and I respect each other and each other's traditions, but have no intention of changing ourselves. When it was just us, we were fine and attended our churches individually and went with each other about once a month to have some shared experiences. My husband places a high level of importance on attending his church every week, so on the weeks that he comes to my church, he is attending two services. While I attend my church all of the other weeks, when I go with him, I skip my service.

To us, one of the most important things is to establish our own traditions within our home. We plan to share our meals together with the baby in the highchair from the beginning, praying before each meal. We will be doing bedtime prayers and talking about God in our home.

We have also clarified for ourselves some additional related things. The thought that baptism was necessary to "save" the child's soul existed in a previous portion of the Catholic church and is not current doctrine, so there is not a need to rush into this decision before we are ready; we see baptism as a promise to God that we raise our son as a Christian. A second topis is that only the Catholic partner going through a Catholic-sanctioned wedding promises to try "to the best of their ability" to raise the children Catholic. We were married in the UM Church, but went through the Catholic pre-marriage experience, which is where we learned this. At the time, my husband's reaction was, "What if my wife's faith asks the same kind of promise of her?" Finally, both Catholicism and the United Methodist Church believe in ONE baptism, so either church recognizes baptism within the other church.

Our thinking at this point is to decide which tradition we intend to raise him in and baptize that way. (There is not a parochial school in our future, so that is not a decision-maker.) Yes, he'll be a Christian either way, but there are some things that will end up excluding one of the parents at some point. The prime example is Communion. If we raise him in the Catholic Church, our son and my husband will share communion there, and will not partake with me at my church. If we raise him UM, he will share with me in the UM church and my husband will not. (Even though UM communion is "open," the Catholic view is that it is not the same as Catholic Communion and Catholics are not supposed to partake, and non-Catholics are not supposed to partake at Catholic churches.) I know this feeling of exclusion for one parent might seem a bit selfish, but having been raised in a segmented religious family, I had been hoping to have a more inclusive experience for my own family and neither of us wants that exclusion for the other. No matter what, we do intend to attend both churches as a family on some sort of regular basis. The most important thing to us as well, is the faith life within our home.

I did like the response that drew attention to the fact that no matter what we do, our children as adults will be making their own faith decisions. Maybe what we should look at is the path that would set them up the best to make that decision, but I don't really know which way that would take us either. So far, I've had no "strikes of lightening" to help with this decision; I'm only sharing this long diatribe (!) so that maybe someting in our thought process might help you. If others have ideas for us to think about as well, I'd welcome them.

Thanks for bringing up the topic, best wishes, and please let me know if you'd like to "talk" further.
K..

My husband and I are of two different faiths. I am Catholic, he attended several different churches growing up. (Presbyterian, Lutheran, Methodist...) My husband has a lot of trouble embracing the Catholic church. I respect his feelings about it, and we accept our differing opinions. But we both wanted our son to grow up within a church community, even if it wasn't the exact same type we grew up in. We agreed to try different churches in the area, until we could find one we both felt comfortable with, that we both could agree upon. I wanted us to be able to join a community of faith as a family. While I did not intend to give up being Catholic, I did want to have my son grow up with some kind of spiritual foundation, and ideally it would be some kind of foundation that we could all embrace. If we could find someplace that we agreed on, I would commit to bringing our son up in this other faith, though I did not intend on abandoning my own Catholic faith for myself. We went to just about every church in town, and finally settled on one we both really liked. I was allowed to join this church without having to convert from Catholicism! I explained right up front to the pastor that I was born Catholic, raised Catholic, and I can't just stop BEING Catholic. He was perfectly fine with that and had no problem with it whatsoever. He explained how I could join the church, without converting, and could be a full member of the church community. My husband completely converted, giving up all ties to any other faiths. It was a perfect solution for us. We've all been very happy with the choice.

Same situation here. We went with my religion just because I am more into it than my husband is into his.

