Bedtime Ritual

I would explain to her how long you will ronck with her and give her a warning towards the end. That way you can slowly cut down and she knws that you will not sit and rock with her for a long time, the first couple nights will be rough, but as she gets used to it life will be easier and you will still have cuddle time.

If you want a shorter bedtime ritual, I would cut it down to ONE book and keep the snuggling (enjoy that while you can!). Let her know ahead of time that you are only reading 1 book if she wants to snuggle. If she wants more than 1 book then that's her chioce, but she gets no snuggle time. Giving her a choice will also make her feel like she has some control

We used to have the same issue with our two boys. When they were small, 2 & 4, my husband was doing grad school, so his ritual was part of just trying to get more time to study or sleep. I rearranged my schedule with the boys so that I did reading and cuddling with them earlier in the evening. This way they weren't losing out on that time. My husband & I sat down with them and explained that going forward, our bedtime ritual would be the same whether it was mommy or daddy tucking them in. Create a chart to use as a visual. Going to the bathroom, brushing teeth, changing into p.j.'s, getting a drink... The hardest part of this transition will be on you not giving in to the request for more time at bedtime. Your children need to see you and your husband as a single unit. You are a team! Your daughter needs to enjoy daddy tucking him in too, and she will if you both have the same routine. Hang in there and be firm. You can do this. Good luck!!!

Why not put your daughter to bed together for a while, establish a ritual together, and then agree to keep the same ritual no matter who puts her to bed at night. In our household, if we are both home, we both put our son to bed (which is 99% of the time). We're expecting our second baby in October, so this might not keep up then . . .

She likes you to put her to bed because it is a relaxing time of closeness. Instead of you changing your ways, maybe dad should add rocking to his. Kids grow so fast that it won't be long and she will not be wanting to cuddle and be rocked. You both need this time together, it is a bonding that is so important to a childs sense of security. I remember how my son (now almost 21) would tell me at bedtime "rock-a-me". It still warms my heart. If you decide to cut something out to shorten your bedtime ritual, I would read her only one book before rocking, or read them while rocking. When my granddaughter spends the night, she loves to look at the books and we cuddle in the rocker while looking at them, then we put the book away and I sing to her which calms her even with my out of tune voice. If I don't sing, she will sing to me to let me know she wants it and has done this since she was an little baby. She is 19 months old. I wouldn't give up that rocking time for anything since she is still willing to have it.

P. I understand how you feel about the snuggle time. We have a 3.5 yr old girl and here's how we do things here. And yes, she prefers me to put her to bed, too, but not without kisses and hugs from daddy!

It takes us about 45-60 minutes to put her to bed. We start with pottying, then putting an overnight pullup on and jammies. We usually wash our face and brush our teeth while the other helps her with the previous. Then she brushes her teeth and I follow up on a complete brush and flossing. Then it's time for her to pick out 2-3 books. I wash and brush at that time. Then she is suppose to get into bed and I sit right next to her and read. Afterwards (here's my key) we turn on a timer for 10 minutes, turn on a noise fan, and get hugs and kisses from daddy. During those 10 minutes she and I talk about WHATEVER she wants to talk or sing about. However, after those 10 minutes are up, it's time for me to go whether she's started to calm down or not. After doing this for about 6 months, she realized and said, "time to go mommy" right after the bell rang and the tick-tocks were done.

Sometimes she is so wound up she needs to calm herself down, but most the time after a few minutes I ask her to snuggle with me before the timer goes off. Only 1-2 times has she actually fallen asleep before the timer went off.

If you really want to shorten your time, cut out a book and rock while you read. But, as an older mom of a little one, I'd try and get my husband to extend his bedtime ritual a bit, as a favor me, so I could savor that snuggle time while it lasts. If he's a good dad he'll play along! It's a shame that she perceives one of you as more "fun" than the other. Try to correct that now, while she is little and before the new baby comes (and your time is really taken up!). Dads can tend to be all business, missing out on some of the cuddling time, but moms need that (we need more in my opinion) - it makes all the diapers, bottles and late nights worth the work!

49 year old SAHM of seven, 23 yrs - 18 mos.

