Bedtime Problems...Help!

I had the same thing happen. What I did was make her lay in her bed with a little lamp on and soothing music with no words. I put it on repeat for all night. I would sit by her bed and wait till she fell asleep. I would do that for 2-3 nights. Then I would move farther away till I was out the door. After a while, I dont have to go to her room with her. We would take things away that she loved (her babies). That would help motivate her to sleep in her bed. The time I spent was about 2-4 weeks. But after all that, it worked. Good luck!!

How about moving the air mattress a little bit each night? Until it is by the door, then through the door, down the hall, etc.--until eventually he is in his own room?

Been there, done that and bought the T-Shirt. My son was the same way at that age. We did the same things you are doing. Does he say what he is scared of? When mine we're little they were scared of monsters or things that go bump in the night, so I used monster spray. I used scented water in a special bottle and wrote Monster Spray on it. I sprayed it every night. I told him that Monsters were not allowed in our house. I also provided him with a special night light and made sure he had a special friend to sleep with. There is nothing wrong with having a security blanket or special friend to sleep with. If you are a Christian, then pray with your child every night about there concerns about the day and going to sleep. I have even prayed through my childs room out loud, asking God to remove any thing that would scare my children. I assure you I am not a religious fanatic, but if you believe in God it is a good thing to do. Another helpful tool is the Veggie Tales movie "Where's God When I am Scared". It has a cute song called "God is bigger than the Boogie Man". Kids love Veggie Tales and the song is very catchy and easy for even a 3 1/2 year old to remember when they are scared. I'm sure you know that a routine is very helpful, but giving children something bigger than themselves to believe in is also helpful. I wish you luck.

L. S.

Someone may have already suggested this but maybe give his bed(room) a tiny makeover - new SHEETS that he picks out himself, a poster or wall hanging to go with that character or whatever, maybe one of the night lights from Ikea (look them up online first, they have really cool lighting for kids rooms. you can even check online if the plano store has it 'in stock').

Wow, I read through all the responses and there is so much wonderful advice. I have tried it all, except for the Monster spray which is a great idea.
My son is 3 1/2 and He use to want to stay up with us, use to get up in the middle and craw in bed with me, and I use to lay down with him but I'd fall asleep before him and sure enough, he'd get out of bed and run amuck thru the kitchen.
What works best for me and Bryce... The nightime routine. Bath, lotion, read books, kisses, lights out! (of course w/ a nitelite)
It gets his little head into sleep mode. You have to keep the lights down and things calm.
I lotion my son because he has eczema but it really gets him tired and relaxed.
It does help if he knows your there, I'd sit with him until he falls asleep, then move further out every other night. (try not to talk to him, just sit)

I know it sounds like a lot to do but it's worth it to have him asleep so you can have some downtime!!

As for him sleeping in his bed, I love the advice of giving his room a little make-over. Maybe even a new bed with a slide or a "Safe" fort- Rooms to go has a wonderful kids bed with a fort on top.
Keep your chin up!

V.

I find the bribery will only work for a little while then children want bigger and bigger things and will do nothing unless they get something. What is in it for me. I am also reading a book about that. Children need to do chores just because they are a team in our family not to get something. That would be another undo thing you would have trouble with. I would put him closer to your room but close enough that he is not in your room. A cot on the floor in the hall where he knows you are there. I also would be scared to have a child have to go that far to get to you. Years ago I locked my son in his room because I could not hear him getting up. He got into eggs once and had them lined up on the table. I put one of those knobs on his door. He them would have to knock on his door so I knew he was awake. People would say what about a fire. Well children hide in homes behind things when they are scared and are not easy to find in a fire. I always knew he was in his room safe. He also ate raw hamburger in the refig and I feared the medicine cabinet would be next. G. W

