Seeking Advice on Bedtime!

I still rock my son. It's an awesome time together and you should never feel guilty about it!!! I would highly, highly recommend reading The No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantly. It will help you a lot, without resorting to cry-it-out. Good luck!

Start by reading The No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley. Lots of info and tools you can pick and choose from, depending on your comfort level. There is also a version for toddlers. Good luck!

MY older two kids are 16mos apart. I did not rock them but they did not know how to put themself to sleep. By the time my daughter was 15 mos and my son was 2 1/2 I was pure exhausted. With my daughter we tried a few nurture methods I had read about..none worked. We had co-slept till this point so we did the CIO method and within 3 days she was sleeping through the night. I never did this method with my oldest but it worked with my daughter! She is now 3 1/2 and sleeps so well. My son what we ended up doing with him was explaining to him he has to sleep in a big boy bed and it was a process..We literally put him to bed dozens of times for nearly 2-3 weeks. It was absolutely exhausting. It was hard cause he was older and I felt so bad for him. My youngest thankfully puts herself to bed I started her young! SHe is now 2 mos and hope to not have the issues with her as I di with the older two. I know many don't like the CIO method so you have to decide what is best for you but thats a long process at night.

Now we have a good bed time routine. KIds brush their teeth, put theior PJ on, they each pick one story and we read them together, then its off to bed. Maybe try telling her you will rock her through one or two stories but after that she has to go to bed. She needs to learn to put herslef to bed which is the issues I had with my older two!

When I took the pacifier away from my girls I told them when they turned 2 & were sleeping in a big girl bed then they didn't need it anymore. I wondering if that would work w/ the rocking thing. Tell her you will rock her while you sing one song & then since she is a big girl she can go to sleep by herself. The whole idea of being a "Big girl" really seems to do something..... I would try this, but start to talk it up for a few weeks before you get into your new house. Blessings!

Hi H.,

I did the same thing with my son. I use to rock him to sleep at bedtime because that was the only way that I could get him to sleep, the same as you with your daughter. Basically, all I did was let him cuddle and snuggle with me (he's LOVES to cuddle and snuggle). This lasted for about 2 to 3 months. I let him do this until HE wanted to go to sleep on his own, in his own bed. The only thing that I can suggest is to let her tell you in her own way when she's ready to stop. I know that this is time consuming, but just remember that as she gets older, you will miss this time.

I hope that this helps!

I.

routine, routine, routine and don't try to rush it beyond your child's or your comfort level. also keep in mind that a big transition in her life, like moving may make her regress and might not be the best time to take a comfort away. good luck, we are moving as well.
i copied the following response i gave someone else:
my 2yo daughter is also hard to get to sleep. to get her into her own bed i used a gradual approach. the first night i stayed next to her until she fell asleep while touching her back. eventually i sat in the doorway and soon i could leave after a consistent routine before she fell asleep. i have never tried to make her stay in her own bed once i have gone to bed. she has had problems sleeping through the night. nightmares, teeth, illness and gas are usually the culprits for us. she would have the same problems in her own bed but i notice them more because she's in bed with me. i personally like that she feels welcome to be close to me when she's scared or feeling crummy even at night. whatever you decide, it's your choice, you and your child's, don't let anyone make you feel bad for your choice.

Hi H.. I, too, rocked my kids until they fell asleep. It was about a year old (for each of them) when I decided they should learn to fall asleep on their own. But, I still rocked them. I sang them the same two songs while rocking them and that was our time to hug and bond. After the two songs we gave a "big hug" and a "big kiss" and then I put them down to sleep. At first they cried because they weren't used to it so I'd go in every 5 minutes and pat them on the back and reassure them. I didn't pick them up to hug them, but sometimes I put the crib railing down and I'd bend down to hug them. Eventually they learned to fall asleep on their own and I still had the blessing of rocking them. I no longer rock my older two (6 and 5) but they wish I would. However, we still snuggle each night and I still sing them the same two songs I've sung to them since they were born. They ask for it every night and I know it's something special they will always remember. You can continue to rock your baby and teach her to fall asleep on her own.

Hey H.,

I felt a little sad when I read that you felt your biggest blunder as a parent was rocking your baby to sleep. That's a wonderful thing to do. I agree that The no-cry sleep solution by Elizabeth Pantley is a great book that will help you to get your little one to sleep sans tears. Also, she has a chart that tells you how much sleep your child needs at different ages. I don't know if your little girl naps, but if she does, then 12-13 hours of sleep a night may be too much sleep for her at the age of 2. She suggests 11-12 hours a night with a 1-2 hour nap. Okay, so taking into consideration that every child is different...you still might want to consider that the reason it takes so long to get her to relax is because you might be starting too early in the evening at this stage of her development. I dunno, if you want to continue to rock her, but you just want to do it for less time, that may be the solution. If you're just sick of the whole rocking thing, then that's another story and I still think Elizabeth Pantley's book can help. I still lay down with my almost 2 year old to get him to sleep, but we read books, etc... and he usually passes out after that pretty quickly. We did the same thing with our now 4 year old, and she moved into her own "big girl" bed on her own around the age of 2.5.

Take care,

Al

Hi H..
You sound like a great Mom with a sweet heart :)

At 2, I'd think you'd need to "wean" (sp?) her off the rocking. Maybe start reading or singing to her (if you don't already) during the rocking, and keep an eye on the clock.