My best friend was in the same type of household growing up. Her mom was Lutheran and her dad was Catholic. Her parents decided early on that the kids would attend the local Catholic school, so that helped them in their decision. If that isn't in your plans, perhaps you should consider which parent attends church more regularly and will most likely take your son with them.

Good luck and try to remember that in the end, raising a child with good Christian morals is what is most important.

A.

Hi, M.. If it's important to you guys that he grow up Christian, then you can certainly take him to a non-denominational Christian church to be baptized. However, my daughter's father and I are also 2 different Christian faiths (I'm Catholic and he's Baptist). When I was pregnant, we decided we would let her decide what faith she wants to practice, even if it means she wants to practice Hindu. I think this is a great approach even if you practice the same faiths. I think religion is extremely personal and should be made by the individual. As the child gets older, it's a great way to teach tolerance if you have them research the different religions and their teachings. That was my original plan, but my daughter chose earlier than I expected that she wants to be baptized. I did, however, read to her about different religions. She absolutely loves it! She still asks me to read out of this book, which I got for a college course I had to take! She understands it, though, and what she doesn't get she asks questions about.

Now my daughter is 6, and she was just baptized Catholic the weekend after Thanksgiving. That was HER decision. No arguing between us (by the way, her father and I split 3 years ago and things really aren't all that great between us). We both stood by our agreement to let her decide. Since this is my only child and I don't want to have any more, I'm glad that if it was his faith or mine, I get to share my faith with her. He plans on having more kids with his current wife, so he has more kids to share his faith with. Which brings me to your other option: If you plan on having an even number if kids in the end, then you can have one baptized Catholic and one Baptized Lutheran. One more thought: My mom's Catholic and my dad is Lutheran. They were married in the Catholic church. When married in the Catholic church, the non-Catholic has to sign an agreement saying any children resulting from the union have to be baptized and raised Catholic. My dad can't stand Catholics (although he married 2 of them), but all 3 of us were baptized Catholic, since that was the agreement he signed. If you were also married in the Catholic church, and you guys are going to make the decision to baptize your son while a baby, then I guess your best bet is to follow that agreement. Good luck!

M.

My husband is Catholic and we had both kids baptized Catholic because he wanted it and because it's much easier to get the sacrament when you're born than go through Catholic education later. (Not sure that's a terribly good reason, but there you have it.)

M.: First of all do you attend church now? Whose church do you go to? You need to pick the church that you feel most "at home" with. My kids father is Methodist and I am Catholic. We decided to raise the children Methodist, with the idea that since it was his childhood religion , he would take the lead in the religious upbringing of the children. Well that never happened, 20 years later we're divorced, the kids don't attend church and I went back to the Catholic church which they don't feel comfortable with. Whatever decision you make think long and hard, but when you make it both of you need to commit to it. Don't worry about both sides of your family, Its a private decision.Just when you make it stick to it.

Ig you are questioning this, then you must not be a strong Cathloic, and I do not mean any disrespect by that. I was methodist when my husband and I got together. I too stuggled with that decision, because he was Lutheran. My advice to you is to pray on it. Whatever choice you make will then bring you closer with God and help you and you family to discover what you all are together. I am now a proud Lutheran. Good luck to you finding your faith is a wonderful feeling.

I haven't read if others responded. But one thing is to look at who might be more involved with their religion. Or even meet with the priest and pastor from each church and go over what each believes, etc. There are some differences between the two.
But in the end I think it's best to find one that everyone feels comfortable with so that you can raise him together in that faith.
GOOD LUCK!

I am Catholic and my husband is Lutheran. We were married in the Catholic church. We decided to raise our children Catholic. Our older son was baptized in the Catholic church and our youngest will be baptized next month.

I think that you and your husband need to talk about what you each want for your son. The right decision is the decision that you make together.

Good luck.

