My boys 5th grade and preschooler goes to school by my home. My stepdaughter(5th grade) goes to school with her mom in different school district therefore different schedules and days off. She is with us on weekends. However today since they had scheduled parent teacher conference and she has tomorrow off, We have her tonight as well. Here is my question. My boys still have school tomorrow. Bedrooms right next to each other. If she was quite and had door closed so no light coming out, would you let her stay up? On weekends we usually allow them to stay up later.
My thought was even if she was quite and did not wake my boys, that we are still up early for her dad to get ready for work and my boys getting ready for school. If she stays up late she will be tired. He thinks because she does not have school the next day she should not be punished by having to go to bed early like boys.
I just wondering how other families in blended situation have handled situation like this.
Edit: No she will not be "forced" to get up at any time until we leave to go to bus. However, we are up a hour before bus. I am up with her dad. He is getting ready for work. Both boys are up and getting ready for school. There is lots going on and no reason for us to be quite. So she will be woken up unless we tiptoe around house to let her sleep in till last possible moment. No I don't have any big plans either. Yes her dad used the phrase "punished". I got my boys ready for bed as usual. I assumed she would follow the same school night routine. I told her lights out. Her dad said no, it's not a school night for her. That on weekends kids are allowed later bedtime. That just because the boys have school she she not be punished and have to go to bed at same time.
We don't have hard and fast rules regarding bedtimes at all. It is all situational. If one child doesn't have to get up in the morning for any reason, then I would see no reason for an early bedtime.
Going to bed at a reasonable hour is never a punishment.
Getting up at a reasonable hour isn't a punishment either.
The girls schedule isn't your biggest problem - your husbands attitude is.
It's hard being a mother and stepmother. It's hard having different rules for 1 kid and not for the others. It's terrible when the stepmom and the dad don't agree on what should be done, and one gives the instructions and the other counteracts them. That's the worst possible message to give this girl.
I think it might be okay to have a different wake up time for one who has school and one who doesn't (since they are the same age), and a lot depends on what else was expected of the girl later in the day if she was tired.
My bigger concern is that you tried to make her follow the family school-night rules, and your husband not only overruled you but considered it "punishment" for her to have the same standards as her half-brother who is in the same grade. He didn't think about it maybe being "punishment" for everyone else to have to tiptoe around. So I think it's less important whether she goes to bed or stays up than it is when 2 parents don't agree and don't communicate, letting the child see the dad overruling the stepmom. I think that sets a bad precedent. If this is one-time thing, let it go. If this is a pattern, I think you and your husband need to resolve it.
Does she have to get up early tomorrow? If not, sure she can stay up and quietly read.
Heck to tell you the truth at this age, we let our daughter pretty much stay up as late as she wanted on school nights, BUT she had to get up in the morning and be able to keep up her grades, She knew if in the morning there were any problems, I was going to start giving her a bedtime.
She learned very quickly how much sleep she needed.
If it's not a school night for her, and she's allowed to sleep in the next day, then I don't see why she should have to go to bed just because the ones who have school do.
If your bustling around in the morning wakes her up before necessary, so be it.
Our kids go to bed at the same time every night...it doesn't matter if it's a school day, holiday, summer vacation, weekend, etc...Kids need sleep (and routine)--it's not a punishment.
going to bed at a regular time is not 'punishment.' it would help if her dad didn't frame it that way.
this is such a minor matter to be such a big bone of contention. the bedtime issue is FAR less worrisome than you and your husband countering each other.
if this were my house there would be no tiptoeing. everyone would be expected to be sensibly considerate of the sleeper but not hyper-focused on letting her sleep in 'till the last possible minute.' nor would there be such laser-like attention on her bedtime. surely it won't damage her or the boys if she stays up a little later and reads. it's not like she's going to be shrieking and swinging from the chandeliers, right?
it sounds as if you and your husband need to come together on your parenting philosophy instead of playing tug o' war over her.
khairete
S.
What will she be doing tomorrow? Does she need to get up with everyone else? If she does, I would think she'd need a full night's sleep. If she's just going to be hanging around the house and can get up whenever she wants, then it's really not as big a deal.
I don't really like that your husband said she should not be punished by having to go to bed early. Did he really use the word punished? And is it really a bad thing to go to bed by a certain time?
I would probably be more inclined to just have her go to bed with the boys. It just seems like the easiest solution for everyone.
I'd say she could stay up a little later in her room with the door closed
while the other kids go to bed at their normal time.
Her door needs to be closed so she doesn't wake the younger ones.
Since she's older & doesn't have school, she could stay up a little later
than her normal bed time.
Blended famlies have these issues all the time. Try to find a happy
middle ground.
Tell her he can stay up a little later but to please be quiet so she doesn't
wake the younger ones since they have school (this one is hard in our
house but still should try to ask for this).
You need to relax little. You are totally over thinking this.
There is a reason for everyone to try to be QUIET on this one morning, a family member is sleeping. You should try to tone it down a bit so she can enjoy a little extra sleep. If she wakes so be it, one night with a little less sleep is not the worse thing in the world.
If I were the parent and step parent who only got to see my kid on the weekends I would have already planned to spend some special time alone with her on that evening. It's a holiday to her, why not let her stay up and watch a family show or play a game with her for an hour or so after the other kids are in bed?
The poor kid has to split her time between two homes and sets of rules, parents and environments. Enjoy those little moments with her now when ever you can.
ADDED: Well despite what lots of you ladies think, children do look at going to bed early on a non school night as somewhat of a "punishment".
I am not crazy about the choice of words either but don't you guys remember what it's like to be a kid? In our house staying up late is a fun and exciting event. Bed isn't considered punishment but staying up is considered a coveted privilege.
This really doesn't seem like a big deal to me, unless you mean by staying up late you mean until midnight or something.
Let her read and chill in her room for a while, and in the morning go about your normal routine. Unless she's a VERY light sleeper she will probably sleep in and make up for being up a little later.
I agree with dad, let her stay up.
Time to have a meeting on parenting between the two of you and hash out any new things that come up before being presented to the child. It's called a united front and the kids see it equally not as a special situation.
Let's not cause problems where problems don't exist.
The word punishment could have been chosen differently from dad. But he also has to see that a smoothly run home is the key to all of the members working together as a team.
I hope that this is a one time only thing. If not, you have larger problems ahead for all the members.
Everybody needs a bed time whether it be set is not clear. We all need a certain amount of rest/sleep per day.
PS I thought this was going to be about two kids one in 1st or kinder and one at home from the title.
I'd go about my normal routine. If she has the door closed then she's fine. If dad says she doesn't have to be quiet and let the other kids go to sleep then by all means...leave them to it and go to bed. Let dad deal with the other kids waking up with their noise.
As for morning, if she wakes up she wakes up. It won't hurt her to be tired.
