Bed Space Shrinking

Updated on August 17, 2007
K.B. asks from San Antonio, TX
10 answers

My 11 month old is growing and like many new parents I made the mistake of keeping her in our bed. It was more me than her just wanting to be near us and now when i put her in her crib even so i can shower quickly she just goes crazy. Putting her to sleep in her crib is out of the question for her. She always wakes up screaming. Any suggestions on how to get my bed back?

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J.N.

answers from Corpus Christi on

Does she have a toy/toys that she sleeps with??? It will take her and you some time to get used to being apart..If she has a special animal that she can sleep with in her crib then she won't be alone. My daughter has 4 animals that she sleeps with and has a bath book to play with when she wakes up before I do.

Good Luck!
J.

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J.M.

answers from Corpus Christi on

My parents slept with me in their bed until I was 5. It warms my heart to remember snuggling up to them at night. Even though my teenage years were really rough and my parents and I struggled, I never forgot how they snuggled and loved me, and always knew that I was loved.

I have co-slept with all three of my children, one of whom is now a teen. I would NEVER call it a mistake.

I do realize that a young child in the bed can be a challenge at times, especially when you want some "alone time" with your husband or when your little one is tossing and turning. May I recommend a co-sleeper? These are sort of like cribs with one side missing. It straps to the side of your bed, allowing you to cuddle (and even nurse, if you choose!) your little one without them being actually *in* the bed with you.

PLEASE: try to imagine how your child feels. They want to sleep in your bed because of the warm, loving feeling it gives them. They cry when you take them out of your bed because it leaves them isolated, without your warmth and your reassurance. They cry. When they are old enough to face the night alone, they won't mind moving out of your bed, but until then, they prefer to know that you are there. I think kicking them out of your bed and letting them cry it out is cruel, and sends the wrong message to your child.

1 mom found this helpful
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S.S.

answers from Washington DC on

K.,
Its not mistake that you let your baby sleep next to you.
It was my decision against my husband's wishes to keep the twins in our room. He still fusses about it. Since it was twins we had them in the co-sleeper for 3 months and after that we moved them to seperate 2 cribs in seperate bedrooms with crib and a bed in their rooms. We rocked them to sleep in their cribs and if they cried at night depending on how sleepy they are and how tired we were we would either hold them and make them sleep in their cribs or would bring them back to our bedroom to sleep next to us.
After they were close to a year we would let them cry for no more that 5 or 10 mins then we would go make them sleep. After they turned 2 years they slept together on a king size bed and if they wake up at night and cry we make them sleep and put them back in their beds or sometime they will walk to our bedroom and sleep with us. So its upto them. We praise them if they had slept all night on their beds.
I think its wrong to give kids/babies/toddlers ultimatums.
I feel they need the touch and warmth from their parents.
And everybody is different, whatever works for you and your kids.
If you had decided to let your baby sleep in your bed then it will take some time for your daughter to adjust.
Still keep her in your bed and when she fast sleep put her in the crib next to your bed. Or when its not nap/sleep time put her in teh crib and play with her and also put her there when do some house chores like folding clothes. And just tell her that mommy feels safe if she was in the crib. Keep talking to her.
And start putting her for naps and at night time. She will cry but assure her that she's ok and mommy is around.

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K.W.

answers from Lubbock on

I agree that co-sleeping is not a mistake.

I suggest a side car arrangement. That is where you take the front of the crib off and attach it to your bed. She sleeps in the crib portion, but the mattresses are level so it's like you're in the same bed.

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R.G.

answers from San Antonio on

I really never went through your situation but I think I saw this somewhere on TV...
Put the crib next to your bed.
- That way you reach out & touch her & she can touch you.
- Then you move the crib away from your bed a little bit every night.
- Eventually the bed is in the other room.

Sounded good when I saw it on TV.

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G.P.

answers from Abilene on

I will tell you what I did. It's not the best idea but it's just what I did and it worked.
My son was 13 months old and had never slept in his own bed. I got him a t.v. and played movie like wiggles and sleepy frogs. You can even put it on the all night soft music channel. It worked but now he is almost 4 and has to have a movie or 2 every night. LOL my fault. You gotta love em!!!

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B.R.

answers from San Antonio on

Well if you figure something out let me know. My son is 12 mths and he will not fall asleep without me laying with him and then I can move him. But later in the night it is impossible to move him back. He will wake up everytime screaming. So I am in the same boat. And it is to the poing where he moves and twist and turns. I dont sleep!

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R.

answers from San Antonio on

We have co-sleept with all of our kids. When we were ready for them to go to thier own beds, we started by putting a toddler bed in our room next to our bed and then after a while move the bed into thier room. It was a gradual process, but not at all tramatic for either of us.

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C.R.

answers from El Paso on

ok here it goes. I have an 8 month old and like you I mad that same mistake with ALL 4 of my kids. You can't help yourself when they are little you just want them near you at all times. So I learned my lesson and started getting her out of my bed now. For the past 5 day I have been using this method. I have an mp3 player that is loaded with music that I love and it keeps me calm. So I have started listening to it when I put her to sleep (It drowns out the cries). Most important I start her bed time routine at 8pm with a nice warm bath. Then I nurse for about 1/2 hour but I play with her so she won't fall asleep while I nurse. Then at about 8:45 I say her bed time prayers (all the kids join in and they go to bed too). Then, I place her in her crib and sit right next to it on a chair. I put in my earphones and turn the music up so I won't have to hear her cry and then start the routine of laying her back down when ever she gets up. (DON'T TAKE BABY OUT OF THE CRIB AT ALL OR THIS WILL TAKE MUCH LONGER) You don't say anything to her or give her eye contact, you just calmly lay her back down and after a while she will go to sleep. She WILL CRY that first night (mine cried for 2 hours that first night then 1 hour the second), but I PROMISE it will get better real fast as long as you stick to the routine. My little Jackie is not crying any more she just looks at me putting my earphones in and knows that I am not going to pick her up so she rolls over gets comfortable and goes right to sleep in less that 5 minutes now. Added bonus she is sleeping through the night now too! Before you do this talk to Daddy about it and let him know you are going to be doing it so that he is not shocked that you are letting the little one cry. My husband didn't mind he was surprised that I didn't go crazy when she was crying until he saw the earphones. So the best of luck to you. If you need any support while you are doing this feel free to e-mail me @ ____@____.com- my pediatrician is the one who told me about this method. He said that when the baby sees you next to the crib it lets them know that you are still there and that they are still safe it's just bed time.

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S.K.

answers from Austin on

Hard to hear, but you should have started out not letting him sleep with you in the first place and allowing baby to bassinet next to you.. My daughter loves to sleep in her bed unless she has had a nightmare... She does not sleep with us.. The only way to remedy this is cut cold turkey.. a lot of parent's think this is cruel but do you want sleep/ sex / cuddling or do you want toe in the nose and less bed space.

The child will get over it and will eventually get sleep bed trained. Takes time and yes you will have to hear the screams, kicking, throwing, tantrums.. but in the end it makes your baby more independent in the fact that they learn to comfort themselves instead of having you do it for them..

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