Seeking Sleep Advice for 10 Mo. Old Infant

Hello K.,

I simply wanted to say "You can do this". You are doing the right thing, keep it up ;)

E. T

When I had that trouble I used the weaning approach. First instead of rocking, I would sit holding him until he fell asleep, next step is to set him in the crib and rub his back until he falls asleep, then I would just touch him, and finally it ended with me just standing in the room and working my way to the door. It takes time, at least one week for each step, but the peacefulness of this really does help. Good Luck!

Good Morning!!
I know how frustrating that can be.. I know that we are told to let them cry it out but I ,like you, was heart broken to hear them cry and then wondered what kind of quality of sleep they were getting. I found that what worked best for me was to simply snuggle them and rock them. I enjoyed that precious time and so did my little one. Now they are all so much bigger and have no problems with going to sleep on their own... Enjoy those precious times!
Many Blessings,
T.

About me: I am a mother of three amazing childern, homeschooler, and work form home ... all truly a blessing!!
www.thehomecareer.org

I HIGHLY recommend the book, "The No-Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley. I discovered it when my first child was about your son's age and I was crazy with sleep deprivation. I was unconvinced that "crying it out" was the way to go but didn't know what else to do. Once I got the book, it took a few months to get him sleeping well, but by the time he was a year old, we had a bedtime routine that worked like a charm and continues to provide healthy, happy nights for our whole family. Pantley doesn't recommend a one-size-fits-all approach but gives you ways to develop a routine that works for you and your child. She is an advocate of co-sleeping but doesn't push it; we have never been a co-sleeping family and still found the book to be one of the best parenting-assists we've ever found. Good luck.
J.

Our daughter is just about 10 months. We started out rocking her to sleep as well. We still do this every now and then. I can usually put her in her crib and she may play then cries/whines I usually just walk in her room lay her back down without saying anything to her. Some nights I have to do this a few times other nights not at all. Our daughter also has a night, night bunny that she cuddles with, so maybe giving him a blanket or stuffed animal to cuddle with will help. We have also used lullaby music at bedtime as well. Hopefully this will give you some relief. Having them cry it out isn't always a bad thing...start out with a few minutes and add a minute each day. Having a bedtime 'ritual' like music and/or bkanket/animal may give some sense of security. Good luck.

Hi K.,

Yep, it's very hard to just let the little guy cry it out but it does work eventually. My method that I swear by starts out by putting him down and soothing him the best that you can. Next, leave the room and look at the clock, after 5 minutes if he's still crying go in and sooth him again but do not pick him up, just try to lay him down and rub his back in counter clockwise circles. After he has settled down some leave the room again making sure you look to see what time it is and now after 10 min. go back in if he's still crying and so on and so on. If you just keep adding 5 min. each time he will eventually get sleepy and go to sleep... all the while you have still kept checking on him and he doesn't feel left alone.

Hi K.,

My son is now 2 and I had a terrible time with his sleep patterns - he nursed to sleep and started waking up a lot around 8 months, and by his first birthday he was waking up up to 10 times a night and needed to be nursed back to sleep. I was absolutely exhausted and so frustrated. Crying it out didn't work for him at that point, he would work himself into a frenzy and it felt wrong to me. The book The No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley was immensely helpful for us, and he eventually started sleeping through the night by 16 months, after trying a lot of different methods and a lot of backsliding. He now sleeps through the night straight through and falls asleep on his own (I choose to stay in the room) after a few good books. Don't lose heart! You can do this, and remember, even if things stretch out and you're exhausted and upset, he's eventually going to be sleeping without your help one way or another :). It gets easier in some ways as they get older and you can communicate more, that really helped with my son. Once he reached a certain age, I could explain what we were doing and why and it really helped. And also remember that every step you take toward good sleep habits, no matter how small, will help build that foundation for good rest for both of you in the future.

I also breastfed my daughter and I have found that a strong routine helped my daughter make the adjustment. I have played the same CD everynight and even though she is not really attached I have kept the same lamb in her crib and a little nightlight. I understand the heartbreak of letting him cry I hope he will get into a routine soon. It takes away from your energy and that is exhausting. My daughter is now over a year old and we still keep the same routine now we add bathtime in the routine a couple days a week to relax her. Other days she showers with me because she loves batting at the water.

Kim,

Have you tried putting something in his crib that smells like you? If he is use to being near you. Another thing i have heard of is to use a one of those mircowave rice filled things and warm it up and put it in his bed while you do your routine and then remove it before putting him down. That way his bed is warm. I konw it is hard to listen to a child cry!!! Keep trying it will get better. You may want to add some music that is played everytime for him that would be soothing.