Gradually decrease the time from one hour to an acceptable tuck-in time for you (approx. 10 minutes at our house), and be firm about your stop times ("Okay, time for bed." -- this works great for my son, because he can't read a clock yet: "time" for bed; "time" for nap; not "time" for dessert yet; etc).

Meanwhile keep up the book or singing, but you can keep rocking/cuddling your sweetie the whole time; but once the book or song is done: bedtime.

Now, that doesn't mean she won't ask for "another" book or song (hey, that's how they operate, lol!), but beginning to be firm with her about going to bed will make other things easier on you as well.

Hey, I'm all about keeping bedtime special for parents and kids. Enjoy your little one every day!
T

Hi H.,
I don't think you've made a blunder, I think you're doing a fantastic job. There are many 2-year-olds who wake up regularly once, twice or even three times a night, so you are also lucky! But I think that at this time, when a major change has just occurred, your daughter needs this special time with you more than ever. I have a couple of suggestions for shortening the rocking time, however. 1. Is she going to bed too early, could you put bedtime back an hour? Is bedtime regular? A regular bedtime really helped with my 1-year-old. Does she have regular nap times during the day, and enough time between the last nap and bedtime? That also helped me. Is there a pre-bedtime routine? Dinner, a bath, a drink of milk, brushed teeth and then a story is a common routine. Of course, all that takes time, too, but as long as you have enough spare time during the rest of the day, an hour or even two dedicated to your beautiful littlie isn't too much, in my opinion. It won't last long. I also say: don't sell yourself short, no matter what the "experts" say, if your daughter is happy and healthy, and you are happy and healthy, then you are a wonderful parent.

Trust me your problem is very common. I feel the best way to do this for you and your baby is to set up some sort of bedtime routine. This can be anything that fits your life style. By doing this you allow her mind to focus on what is coming next, they are allowed to calm down and be ready to go to sleep. A bed time routine can consist of any two or three things that you will be able to do most every night(especially for a while). For instance, every night at seven have your daughter pick out the P.J.s she wants to wear, then take a bath, fold down her bed and sit in your rocking chair and read two stories. After doing this you walk her to her bed lay her down, tuck her in, and say goodnight. She may get up, but the first time you take her back and tell her you love her, if there is another time you take her back and tell her goodnight and put her back in bed, after these two times you need to just lead her back to bed without saying anything. It will be difficult, but it WILL work.
A wise pediatrician told me that "ALL children wake up during the night, the trick is to teach them to put themselves back to sleep!", by having her learn how to put herself to sleep at the beginning of the night you are only helping her figure out how to put herself to sleep at the first of he night you will also be teaching her how to do it in the middle of he night.
Routines are helpful for kids of all ages. I think that you are very smart in waiting for the new house. A new house, new room and new routines, she will do wonderfully if you give her a chance to succeed!!!!!

H.,
My husband and I had the same dilemma. I did not feel good about letting my now 16 mo. old daughter cry it out. To top it off my daughter has hip dysplasia and has been wearing a harness around her hips since she was 8 wks. old. This causes her to be very uncomfortable at bedtime. We tried every single sleeping method but did not feel comfortable enough to see them through. The only thing we could finally agree on doing was rocking her to sleep. Then we came across what you are going through. I would rock her for so long in the dark and as soon as I put her down..oh oh...crying. We were training her to sleep in our arms. Then my husband finally said we couldn't do this anymore. Desperate I called on a friend (who does not have kids by the way) and she gave me the best idea. COMPROMISE! She said rock her for 15 minutes max and then lay her down in her crib. Tell her its nightime and that you will come get her in the morning. We tried this at 12 months. The first few nights she did cry for an average of about 15 minutes. By the fourth night it was done. She now goes down without a fight or even a whimper. Promise. Oh, and on the nights that she did not want to be rocked and would try to wiggle out of our arms we just put her in the crib. The crying was hard when she was younger, but at 12 mos. old I felt more comfortable because she was more mature and understood the process. The crying was of course, louder at 12 mos. but I also felt like they were easier to take. We did lose sleep for 12 mos. but the results we enjoy now were soooo worth it. And remember, if it doesn't feel good to you, don't do it. The answers will come.

I rocked my first one all the time to sleep. Of course, this ended when the other children started coming along. What I would do...because I love to rock :) I would rock for a little bit, say 10-15 minutes or however long then put your child to bed. Be loving and let her know that it is time for sleep. If she wakes up and cries when she should be sleeping, go in lay her down, pat her back or rock her for a very short time. Then go out. Do that but shorten your time in there each time when she should be sleeping. This has helped me so much but patience and consistency is really the key! You are doing such a wonderful job!!

First of all I don't think you should be so hard on yourself saying you have made the biggest blunder as a parent - comforting your child to sleep is far from a blunder in my opinion. I have also fallen into the soothing to sleep practice as I could not do the cry it out method at all. I have a 19 month old and what we do after the long involved rocking to sleep - started laying down with her to sleep. We lay with her and cuddle and she falls asleep - once she is out we can leave. Granted she has been sleeping in our bed, but we are just now transitioning her to her own bed - laying with her until she falls asleep. This of course requires a sleeping space big enough for the both of you - be it your bed or hers. It can take a bit of time - more than the two minutes to put them in a bed and let them cry it out - sometimes 20-30 minutes, but much less than rocking. Just an idea. I wish you the best!