Wow! You've received a lot of responses. I started to read through them to see if anyone had the same advice as me, but they became too many to read. I saw a few that were kind of similar. We just baptized our daughter on March 2nd. My husband was raised Catholic, and I was raised Lutheran (I can't believe how common that mix is :-)). He initially argued with me that he would rather her be baptized catholic. My response to him was "If you want to attend church every Sunday and see her through every step of the way every week, than no problem." He has never attended church other than the few times he's been with me for special occasions, not that I go a lot right now either. But I am completely dedicatd to being there every Sunday when she is old enough to go to Sunday School and service. My mom and the rest of my family also go to our Lutheran church and are involved.

So, my answer is based on who is willing to commit more of their time to giving their child a strong faith base. In our case, that is me and thus she will be raised Lutheran. What she chooses to become at a later time in her life will be up to her.

I would have to ask first if you both go to the same church? It does affect the children, my parents did that for a year or year and a half. Seek guidance there.

You've gotten some great advice and comments from people. The only one that I disagree with is to baptize a child in 2 different faiths. You only need to be bapitized once to receive God's blessing. I don't think a church would baptize a child if they new it was baptized already. Last Sunday at our church we did a special blessing for a baby and it was the first one I'd seen. It was beautiful. We did just a blessing because the family (mom/dad) were having baby baptized at their church the following Sunday in a different state. But the grandparents attend my church and wanted to offer a special blessing to their new grandbaby while they were in town for a visit.

My husband was raised Catholic and I was raised Presbyterian. We use to go back and forth between churches until we had our son. Then we decided it was important to have a united front when raising him in the church. We found a Presbyterian church (just happened that way) that my husband was very comfortable at and he joined as a member. We actually have a lot of mixed faith and/or Catholic families that have joined our church.

My husband and i were from different faiths and we had our daughter baptized at a non-denom church in palos park called the Wayside Chapel. We were both really happy w/ the ceremony and it was nice and personal.

My husband is Catholic, and I am Lutheran so we faced the same decision. Luckily the two religions are similar, so whichever decision you make should work out for your family. We decided to choose to raise our children Catholic because my husband's family is more religious than mine, and that influence would add to their appreciation of their religion. I also just wanted to make sure my children had a Christian background and some sort of religious education growing up, so I didn't mind that we chose Catholic over Lutheran. All three are baptized in the Catholic church. Also, my two oldest children went to a Lutheran preschool (my youngest will start there in the fall), and then they started their religious education in first grade at the Catholic church. So they are exposed to both religions. We do attend Catholic services when we go to mass. Good luck with your decision!

I would pick one for now. My sister is catholic and her husband is Lutheran. They have decided to baptism there girls all lutheran and then every other weekend they go to each others churchs. Therefore the kids are seeing both sides. Then later when they start classes they will decide what to do. It is just important to get them baptised/. I wish you the best of luck in deciding what to do.

We were in the same situation 8 years ago. I'm was raised Catholic and my husband was raised Lutheran. We both felt very strongly about our own religions but decided to baptize and raise our children Catholic. We came to this decision based on who would be the lead person in the spiritual education of our children. Since our children attend public school, I have been responsible in enrolling our children in Sunday school and having the family attend church on a regular basis. Fortunately, my husband has embraced my religion and has been curious about the differences in our religions. For us, it was more important to expose our children to a religion. Lastly, it is important for both parents to be spiritual models.

We are currently going through the same situation. My fiance is Catholic and I myself was never baptized but grew up going to a Christian reformed church of which I loved and coincided with my own beliefs. However, currently neither of us regularly attend church, so we too have decided to get the baby dedicated at a non-denominational church so that our little girl is not committed growing up as a Catholic and once she is of age, she can make her own decision on what faith best suits her beliefs.

My husband was baptised catholic but hasn't been a practicing catholic. Where di you get married? In the Lutheran Church or the catholic church? We got married in the catholic church. Actually our daughter was baptised today!! She was so cute! Her Godfather is Jewish and Her Godmother Catholic. She's an incredibly lucky little girl. Can you do ne catholic and one lutheran at your church for the Godparents? Our church allowed for the Jewish Godfather as long as the Godmother was a confirmed catholic. I wouldn't look to much into it. I really respect Lutherans because the faith is so much similar to catholicism. I am a strng Catholic and I have gone to Lutheran masses and enjoyed them. My only reasn for not converting would be the dedication catholics have to Mother Mary. I just like the traditions for her.