Hi there S.!
I know exactly where you are coming from. I was a single working parent with 2 kids under 5 and one on the way. My kids would get in bed with me in the middle of the night because they were scarred. Then they would just start going to bed me. I was tired, I didn't have the energy to fuss over it. Then when I was about 6 months along with #3, I realized that there was not enough room for the 3 year old, the 5 year old, my belly and me. So the next night I told the kids that we were all going to have a camp out in their room. It was to start to get them used to the idea that their room was where they were supposed to sleep. The night after that, when bedtime hit, I laid down in their room with them.After I knew that they were asleep I would get up and go to my room.I told them that we were going to sleep in their room from now on. We did that for about a week or so. Then I would lay down with them and when before they were all the way asleep I would "remember something that I forgot to do". I would asure them that I would be right back. And I would check in on them while I was doing stuff around the house. I slowly but steadly withdrew my self from having to be with them the whole night. Many times they would wake in the night and get in bed with me. I would comfort them and I would take them to their room and lay with them for a while, usually till they fell asleep, then go back to bed. I'll be honest, it's not easy to break a child of sleeping with you. I had a couple of nights with little sleep, but that first night of having no child in your bed is wonderful!!! My kids,even my fourteen y/o stepdaughter, know that mom's bed is the place of refuge in the night,but not a place to just go to bed every night and that makes it special. It's not an overnight fix, I'm sorry to say, but it reassured those 2 little guys and reassured me as a mom. I hope that this helped. Good luck!
R.

I have four children and currently 3 sleep in one room together! We moved our now 3 year old out of a crib and into a toddler bed and she didn't want to stay in her bed to go to sleep. I tried the Supper Nanny idea of putting her in bed and sitting at the door until she falls asleep. (She often joins me in my room around 3am, and I am just dealing with that for now :). She goes to sleep better when she has not had a nap during the day, if she does have a nap she can easily stay up until 9:30pm. But, I aim to get her into bed around 8-8:30pm. I go through the whole bedtime routine, get pj's on, read a story or two brush teeth. Then into bed she goes, if she gets out I just put her back in and sit back at the door. I take a book with me, that way I am not too concerned about getting away as fast I can, I can just sit there and read my book and if she gets up several more times, I just keep putting her back - I try very hard not to get mad, I just say ok, back to bed, and not give her any extra attention - positive or negative - don't smile or frown... She always has one more request, more water, cover me up, etc. If I just tell her, this is the last time, then I tuck her back in, etc. and sit at the door... I have never been sitting at the door at 10pm :), if that helps. Just try it for a week and see how it goes. Also I am the only one doing bedtime as my husband is a surgeon and often gone at bedtime. So, many nights I still have the dinner dishes to clean up after the kiddos are in bed. But, once they are done then I can sit and watch TV or read a book :). Of course many nights I just crash and get up at 5:30 or 6am to take care of everything.GOOD LUCK!!

If you don't currently have a routine I would definately start one asap. When kids know what's coming next it makes all the difference. Giving in is also a big mistake. My daughter went through a phase recently where she would not go to bed without us in the room. Everytime we would get up a leave she would stand by her door and scream (She isn't quite 2 yet so she can't open the door by herself). I really hated to hear it and felt like crying with her. But going back in just prolonged things. Everytime we got up to leave she would do it again. We didn't want her to expect us to stay in there while she went to sleep. We just got tough one night and left the room and didn't go back. A couple of nights later she was back to sleeping as normal. It's a bit hard to relate to your son's situation though being that he is a year and a half older than my daughter. My daughter isn't old enough to dream up monsters yet. I like the other ideas here (monster spray, safe fort, new pj's and sheets, especially lotion-I had eczema as a child and being rubbed down with lotion really is relaxing-always put me to sleep). Does he nap okay or is it just night time? I guess after saying all that...start the routine if you don't already have one and take some of the other mom's advice.

I am not a fan or "crying it out", either. Your child probably feels like you are leaving him at night, so the goal is to make him feel secure and to have a positive attitude about sleep.

A consistant routine is the key. For example, our routine is dinner, bath, teeth, books, stories, & pray.
After we talk about our day, we pray. After prayer, I say, "Good night, Daniel. I love you. Whould you like pancakes or cereal in the morning?" He makes his choice.
Then, I DO NOT TALK TO HIM. I have a little chair by his bed in which I sit and hold his hand. I take this time to pray for my children and for my family and to thank God for all my blessings. It is a precious time and I would not trade it for anything.

My son just turned 4 now and it is during this peaceful time before bed that he shares the most with me. He is a VERY active boy (and if it wasn't for this peaceful quite story/prayer time I would think the kid had no sensitive, compassionate thoughts).

Just the other night he started telling me after we prayed, "Mommy, you can go to your bed now." I respected his privacy and left the room. I went to my room and cried, cried, cried. Why? becasue my little boy was growing up!! Your 3 1/2 yr old my respond to a routine like this. He may not share much for a while, but you can tell him sories about his day until he gets comfortable abd will do it himself.

All the best! Liz

I would NOT reccomend putting your little boy in "his own" bed at this time. Nightmares start at this age and they are extremely realistic. Your little boy is truely scared. Good luck!