I wish you the best of luck!!

A.
Mom of 6 soon to be 7

Unfortunatley to cry it out is hard on a parent, but think about it from your childs view...he doesn't know anything other than being rocked to sleep. He needs to learn to put him self to sleep and crying is a way to do it. If you are consistant it WILL get better!

I didn't like to hear my little one cry either. One thing that helped me a little is to know that crying is healthy. We actually release a hormone that helps us to relax when we cry. Think about the last time you had a great big cry. Didn't you feel better after? I would usually set time limits and then go back in my daughters room, pat her on the back, say good-night and leave again. She starting going right to bed at about 10 months and has been a great sleeper since! Good luck!

This may not be the most popular answer, but why not continue to rock him to sleep? My daughter is 16 months old and we still rock her to sleep. She goes to sleep easily this way and stays asleep in her crib all night most every night. When she does wake up in her crib, she can usually get back to sleep herself, or with a short back rub. Rocking her to sleep hasn't seemed to affect her ability to sleep on her own or stay asleep. I know that when she is older she won't let me rock her, so I take advantage of it now :) But I know that lots of people would disagree with this approach, so its just my two cents! I say overall, do what works for you and your son.

K.-
I would just say rock him to sleep. He is still so young & it is such a short time that they are dependent, you will be wishing for this time back. I think at this point it is a need also. Maybe if you thought about it in a different light, especially since he is your only child you will not have all the time you have with him now if you have another child. I felt comfortable teaching my children to go to sleep by themselves (after lots of time spent reading, nursing etc) around 18 mos. My children both go to sleep with no problems. I too also recommend "The No-Cry Sleep Solution" By Elizabeth Pantley.
Brekka

Since you no longer nurse him --go get at least a part time job--put him in a structured care situation for at least 4 hours a day .There is nothing wrong with rocking him to sleep --I rocked my daughter until she was 3 and she grew up to be a wonderful person--I also worked full time I know --you think that you would be a bad Mom to leave him but in truth you need outside interests and to build a life for yourself--quit being a worry wort about some tears--or is this just tearless screaming--in which case --let him yell--remember one thing --you have to be in charge--what will happen when he is 16,bigger than you and wants your car?

Another mother recommended "The No-Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantly. I give a strong second to this recommendation. Invaluable book.

"The No-Cry Sleep Solution" helped us tremendously. It's a big book, but it covers many different things, so you can use what's appropriate for you. Crying it out doesn't work for everyone -- it didn't for my daughter, it only made her vomit, which made her cry more -- and this author helps you work out a solution that fits your family. I got it from my local library!

As hard as it is to listen to, letting him cry is ok. But it is also your decision. It is up to you and your husband to decide what is best for your child and your family. With my first, I let her cry it out starting very early. With my second, I wanted to do it differently. He is 17 months old and is just now starting to go to sleep by himself. I have begun weaning, and it is hard. He can scream for 30 minutes to one hour! But I know this will benefit him in the long run. And, it only lasted a couple of weeks. Sometimes he has nights that he cries, but usually he goes right to sleep. Just remember to continue your bedtime routine, slowly weaning him from the time in the rocking chair. It will not happen overnight, but you just have to keep being patient and loving. That is what parenting is all about!

I would have to agree with your doctor. My 17 month old won't go to sleep if anyone is in the room with him, so that means no rocking cuz he fights to stay awake. So we just put him in his crib and give him his elmo and cookie monstor and blanket and kiss him goodnight. He still screams some nights but usually will go to sleep in about five minutes. Other nights we lay him down and he is out.

We did the same thing with our first. At around the same time, I tried to just let her cry it out, but it broke my heart. We didn't have any kind of routine, so that didn't help any. Get a bedtime routine established and then gradually wean down the amount of time rocking him. It will get better and eventually he will go to sleep on his own and won't be waking you up at night either. You learn a lot with your first...things you know you'll do with the next one and things you know you absolutely will do differently!

One thing I do with my 6 month old, is when he starts getting fussy and I know he's sleepy, I'll bounce him on my legs with the lights dim, and when he starts the "head-bobbing" I bring him to his bed and put him in. He's not fully asleep, but he's close. If he does wake up a little, I give him about 10-15min. If he still doesn't settle down after that, then I go get him and do the bouncing again or just give him a little cuddling and then he's back in bed.

After he's going to bed on his own, if you sometimes still want the bedtime cuddles like before, it's not going to make him regress with an occasional cuddle! ;)

Congrats on your baby boy!