As long as the baby is baptised it shouldn't make a difference. The priest of course will want it to be Catholic of course but will be satisfied as long as the child is raised Catholic. Did you get married in the Cacholic church or Luthern??? That's a good start.

Hi M.,

Hope this information helps- In tradition most children are baptized into the religion of their mother. My understanding is that the mother ultimately will raise the child in "faith".

My husband and I are of different religous back grounds. Our children were baptized in my religion.

One question I would discuss with your husband is "out of the two of you- which one of you is more committed to his/her faith?"

Which church were you married in? Luthern or Catholic? That may be another way to decide. Do you have any plans in the future to enroll your child in a parochial school? That may make a difference too. If you think you will enroll your child in a Luthern or Catholic school, you may want to baptise in that religion.

I hope your decision will be made soon and that there is not much tension in deciding.

Hope that helps!
MV

Can you do both? My husband is Episcopalian and I'm Jewish and we did both the Jewish naming ceremony and had our son baptised. That way he's covered on both ends! I'm not sure if it would be different with two Christian religions, like if there are rules on only being baptised once or not.

I know a lot of people that have struggled with this decision- do either of you practice your religion or attend mass regularly or belong to a church? I think the child should be Bastized with the parent that has the strongest belief go to eachothers church.

This is what happen to us. We chose to baptize our son at Grace Lutheran Church because my husband was Lutheran. We decided to send him to Woodstock Christian School for his education. When he was in 2nd grade he asked us if we would consider trying out Woodstock Assembly for a new church home. He did not care for the Sunday School at Grace and really liked his school which was located at Woodstock Assembly.
We Agree to try it out. When our son was in 4th grade he asked if he could be baptized again in a full water baptism and if we would consider joining him and be baptized again.
We agreed and later became member of this church. Our son is now 17 and a senior and planning to study evangelism and discipleship.

I believe you should get him baptized and I believe that the Bible teaches us to follow our husbands lead as long as he is living Gods Word. If your husband is not practicing and living his faith and you are then baptize in your faith. Other wise baptize in your husbands.

Because as I just told you, you can baptize your son in the Catholic or Lutheran church and choose later to want a life in a Pentecostal Church.

Best of Luck

We had the same issue - my husband would have rather had our children dedicated, where I wanted a baptism. We ended up going to a First Congressional Church where we found a nice blend of how we were raised and it help us get a church together & our twins were baptized there. Another thing I can tell you, is my husband’s parents went to a Catholic baptism and they told me that it is verbally just like a dedication - Best of luck!

M.,
My Uncle and Aunt had the same exact issue. What they did was have the baby baptized "Non Do nominal". This is where your son will be baptized just not under one religon. You aren't picking any religon just having him baptized. So when you decide later which religon to go with you don't have to change his religon.
Good luck on your decision! This this not weird did you ever think having your baby batized would become such a big decision you have to make.........welcome to parenthood. LOL

Best of luck
Roseann

M. - I have a ton of experience with your situation. I grew up in a family of split religion and am also raising my children in that way. My dad was Catholic, my mom Lutheran. My parents were married in a Catholic church, but when I was born (the first born) since I was a girl, my mom chose the faith I would be baptized in. It was an agreement they made in advnce. Had I been a boy, dad would have chosen. Now, although I was raised Lutheran, I attended services of both faiths (they really aren't much different in the long run, Catholisism is just a bit stricter) and never knew anything was "diferent". When I met my husband, it was ironic he was Catholic. We were married in my church and I have baptized both my children Lutheran. Our decisions were made mostly out of the fact that my husband is not as devout in his faith as I am. We also decided that we would let the children find their own direction of faith once they were older. They see both sides of the fence, as I did when I was younger.