I'm unsure why you feel you need to stop the bedtime rocking? Your daughter will only be little once and soon she will be not wanting you to rock her at all. The time wil soon come that she asserts her own independence, why rush things? It's not hurting her to give her the extra time she wants and you feel you need too. "Its my snuggles time." Nothing is wrong with that and if someone tells you there is then they have the problem. Enjoy your time with your daughter, my own is almost 11 and we still enjoy some quiet time before bed and that is when she will really talk and open up to me about things that are troubling her or things she's enjoyed. I wouldnt give that time up for anyone! Good Luck. R.

Why do you have to decrease your snuggle time with her? Couldn't Daddy increase his? I think it's great that you spend so much one on one time with her! If it were me and my options were to scream and cry until I wore myself out or transition into sleep with snuggles and rocking, I'd pick the second one too. :-) I think the key is to get Daddy to create a bed time routine that is equally as enjoyable for her as yours. If he doesn't want to copy your routine, two year olds have fabulous imaginations...so creative distractions always go a long way! They also really respond to enthusiasm and anything that peaks their curiosity. Perhaps they could put her doll to "sleep" together (put on her pjs, rock her, tuck her in) or say goodnight to the things in her room and outside her window. Or, a quiet game of stickers or itsy bitsy spider. The key is to have it be a special time for her and Daddy too. Pretty soon she'll be asking for Daddy to put her to bed every night! Good luck!

You and your husband need to have the same bedtime ritual every night for your daughter. You and your husband needs to agree on what the bedtime routine will be and stick to it - no matter what (screaming and all). There is nothing wrong with rocking as long as you both agree to do it. If you both are not willing to rock your 2 year old to sleep then you need to change your plan. What is most important is that you both agree and are consistent. It is also natural for 2 year old's to prefer Mommy over Daddy. If your husband is unwilling to rock your daughter before bedtime then you will need to find another time for snuggle time like nap time or when she wakes up in the morning or having a reading/snuggle time before supper time.

Basically....ditto to what Annette R. said. I just think you need to talk to your husband and see if you and he can't work something out that is healthier for your daughter. Do your communicating with him lovingly and make sure he knows he's the best dad your little one could ever have. We've got to be giving our little ones the affection and attention they ask for now so that later they won't be regressing and driving everybody nuts. A little extra now goes a long way later.

P.,

I agree with a lot of the posters who suggest that Dad add some snuggle and rocking time to his routine. I nursed my babies, so they fell asleep snuggling and rocking till they were nearly 15 months. Now, they both like to be rocked a bit before bed. We try to get them to bed while awake though, so maybe that is something you could work on, try rocking till she is sleepy and then put her down awake. Encourage Dad to rock for even a short amount of time and then lie her down. Agree on a sleep tight phrase and both use the same word so she associates it with the end of rocking, then let her fall asleep on her own.

They really are little for a short time. My mom rocked my siblings and I, and I think it is a good way to connect with a small child at the end of a busy day.

My husband is not a huge fan of rocking, but he does do bedtime most of the time now for both boys, and he will hold/snuggle and rock after books. There is more snuggling than rocking but it serves the same purpose.

Good luck!
J.

It's too bad her daddy doesn't want to snuggle with her. He is the one who is missing out.

My question is, why are you thinking of weaning her off of snuggling before bed? I hate to tell you this P., but kids need a sweet, happy bedtime routine for at least the first 5 years of their lives. It helps with peaceful sleep and makes for happy daytimes too.

Daddy needs to read some parenting books. When dads snuggle their kids and make bedtime sweet for them, kids are more well-adjusted, have higher self-esteem and they have over-all better child/dad relationships.

Get him the book, Raising a Daughter. He needs to grow up and get with the daddy program. Dads can put kids to bed with love and care too.

If you cut your daughter off of sweet bedtimes because your husband is angry about it, everyone will suffer. He is being a bozo and needs to get a new attitude - not you or your daughter.

I see you are expecting. You really will have to shorten your bedtime routine BEFORE the baby gets here. You don't want your daughter to be upset when you can attend to your routine and blames it on the arrival of your new lil one. But you also want to keep your "special" time with your daughter as well. Try a middle ground that both you and your husband can do, such as only 1 book read and 10 minutes of "snuggles".