S.,
Personally, I believe him too that he's scared. I'm not sure how open minded you are about things but... I would strongly suggest homeopathy. Feel free to "google" it. I first tried homeopathy acutely when my 1 year old was having recurring ear infections and I was sick of antibiotics. I was impressed that with homeopathy, the remedy either worked or didn't - with NO SIDE EFFECTS! I began to buy lots of books on the subject and now use only homeopathy (with the occasional herbal or other natural remedy) and my kids are rarely ill. When they are ill, they get better faster!
I would recommend homeopathy to you because it is wonderful not only acutely but constitutionally. That is to say, it helps with emotional issues. I have used it myself when separating from my husband and for my children with fears and of course, when I was separating from their dad. My 2 year old was getting up every night at the same time and after consulting with a homeopath, we found a remedy to try and voila, she sleeps through the night now. I just can't say enough about it. Here's a link for finding a qualified homeopath near you: http://nationalcenterforhomeopathy.org/resources/practiti...

Good luck!

A little about me:
Single, working mother to two little girls, ages 5 & 2.

A good book is Elizabeth Pantly's "No Cry Sleep Solution For Toddlers" (Don't get the one for babies by accident.) My pediatrician says at 3 years old they generally start having fears and nightmares and it's normal brain development. I personally wouldn't leave a kid anywhere that they are scared. I think it would erode their trust in you. Wow I haven't been much help! Will the baby be sleeping upstairs too? Maybe your son will feel better being up there if he's not alone?

Maybe even just laying down somewhere in his room (not necessarily with him) for a week or so until he falls asleep in his own bed would help. Then, gradually transition into leaving the room, but staying right outside the door where he can hear, but not see you. You will probably need to get up in the night with if he comes in your room and just lay down in his room (separately) to help him get back to sleep. We bought a cot at Sam's Club when my son was about 13 months when he was going through separation anxiety. We would just lay down (hubby or I on cot, baby in crib) so he knew we were there. It definitely worked. Now he goes to sleep fine on his own. Sometimes they just need the reassurance that you're there.

"Parenting with Love and Logic" by Foster Cline and Jim Fay is an awesome book and has great ideas for this kind of thing. I used to try putting my kids in bed and closing their door and letting them cry. I hated it and they hated it. After reading this book I learned that I could give them a choice. You can go to sleep in your bed or I will close the door. I had to close the door one time and sit there and hold it. After about 5 minutes he said ok I'll stay in bed. I sat on the stairs and read a book until he fell asleep. He knew I was there so he was ok. After a few days I didn't have to sit outside his door anymore, but I still do every now and again because he likes it and I like to read and don't get a lot of time to! :) Anyway he always sleeps in his own bed now with the door open and if he wakes up at night I make sure to take him back upstairs to his room or I know he'll keep coming back. Good luck.

Does your son play in his room or spend any time in there, other than bedtime? If not, then maybe he should start playing in there a little bit to familiarize him more with his room. Also, try a new bedtime ritual where you stay in his room and read stories and then maybe lay with him in his bed until he falls asleep. I realize that may start another bad habit :) However, he'll be in his own bed and when he wakes up in there and realizes that he was safe all night and you weren't with him, maybe he'll be a little less scared. I'd lay with him for a while, then start to stay for smaller amounts of time, until he's going to bed by himself. And maybe it would be a good idea to find out exactly what he's scared of, then you can better assure him that nothing bad is in his room. If he thinks there are "monsters" or other things like that, have him help you pick out a night light that will "ward off monsters." Or get him a stuffed animal that will "protect" him. Good luck!

The advise you have gotten so far is great. I just wanted to add me advise also. I would try a white noise machine and a night light.

When my son was having problems sleeping alone, I would just put him to bed an hour before bedtime and pretend to sleep with him. So make sure you tire him out and give him a bath. Then read him a story and talk for awhile, then say "Mommy is tired. Nighty, Night. Pretend to go to sleep, in many cases I did. So have your husband come and wake you up to get to your bed.

We had the same issue with our 3 1/2 year old little boy. We do our night time stuff....bath, brush teeth, then I get in his bed with him and read him 3 books,then we pray. I used his step stool to sit on while he would fall asleep. The 1st night I sat right next to his bed and held his hand. The 2nd night I moved a little farther away from his bed. I moved it farther away each night untill I was right outside the door. Now it only takes him about 5 min to fall asleep. I hope this helps with your sleepless nights.

A.