I know this is a difficult decision, especially if you are both strong in your faith, but trust yourself that you will make the right decision. If you have any questions, feel free to contact me. Good luck to you!

a few things maybe to consider-

when you got married, which church were you married in? and why did you make that decision at the time? could those same reasons translate into your baptismal decision?

do you both actively practice your religion? if so, disregard this suggestion. if not- if one of you was maybe born baptized into the faith, but don't actively practice, then that could help with your decision. because your child would probably get more out of being a part of the denomination that he watches his parent actively participate in.

Maybe talk through your concerns to your priest and preacher, and see what their feedback is.

no matter what you decide, remember that even if your son is baptized in one denomination over another, he can still attend services for both if you so choose. and you can always teach him both faith backgrounds at home, so that he has an understanding for both. i know it's a difficult decision, but remember that there is no "wrong" decision. the important thing is that you're having him baptized, (regardless of the denomination you choose) which shows your commitment as a parent provide your son with a faith-based foundation and family which will help guide him throughout his lifetime. what a gift!

The Catholic church recognizes any Christian baptism as "valid," as long as you do it in a Christian church, and have a baptismal certificate. So, as far as baptism goes, you don't necessarily have to commit to either church immediately. I know this to be true because I converted to Catholicism as an adult, and was baptized as a child in a protestant christian church. I still had the certificate, and the church recognized this as valid, so I did not have to be baptized a second time. You can verify this w/ your priest, but I'm sure I'm correct.

In the end, I recommend choosing one church to raise your kid(s) in for the sake of consistency and unity; as far as deciding which one, I would pray about it, and maybe consider if either you or your spouse is more passionate and serious about your specific church. Good luck and God Bless!

This can be very tough. My husband and I also practice different religions. He is methodist and I am catholic, two very different views on things. We have 4 beautiful kids and when it came down to it after much discussion all our children our baptised catholic. My husband does not attend church much and I said if he wanted to bring the children up in his faith he would have to put effort into going to church and instilling his beliefs and values of his religion. He decided he was not going to do that so we decided (and he was fine with it) that they would be raised catholic and attend church with me. That doesn't mean his view's and beliefs won't be part of their lives!!! Hope that helps.

You've gotten good advice from everyone. Lisa G wondered about being able to be baptized more than once. I know the Catholic Church believes in only one baptism. I'm not sure about Lutherans.

My best advice is to seriously look at who is more committed to their faith, and where you go to church most frequently.

There are some fundamental differences in beliefs between the two faiths, but ultimately, they are very similar. The differences are not anything that your child would even be introduced to until he is much older (like secondary or junior high grades). With Catholicism, the sacraments are given during specific ages. If your son would choose to be confirmed in the Catholic Faith, and he had been raised predominantly Lutheran, then (depending on his age) he would either go through the RCIA (Right of Christian Initiatn for Adults) process as an adult, or through chatechism/religious education if he's still young or in his early teens. I'm not as familiar with the process if he were raised Catholic and decided to live his life as a Lutheran.

Most parochial schools I am familiar with do not have a problem with children of another faith attending... in fact, many parochial schools will have students who are not Christians enrolled. Some ask all students to attend services, some allow the non-Christian children to sit out on church or prayer services. The biggest factor is, if you are of the same faith as the school you are sending your child to, many times there is some break for parishoners of that school's church.

Good luck! What's most important is that you are interested in raising you child with a faith and belief system!

That is a tricky one. As someone else asked, were you married in a Catholic church? If you were, you "agreed" to Baptism and raising your children Catholic. It might be a decision you already made years ago and didn't realize.
FYI-I am Catholic, married in a Catholic church & Baptized 2 Catholic kids.

Can you have him baptised in both religiions. This would give you time to decide which one you want to be prominant in. Way down the path when he is much older he can have his choice and feel comfort that he is baptised in both.