This didn't work for me cuz my granddaughter, we are raising her, only likes her Gampa to read books and only Granny can do "snuggles". So if the middle ground doesn't work, try for what my husband and I have; one for each of us. On those rare nights when one of us is not home, we don't try to do the others ritual and at 14 months, she hasn't a problem with this.

I hate to say it, but Daddy is right. You have to just put them in bed and let them go to sleep on their own. If you keep this up I kid you not you will have a 5, 6, or 7 year old who will dictate when they go to bed! My sister has snuggle time with her son, now 5, and he falls asleep cuddeling, watching movie after movie with her. He had a sleepover here Saturday night. It is a nightmare. My kids go straight to bed when told, usually 9 oclock. We let them stay up until 10:30 because Ian was here, but mine fell right asleep. He was up until 12:30 complaining that he couldn't sleep without his movies and that he missed his mommy. I just kept telling him to go lay back down and he eventually went to sleep, but it was ridiculous! Please get out of this terrible habit. No one will ever want to take her over night for you. And your husband is going to start to resent the way you over indulge her. I don't want to sound mean at all. It is hard to "be the bad guy" but they need it. Especially from you. Good luck!

Hi P.,

We had much the same problem but much earlier. My daughter was about one when I got sick and Daddy had to lay her down and she had a fit. It was then we decided that things need to change. So since then we take turns. Every other night is my turn.

My husband and I have different ways of doing it but she is used to both now so if I am sick or can't be there for her at bedtime it's not really a big deal at all.

I would really reccomend it to anyone. So then you both get your bonding time and she learns to appriciate daddy's differences.

I would try to have some consistancy though at least at the start...like you both read two books or you both do snuggle time. It will be easier on everybody.

Good luck,
~A.

Why end it? She'll outgrow it soon enough, and won't want you putting her to bed anymore because it's not "cool". Take advantage of this precious time to cement your bond and relationship with your daughter. Closeness today will mean a more likely future of open communication and trust between you and her during the tough teen years.

As for her not spending time with dad...why can't he be part of the routine? What's wrong with both of you tucking her in, and then each take a turn reading a short before bed story or two before lights out? Or maybe make bedtime a little earlier, then you can all take a little extra longer time talking before bed to share your day with each other if you didn't get to do it during dinner or afterschool.

As for the new addition coming, when they arrive, include them too. Babies love stories and hearing the voices of their parents and siblings. Enjoy being a family. The years of storytime, stories of wide-eye discovery, and butterfly kisses are the best years you'll always treasure.

Have you thought of having Daddy sit in with you for the whole routine with you guys a few nights? That way he knows exactly what you do and your daughter will realize Daddy can do it too.

Just change your cuddle time to a different time of the day. Disassociate it from bed time. She should never be allowed to behave that way for either of you, but especially her dad. If you have been arguing over this with him, don't. Support his way and let your daughter know that he is her authority just like you are. As moms, it is very dangerous for us to try to get our emotional needs met through our children so be careful that the routine stay about her needs and not yours.

I had the same issue with my youngest. So I slowly started spending less time in the chair. I would lay her down half way before she would fall asleep. Then I would sit at the side of the bed for awhile. Then slowly moved back to the door so I could still see her if she picked up her head and then would say that I was still near. Now we sit in her bed or in the room to read and then get into bed. I have my snuggle time in the morning or affter nap when she is just waking up. With a new baby she will get used to daddy putting her to sleep but would include him. maybe have him read a book and you read one and have him say good night. If in a crib you can stand there or sit on a chair and reach though the bars.
Good luck!!

Perhaps you and your husband and talk about the different ways you handle bedtimes and find some ways that you do things differently that you could both do the same...and then each find something you do that's unique?

My son's father and I take turns putting him to sleep - and each of us do it different ways. What's constant and consistent is that the pre-story ritual is the same. Change clothes, potty, teeth, etc...then here's where it differs. Each of us handles the which bed, how many stories, how snuggly, what *types* of stories, etc., differently. He makes up stories for our son. I read 2 books more often than not. The details are different, but there is always story time - so "Spud" pretty much always looks forward to whoever is putting him to bed that evening.

This change started probably about a year or so go when he was about 3ish. Before that I was handling more of the bedtime duties as a carryover from when I would nurse him to sleep.

Good luck! I hope you guys can work it out!